Escape (20 page)

Lucy recognized the irony; if the storm hadn’t come in, the chances were that she would have been on a boat heading back to the mainland, while Max was on a boat here. They could have passed each other in the middle of the ocean.

“I had to stay in this
grotty
little backpacker’s hostel,” he continued, “
and
share a room with two Irish guys.”

“You poor thing,” she said, half-heartedly. Then she remembered what she had been doing the night Max had been subjected to anything less than a four star resort, and her cheeks colored with guilt.

“Come up to the room,” she said again, not wanting anyone else to see them—especially not Rudy or Rachel.

The thought made her stomach flutter in panic. Her two worlds had collided and she didn’t like it very much.

This time Max allowed himself to be ushered up to her room. She could feel the eyes of the young Thai boys on them as she walked away.

What were they thinking? Would they say anything to Rudy? They were all friendly with Rudy and had obviously seen her with him. They were bound to mention to him that another man had arrived and gone up to her room.

Of course, she shouldn’t feel guilty as far as Rudy was concerned. He knew she had a boyfriend at home and he hadn’t exactly been proposing to her since their night together. It served him right if she had someone else.

In the room, Max showered and promptly fell asleep on the spare bed.

Seeing him again was strange, but not unpleasant. With her bruised heart she found comfort in his presence, like having a little bit of her world, her home, as protection. That was why she couldn’t bring herself to tell him it was over. She had already promised herself she wouldn’t tell him about Rudy, but that had been when she’d imagined this encounter happening in London, not out here, where the two of them might easily bump into one another.

Even if she didn’t tell him she’d slept with someone else, she still needed to tell him their relationship was over. It just seemed so cruel for him to come all this way, only for her to dump him. At least that was her excuse. She tried to ignore the fact that keeping her mouth shut was more down to her bruised heart and cowardice than anything else.

But she didn’t want to be with Max; she wanted Rudy. Max felt wrong to her now; all long limbs and angular joints. His skin was pale from London living and she missed the smooth brown of Rudy’s back.

By the time he woke up, Lucy had brought food and drink up from the restaurant. She set the meal up on the balcony, trying to keep him away from the restaurant. She couldn’t help comparing the meal to the breakfast she had shared with Rudy. Just the thought of him flooded her eyes with tears and she wiped them away, angrily, not wanting Max to see her crying.

“Oh, wow!” he said as he walked out of the room, taking in the ocean ahead of him. “I guess at least this place has nice views going for it.”

He settled down at the table and she sat down opposite.

“How’s it been at the hospital?” she asked, making small talk, not wanting to say the things she was really thinking.

“Chaos,” he grinned.
“Same as ever.
Everyone is missing you, of course. People keep asking after you. I still can’t believe you just up and left like that. You made me look like a right idiot. Everyone kept asking why I hadn’t gone with you.”

“I had to get away.”

“I know you’ve been finding the job hard lately, but you’ll get over it.”

“I don’t know,” she said, shaking her head. “I don’t think I can do it anymore.”

He snorted laughter out through his nose.
“Yeah, right.
You live for that place. What else would you do?”

Lucy said nothing. Max couldn’t imagine a life where he wasn’t a doctor. It was all he had ever wanted to do with his life and he had worked his butt off to get there. In his mind, all doctors (including her) felt the same.

What was she supposed to do about her career?
She had trained to be an Accident and Emergency
doctor, thinking she would like the excitement and that she enjoyed having to think on her feet. But now the thought of going back to work at the hospital filled her with dread. Maybe it was just the idea of going back to work in London. After all, the city had a high violent crime rate and that had to have an effect on the hospital. She could always have trained as a general practitioner, but the idea of sitting in the same office day after day, seeing the same people, was suffocating.

Lucy sighed, but it went unnoticed by Max.

Maybe she simply wasn’t cut out to be a doctor. There was always going to be a certain amount of depression working with sick people. Of course she was going to see bad things. She just hadn’t understood how much it would affect her.

“The truth is, Lucy,” Max said, snatching her attention. “I’ve really missed you. It didn’t seem right you running off by yourself.”

Her heart was in her stomach and she felt sick. She didn’t want to lead him on. He deserved better than that.

“Max...” she tried to interrupt him. She had to tell him. This was the last thing she wanted to hear him say.

“No, please, let me finish,” he said, reaching across the table and taking hold of her hand. “I know I’ve not been the most supportive boyfriend in the world and I tend to let work take over everything, but I need you to know that things will be different when we get back. I’ll be different.”

“It’s not about you, Max,” she sighed.

“Please, don’t say any more.”

He took hold of her hand and leaned across the table, pulling her toward him.

Miserably, she allowed herself to be tugged across the table and he moved in and kissed her. His lips felt warm and dry and familiar. Too wretched to push him away, she let him kiss her, but then she became aware of someone standing on the steps, watching them. She pulled away t
o see Rudy watching them, white-
faced in anger.

He turned and fled.

“Rudy, wait!” She leaped from the table and her chair clattered to the floor behind her. “Rudy!” she called out again and rushed after him, her head spinning.

“Lucy?” Max called after her, bewildered.

Lucy didn’t even pause.

She chased down the steps after Rudy, her heart pounding, watching his broad back as he hurried away.

“Please, Rudy,” she called after him. “It’s not what you think!”

He reached the bottom of the steps and spun around to face her. His normally gentle face was screwed up, his forehead furrowed, his eyes narrowed.

“What do I think, Lucy? Tell me what I think?” He sounded like a different person, so hard, so cold. “Because—and correct me if I’m wrong—I am fairly sure that was the boyfriend from home you were kissing.”

“Yes, but, I didn’t want to!”

“That’s not what it looked like to me.”

“I didn’t even know he was coming. He just showed up here.”

Rudy gave her that look again; the one like he didn’t recognize her anymore.

“I was stupid for thinking you were different,” he said, shaking his head. “You’re just like all the other girls we get here.
Only out for a bit of fun.”
He sounded so disappointed in her, it broke her heart.

“No, I’m not.” Tears streamed down her face. “Please, Rudy. Don’t do this.”

“I haven’t done anything. You did, Lucy.”

“Well you’re the one who has ignored me for the past day,” she threw at him. “You had your fun and then you didn’t want to know.”

He stared at her, incredulous, and then raised his hands, gesturing at the resort around them. “Not everything revolves around you, Lucy! In case you hadn’t noticed, I’ve been kind of busy. The resort is a wreck and everyone could be out of a job unless it gets repaired quickly.”

“I don’t expect everything to revolve around me,” she said, furious. “But why does this resort seem to revolve around you? Why do you seem to be in charge of everything? I thought you were just a dive instructor here. Why aren’t the managers or the owners dealing with it?”

“So, what?
Because I’m too busy to spend time with you, you run off with another man?”

She narrowed her eyes at him, “Actually Rudy, technically,
you
are the other man.”

He stared at her, not speaking, and her heart plummeted. She had pushed him too far.

“I don’t have time for this shit,” he said, shaking his head. He turned away from her and started to walk away, but as he did she heard him say, “And I thought you were different.”

This time she let him walk away. Her eyes filled with tears and her world swam in front of her.

“I thought you were different too,” she whispered, her voice breaking.

She sank down and sat on the bottom step, and put her head in her hands. Tears spilled down her cheeks, but she didn’t deserve them. They were tears of self pity, but she wasn’t the one who had been wronged. She was the one who had done the wronging.

A young couple walked past her and she had to move over to let them pass. They glanced at her with curious concern, but they didn’t speak to her to ask her if she was all right.

Where her heart had been filled with love for him, she now only felt anger and hurt. How could eyes that had looked at her so adoringly only hours before, now look at her with such mistrust? Where had things gone so wrong?

Everything was her fault. If she had been honest with Max in the first place—either at home before she left, or even via email—she wouldn’t be in this position. He would never have followed her out here. She had the opportunity to tell him as soon as he arrived, but she had held her tongue. There were plenty of times she could have told Max it was over, but she’d been too frightened she would end up on her own.

Rudy had come to see her after all. He was just busy.

Why did she always think the worst about everything? Why did she always jump to the wrong conclusions?

Lucy desperately wished she could go back and change things.

She was trapped between the rest of the resort and her room, and she didn’t want to go to either. She couldn’t stand to see the pain and the questions in Max’s eyes. He wasn’t stupid; he would have quickly figured out that she had betrayed him. It was all so wrong.

But she wasn’t going into the resort. She was too upset and embarrassed.

Anyway, she owed it to Max to tell him what was going on. She had left things far too long already.

Lucy wiped at her eyes and sniffed. She felt exhausted; emotionally exhausted.

With heavy legs and an even heavier heart, she dragged herself up the steps toward her room.

Chapter Thirteen

Max lay on the
bed
, one arm slung over his face. He sat up as Lucy walked in. His eyes were dry, but bloodshot, and he looked at her in much the same way Rudy had only minutes before.

“I assume you’ve got something you want to tell me.” His voice sounded rough and forced, as though emotion had sapped all of the fluid out of his body.

She sa
nk down onto the bed beside him. She couldn’t look at him; she was so ashamed of herself.

“I’m so sorry, Max,” she said. “I never meant to hurt you. I should have told you we were over before I left, but I was so wrapped up in
myself,
it barely even occurred to me that it w
as
over until I was here.”

“Until you slept with someone else, you mean?” he said, unable to hide the bitterness in his voice. “Who is he anyway, some loser traveler who has never held down a proper job in his life?” Lucy knew he couldn’t help the snide comments—she didn’t blame him.

“He’s a dive instructor here at the resort.”

He looked at her with contempt.
“Oh, Lucy.
Aren’t you a little old to be falling for such clichés? You’re probably one in a line of a hundred other girls.”