Equivocal Death (44 page)

the picture from a distance before moving in for a closer look. So 22

familiar, yet always new. With one finger, he traced her brow. He 23

could tell from her expression she was pleased. Leaning forward, he 24

gently kissed the glossy paper cheek.
Take care of your mother.

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You’re all she’s got.
For years, those words had echoed in his mind, 26

an undying reminder of how he’d failed. The guilt had been un-27

bearable. Sometimes he’d managed to drown it out, with cheap gin 28

and later with drugs. But always the voice had come back. They’d 29

told him that he should ignore it. They’d told him it wasn’t real.

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But he’d always known they were wrong. They didn’t — couldn’t —

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understand.

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She was so beautiful in that picture! One hand pushing back a 33

piece of hair, the other reaching out to embrace him. It was the ort 34

same picture he’d left for Kate, knowing that she’d understand. A reg 35

sign that he hadn’t forgotten. That it was only a matter of time.

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He looked to the metal door, half expecting Kate to appear. As 1

she had earlier that night. What a wondrous turn of events! She’d 2

seen him leave Carter Mills’s office. Now she knew that his work 3

was done. But instead of improving his spirits, the thought seemed 4

to pull him down. This was a time of rejoicing, a time that ought 5

to be shared. So why hadn’t she rushed to find him? What was she 6

waiting for?

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Sunday, January 17

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They’d managed to keep Carter Mills’s death out of the Sunday pa-4

pers. But whether this was a reflection of Samson’s powers or 5

merely a testament to the dictates of daily deadlines, Kate had no 6

idea. Slouched on the sofa, she stared at the Metro page headlines.

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Beside her Tara was knitting, something in a dark blue wool. Tara 8

had slept on the couch last night after picking up Kate at the of-9

fice. This morning she looked rumpled but serene, her red-gold 10

curls secured on her head with a heavy tortoise-shell clip. It 11

seemed to Kate that Tara hadn’t aged since college. She, on the 12

other hand, felt a thousand years older.

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“What are you making?” Kate asked.

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“A sweater.”

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“I didn’t even know you could knit. When did you start?”

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“About a year ago, I guess.”

ort 17

The words hung between them, another sign of how far their reg 18

paths had diverged.

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“Are you sure you don’t want something to eat?” Tara said, gloss-1

ing over the awkward moment. “I picked up some bagels at H&H.”

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“Thanks. But I’m not really hungry. Maybe later.”

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The only sound in the room was the gentle clicking of Tara’s 4

knitting needles. Through the window, Kate could see snow drifted 5

up against the window frame. But despite last night’s blizzard, Tara 6

hadn’t hesitated to come out.

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Kate felt grateful, grateful and a little guilty.

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“Thanks again for picking me up last night.”

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“No problem. I’m glad that you called.”

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“Well, thanks. Really.” As she spoke, Kate heard a muffled 11

growling in her stomach. She must be hungry after all. “You know, 12

maybe I will have a bagel.”

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“Do you want me to —”

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“No. That’s okay.”

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The H&H bag on the kitchen counter gave off a yeasty smell.

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Kate peered inside and pulled out a cinnamon raisin bagel. After 17

slicing the bagel in two, she spread a thick layer of cream cheese 18

over both halves. She tried to keep her mind on what she was do-19

ing. But even as she puttered around the kitchen, memories began 20

to seep back.

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Dark red blood.

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The glint of the gun.

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Carter Mills’s ravaged body.

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Kate put the bagel on a plate and returned to her spot on the 25

couch. Tara was still knitting, her hands skillfully manipulating 26

the skein of yarn. She seemed competent and calm. Kate wished 27

she could be like that.

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“D’you think I could learn how to knit?” Kate’s voice sounded 29

small, a child’s voice.

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Tara looked up. “Of course. If you want to.”

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“Would you teach me?”

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“Sure.” Tara sounded a little surprised. Kate could imagine why: 33

in all the years they’d known each other, she’d never shown the 34 sh

slightest interest in handicrafts. Except as a consumer, that is. Kate 35 re

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A M Y G U T M A N

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thought back to when she and Tara were roommates at Barnard.

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They’d been so close then. They used to wear each other’s clothes, 3

finish each other’s sentences. But after college, they’d grown apart.

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Perhaps it was only natural. Instead of living together in a two-5

room apartment, they’d been several hundred miles apart, Kate up 6

at Harvard in law school, Tara still here in New York. Kate had as-7

sumed they’d grow closer again once she moved back to the city.

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But it hadn’t worked out that way. If anything, their new proxim-9

ity only underscored the ways that each had changed.

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Suddenly, Kate was determined to bridge the gap. Whatever had 11

happened between them, Tara was still her best friend.

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“If I tell you about last night, will you swear not to tell anyone?”

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“Of course.” Tara looked up from her knitting. She seemed a lit-14

tle confused. After all, she thought she knew what had happened.

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Just another little murder at Samson & Mills.

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“Carter wasn’t murdered. He killed himself.”
There, she’d spoken
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the words.
Kate’s heart seemed to contract, as if someone had 18

squeezed it tight. She waited for Tara to respond.

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“So say something,” Kate said. “What are you thinking?”

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Tara put down her knitting. “Just that . . . don’t you think there 21

must be some connection? With that woman partner who was 22

killed, I mean.”

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Kate stared at her hands. Leave it to Tara to ask the hard ques-24

tion, to put everything on the table. Tara was right, of course. It 25

was absurd to think that Carter Mills’s death was simply a coinci-26

dence. But if not a coincidence, then what? What linked the two 27

deaths together? Facts swirled in her head; she didn’t know what 28

to say.

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Finally, she looked back at Tara. “What sort of connection, ex-30

actly?”

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“I don’t know, Kate. I don’t know anything about these people.

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It just seems like there must be something. I mean, when was the 33

last time a partner at Samson & Mills died of unnatural causes?

ort 34

What are the odds of two unrelated violent deaths?”

reg 35

“I guess they aren’t very high.” Kate watched as Tara pushed 9858_02_153-356_r6jm.qxd 9/28/00 3:59 PM Page 257

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back a curl. She’d always loved Tara’s unruly hair, so different from 1

her own straight tresses. Though she fit right in at Samson & Mills, 2

where all the women had straight hair. Or most of them anyway.

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Madeleine had once had short, sleek hair, back when she was 4

much younger.

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Haven’t you ever realized how much you look like Madeleine?
The 6

question flickered through her mind. She’d managed to push aside 7

Howell’s words; his suspicions had seemed so far-fetched. But what 8

Tara was saying made sense. A suicide and a murder in one law firm 9

where the victims were former lovers. What were the chances of 10

that? Howell claimed that Madeleine had been afraid of Mills. It 11

had seemed a preposterous notion. Still, there must be some reason 12

Mills had killed himself, and she didn’t have any other theories.

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Could Howell possibly be right? Had Mills caused Madeleine’s 14

death?

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The questions seemed to press in on her, pounding at her brain.

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Then, with a sudden assertion of will, Kate pushed them away 17

again. This wasn’t just any murder, but a brutal and violent slaying.

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The vicious multiple stab wounds. The candle jammed in Mad-19

eleine’s vagina. Besides, she’d seen Mills right after Madeleine’s 20

death. She’d watched his reactions up close. There’d been nothing 21

manufactured in his response. If there had been, she would have 22

noticed. No, whatever Mills’s feelings for Madeleine, she couldn’t 23

believe that he’d killed her.

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Still, that hardly ended the matter. If not that connection, then 25

what? Madeleine and Carter had once been lovers. The affair hadn’t 26

ended well. They’d recently started to work together after a hiatus 27

of many years. It was Mills who’d pushed Madeleine to work for 28

Thorpe. At least that’s what Carmen had said. Kate searched for 29

some meaning in these facts, some clue to what might have gone 30

on. Slowly an idea took shape. What if Mills had also suspected 31

Thorpe? Could Mills have blamed himself for Madeleine’s death?

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“I guess Carter could have felt guilty about what happened to 33

Madeleine.” Kate was thinking out loud. “But I still can’t see him 34 sh

committing suicide because of it. He just isn’t that sort of person.”

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Tara gave an impatient shrug. “It happens all the time, Kate.

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The least likely people are the ones to crack.”

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“Yeah, I guess.” Kate hugged her flannel-clad knees.

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“You really didn’t know this man.” Tara’s voice was gentle but 5

firm. “You only saw him at work, wearing his public face. You have 6

no idea what went on in his private life. You idealized him. Just 7

like you idealize everyone at that firm. They’re just people, Kate.

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Everyone has demons. Everyone makes mistakes.”

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Kate felt a tightness in her chest. She had the usual impulse to 10

check Tara’s words, but this time she let them pass. It was hard to 11

argue with the facts.

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The phone rang.

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Kate jumped to her feet. “I’ll get it,” she said, picking up the re-14

ceiver as she spoke.

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Justin didn’t bother to say hello. “Have you heard about Carter?”

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he asked.

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“Yes, I . . . know.” Kate nudged her desk chair closer to the 18

phone and lowered herself to the seat.

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“What the hell is going on?” Justin demanded. “It’s like that 20

Agatha Christie book
And Then There Were None.
One by one 21

everyone gets knocked off. I mean, when is it going to end? I can’t 22

believe they haven’t found this psycho yet.”

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It took Kate a few seconds to figure out where Justin was coming 24

from, to realize he still believed that Mills had been murdered. She 25

was about to correct him, when she remembered the instructions 26

she’d been given last night.
Say nothing until further notice.
She was 27

tempted to tell Justin anyway — like Tara, she knew he could be 28

trusted — but something made her hesitate.

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“How did you hear?” Kate said.

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“They called me.”

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“Who?”

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“Dave Bosch. I guess the partners are calling everyone, trying to 33

prepare for tomorrow. Why? Isn’t that how you heard?”

ort 34

“No.” Kate took a deep breath. “Actually, I’m the one who reg 35

found him last night.”

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A sharp intake of breath from Justin’s end of the line. “You 1

found the
body?
”

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“It was during the cocktail party. I went up to his office. I needed 3

to talk to him about something. And . . . there he was.” The tight-4

ness in Kate’s chest grew sharper.

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“Christ. Are you okay?”

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Kate gave a short dry laugh. “Well, I’ve been better. So what did 7

Bosch tell you?”

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“Just that Mills was found shot to death in his office last night.