Epilogue (4 page)

“It’s camouflage. I keep it back because it annoys me when it touches my shoulders.” I didn’t want to talk about my hair. I reached up and collected a tear racing down her cheek. I drank it. I knew it didn’t make sense to her. If anything, she seemed more embarrassed. However, it was my way of taking her pain away. It was a promise. I didn’t go around drinking random tears. I’m not
that
creepy.

Livvie took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Some of the tension from earlier was slinking its way back into our intimate moment.

“Some things never change I guess,” she whispered.

I moved closer, until our knees brushed. My arm rested on the back of the sofa and I was able to touch her hair with my fingers. Warmth spread through me as I watched her eyelids slide shut.

“Everything is in the process of becoming something else. It’s the law of change.” I briefly kissed Livvie’s eyelids before she could open them. “I’m in the process of becoming something else, Livvie. I hope it’s something good, something far removed from the monster you knew.”

“Wow!” Livvie said. Her tears had gotten the better of her and she raced to put distance between us. She wiped hurriedly at her cheeks. “Holy shit, Caleb. How can I keep from being a mess when you say things like that? I don’t even know how to feel.”

I smiled and moved back. I had her where I wanted her, but more than that—I had her where I
needed
her. In a place where she could admit she could forgive me for the past. In a place where
we
were possible.

Over the next several hours, I relayed the many airline tickets I had purchased to search for her. The places I had almost caught up and missed her. I told her about Germany and the café. She hadn’t been happy to hear about that one but accepted I wasn’t quite ready to approach her at the time.

She attempted to ask questions about our last days in Mexico. I was honest and told her it was too much for me to discuss so soon. I’d tell her at some point. She didn’t like it, but she used it as leverage to dodge questions about the FBI and what she’d learned about me.

For the most part we tried not to delve too deeply into subjects that were excruciating to either one of us. It was more about discovering how we felt toward one another after so much time had gone by. As our feelings became more obvious, we were able to discuss our present instead of our past. I liked that much better. I liked hearing about Livvie going to school. I listened to her talk about the endless possibilities of her future and it made me feel somewhat better about… well, everything. I would be lying if I told you I was over what happened with Rafiq—far from it. Still, it gave me a modicum of solace to know that if he had lived, Livvie’s future would not be so bright.

Too quickly, the hours had ticked by. The night had gone silent and in a few hours, pre-dawn would be approaching. My thoughts began to turn toward more carnal diversions and talking had begun to lose its appeal.

“It’s late,” she whispered. She had her feet on the sofa, her knees pulled up to her chin. Her dark eyes begged me to come closer. Her legs threatened to push me away.

I felt myself getting hard, my dick throbbing in rhythm with my heartbeat. I was transported to Felipe’s plantation in Madera. I remembered the first night I whipped her. She’d known she was in trouble and she hid under the sink. She was curled up in much the same way, eyes staring up at me, legs trembling ever so slightly. I remembered the thrill of making her surrender.

The memory filled me with mixed emotions. I had been her abuser. I had taken something from her she had been unwilling to give. I felt guilty. Yet, I also had a fondness for the memory. It had been the beginning of my exploration with Livvie. Even cowered beneath the sink, her eyes had met mine. She fought me without words. She fought my possession. It was in those moments I first saw the ghost of the boy I had been. I knew the words behind her stare: You can have my body, but you can’t have me.

I had admired her even as I was resolved to bend her to my will. She had closed her eyes at our first touch, gathering her courage.

“Look at me. I want you to look at me.”

In the quiet hotel room, with Livvie only a short span away, I stared into her unflinching eyes and once again read the message. I wouldn’t be able to take what I wanted this time. This time, I had to earn her surrender.

“I don’t want this night to end,” I said. I wanted to make myself as clear as possible. Whatever she decided to do after that was fine.

“So… what then?” She raised her hand to her mouth and tugged gently at her lip. Her eyes had a mischievous glint.

“Well, the way I see it, you have three options: You can make me very sad by asking me to drive you home. You can take pity on me and spend the night. Or you can admit you want me to fuck you until you beg for mercy.” I leaned back and put my arms around the sofa. I let her see how hard I was for her, how much I wanted to be inside her.

She inhaled sharply. Her cheeks reddened. A quick glance downward revealed her toes, curled tightly.

“You… still have a way with words.” Her voice was breathy, but confident.

“Just laying it out for you.” I winked at her. I felt pretty confident about which of the three options she would choose. However, she has a way of throwing in her own surprises.

“I still have the pepper spray,” she teased.

“Kinky.” We laughed.

I knew she wanted me. It was written all over her face. It was in the way she licked her lips in preparation for being kissed, the way her eyes seemed to go dark. I had a moment of hesitation. I wasn’t sure what role she wanted me to play. On the one hand, it would have given me pleasure to tell her what to do. I liked being in control. I liked knowing she’d obey me of her own free will. On the other, I wasn’t sure how my dominance would be accepted. The last thing I wanted to do was scare her away. I didn’t want to remind her there had been a time she hadn’t had a choice.

“So, what’s it going to be, Pet?”

She raised a brow.

“Pet?” She didn’t seem put off by the moniker, despite the gentle warning in her tone.

“Force of habit,” I whispered unapologetically.
Slow and easy it is.

“You have a lot of bad habits, Caleb.”

“But not all my habits are bad, are they?” I let my hand rest on my dick. Her eyes followed my movements. She swallowed.

“No. There’s a few I’m quite fond of.” She met my eyes and held me captive.

“Do tell,” I suggested.

“Give me time, Caleb. I will. But… tonight? I just need you to know I’m not the scared girl you remember.” She brought her knees down and opened her legs. Her dress hid what was beneath, but her message was clear as she placed her hand on her pussy.

My heart beat erratically, spurred by her seduction. Beneath my own hand, my cock strained against my zipper.

“I remember you were brave,” I managed to say beyond the lust clogging my throat.

“I remember you liked to watch me touch myself.” She inched her dress up her thighs. Her short, blunt fingernails left faint red trails along her smooth tan skin. “I remember I liked watching you too.” She shifted down and rested her head on the arm of the sofa.

I was beside myself. My mouth was dry—too many open-mouthed breaths. My chest felt bruised by the incessant pounding of my heart. Lower down, my flesh was rigid and surrendering its first clear droplets of seed.

“I’d like to do a hell of a lot more than watch.” I leaned forward and was met with instant resistance. Livvie’s foot pushed against my chest and urged me back against the sofa.

“We do it my way. Or not at all,” she threatened playfully.

I knew a battle I couldn’t win when I encountered it. I tilted my head toward Livvie in deference.

“I can accept that.” I resumed my previous posture. “I await your every whim.” I baited her with my smile.

“Good.” She relaxed. Her fingers trailed lightly over her pussy. “You show me yours… and I’ll show you mine.”

I laughed softly. If it were possible to care for her any more, I wasn’t sure I could stand it.

“Hmm,” I sighed and unzipped my jeans. “As I recall, shyness was
your
obstacle, not mine.” I quickly undid my pants and opened them. My lust intensified as my cock hit the air. I resisted the urge to touch it. I took great satisfaction in hearing Livvie gasp. To her credit, she composed herself quickly.

“Very nice, Caleb. I know we’re both in the process of becoming something else, but it’s nice to know there are a few things that will never change.” She lifted her knee closest to the couch. Her dress rode up toward her waist. She spread her legs and revealed her naked pussy. She hadn’t been wearing any underwear!

I reached for my dick and squeezed it. I wasn’t in any danger of embarrassing myself; the impulse was simply too much to ignore. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I stroked myself once, twice, and stilled my hand.

“You’re fucking beautiful.”

She blushed.

“Thank you. So are you.”

I wasn’t sure how I felt about being called beautiful, but I took the compliment. I had much more interesting things on my mind.

“What now? I have to be honest; I’m not sure I can sit here and watch you play with yourself. I don’t have the self-control.”

“Would you force me?” she whispered. Her fingers parted her pussy, revealing how pink and wet she was.

“Fuck! No. But I’d be really childish about it.” I stuck out my bottom lip and she laughed.

“Oh my god,” she said through a smile. “You’re making this really difficult. Don’t ruin my fantasy.”

I composed my face.

“I’m sorry. Go on. Far be it from me to deny you another fantasy. I was so fond of the last one.” I watched her mouth and remembered the way her lips slid over my cock. “Maybe we could relive that one too?”

“Maybe,” she teased. “If I come over there, will you put your arms on the couch and keep them there?”

I swallowed.

“I’ll try.” I raised my arms to the back of the sofa and gripped it. I’m hard again just remembering how sexily she crawled across the sofa toward me. Livvie is a predator in her own right.

My eyes drifted shut at the first touch of her hand against my chest. I knew she could feel how hard my heart was beating. I might have been more nervous than she was. Her dress was soft as it caressed my aching cock.

“Your dress is going to get ruined. Take it off,” I whispered as enticingly as I was able.

“Shh,” she whispered against my ear. The smell of her skin infiltrated my senses. I held tighter to the sofa. “I want it just like this.” Her thighs straddled mine and her wet pussy made contact with my dick. I thrust upward. I couldn’t help it.

“Goddamn it, Kitten! Just let me fuck you already.” I was ready to abandon all chivalry and self-control. I was ready to rip her damn clothes off and bury myself so deep she’d forget we were ever separate people. The only thing that stopped me was the sudden pain of Livvie pulling on the tie holding my hair back. Once free, she buried her hands in my hair. She pulled my head back and the pain refocused my attention. Her eyes were nearly black, her pupils wide with desire. She was enjoying herself. I didn’t want to stop her.

She placed soft kisses against my mouth as she spoke.

“Please, Caleb. Let me. You’re still in control.” Her hips moved against me. Her pussy was hot against my cock. “You’re bigger, stronger. I know that. It turns me on that you’d let me do this to you. You’d never let me before.”

I held tight to that damn sofa because I suddenly knew why it was so important for her to have the upper hand between us. This encounter was not about earning her surrender—it was about surrendering myself. She was testing me and I refused to fail.

“Okay, Livvie.” I panted against her mouth. “We’ll do it your way.” Her tongue invaded my mouth and we kissed.

“You can call me Kitten if you want to. I miss it,” she crooned. She didn’t give me a chance to respond before her tongue was in my mouth again. There was no protest when I rocked against her.

Finally, she seemed to have enough of her own teasing. She leaned back quickly and reached behind her neck to undo the buttons. Accomplished quickly, her ample breasts, complete with pebbled nipples came into view. I licked my lips as I stared at them.

“Give me,” I insisted.

With her hands on my shoulders, she raised herself up onto her knees. My dick felt cold without her heat. Only the promise of her breasts in my face was enough to quell my disappointment. Livvie is soft, ridiculously soft, and the flesh of her breasts against my face was a feeling just this side of heaven. I placed kisses on one and then the other, ignoring her non-verbal cues for my mouth on her nipples. I could be a damn tease too!

“Caleb!” she said with some irritation. I smiled.

“Yes, Kitten?”

“Please.” She held her breast and ran her nipple across my mouth. “Suck on me.”

I opened my mouth and pulled her into it. She tasted even better than she smelled. I sucked harder than I probably should have, too driven by my lust to stop. Livvie’s arms wrapped around my head, forcing me closer, not letting me move away—though I had no intention of it. I softened my suckling. I let my tongue flick at her nipple, slowly and repeatedly. I made her insist on more.

Livvie was slow and maddeningly calculated in her seduction of me. Though she writhed against my chest, all but begging me to take control, she let me know I wasn’t to move my arms away from their resting place. She fed me one breast and then the other. She liked watching me, she reminded. For as much as we both wanted things to be different, our history could never be erased. I knew she was punishing me for the things I’d done. As far as punishments went, I knew I was getting off too easy.

Pulling away slowly, she slid her body down my chest and put her head on my shoulder. She moaned once she made contact with my cock again. I just managed to keep my body from responding. I was ready. I was
more
than ready. I wanted to touch her. It was beginning to feel unreasonable that I couldn’t.

“I’m nervous,” she whispered against my neck.