Read Etiquette and Vitriol Online
Authors: Nicky Silver
TOMMY:
I won't be a waiter forever.
EMMA:
You just don't want me to be happy!
TOMMY:
I have plans.
GRACE:
Thank goodness. What are they?
TOMMY:
I'm thinking of going into law. Or medicine. Or maybe banking.
GRACE:
Mr. Duncan is in banking.
TOMMY:
But what I really want to do is direct.
EMMA:
Tommy's a genius.
TOMMY:
I love the movies.
GRACE:
I never go.
TOMMY:
You're kidding!
GRACE:
Sex and violence, violence and sex. Bare breasts and imitation butter.
TOMMY
(Passionate)
: Have you ever seen
Hiroshima, Mon Amour
?
GRACE:
I missed it.
TOMMY:
I have vision!
EMMA:
Mother. I love Tommy. And I intend to marry him.
GRACE:
I see.
(Pause)
Well, first thing we'll have to do is get you out of that restaurant. It really won't do. Where do you live?
TOMMY:
When I left the orphanage, I took a furnished room on Market Street.
GRACE:
I see.
TOMMY:
But I had to give it up, tips not being what I'd hoped for.
EMMA:
They expect him to wear tight jeans and keep his shirt unbuttoned.
TOMMY
(Ashamed)
: Did you ever see
The Night Porter
?
GRACE:
No. And now?
TOMMY:
I have a lean-to on Lancaster Pike.
GRACE:
Oh.
TOMMY:
It's not bad. It's nice reallyâexcept when it rains.
GRACE:
Hmmmm.
(Pause)
I know! You'll stay here! With us!
TOMMY:
Wellâ
EMMA:
That's a wonderful idea!
TOMMY:
I'm afraid I couldn't do that.
GRACE:
Why not?
TOMMY:
I have my pride.
EMMA:
Tommy!
TOMMY
(Proud)
: Did you ever see
The Grapes of Wrath
?
GRACE:
I'll tell you whatâyou can earn your keep!
TOMMY:
Doing what?
GRACE:
Well, Flo seems to be
in absentia
. You can be the maid!
TOMMY:
I don't knowâ
EMMA
(To Grace)
: You're a genius!
TOMMY:
I don't thinkâ
GRACE:
Perhaps Mr. Duncan could find you something at the bank, but I hate to ask himâhe's been so overwrought lately. If you prove yourself as the maid then he'll have to give you a job!
TOMMY:
Couldn't we justâ
GRACE:
It's settled. You need a job and I need a servant!
TOMMY:
Butâ
GRACE:
No, no! I've decided. And when I decide something I decide it. Now, come along with me and we'll see if that old Flo left any uniforms in her closetâyou'll love the servants' quarters. Pale blue with little ducks on the baseboardâ then you can draw me a bath!
TOMMY:
Emma!
GRACE
(Ushering Tommy off)
: You can have Mondays and every other Sunday off. Unless of course we're entertaining. Can you make Bananas Foster? Flo made a divine Bananas Foster!
TOMMY:
Of course not.
GRACE
(Exiting)
: It's easy! You take several ripe bananas and a bottle of brandy, sauté in butter, halve the bananas, flambé and serve, at once, à la mode.
(Grace and Tommy are gone. Emma goes to her purse and takes a pill. She addresses the audience. As she speaks, Todd enters, unnoticed by her, through the terrace doors.)
EMMA:
I know I shouldn't. But one can't hurt, and dear God, I'm in continual pain. My skin is killing me. I feel as if this weren't my skin at all. It's someone else's skin. It's the skin of a tiny child and it's been stretched over my body. I'm sorry, I'm Emma Duncan. Welcome. I don't mind telling you I'm glad that's over. Mother can be so overbearing. I know she means well. I know she loves me. I know it, I know it, I know it, I know it. But that doesn't make her any easier to take and Tommy doesn't have much self-confidence. But he does have beautiful hair and lips like pudding. Doesn't he? I think I love him very much. I dream about him every nightâ
TODD:
Hello.
EMMA
(Startled)
: What?!
TODD:
I said hello.
EMMA:
Where did you come from?
TODD:
I walked from the train station.
EMMA
(Nervous and afraid of him)
: How did you get in here?
TODD:
I just want to lie down.
EMMA:
I asked you a question!
TODD:
The door was open.
EMMA:
That door is locked!
TODD:
No, it's not.
EMMA:
What do you want?
TODD:
I need a place to live. I need a place to sleep. I've been traveling so long. I've been walking forever.
EMMA:
Don't sit down!
TODD:
Everything's different.
EMMA:
What are you talking about?
TODD:
The furniture's different.
EMMA:
Different from what?
TODD:
The sofa is new.
EMMA:
Do you want money? Is that what you want?
TODD:
I don't want any money.
EMMA:
Why are you staring at me?!
TODD:
You look so different.
EMMA:
Don't come at meâ
TODD:
You look beautiful.
EMMA:
Get out of here!
TODD:
Don't you recognize me?
EMMA:
Just go, please!
TODD:
You don't remember me?
EMMA:
We've never metâ
TODD
(Approaching her)
: Of course we have.
EMMA:
Stay away!
TODD:
Don't be afraid.
EMMA:
Stay where you are!
TODD:
I'm your brother.
EMMA:
I don't have a brother!
TODD:
I've been away a long time.
EMMA:
My stomach hurts.
TODD:
But I'm back.
EMMA:
My skin is too tight.
TODD:
What's wrong with you?
EMMA:
I don't have any brothers or sisters!
TODD:
Look at me!
EMMA:
My father'll be home soon! If you touch me, he'll kill you!
TODD:
Look at me Emma!
EMMA:
He's the chief of police! He's a Nazi! He'll kill you!
TODD
(Grabbing her)
: Think!
EMMA:
Let me go!
TODD:
Remember growing up!
EMMA:
You're hurting me!
TODD:
We played games!
EMMA:
Oh God! You're going to rape me, aren't you! GOD! DADDY! GOD! HELP ME!
TODD:
Think!
(She breaks free.)
Emma!?
EMMA
(Threatening him with a letter opener)
: I don't know who you are, but get out of here or I'll kill you myself! I WILL!
TODD:
I just needed a place to stayâ
(Grace rushes on.)
GRACE:
Emma! What on earth's goingâ
(She sees Todd)
Todd?
TODD:
Mother.
(Grace and Todd embrace.)
EMMA
(To herself)
: There's something wrong with me. There's something very wrong.
GRACE:
Let me look at you!
TODD:
How are you Mother?
GRACE:
Emma, why didn't you tell me your brotherâ
EMMA:
I don't have a brother!!
TODD:
I'm home Mother.
EMMA:
Who is this person?
GRACE:
She forgets things.
EMMA:
I'd remember a brother.
GRACE:
Well, you'd think soâTodd, let me look at you.
EMMA:
What's going on here?
GRACE:
Oh think, Emma. You remember Todd. Think! He went away five years ago to study sculpting?
EMMA:
I don't think so.
GRACE:
Think back. When you were twelve we went to Washington? We had a picnic. We sat on the lawn and ate sandwiches and grapes. You got amebic dysentery.
EMMA:
Who did?
TODD:
When you were ten we all went to London, for Christmas.
GRACE:
We ate lard and salty beans.
TODD:
We walked the bridge in the cold dank mist.
EMMA:
I don't know what anyone's talking about!
GRACE:
She represses.
TODD:
She's lucky.
GRACE:
What an ironic remark. Isn't your brother ironic?
EMMA:
Who?
GRACE:
Skip itâYou look thin. Are you eating?
TODD:
You mean right now?
GRACE:
I meant in general.
TODD:
Oh.
GRACE:
It's wonderful to see you.âHow long can you stay?âYour father'll be thrilled!
TODD:
He will?
GRACE:
He'll be home soon. He's at the bank.
TODD:
On a Sunday?
GRACE:
Is it Sunday?
EMMA
(Out)
: Who are these people!?
GRACE:
I was just saying to Nina Triten how I wish you'd come home for a visit. I was beginning to think you didn't like us. And now, here you are! You're a man! A grown up! Do I look different? I've just lost five pounds. I eat lemon zest and bib lettuce! Prisoners on death row eat better than I!â I've stopped smoking. That was three years ago. When Bunny Witton died of emphysema, I took it for a signâYou look well. Your clothes don't fit and I must admit they're dirty.
TODD:
They're comfortable.
GRACE:
We'll get you some new clothes. We'll go shopping first thing in the morning. Remember how we used to go shopping? You'll need a blazer. I saw a beautiful Byblos at Plage Tahiti.âWhere are my manners!? You must be starved! How did you get here? Would you like a drink?
TODD:
No thank you.
EMMA:
I would.
(Grace rings bell.)
GRACE:
Be honest. I look older, don't I? I shouldn't. I had my eyes done last August, but one's tighter than the other and now everyone thinks I'm winking at them all the timeâI know! We'll have a party! How long can you stay!
TODD:
I don't think that'sâ
GRACE:
It's decided! I have decided. You'll be the guest of honor!
TODD:
I have AIDS.
GRACE
(After a moment)
: We'll have a buffet, that'll be nice. You give me a list of what you'd like. Or we could barbecue. That'd be sweet. I don't have any idea what you like anymore.