Eternal Flame (Eternal Flame #1) (15 page)

Roman perceptively nodded. “What were you going through?”

“I was kind of down about Carlos having to leave,” she earnestly said. “I didn’t deal with it too well at first. He was all I knew for a year, so-“

Roman straightened up and fixed his critical eyes on her. “I thought you said it wasn’t serious.”

“It wasn’t. I did like him a lot. We had a good relationship. He was there for me during some trying periods. I had a rough time with school my final year, and… And he was the only boy that ever really liked me and treated me good. That meant a lot to me.”

“I find that hard to believe. There were no other guys?”

She shook her head. “There weren’t.”

Roman looked at her for a moment then abruptly got up from the table. “You done?” he said, gesturing to her plate.

She shook her head and picked her fork back up.

“I need some wine,” he said with a deep frown. “I’ll be back.”

Without waiting on her to reply, he stalked out of the room, taking his plate and glass with him. Kristen quizzically looked after him then hurriedly continued eating. He was gone so long she began to wonder what he was doing. When she looked up, he was standing in the entry of the dining room, holding a wine goblet and staring at her. Her breath racked her ribs as she looked back at him. Her eyes drifted to the hand holding the glass and her body instantly warmed and vibrated. He hadn’t touched her all evening. She wanted his hands back on her like they’d been last night.

“I want to apologize,” he brusquely told her.

Kristen breathlessly looked at him. “Huh?”

“For my behavior last night,” he further explained. “I was out of line.”

Kristen was taken aback. “What do you mean?”

“I mean last night when you were with Diego and we walked away… When I touched you. It was inappropriate.”

She frowned, not understanding him. “Inappropriate how?”

“I crossed a line that shouldn’t have been crossed.”

“I don’t feel like you crossed the line.”

“Well, I did,” he almost snapped. “It shouldn’t have happened.”

He walked past her to the window and stared out, sipping his wine. Kristen threw her napkin down on her plate and slumped back in her chair. He couldn’t have hurt her more than if he’d slapped her in the face. His words had been an audible slap of insensitivity. He wanted her; he didn’t want her. Did this asshole even know what he wanted?

Roman turned towards her. “Kristen, how many relationships have you had besides your ex?”

“Carlos was really the only boyfriend I’ve ever had.”

“Christ.” He shook his head as if it was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard. “18,” he sourly replied. “You’re fucking 18 years old. You don’t know shit yet. You don’t know a gotdamn thing about life. You’ve never even had your heart broken. Christ.” He gulped his wine down and shook his head again.

Tears burned Kristen’s eyes as she looked at him. “I know enough. Just because I’m 18 doesn’t mean I haven’t experienced anything hard or significant.”

Roman skeptically looked at her. “Shee-it. You don’t know anything about anything.” His eyes quickly scanned the length of her body, turning her face red again. “Have you even been kissed before?”

Kristen’s face burned with embarrassment. “Of course I have.”

He walked towards her, his eyes hard as he assessed her. “No. That’s not what I mean. I mean, how you ever been
kissed
? The way a man should kiss a woman.”

Kristen’s words stuck in her throat and she widely looked at him.

“That’s what I thought.” He shook his head and at her and turned, walking back to the window. “You’re green. You’re just a kid. You’re still wet behind the ears.”

“I’m not. I’ve done a lot of things. I’ve been through a lot.”

“You don’t know shit. Nothing. Trust me. It gets so much worse. Way, way worse.”

“That’s your opinion.”

“That’s the way it is.”

“Just because life has shit on you in unfair ways that doesn’t mean it’s like that for everyone. That’s not a fair assessment to make.”

He turned to her, gesturing wildly with his hands. “My point is I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing with you. What is this? What is that you want?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, why are you here? What are you even doing here with me? You could be anywhere; you could be doing anything. Look at you. You can have anybody you want. What are you wasting your time for?”

“I want to be here with you.”

“You want to be here with a fantasy. This right here…” He pointed at her; then to himself. “This isn’t real. This is show business. You don’t know me. You don’t know a damn thing about me. All you know is what you see and hear about on TV; what you read in magazines. Your whole life probably revolves around Facebook and SnapChat. You just graduated high school. Your life doesn’t have any substance yet. Once the real shit starts, this weekend won’t even be of high significance to you.”

Kristen stood up and faced him, defensively crossing her arms. “Why would you say something like that?” she asked in an injured tone. “That’s not how I feel. This is real for me. What I feel for you is real. How I feel about you is-“

“How you feel about me? What do you know about me? What? Except what I’ve told you. I could be telling you anything. Don’t be so blinded by what you see on that stage that you can’t see the real flawed person I am standing in front of you. Or is that what it is? You’re attracted to the fame. Is that it? You’re here because of who I am? Because of my fame and fortune? Because you want to grab on to it and use it for your own selfish gain like Carmen?”

Kristen squinted at him in disbelief. “Carmen? Your ex-girlfriend?”

“She was in it for what she could get. What about you? You said you wanted to be an actress. Did you look at this weekend as a stepping stone to getting what you want?”

Roman’s crude words cut through her skin like venom. She was so hurt and angry she could hardly breathe. “No! What is wrong with you? Why are you acting like this?”

Roman swore under his breath, walked to the end of the table, and blew the candles out. He walked over to her and moved around her, grabbing her dishes off the table. “Let’s go. I’m taking you home.” He walked out of the room, towards the kitchen.

Kristen started crying so hard she was almost hyperventilating. She didn’t understand what had happened. Where was all of this coming from? Why was he being so mean and hateful? What had she done wrong? Had he found out about Diego?

Kristen’s heart pounded in her chest at the possibility. Fearing the worse, she got herself together, wiped her eyes, and took off to the kitchen. Roman was angrily loading the dishes in the dishwater, slamming them in the compartments so hard he nearly broke them. She was momentarily intimidated by the scowl on his face but felt she needed to question him about what he possibly knew about Diego.

“I kissed him,” she blurted out. Fuck that had come out so wrong. She was supposed to ask him first not willfully confess.

Roman stopped and looked at her, his dreamy eyes dark and narrowed into slits. “What?”

“I kissed him. Diego.”

Roman’s fists tightly clenched at his sides and his jaw became so rigid she feared it’d snap and break. He looked away from her and continued loading the dishwasher. “You don’t owe me an explanation,” he quietly growled.

“There’s nothing going on between me and him.”

He continued throwing dishes in the washer. “I don’t even know why you fucking told me.”

“Because, I… I wanted you to know. I wanted to clear the air out between us so we’d have no secrets going into this. You were honest with me about things so I… I felt I should be honest with you.”

Roman heatedly looked at her. “This? There is no this Kristen. We went out a couple of times, we had fun. That’s it. It stops here. You can see Diego if you want. Date him, kiss him, fuck him; I really don’t give a shit.” He slammed the door shut on the washer, started it, and stormed out of the kitchen, pushing past her. He slammed the stereo in the living-room off with his palm, drowning out the sexy sounds of Usher’s ‘Climax’.

Kristen followed him into the room. “Are you mad?”

“I said I don’t care!”

“Then why are you so angry?”

“I’m just ready to take you home. Are you ready to go? Where’s your purse?”

“I’m not ready to leave.”

“Well, I think it’s for the best.”

“I want to spend more time with you. Whatever is bothering you, whatever I did, let’s talk about it.” Kristen hated how pathetic she sounded but she couldn’t help herself. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for things to get out of hand with Diego. It was a mistake.”

“What are you not hearing about that? I told you I don’t give a fuck!”

Her eyes were full of tears as she looked at him. “You mean you don’t even care? You don’t care about me?”

He put his hands in his pockets and looked her square in the eyes. “No.”

Kristen’s heart shattered. A tear fell from her eye.

He looked away from her, ignoring her tears. “Besides, you got what you wanted,” he bitingly added.

“What do you mean?”

He looked back at her, his eyes blazing with anger. “I mean, you got two Levels for the price of one. You’re just like all the other ones. You’re all out for what you can get. Even Carmen was. You know she hit on Nick and Damian before she got with me? I wasn’t good enough for her at first. I worked my ass off trying to get that girl to notice me. I’m a grown ass man and I fooled myself into believing that what we had was real. She fooled me into thinking that it was. And then what happened? She got pregnant by someone else and kicked my sorry ass to the curb. She had me believing she wanted to marry me and that her baby was mine. She broke my fuckin’ heart, stepped all over it, and walked away without a backwards glance. That taught me one thing: Never trust anyone, especially a woman who lies and says she wants you when she doesn’t. So do I want you? Fuck no. I have no use for you, no more than you have use for me. When you leave, I’ll be a distant but fond memory, and I’ll easily forget I ever met you.”

Kristen’s fists clenched in brutal anger; she glared at him with searing hatred. “You are a disgusting asshole! Fuck you Roman! If you can’t see what I feel for you is real, if none of this has meant anything to you and you think I’m anything like that bitch that hurt you, fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!
Fuck you
!”

Kristen couldn’t hold it back any longer. The tears began falling from her eyes like rain as she doubled over, holding her stomach as she loudly cried.  Something snapped in Roman’s steely resolve and he caved. He ran his fingers through his hair; then grabbed his hair with his hands. He leaned over and placed his hands against his knees, and slowly rocked back and forth. Minutes passed. He stood up and looked at her, his eyes filled with regret as he watched her cry. He briefly hesitated then walked over to console her.

Kristen shoved him away. “Get away from me!”

Roman sorrowfully looked at her; then heavily walked to the other side of the room giving her space. He closed his eyes and put his hands in his face.  “Fuck, I’m sorry,” he gruffly replied as he paced back and forth on the hardwood floor.  Agony filled his eyes as he looked at her. “Gotdamnit, I didn’t mean to…  I’m so sorry Kristen.”

Kristen wiped her runny nose and glared at him. “Fuck you!” she yelled running to the couch to grab her purse.

He started towards her with his hands up in apology. “I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean any of that, I’m sorry. Please don’t go. I’m sorry. Wait.”

He grabbed her arm and she snatched away from him, almost falling down in her heels. “Leave me alone Roman! I’m leaving!”

“Wait, where are you going?”

“Didn’t you tell me to leave? Isn’t that what you want?”

“I didn’t mean that. I swear I didn’t. I just… I’m a jerk, I know that. I didn’t mean any of that. I promise that’s not how I feel about you. Or us.” His shoulders slumped and he put his hands in his back pockets, looking mournful and torn. “Don’t leave,” he whispered. “Please.”

“No! I’m getting the fuck out of here!” she yelled, marching to the door. “I don’t care where I’m going! I just want to get the fuck away from you!”

Kristen swung the door of Roman’s apartment open and fled from his residence, her thick hair swaying crazily behind her as she raced to the elevator.

“Kristen, wait a second!”

“Get the fuck away from me!” she screamed, scrambling away from him as he reached her.

“Wait a second. Just let me explain… Kristen wait!”

Roman’s voice was drowned out as Kristen tore open the door leading to the stairs and sped down them, taking them two at a time, almost tripping again and barreling over in her three inch sandals. But she kept going. She wanted to get as far away from this crazy mother-fucker as she could. This man had problems. He had to be bi-polar and that shit was something serious. He was not what she’d expected him to be. At all. He was more than a disappointment. She should’ve listened to her gut and stayed with Diego. At least he was a gentleman. At least he loved being in her presence. At least she had somewhat of an idea how he felt about her.