Erotic Research (12 page)

“Never,” he whispered. “Never.”

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Chapter Nine

The next day dawned bright and sunny. Ross knew immediately upon opening his eyes that he was alone in the cabin. Panicking, he gathered up his sweatpants from the chair by the fire and threw a T-shirt on over his head. Checking the bathroom, he confirmed Julia wasn’t there. He headed toward the front door. Glancing out the window, he saw her shoveling snow off the path to the woodpile like a woman possessed. Frowning, he watched her for several minutes, trying to figure out what was going through her mind.

Concern ran through him as he considered his actions the previous night. Clearly, Julia was upset. She was throwing snow over her shoulder fast and furious. A two-ton plow couldn’t move snow like she was. Perhaps he’d pushed her too far last night. She’d thrown him for a loop when she told him her secret fantasy. The fact that she dreamed of sleeping with two men mystified him. Of all the things he was willing to do with Julia, sharing her was not on the list. The idea of another man touching her—hell, the idea of another man simply looking at her—made him see red. He’d never be able to fulfill her fantasy in truth. Although he thought he’d certainly given it the old college try last night. Grinning, he remembered her enthusiastic response to his lovemaking. As always, her vivid imagination allowed him to enact all of his fantasies without the fear of frightening her. Or at least, that’s what he’d thought. Now, watching her cut a swath through the heavy snow, he wondered if he’d misread her responses. Had he gone too far? Pushed her too hard? He didn’t think so, but her actions this morning had him perplexed. She never rose before him and as far as he could remember, he’d never seen her do anything resembling hard physical labor. Clearly she was upset about something. If not last night, then…what?

Was she was beginning to feel something for him? Was his plan working? If so, then perhaps it was time to move to the next phase. He’d come too far in his plan to win her

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heart to turn back now, and clearly it was time to move their so-called research into relationship mode. He’d been a coward to put off approaching the subject with her this long. Once she’d worked off some of her anxiety and sorted out her thoughts, she’d come in and he would lay it all on the line. Come clean. Tell her his true feelings. Taking a deep breath, he turned to the kitchen. Maybe a nice, hot breakfast would soften her to his proposal. God, he hoped so.

***

Sweat poured down Julia’s face and into her eyes. The bitter cold temperatures and wind of the previous week had given way to a gorgeous winter day. The sun was beating down and the ski hat on her head was far too warm for her strenuous exertions. The snow weighed a ton and she could feel painful twinges beginning in her arms and back from her aggressive assault on the wet stuff.

“Why shouldn’t my back and arms hurt? Everything else does,” she muttered as she considered last night’s fantasy for the thousandth time. When Ross offered to play out her secret sexual dream, she had no idea how much she’d pay for the request. Her jaw ached from the ball-gag and she was so sore below the waist she couldn’t pinpoint where the pain was coming from. Ross had given her everything she asked for and more and even in her aching state, she couldn’t find it within herself to regret a second of it. Last night had been the best night of her life and she fully expected to relive every minute of it in her fantasies for the next fifty years.

Her anxiety was not so much a result of their actions, but her feelings about those actions. She’d done the most foolish thing imaginable—she’d fallen in love with Ross Phillips. Totally and completely, head-over-heels in love. The kind of love that would never, ever die.

“How could I be such an idiot!” she repeated, the words becoming a mantra and the impetus for her forceful shoveling. Her shovel hit the woodpile hard enough to rattle every tooth in her head. “Dammit.” Glancing back, she realized she’d cleared quite a 86

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wide path from the door. Unable to face the man causing her such angst yet, she turned and started to attack the driveway leading to the road. For the entirety of her adult life, she’d avoided the overpowering, overwhelming, allconsuming feeling of love. Now in the course of a week, Ross had broken down all her well-constructed defenses and wormed his way into her heart.

“No,” she whispered. Not a week. Ross had been tackling the walls around her heart for nearly a decade and she suspected he’d be most disturbed to learn that little tidbit. God, if he knew what he’d done, he’d be out here himself clearing a path to freedom as fast as his arms could shovel.

The cold, hard fact was she’d been in love with Ross Phillips since the day she met him and that love had only grown as the years passed. Every novel she’d ever written had been a tribute to him—a coward’s way of expressing her feelings. She was sure he didn’t realize he was the hero in all her stories. He was her knight in shining armor, her sexy, devil-may-care pirate, and her hunky, irresistible lord all rolled into one. He was the leading man in every fantasy she’d had since she turned twenty years old. Now, she’d made the mother of all mistakes and blurred the lines between fantasy and reality. In her dreams, she was safe from inevitable heartbreak. Allowing him into her bed and her body had been foolishness at its most extreme. By keeping her imaginings private and maintaining a platonic friendship with Ross, she’d managed to hold onto him longer than any other woman in his life. The last thing Ross wanted from her, or any woman for that matter, was a permanent commitment. He was a confirmed bachelor, set in his ways. If and when he decided to settle down, it would be with a woman much more sophisticated and beautiful than her. She was the girl next door, the little sister he never had, a pizza buddy, and in just seven days, she’d thrown all that away for a brief roll in the hay. Well, maybe not brief. And certainly not a roll. More like tumbling headfirst off a cliff.

“Hell,” she said aloud as she continued to make her way to the road. She was too stupid to even regret her actions. How could she ever feel sorry for what could quite

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possibly be the greatest sex ever in the history of fornication? She blushed as she recalled the image of Ross bent over her body last night as she strained to take in all of him. Groaning, she pushed the thought away. “This isn’t helping,” she whispered to the trees around her. Worst of all, she had whispered the words “
please don’t leave me
” to him after they’d made love. She prayed Ross had been too close to the verge of sleep to remember her foolish request. Chastising herself once again, she groaned. She’d done the one thing she never wanted to do—give him a reason to leave her. As long as the women in his bed kept things light and casual, he kept them. The moment they pressured him for more, he ran.

Even though she had known from the outset that their time in the cabin was limited, she had become used to having him in her bed. She loved eating every meal with him and telling him all of her deepest, darkest secrets. Sometimes she felt a deep connection between them that promised of a real future. He made her laugh and somehow the thought of going back to New York and their once-a-week pizza dates left a cold chill deep in the pit of her stomach.

Julia rested the shovel against a tree and lightly clasped her arms around herself—

more for comfort than for warmth. She wasn’t being totally honest with herself. The days in the cabin had been about more than research, at least for her. She was wearing her heart on her sleeve. Too many more days spent in his presence and the pain of his eventual desertion would tear her heart out. She had to distance herself from him now. If she was going to salvage some part of their friendship, it was time for their research to stop. One more night like last night would kill her. Even now, she felt as if her heart were bursting into a million little pieces. Better to halt things now. Imagine how much worse the pain would be later.

The day was warm and the snow was melting quickly. Once Ross realized he was no longer stuck, he’d be anxious to return to the city. Maybe he would leave today. It was still early. In fact, she’d suggest it. She could convince him she was well armed with enough research for her book.

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She headed back to the cabin, resolved in her decision. Distance and time were the best things. Staring down a now-cleared road, she realized the rest of her aches and pains had disappeared. All she could feel now was the agony of her breaking heart.

***

Ross had been more than willing to make the trek down the mountain to retrieve his SUV when she suggested it upon her return to the cabin. As he pulled up to the front porch, Julia stiffened her spine and took a deep breath. He was free. He could take his car and escape back down the mountain. Return to his life in the city. Return to his penthouse and casual one-night stands with gorgeous women. Their time was over and, although he and Julia had done enough “research” to fill a dozen books, she knew by the look in his eyes as he parked the car that he needed to leave. She would simply have to stand firm in her resolve.

“Well,” he said, approaching her, “looks like Sweet Pea survived the storm just fine.”

Julia grinned at Ross’s continued insistence that his beloved car was a female, whom he’d nicknamed Sweet Pea. “She’s sleek with smooth, firm lines that just ache to hug the road,” he’d joke, running his hand across the hood. To Julia, cars were merely a way to get from here to there and all she knew about her vehicle was that it was blue and it started when she needed it to.

“Thank heaven for small mercies,” Julia teased, though her heart was heavy.
It’s for
the best
, she silently consoled herself.

“Guess you’ll be heading back to the city,” she said, pleased by the strength in her voice.

“Eventually, I suppose,” Ross answered, obviously surprised about her comment.

“What are your plans?” he asked warily, as he climbed the stairs to stand beside her.

“I haven’t finished my book yet. I’ll probably stay here until it’s done. If that’s okay with you.”

“Of course it is. I’m the one who suggested this place to begin with.”

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“Well,” she started, clearing her throat to try and dislodge the words that were stuck there. “If you left now, you could be back in the city by early evening.”

“Now?” he repeated slowly. “I wasn’t really in a hurry to be on my way.”

“Yes, but you aren’t stuck anymore. I know you don’t like to be out of the office so long. And besides,” she continued before she lost her nerve, “I really need to get going on this book. It’s hard to work with you constantly underfoot and even you have to admit no one’s ever researched a book so thoroughly!” Forcing a light laugh, she turned back toward the cabin, anxious to escape his scrutiny.

“I didn’t realize I’d been an annoyance to you,” he said shortly. “You’ve been working steadily on the book for a week.” He followed her into the house, slamming the door behind him.

Jerking at the crashing of the door, Julia twirled to face him. “Actually, I haven’t even really started the book. I’ve just been making notes. It’s too hard to concentrate with you here.” She knew her tone was slightly hostile, but perhaps picking a fight would be the simplest way to get him to leave.

“Just notes?” he asked incredulously. “Pretty intense note-taking.” He was obviously angry, but Julia refused to back down. Truth was that for the entire week, she’d done nothing but record every blissful moment of their lovemaking. She didn’t have a plot, well-developed characters or even dialogue. Instead, all she had was a steady stream of consciousness, a mish-mash of feelings and thoughts, a disaster of an erotic diary that wouldn’t sell a single copy because she would never let it see the light of day. So far, she was batting zero as an erotic writer. Not that Ross knew that of course. He thought she’d been diligently plying her craft since her arrival in West Virginia.

“Why don’t we have something to eat?” Ross said, placing his hand on the small of her back, guiding her toward the kitchen. Why wasn’t he fighting with her? She was being rude and she knew it.

“I’m not hungry.” She casually shrugged off his hand and crossed the room. Time to up the ante.

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“Would you like some help packing?” she asked, picking up his duffel bag from the corner.

At the sight of his frown, she turned her back to him, gathering up his clothing.

“I didn’t realize you were so anxious for me to leave.”

“I wouldn’t say anxious, Ross,” she said with forced lightness, refusing to look at him. “It’s just, you must admit, I haven’t been getting much work done. I came here to write this book at your request.”

“And I’ve been hindering you in that?” Ross barked. “Last I checked, I was helping you.”

“With the research, yes, but let’s face it, Ross, I’d say we’ve covered more than enough ground. I can safely say I have enough information to write the damn thing.”

“Damn thing?” Ross yelled. “Well excuse me for forcing such an unwanted subject on you! I thought you wanted to write the book. I had no idea you were merely humoring me and suffering for the sake of your career!”

“Dammit, Ross. Why are you putting words into my mouth? You know perfectly well that I liked—” She paused, unsure what to call their actions. If she said making love, surely he would laugh. However, it wasn’t in her to refer to their time between the sheets as merely fucking, even though that’s what Ross had called it the first night they were together.

“Researching,” Ross replied through gritted teeth. “That’s all it was to you, wasn’t it?”

Julia didn’t know how to respond. Research was his word and their sexual experimentation was his idea. Surely he didn’t mean for it to mean more than that. Perhaps it wasn’t her casualness that was offending him. In past relationships, she’d listened as he complained about the fits of temper his jilted lovers displayed when he broke things off. Could it possibly be that the King of Casual Sex wasn’t happy about her lack of emotion? What did he want? To have her clinging to his legs, begging him to stay? A watering pot? A total breakdown? Could he be that arrogant? To want some big display of dashed love? Was he angry she was beating him to the punch?