Epic: Book 03 - Hero (40 page)

“
I was shaking
so
much
—”

“
Esther,” he stopped her again. “You don’t have to think about it anymore. It’s over. It’s in the past. It’s not who you are.”

She pulled away. “How can you not hate me? How can anyone not hate me?”

Scott remembered the first time he’d met her, in the hangar with Galina the day she arrived. She’d been so eager, so happy despite the downpour. She’d walked through the rain smiling like a child. Because she’d made it. And now, because of him, she was reduced to this.

“
I don’t hate you. No one does. What you made in Khatanga was a mistake. It was the way I responded that was wrong.”

“
What you did to me, I deserved,” she said through her tears.

“
No, you didn’t. If anyone deserves to be struck, it’s me. I’m where I am and what I am because I couldn’t compose myself when faced with adversity. I can own up to that.”

Her defense of him was immediate. “Becoming a Nightman wasn’t your fault, sir. We know what they did. We know they did it to get you.”

None of that mattered. “What I did, I have to live with. The mistake you made, you can let go of. I’m giving you permission to.”

She didn’t answer.

“
I’m just asking one thing in return. Forgive me for Khatanga…for taking my anger out on you.”

Esther’s brown eyes settled on his face as her breaths began to waver. Once again, saline trailed down.

Scott observed her in silence.

Swallowing again through her tears, she said, “It took every ounce of courage I could muster not to run away after Khatanga.” For the first time during that conversation, a small smile escaped. “Forgiving you won’t be that hard.”

In the very instant Esther’s words came out, her whole face changed, as if a weight had been released. Her tears were still there, but there was something else. Her eyes brightened. Her small smile stretched into a grin.

“
I don’t ever want to disappoint you, lieutenant. I don’t want to disappoint you ever again.”

“
You won’t. I know you won’t.” He actually believed it.
This is what I should have been doing all this time. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own self-pity and grief.
He had been with Esther for scarcely five minutes, but already it struck him as some of the best time he’d spent in
Novosibirsk
. He felt younger. More importantly, he felt righted.

Esther laughed softly. “This isn’t what I thought you were here to talk about.”

“
Don’t worry, we’re getting to that, too.”

She rolled her eyes imperceptibly. “Must we?”

“
You know it.” Business was as much a part of his being there as was making amends. He’d considered addressing the cafeteria incident first, though wisdom said to start with Khatanga. He was glad he did; now he could talk with her both as leader and friend. “I just want you know that I believe in you—that I’m not angry for what happened. If anyone has had a right to be angry, it’s been you…and you haven’t. I thank you for that.”

She sniffled. “I could never be angry at you.”

Her entire goal had been to learn from him, to be guided by him. He realized he could stand to do some learning from her. He smiled faintly. “Do you need a minute before we talk about the cafeteria?”

“
Yes sir, if I may.”

“
Go ahead.”

Esther wasn’t gone long—barely two minutes. She returned to the room with a fresh face and sparkling eyes. She smiled shyly and returned to the bench, a white body towel wrapped around her.

“
All right, Molly Brooking,” Scott said, his tone becoming more formal. “Let’s hear about the porridge.”

She sighed and looked away. “I admit, it was stupid.”

“
That’s a start.”

“
We had just got back, and I was still so frustrated. I’m not sure what I was thinking. She said something that got me so mad, and I just flipped my lid.”

Scott knew a thing or two about that. Had the culmination of his anger been limited to a bowl of porridge, he’d have been much better off. “What did she say?”

She hesitated. “I honestly don’t even remember. That’s how silly it was. It was just the wrong thing at the wrong time, and I lost control. It was completely my fault.”

He twisted the subject ninety degrees. “What do you think of Svetlana?”

She pondered a moment. When she finally answered, it sounded programmed. “I think Svetlana’s very talented. I think we’re better for having her. She’s an excellent medic.”

Scott nodded. “Okay. So, what do you
really
think of her?”

She smiled. “I’m sorry. I must sound so pretentious. Maybe it’s just trust. Maybe I have to learn how to trust her.”

“
Do you want the unit to trust
you
?”

“
I do. And I’m aware of how selfish I must sound. I’m hardly someone to speak about trust.” She paused. “Maybe she just rubs me the wrong way. You know how women can be—sometimes we’re not the greatest at getting along.”

He knew that well enough. “What does she need to do for you to trust her?”

“
It may just take time…I suppose.”

“
Then give it time. I won’t ask you to like her, I’ll just ask you to respect her. Eventually, she will earn your trust.”

Esther listened in silence.

“
Have you talked to her since it happened?”

The scout eyed him warily. “You could say that.”

That actually surprised him. Svetlana and Esther were taking resolution into their own hands? That was good. “How did it go?”

She pursed her lips for a moment, as the corners of her lips slowly curved. After a moment of contemplation, she finally said. “She paid me a visit in Room 14. With porridge and a pie.”

“
She
what
?” He could feel his face fall.

Esther blushed. “We’re quite even, now.”

“
Elaborate.”

“
Is there really a need?”

Of course there was a need, for possible disciplinary reasons. But he had another underlying motive—this was getting interesting. “She attacked you with porridge and a
pie
?”

“
Black Russian pie, actually. I’d never tried it before. It tastes surprisingly good.”

“
Okay,” he said. “New rule. From now on, if you have a problem, you talk it out or you come to me. Don’t start flinging desserts.”

“
Yes sir.”

Though he didn’t want her to know it, on the inside he was actually amused. How was it that he kept missing these things?

Esther’s eyes widened with realization. “You’re enjoying this!”

He tried not to grin.

“
I can tell by your face!” She laughed. “You wish you’d have been there to see it.”

He gave up. “I’m sorry. I confess. I do.” He should have known he couldn’t hide from a scout. “But don’t misread that,” he said seriously, pointing at her for emphasis. “Promise me it stops.”

“
I promise, sir. You have my word.”

Business or not, it felt good to laugh.
This is the kind of camaraderie I’ve been missing out on. This is what goes on when I’m not around. Is it really that bad?

“
Lieutenant…”

He came out of his thoughts.

“
Please come back to the group.”

The words surprised him—it was as if she’d read his mind.

Esther looked down. “I know things have been so difficult for you. I can’t imagine how the past four months must’ve been. But we miss you.”

For the first time since the start of their conversation, true silence fell between them. Scott wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say. He wasn’t even sure what to think. When he finally gave her an answer, it was the only honest one he could find. “I’m trying.”

She nodded knowingly.

“
Thank you,” he said, slowly rising from the bench. “We’re all going to get through this.”

“
I know, sir.”

“
As you were in the pool.”

Scott stepped past her toward the door. The moment he walked out, he felt lightheaded.
This isn’t what you’re used to, but that doesn’t make it wrong.
He stopped in the hallway just long enough to settle his thoughts, then resumed his trek through the halls.

Behind in the pool room, Esther stood, statuesque, contemplating the door. Then, she grinned. It was the broadest grin she’d cracked since graduating from
Philadelphia
.

Wandering to the water’s edge, she raised her hands, pirouetted, and dove in back-first.

* * *

The morning cold bit Max as he stepped outside. Despite the fact that it was already seven o’clock, no sunlight illuminated the grounds—it wouldn’t creep over the horizon for another fifty minutes or so. But darkness was no excuse for sloth.

Shoving a hand into his pocket, he pulled out his cinnamon-flavored sprig. Its tip glowed orange as he slid it between his teeth and inhaled, exhaling a plume of scented warmth moments later. Closing his eyes, he leaned his neck to the side. It didn’t pop, but the slight stretching sound of his vertebrae nonetheless brought comfort.

There were a good number of technicians working in the hangar. That was always the case at this time. As Max stepped into the massive structure, he allowed his eyes to survey the airstrip. Nothing was there. He hadn’t seen the dog Svetlana called Flopper since frightening it away the evening before. The
Pariah
was now clean, the stench of dog scat hosed away into a hangar drain. There was no evidence that an animal had ever been there.

Max leaned against the nose of the transport, watching the distant, dark hills. He heard the clattering of technicians’ footsteps in the hangar, but paid no attention. He kept his steely eyes pointed ahead.

“
I got your message.”

Max stood upright and turned to see Tanneken Brunner approaching. Her brown pigtails hung over her shoulders.

“
I feel like we are back in
Philadelphia
,” she said.

Max observed her for a moment, then turned away. “I could go for some
Philadelphia
right now.”

“
I am sure that you could.”

Tanneken joined him, leaning next to him against the
Pariah
‘s nose. Neither looked at the other—they both simply stared at the distance. The Dutch operative sighed. “Why did you call me here, Max?”

He didn’t answer her right away. He only squinted as frozen winds whipped over his face. “I don’t know.”

She chuckled quietly. “Well, here I am.”

“
Do you ever miss me?”

Tanneken shot him a wary look, moving her fingers through her hairs as the wind blew them about. She held her head high. “If you mean, do I miss your arrogance? Do I miss your horrible manners? The stupid things you say?” She waited, then continued. “If so, then no. I do not miss you.”

Max inhaled a breath of cinnamon again, then softly blew it out. When he answered, his voice was deflated. “Yeah, guess that’s what I meant.”

Her mouth turned downward.

Max cut the sprig off and slid it back in his pocket. “I don’t know what to do, Ann. I got a chance to do something good. Maybe. I don’t even know.”

She crossed her arms. “It sounds like you do not know very much.”

“
You’re right about that.”

She smiled faintly, then cleared her throat. “So I am actually right about something?”

“
This time, yeah.”

Neither of them spoke for almost a full minute. They just stood, side by side, their backs against the nose of the
Pariah
. Her eyes surveyed him for fleeting moments, seeming to find him a buffer between looks at the distant hills. Max’s eyes remained far away. For the first time since she’d arrived, the Dutch woman’s expression fell soft.

Max sighed and looked the other way. “Sorry I woke you up. You can leave if you want—I know you’re worried about home.”

“
You did not wake me up.”

He made no reply.

Tanneken’s gaze remained fixated on him, even as he didn’t respond. Her green eyes arched sadly as she watched him. Then she turned her eyes ahead. Seconds later, she stood up from the ship.

The American stared on in silence. Even as Tanneken began to walk away, he appeared lost in his own distant world.

There did come a moment as Tanneken made her exit when she stopped and turned around. She turned as if she were about to say something. She even opened her mouth. But nothing came out.

Looking down, she finally made her leave.

Far ahead over the horizon, for the first time, the faint hues of sunrise broke over the hills. Max squinted as he stared through the cold, until another sound caught his ears.

Looking down, Max saw the young dog settle beside him. The technician actually smiled, and a soft chuckle escaped from his lips. “About time. Where you been?”

Flopper wagged his tail and stared up at Max, his tongue hanging out. He swallowed once, then his tongue hung again.