Eternally Seduced (34 page)

Your billionaire will be very good at making you cry, in more ways than one.

Arian was shocked. Then her eyes gleamed with smug malice, even though she did her best to hide it by letting out a fake moan of horror. Honestly, I couldn’t, like, care less about her.

          What really, really hurt was the lack of surprise on Constantijin’s face, as if he had wanted this all along.

When neither of them answered, I shrieked again, “What the fuck did you just say to her, Constantijin?”

          His name seemed to be the magic word everyone was waiting for. Doors started opening at the same time, heads bobbing in and out as they tried to not so obviously watch the show.

          Arian shook her head in shame sympathy. “Oh, Yanna, you weren't supposed to--”

Irritated by the mere sound of her voice, I took a deep breath, glanced at Arian, and gave her the finger. I heard choked laughter behind me. Arian started for me, but suddenly Drake was there, gripping her by the shoulders. He whispered something into her ear, and Arian whitened before stalking off.

A chilly mask had slipped over Constantijin’s face. “That was uncalled for, Yanna.”

In the act of giving Drake a grateful smile, I whirled back to Constantijin when I realized what he had just said. “
Did you just, like, side with her
?” Even though my voice was starting to hurt my own ears, I couldn’t stop shrieking. I just couldn’t.

“This is
not
the place.” The look of contempt that accompanied his words hurt.

I knew he was right. Of course I, like, fucking knew that. But let him tell that to my heart – my super bleeding-to-death-heart and, damn them, I wasn’t even exaggerating.

It was a struggle not to cry as I spoke but I managed to keep the tears from falling. “Why did you even have to say t-those words?”

          Constantijin thankfully didn’t try to pretend he had no idea what I was talking about. “It was a fucking joke. And yes, I admit it was a stupid one, but it was a joke.”

"Jokes are half-meant," I cried out.

          Constantijin spat something out in Dutch before saying tiredly, “For pity’s sake, don't start on me with that.”

And that was what did it, that final kick Alyx told me I was in the habit of waiting for before I could make myself…give up.

He sounded
tired
.

He made it sound I was, like, this fucking burden to him and I hadn't even known it. How sad was that? How humiliating? All this time, I had been wrong. I thought he didn’t want me to love him because it made him aware of how much he loved me back, of how much like his dad he could be if he let himself love me.

But it wasn’t like that.

He hadn’t said he loved me because he was exactly like his dad. He was too nice to kick me out, yet I had been too stupid to notice. I kept pushing him until – he felt trapped. By me.

“I’m sorry,” I said dully.

I walked past Constantijin, and I almost stumbled because the pain as I did.

Drake called my name as I reached the doors. “Yanna---”

          Humiliation, complete and excruciating, flayed my entire being when I realized that he had probably heard and saw everything. Stupid Yanna, of course he would have. “Please, Drake," I whispered. "Don’t tell my parents about this.”

          “I won’t.”

          When he started to speak, I shook my head, knowing that he wanted to be my Mr. Fix It again. But it just wasn’t the right time. “I just need to be alone.”

I walked out of the office, the building, the first step to walking out of the fucking mess I had created because I didn’t know when to cut my losses. I started to cry when I reached the bus station, and I cried harder when I got on the bus and realized I had absolutely no money on me. Turning to the guy waiting in line at my back, I sobbed out, “C-could I b-borrow some money? I p-promise to p-pay you---”

He hastily gave me a twenty. “No need to pay me.”

He looked scared of me. Maybe he thought I was crazy, and it made me cry harder for some reason. “T-thanks,” I sniffed as I shakily handed the bus driver my fare.

When I got home, I wanted to burst into tears again.

I didn’t even have keys to Constantijin’s pad either!

Walking back to reception, I sobbed out to the old man behind the counter, “C-could I, like, borrow your spare key to our unit?” God, I was so miserable I was talking like a ditz to
everyone
!

Like the guy at the bus, the concierge was just as quick in giving me his spare set of keys. I guess men were really that allergic to a woman’s tears. Somehow, this thought also made me cry more and I sobbed all the way up the elevator.

It felt good to cry. It really did, and I let it all out when I reached the room Constantijin shared with me. It didn’t feel right at all to call it ours now. After throwing in all the clothes my suitcase could handle, I struggled to zip it closed. The door crashed open just as I dragged it off the bed.

Constantijin appeared unkempt, which was a rare sight. In fact, it was the very first time I saw him like this, like he had run straight into a hurricane to get here. For a moment, I could only stare at him in shock.

Constantijin Kastein was like Martha Stewart – the six-foot-plus gorgeous male version, that is. You just never caught him looking less than perfect. Until now.

“What are you doing?” he asked hoarsely.

Wasn’t it obvious? I wanted to say the words, but I just didn’t have that much energy. What little I had left needed to be expended on getting the handle of my luggage extended.

He crossed the room, reaching out to me with one hand. “Yanna---”

And that was when I lost it.

I slapped him.

Constantijin and I stared at each other, and I didn’t know who was more shocked.

"Oh God, I'm sorry," I whispered, staring at my hands, aghast at what I just did. I slapped him a lot of times before this, but those were...accidental. This one
wasn't
. It wasn’t like me to deliberately slap someone. Flipping someone the finger had been the rudest thing I had done in my life and yet here I was, slapping someone...and actually feeling good about it. This just wasn’t me – and it made me remember the many times I kept thinking how I was never like myself when I was with him.

But not anymore, I thought to myself. Not when it was over between us. The thought almost sent me to my knees.

“I’m sorry,” I said again even as I refocused on yanking the luggage handle out.

"I deserve it." Constantijin's voice was strained.

I pretended not to hear that. He shouldn't be saying that, not after everything.

He reached out for me again. This time I only tried to struggle, but this time he also didn’t let go, forcing me to turn around and look into his bleak silver eyes.

"Just stop---just stop saying I love you," he told me in a raw voice. "We'd go back to how we were in the past, just stop saying it! I don't even get why you have to say it. If you love me, fine. But you don't need to say it. I never asked you to."

My entire body jerked at his words.

Constantijin looked like he wanted to take the words back. "Dammit, I shouldn't have said it like that---"

"No, you said it honestly," I managed to counter dully. I just wanted him to go away right now. I wanted everything to go away and just sleep. "You're right. You never asked me to say the words, but I said them all the same." I swallowed. "But Constantijin, if you didn't like hearing it, why just not tell me directly? Why did you have to try hurting me and driving me away?"

Because maybe---maybe if he had explained then I wouldn't have been so stubborn.

But now it was too late.

Constantijin didn't answer. Instead, all he said was, "Let’s just talk things through---"

"No."

Constantijin's face whitened. "Yanna---" His voice shook. "Don't do this."

"I'm leaving." I said it more for myself.

Just one more time
. Hadn’t I promised that to Alyx?

I gave him another chance, but he had hurt me again. So I had to keep my promise.

          “We’re finished---”

"No!" His voice was so fierce that it made me glance at him in stunned confusion. “You don’t have to leave.” Constantijin made a visible effort to lower his voice, even though agitation was clearly written all over his face.

I shook my head, even more painfully bewildered. What was this? Didn’t he want me to leave all along?

“You shouldn't leave. We'll talk things through. You just don't say 'I love you' and things will---"

I stared at him helplessly. "I can't. I don't like feeling ashamed just because I love y---someone."

He flinched.

          Furiously blinking the tears away, I tried to give my suitcase’s handle another yank, and this time my fingers finally had enough energy to pull it all the way out.

"You can't leave," he gritted out.

I ignored that and walked past him, wheeling my suitcase next to me.

Constantijin gripped my arm. "If you leave this building, I’ll release your fucking naked video on the Internet.”

I let go of the handle in shock. “
What are you saying
?”

He answered grimly, "I mean it, Yanna. You know I still have that video. Imagine what it would do to your parents if they learn about it. If they see it.”

“You can’t be serious!” I tried searching for an ounce of softness in his face, but all I got was a mirthless smile slashing his lips.

"Wanna bet?"

          “Why?” I demanded with a sob. “Why would you even do that? Can’t you see I can’t bear to be with you again?"

          Constantijin flinched at my words, but he said flatly, “I want you to stay here and reconsider."

"I won't change my mind, Constantijin."
Little Miss Granite
, I was tempted to tell him. It was the granite-hard head in me. Once I gave up on something, I just gave it up for good.

          Constantijin’s face had turned even whiter with my words. “Just fucking stay.”

          “It will kill me---”

          “Don’t be melodramatic---”

          “I’m not,” I whispered. “I can’t be this close to you all the time. I just
can’t.
”

          His head whipped to the side as if he was unable to look at me any longer, and that hurt. Still without looking at me, Constantijin said curtly, “Then stay at your apartment. Just don’t fucking leave the building.”

          I left without a word and he didn’t follow me.

          When I entered my pad, I slammed the door shut and almost collapsed against it afterwards, trying to catch my breath because I suddenly felt like my lungs were on fire. I gasped for air, gasped for just a moment of relief from the suffocating pain of heartbreak.

          My knees gave out and I slowly fell to the floor, my entire body trembling. I waited for the tears to come again, but they didn’t. They never did the entire night. I guess I was all cried out.