Evan's Addiction (78 page)

     God, he was making this extremely difficult.

     Closing my eyes with a worn out sigh I dropped my head onto his
chest, using his shirt to mop up my tears. “You can come in the apartment,
Evan, but I’m going alone into my bedroom, and that’s final.”

     His frame relaxed slightly around mine. “If that’s what I have to
settle for right now.”

     Reluctantly, but purposely, I pushed him away. With a sad sigh he
released me and I unlocked the door, allowing us both to walk in. Unloading my
purse, coat and boots I didn’t waste anytime heading for my bedroom to hide. I
could feel Evan’s heavy gaze following me the whole way.

     When I turned to shut the door I realized it wasn’t only his gaze
that had been following me. The man didn’t comprehend the word ‘
no’
.

     I exhaled a load of emotions and rubbed my face…my still wet face.
“Evan, I told you I need time alone.”

     “I will give you time alone with your thoughts, but I want to hold
you. I could feel you wanting to melt into my arms in the hallway, and that
tells me you need comforting right now. You need me, and I need to be there for
you. I won’t say a word, okay.” His concerned eyes beseeched me to agree with
him.

     My eyes closed remembering the wonderful feel of his arms
surrounding me, but my mind warred against the idea of it because I was used to
dealing with my problems alone. Taking the easy way I didn’t say anything and walked
to my bed to lay down on it. I curled up into an almost ball and wished Rosie
was here so she could snuggle up against my stomach. She always searched me out
to lay with me when needed a cuddle.

     The bed sagged as Evan climbed in behind me. He draped a blanket over
me and then pulled my back snuggly against his front. I remained stiff for as
long as I could but only lasted about twenty seconds before his heat and
strength and comfort had me going limp. I didn’t want to admit it at this
moment but he was way better than Rosie.

     For the past weeks I’d been gradually getting accustomed to him
taking care of me in a way no one else ever had; looking after me while I
healed, calling to make sure I was doing okay, and comforting me during my
night terrors…night terrors that were happening less and less with him lying
next to me in bed, watching over me. I’d been soaking up that attention like a
crack whore going through withdrawal. And thinking about that now made me feel
even more pathetic. 

     “Everything’s going to be okay.” Evan whispered as he stroked my
hair with one hand and my stomach with the other. “I love you, Shaw.”

     My tears had begun to slow to a trickle but his words made them
spill like a rain shower all over again. And then my chest hitched and a sob rose
up, rupturing from my throat. In the next second I was bawling uncontrollably.
Evan turned me and pressed my face into his chest, rubbing my back and shushing
me, while repeating that everything would be all right and that he loved me.

     All I was able to do was hold onto him tightly.

∞                   
∞                    ∞

     I woke slowly feeling all kinds of uncomfortable. My eyes were
gritty, sore and heavy, and my face felt tight. I rubbed at my skin and eyes
but it didn’t take any of the discomfort away.

     “Here, use this.”

     I pried my heavy lids open and blinked in blurry confusion at the
sight of the woman sitting in my computer chair next to my bed, staring down at
me with same eyes as the man I loved.

     “What are you doing here?” I croaked. I lifted up on my elbow and
clutched at my throat. “Uhhgg, did I walk in my sleep and gargle with razor
blades.”

     Jasmine’s lips tilted into a small smile. “Let’s do one problem at
a time. Lay back down so I can put this on your eyes.” She held out what looked
like a wet washcloth.

     I hesitated and she took my decision from me by pushing the
washcloth in my face. I hummed in approval as the cold cloth settled over my
gritty, sore eyes soothing them almost instantly. I pressed down tighter on it.

     “Don’t move. I’ll be right back.” She ordered.

     I wasn’t in any hurry to go anywhere…unless it was my bathroom to
hide out in. She’d probably be like Evan and just follow me in there though. I
heard her get up and leave the room. Mumbled voices reached me from the other
room and I took a guess that it was Evan and his mother talking.

     Why was Evan’s mom here? Did she call looking for Evan and he told
her to come here? Why was she helping me? She hated me.

     The bing of the microwave went off and ten seconds later I heard
her return and shut the door. I lifted the cloth to peek at her. She was
wearing form-fitting designer jeans, a long light blue silky shirt, her hair
was up in a clip so it fell in a spread out ponytail, and her makeup was
flawless. She looked like the model she was; not the mother of a twenty-three
year old.

     She sat back down in the computer chair. “I made you some tea with
honey for your throat. I didn’t make it hot because extreme heat will irritate
the tissue. Why don’t you take a sip and then you can lie back down with the
cold compress.” She held out the cup toward me.

     Still wearing a bemused frown I rose up and took the cup. I sipped
a small bit to test it and then downed the whole thing because I was thirsty
and it felt like heaven on my throat.

     “Thank you.” My throat still sounded froggy, but it at least felt
a little better. I flopped back on the bed and set the cold compress back on my
eyes.

     Maybe she’d go away if I pretended to go back to sleep. I doubt if
she wanted to be here anyway. I still didn’t understand
why
she was
here.

     “To answer your question from before; Evan called me and told me
what happened.”

     I pressed the compress tighter to my eyes. “Great.” I bit out.
“But that doesn’t explain why you’re here. I know you dislike me and this just
adds to the reasons. I’m one big pimple that keeps getting infected; over and
over and over, again. Popping and splattering everyone around me. I’m sure you
want to grab Evan and run before the next one explodes.”

     I was being disgusting and confrontational but I couldn’t restrain
my tongue. I had a shit bar and once it was reached I normally didn’t care how
I came across to anyone. The pope could be sitting next to me and I would have
said the same thing.

     There was quiet for moment and then Jasmine chuckled. “That was
quite descriptive. Evan said there was no one else like you in the world and I
can see why he thinks that.” My heart skipped at Evan’s depiction of me. “But
he also said you had a will of titanium, and I’m not seeing that right now.”

     I sighed. “Too much heat can bend the strongest elements.”

     “The Lord only gives us enough heat to bend us, not break us. And
where did you get this notion that I dislike you?” She asked.

     I lifted the cloth to peek at her, and saw her watching me with a
small frown, but intense interest.

     “Evan got arrested because of me. He could have gotten killed when
he rescued me. He has reporters digging into his life. I’ve caused him to miss
work. He’s spent I don’t know how much money on me using the McKay lawyers to
help me. He’s had nothing but problems since meeting me.” My voice cracked and
I recovered my eyes because they were starting to tear up again. It didn’t feel
good on my already sore eyes.

     Another moment of silence ensued.

     “Well, now you’re just sounding sorry for yourself.” She
announced.

     That had me lifting the cloth again in shock. While sympathy still
filled her eyes, her features were stanch.   

     “If I’d felt sorry for myself when Evan’s father died I would have
ended up putting him up for adoption and missed out on the most amazing life,
and a son that made life worth living. Sure, at the time I thought I was
cursed; pregnant as eighteen, the man I loved was dead, just beginning my
career as a model, and my parents unable to help me because they were barely
putting food on the table for my five younger siblings. I could have gone to
Tim’s parents but I’d never met them and I thought they wouldn’t believe the
baby was his. Tim had a bit of a reputation before me.” Jasmine’s mouth quirked
and her gaze became unfocused. “Two women had already tried to pin him down
with pregnancies that weren’t his.”

     Her gaze came back to me. “The next eight years were difficult. After
Evan was born I did contact Evan’s grandparents and they accepted him after a
paternity test. They offered me money but I would only take it when times
became really dire for me. They loved spending time with Evan so that helped a
lot; especially when I had to go out of town for a modeling shoot. But even
though they were difficult years, and I spent some of it crying and pulling my
hair out in frustration on how unfair it all seemed, I never regretted them,
because Evan was worth it all.”

     Jasmine leaned toward me. “I believe there’s a reason for
everything that happens to us; Tim’s death, my marrying Kyle,” she grimaced, “Dan’s
and my divorce, and then me meeting him.” Her brow twitched blithely, but then
her face turned somberly intent.

     “Shaw, what that woman did twenty years ago was awful, but she did
you a favor because she would have been a horrible mother. Maybe worse than
those foster homes you lived in. What she did today was horrendous and
disgusting, but she was nothing to you but a temporary incubator. It’s natural
to be upset about being deceived, but don’t let what she did make you think
less of yourself.”

     She reached out for my hand and clasped it between hers. I’d
shifted from my reclined position to sitting up against my wall at the head of
my bed.  “She’s the bad person in this scenario. From everything Evan and Dan
say, you are an amazing woman, but maybe you wouldn’t have been if that woman
had done something different in the beginning of your life. You might not be
where you are right now. You and Evan might never have met. From the way Evan
talks about you I think that would have been terrible because you have made
quite an impact in his life.”

     “Evan loves you. He’s in complete misery because you’re upset. While
a lot of things have happened that have had me concerned for him I don’t blame
you or dislike you. I am happy he’s found love with you. Being with you has
changed him in a way that’s good for him. Evan is extremely intelligent, and
let me tell you I have no idea where he got that from…” She shook her head in
what appeared to be humorous self-derisiveness. “But he has been very carefree
with life and relationships. I know he wasn’t certain if he could form a deep
connection with someone else, and I had my own concerns about that as well, but
he’s connected with you. And it sounds like you are just as smart as he is, and
he certainly needs someone who can keep him on his toes.”

     She smiled like she was looking forward to all the years I would
drive him up the wall and all I could do was stare at her in bemused astonishment.
That was a long speech she’d made, revealing many personal aspects of her life,
and it actually strummed something inside me softening some of my pain. And while
I didn’t like it, she’d been right when she said I was feeling sorry for myself.
I wasn’t blind to the fact that other people had lives just as bad as mine and
worse, but I could get in this funk sometimes where I thought mine was going to
be a constant ass-kicking.

     And blood related or not, I knew I was better off without that
woman in my life.

     “She killed a life-long dream.” I wiped at the few tears trickling
from my eyes.

     Jasmine cocked her head with a concerned and curious smile. “What
dream was that?”

     I exhaled a long breath. “A unicorn, a bag of wishes, long talks
while we braided each others hair, and a happily-ever-after.”

     Her smile twisted and she leaned forward brushing some hair off my
forehead. I blinked and flinched back slightly at the unexpected gentle touch. I
thought I saw regret flash in her eyes as she pulled her hand back, but her
warm smile was still in place.

     “I think Evan would go to great lengths to see that all your
wishes came true. He’s smart enough to discover the magical mix of DNA to produce
a unicorn.” Her smile turned teasing. “He’s told me he loves your hair. And
don’t tell him I told you, but when he was little he used to braid my hair.” A
grin tugged at my mouth at that image. “However, a happily-ever-after is more in
your hands than his. You can’t rely on another person to give it to you. But I
do have to say that you have many, many people around you, besides my son, who
care for you and would like to see you reach your happily-ever-after. Myself
included.”

     My throat was clogging up with a surfeit of emotions. She was
being so nice, almost…motherly…to me. “Are you sure you don’t hate me. I was
getting a vibe from you that said you hoped I’d get lost on my way to the
bathroom and never find my way back.”

     One corner of her mouth twisted up and she shook her head. “I
thought I was getting the same vibe. Maybe we both were too nervous to unwind around
to each other.”

     I frowned in incredulity and twisted the drying washcloth in my
hands. “You were nervous around me?” It seemed so implausible.          

     “Evan and Dan speak so highly of you; about how smart you are, and
everything you’ve accomplished in your life. It was a little intimidating; especially
when I learned what you did for me with my ex-husband.” She confessed with a sober
expression. “All I had growing up were my looks. Since I was a little girl
that’s all people said about me. I tried my best to utilize what I had, but it
was a hard road. I’d always wished I had brains rather than looks.”