Essentialism (Bridgette & Troy's Story) (28 page)

I take my time responding and then a flash of movement catches the corner of my eye. I look to see Bridgette awake. She walks over to me, wrapped in her throw and is as comfortable as ever. “Hi,” she whispers.

“Come here, baby,” I say opening my arms to her. She snuggles under me as I’m on my side and looks at me with a lost expression.

“Please tell me this was all a dream.”

I shake my head and blink back the pain as water wells up in my eyes. For the first time in many years, I feel like I could cry. Tightly, she closes hers and tears slip over the sides. In that moment, I’m at a loss for words. I search for the right thing to say, but there’s nothing. Without knowing what else to do, I kiss her, pressing my lips to hers. The guilt I feel is almost unbearable. This is all my fault so I try and give her some of my strength as a measure of consolation.

“What’s wrong?” she asks.

I shake my head, holding her face. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

“Troy, this is not your fault. Please don’t think for one second that it is.”

I know now is when I have to be honest. I hope to God that she can find it within her heart to forgive me. My stomach is nauseous with fear. I don’t know what will follow, with her knowing the truth, because I can’t bear losing her. How am I supposed to protect her if she doesn’t want me?

“It
is
my fault.” I pause and wait for a reaction while she looks at me confused. She doesn’t speak so I continue. “I saw David twice at Drain, once was with you and I acted like an asshole kissing you and manhandling you in front of him.” I pause again. “The next was when I grabbed some to-go food. He asked if you had already left me. I…I told him you were naked and in my bed waiting for me.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about this?”

“I wanted to, trust me. The first time you’d just gotten the news about Robert and then it was your birthday. The time never seemed right. I knew I should be honest with you. I regret that now more than anything. I’m so sorry, baby, you have to know that. I love you more than anything and I
never
meant for any of this to happen.”

She’s looking into my eyes and it scares me. I mean, she’s really looking into me. The world moves in slow motion in the next few moments, as she opens her mouth and begins to speak, I cannot believe her words. I must have heard her wrong because she should be running away from me and slamming doors. I lied to her and broke
our
number one rule,
my
number one rule, but she isn’t. Instead with more clarity than I’ve ever heard before, she says, “I love you, Troy. Goddammit, I fucking love—”

Before she can finish her sentence, I invade her mouth, crashing my tongue against hers. She whole-heartedly accepts me and loves me. Fuck, I need her. I have to have her and that is all there is to it. I know he didn’t do anything to her sexually, that’s the one thing I had to ask. It was eating me up. Thankfully, what happened was physical and mental. I can fix the mental part. That’s what I’m good at.

Her body fits beneath mine perfectly. Taking one of my hands I slide it across her stomach and work my way up ‘til I have a handful of one of her breasts. “Say it again.”

“I love you,” she speaks breathlessly as I leave a trail of kisses down her neck. I unzip her hoody, exposing her dark swollen nipples as they strain the fabric of her white tank top.

“Again.”

“I love you, Troy.” Her words drive me out of this fucked up world and into my zone. Where I can be
me
. Where I don’t have a care in the world. Uncontrollably, I tear the fabric of her tank, splitting it right down the middle. I’m rewarded with a moan and she says, “Take me with you.”

Following her wishes, I continue to tease her nipples. My touch causes her to wiggle underneath me and I grind my erection into her.

The moment she rakes her fingernails down my back, my body becomes pure sensation. Jesus, her touch does crazy things to me. Pulling away from her mouth, I kneel between her legs, sliding my hands under the waistband of her pants. As I remove them, she watches my every move.

“Will you take your top off? I need you naked.”

Sitting up, she removes her hoody and shredded tank top, then lies back down and I can’t stop myself from spreading her wide and loving her clit – my clit. She’s so special; I never knew I could feel this way and have it be with someone who accepted me, knowing who I truly am.

Taking her hands, she locks them into my hair and I’m rewarded with her sweet moans. I know what this does to her. She’s so close to coming and so quickly, and I want to take her there. Insistently, I move the way she likes, giving her clit the right amount of pressure. She begins to spiral and mumbles some nonsense; she’s dirty like me. But the last part, I hear clear as day.
Fuck, those words.
Once she settles, I pull away and remove my shirt and pants. I barely kick them off before descending into her, filling her with all of me.

Once I am nestled to the hilt, she wraps her arms and legs around me. I slide my arms underneath her fragile body holding her tight and nuzzle my face into the crook of her neck. As we stay connected like this, a wave of emotions takes over and the events of today crash into me. Fear – anger – panic – they all come barreling down. Everything I experienced earlier all wrapped up into one hard blow and it knocks me sideways.

Finally, I give in and begin to cry, letting out all of the pent up emotions. She doesn’t speak or try to calm me and tell me that everything’s going to be okay. Instead, she holds me, giving me time and her strength. We are a good team like this, the way we feed off of each other and support one another. With Bridge, things have been like this since the beginning. That’s how I knew deep down she would accept me.

She forces me to look into her eyes, holding my face tightly in the palms of her hands. I’m almost ashamed to be crying in front of her. I’ve never let anyone see me like this, and I never would have – until her. Tightening the walls of her pussy around my cock, she reminds me of what’s important… Us. This. Our future. Her safety. Not the past. Yes, it’s part of us and now molds who we are. But hell, today I almost lost her and I’ll be damned if I forget how that feeling of fear affected me.

Pressing my lips to hers, I begin to move. Taking my sweet time with each pull and push. Being with her is amazing; it’s honestly hard to tell if this is real or if I’m dreaming. Her movements become intense as each slow, deliberate filling causes her to want more. I can’t help the intensity of wanting to please her. My instincts tell me to grab her wrists, but I don’t. I know I’d never forgive myself. Finally, I pull away needing to see her, I need to know that she is real. She has her eyes closed as I hover above her and her arms are stretched above her head. My eyes become fixated on her breasts as they bounce with each thrust.

“Fuck,” she whines. I know I’ve got her spot and I stay right where I am. Watching her like this, so close, pushes me over the edge. I keep a steady rhythm as I pump myself inside of her. God, I love coming in her. It’s such a turn on. I can’t help my noises, but dammit I never can. She knows me far too well and lets go simultaneously, gripping the rug above her, as amber shadows blaze over our skin.

She cries out, letting go, coming into my world where I will forever keep her. The pain cannot hurt her here. This is our safe haven and a place I wish we could forever live.

“Do you want to eat something?” I ask.

“You,” she jokes.

“I’m serious.”

“Fine, what can you make us?”

“Let me check.” I pull out of her and hate the feeling – so desolate. She goes to sit up. “Stay there, please. You are so gorgeous after being fucked.” There’s not much to do up here but have sex and…have sex. We’ve only been here for two days, but that’s all we’ve been doing besides sleeping.

“I don’t know how gorgeous I look right now, but thank you.”

“I’ll still spank you for talking like that.”

She smirks at me, rolling over and propping her ass up in the air. Immediately, I jog over to her, squeezing one of her round cheeks while I swat the other. Her breathing halts and she lays back down.

“Didn’t think I would do that, did ya?”

“Definitely not.”

“You liked it and you know it.”

“Damn you for being so fucked up and turning me on by it. You know it’s one of the things I love about you.”

“I’m glad to know it. I love you too.” I open the fridge and there’s not much inside. I take out a loaf of bread and some jelly. I open a cabinet looking for the peanut butter I left from the last time we visited. “How does a PB&J sound?”

“That’s good with me.”

I make our sandwiches as fast as I can and grab a bottle of water. As I return to the couch and sit back down next to her naked body, she rolls on her side looking a little glum. “What’s wrong?”

“I…I just…I need to get what happened off of my chest. You haven’t asked but a few questions.”

“I don’t want to upset you, baby. I figure when you are ready you will tell me.”

“I’m ready.”

“Then I’m ready too, as long as you’ll eat a little.”

She takes a nibble off of half a sandwich and then sets it back down. Swallowing hard, she begins to speak and I kiss the top of her hair, knowing I’m as afraid to hear what she has to say as she is to speak the words.

“I got the flowers that morning, then I had to meet with Liam, and by the time I checked my phone I had to go.” She pauses and looks at me. I give her a reassuring smile, letting her know she can take all the time in the world.

“The note inside the flowers said for me to meet
you
at Drain, and you know that’s my favorite place, so I didn’t even question it. Since we meet every day for lunch, I just went. I tried to call you on the way, but got your voicemail, so I figured I would see you there. When I parked and didn’t see your car, I headed in to order our food. As I was getting out of my car, I noticed someone was behind me and my body froze. Everything happened so quickly. I was in excruciating pain and I realized I was being tasered. That’s the last thing I remember before everything went dark.”

My breathing catches, thinking of what she must have gone through. The pain had to have been unbearable. Being tasered is no fucking joke. It will drop a beast of a man to his knees in the blink of an eye, much less a hundred and twenty-pound woman. “Then when I came to, he was slapping me, demanding that I wake up. My hands were tied together and he already had me in the motel room.”

She looks down at her wrists and I can’t bear to bring my eyes to look at them. “I tried to plead with him to let me go. I told him if he ever cared for me he wouldn’t do this. There were moments that I thought he might give in. Then he would snap. After you texted me about your cock, he was irate.”

“I’m so sorry.”

She continues, holding my hand. “He pinned me down, sitting on top of me, and said
his
cock misses me, and why don’t I care about that. The pressure from his body on top of me and me still being tied to the bed is what did this to my wrists. I fought him off the best I could and at that point figured I couldn’t convince him to let me go, so I told him I was in love with you.

“You did?” I ask baffled. She nods her head. “Did he say why he did this?”

“Not really. I asked and asked, pleading with him to tell me why. He only said because we were meant for each other. He kept saying how much he loves me. Then he changed and I saw a different side of him. He’s a hardcore drug user; I watched it happen right before my eyes. He became a monster getting so spun out of his mind that he could barely function. I watched him lie on that bed, like a fucking zombie, then as he was coming out of it…” She swallows hard, looking at me.

I don’t know if I want to hear what’s next, but I know that nothing sexual happened so I tell her, “It’s okay, baby.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, if you want to tell me, I want to hear it all.” I can make it through this for her. I’m not the one who had to live through it all.

“He wanted to do stuff with me, but he couldn’t get hard. I acted like I wanted it, and he started to soften up to me. My plan was when he untied me, to fight, kick, scream, and do anything possible to get out of there, but it never happened. He was so up and down, so he reverted to the drugs, doing more and more. He’s nothing but a fucking crackhead, Troy.”

“You’re so strong and brave. If I haven’t told you already, I’m proud of you, more than you’ll ever know.”

“I honestly don’t know if I could have made it through all of this, had I not had you waiting for me. You’re all I thought about. You made me fight and stay strong.”

Softly, I kiss her lips and neither of us speaks another word regarding David or the events that took place. We finish our food in silence and then cuddle up on the couch. As much as our reasons for being up here are not ideal, it’s wonderful to be alone. Right when we drift off to sleep, my cell phone rings. I reach away from her grabbing it and hope she doesn’t wake.

She stays in the crook of my arm, comfy and adorable. “Hello,” I answer in a bit of a groggy tone.