Even Angels Fall (54 page)

Nathan had suffered a really difficult time in the months after Lucy died and he is apparently still battling to get his head straight. It was always going to be unbelievably tough for him to move on and the others seem to position themselves around him in a protective manner, constantly checking where he is and making sure that he is OK. Abbey doesn’t press for details but it is fairly obvious due to the way they are acting that he must have gone quiet badly off the rails. They all seem to be keeping a close and watchful eye on him. He assures Abbey that he is doing much better now though and he seems to be in good spirits tonight, laughing and joining in with the banter full conversation.

Unsurprisingly, it isn’t long until Abbey’s departure becomes the topic of discussion and she grasps the opportunity to explain her actions, informing them of the various reasons behind why she left in such a cold, abrupt manner. She had been deeply worried that they would be angry and judgemental but to her great relief it soon becomes apparent that she needn’t have felt that way at all. They understand. They know how painful it had become for the whole group and they admit that they always suspected deep down that she would eventually return to her family. Regardless of how much she appreciates their understanding, she is still highly apologetic and makes sure that they all appreciate just how much she has missed them.

It feels like a huge weight has been lifted by putting her cards on the table and talking so openly with them and she has gained a real sense of closure by seeing them tonight. Her guilt has lessened greatly and she is enjoying being back in the fold more than she ever thought she would. But drug taking is still a very obvious part of their lives and Abbey is hyper aware of various substances being continuously passed around the table. She manages to keep herself focused on whoever she is talking to, resisting the urge to look around while ignoring her morbid curiosity. She misses being in that frame of mind like crazy. That absolute high from taking drugs is a sensation like nothing else and she would be lying to herself if she said she didn’t still crave it. But she has come so far recently and her life is firmly back on track again, exactly how it should be. She has absolutely no desire to spiral into old habits and throw all of her hard work away. As the night rolls on and the alcohol flows, more and more drugs will be offered around and handed out in a far less subtle manner. She knows that she can’t stay here much longer with such a strong temptation in front of her, but it’s OK, she has somewhere else she needs to be anyway.

“So are you glad you came?” Liam asks, swigging his pint and throwing his free arm over Abbey’s shoulder.

“I am…” She admits, “It’s been good to catch up with everyone, to say a proper goodbye…”

“A final goodbye…” There is only a hint of a question in Liam’s tone as he already knows the answer. She can’t come back to the group… not now. Her life is different, she is different, and although they mean so much to her and she will always love them, her friends live in a completely different world, one that she can no longer be a part of. There is no going back.

“I’m really glad you came too, mate. And I know you’re little Miss responsible and everything these days, but we had some fucking good times didn’t we? Me, You, Nate and Lucy…? I hope you remember that, I hope you remember the laughs we had, instead of all the bullshit…”

“I will, of course I will…” She smiles and Liam winks at her affectionately.

Abbey pulls out her phone to check the time. It is 6:57pm. She has been here for well over an hour now and has had two glasses of wine, not enough to get her drunk but enough to take the edge off her nerves for her impending date. She had almost forgotten about meeting Matt due to the unexpected turn of events and how her evening has played out, but there is a missed call highlighted on her phone along with a flashing voicemail notification at the top of her screen.

She presses her finger to her ear in an attempt to drown out any background noise and walks slowly away from the booth, through a set of partly opened curtains and into a little area that leads on to the toilets.

‘Hi it’s Matt, I hope you get this before you set off. I’m running a bit late but I will get there as soon as I can. It’ll probably be about 7:45pm, not much after, I’m really sorry. I’ve been looking forward to seeing you all day, Abbey… all week actually. Give me a ring if you need to, but I’ll see you soon anyway. OK… Bye.’

Abbey grins from ear to ear as she saves the message and hangs up. It’s time to make a move but she will finish her drink first before she sets off. It should only take twenty minutes or so to get to Headingley from here and she doesn’t want to arrive too early or appear too keen.

Saying a final goodbye to her friends will be difficult, but it is better than never having the opportunity at all. She wonders idly if she should leave a message for Alex with Gemma or Sophie but what could she possibly say to him through someone else? It wouldn’t seem right and she has no idea how to even begin to explain herself anyway. Her heart sinks and she feels an overwhelming sense of anguish that the one person she won’t get to see is the most important person of all, but she has to accept the inevitable. With a deep, resigned breath, Abbey locks her phone and slides it into her pocket but before she has chance to turn around and head back through to the bar, a quiet, tormented voice speaks softly behind her in an achingly familiar Irish accent.

“I didn’t believe them when they said you were here…” Abbey’s whole body locks into place and her heart lurches in her chest as she lets out a sharp, quiet gasp. She is almost paralysed, unable to turn around and face him as she genuinely doesn’t know what it will do to her. A warm shiver runs slowly down her spine and all her nerves stand on end. She clearly still has the same reaction to his voice and his presence as she always did, “Aren’t you going to look at me…?”

Abbey’s tears instantly threaten, but she just about manages to compose herself before taking three small steps, turning on the spot.

Alex is standing inside the curtains just out of view from the others. They are completely alone, and in the heart-breaking moment their eyes meet Abbey wants nothing more than to run into his arms. Her memory didn’t do him justice; and seeing him standing there with his guarded stance and his reluctant expression, she feels an overwhelming need to comfort him.

She doesn’t know what to say, how to speak, or how to act. The gap between them feels far too wide, strained, and uncomfortable but his body language prevents her from moving any closer. As the silence stretches on they stare at each other across the empty space, searching for answers to unspoken questions. Abbey can barely stand the painful sense of longing that is almost crippling her and the heavy ache in her heart is more than she can handle. She longs to touch him, to kiss him, to hold him again, and all the love that she has been burying for so long comes rushing back to the surface.

“Alex…” She gasps, only just managing to force out his name in a whisper.

“You know I didn’t understand it…” He continues softly, looking down at the floor, “When I woke up that morning and you were gone. I didn’t understand how you could leave me like that…”

“Alex, I…” Abbey tries to speak but her words get caught in her throat and he glances up, his eyes glistening under the dim light that is hanging above them, casting eerie shadows over their unexpected reunion.

“I was so angry…” He continues, “Angry at you for leaving, angry at myself for not doing more and I missed you…” He takes a step forward, reiterating his point by stretching out his hand towards her before quickly snapping it back down at his side, remembering himself, “I missed you so fucking much…”

“I missed you too…” Abbey sobs, stepping forward so that the gap between them grows smaller still, “I never wanted to leave you Alex, you have to know that… but I had to get out. I needed to get myself better, to fix what was broken. It was never you I was walking away from….”

“You just disappeared…” He whispers solemnly.

“Please don’t be angry with me…” Abbey looks away, remorsefully. What a stupid thing to say. Of course he should be angry, he has every right to be, but the thought of him hating her is almost too painful to endure and she wishes more than anything that she could make him understand why she had to leave.

“I’m not angry…” He shakes his head and Abbey’s mouth snaps shut in surprise, “Not anymore. It took me a long time to realise it, but I know you only did what you had to. Things got so dangerous, so out of control. You realised it before I did and you knew something had to change. When you left, it finally made me see how bad things really were and it made me step up…”

“I never wanted to hurt you, Alex; I really hope you believe that…”

“I know…” He nods, and he lets out a short quiet laugh that is littered with sadness as he smiles at Abbey longingly, “We really had something didn’t we…?”

“Yeah we did…” She agrees, smiling back at him through her tears, “And I still… You know, I… I never stopped…” Abbey stutters as she nervously runs her hands through her hair, struggling to find the right words. She knows exactly how she feels about Alex, how she will always feel, but saying it out loud won’t change a thing and that crushing realisation devastates them both.

“I know you had to get out. You tried to tell me but I wouldn’t listen, I didn’t want to hear it. But I get it now…”

“I’m still sorry…”

“You don’t owe me an apology Abbey; you don’t owe me anything…” He frowns angrily and a look of self-loathing flashes across his face.

“That’s not true…” She disagrees, stepping forward and instinctively placing her hand on Alex’s arm. How can he possibly think that? She owes him so much, she owes him everything and he is still so unbelievably important to her. They shared a life together and feelings that intense don’t just go away, “You know that’s not true…” She states firmly again, desperately trying to convince him, and he closes his eyes looking lost and tormented as he lifts his hand and runs it softly through her hair, causing her heart to skip several beats.

“I wish I could have been more for you…” He sighs, resting his head gently against hers.

“I wish I could have stayed…” Abbey responds, and he smiles down at her with a sorrowful acceptance.

“You couldn’t. You never really belonged here Abbey. You mean the fucking world to all of us… but you were never meant for this life. You deserve so much better, I always told you that. You were lost… it just so happened we were the ones who found you…”

“I’m so glad you did… despite everything…” She confesses, and her lip begins to tremble as she knows she has no choice but to say goodbye to the one person she loves more than anyone else in the world, “Promise me you’ll look after yourself?” She pleads.

“I will…” He nods, choking back tears as he takes a deep and calming breath, “You’ll always be my girl you know? Always…” And all Abbey can do is nod back in response as she struggles to bring her crying under control. She knew that this would be painful, but she wasn’t prepared for it to be quite so excruciating.

“I love you…” She whispers and Alex drops his shoulders in despair as those three little words break through the last of his resolve and he gives in to the agony of the moment.

They are so close that Abbey can smell his aftershave and feel the warmth of his breath on her face and neck as he stares down at her. Will this be too painful? Will this hurt too much? She isn’t sure… but she can only agonize about it for a fraction of a second, as he leans in closer still and gently tilts her head back.

“I love you too…” He whispers, before pulling her into a forceful, passionate kiss. Abbey instinctively wraps her arms around his neck and they press their bodies together tightly, grasping and pulling at each other with desperation and grief, completely lost in the moment. Kissing each other, not ‘as though’ it is their very last kiss… but with the painful understanding that it is.

When they finally break apart they stand locked together for a minute or two, unwilling to step back and completely release their hold on one another.

“I have to go…” Abbey whispers, sadly and Alex finally removes his arm from around her waist, causing a hollow emptiness to twist in the pit of her stomach. As he takes hold of her hand, that ever familiar charge of electricity surges through her and she wonders if she will ever feel this strongly about anyone again?

Saying goodbye to her friends only adds to the sadness and sense of loss that she is feeling but she remains incredibly grateful to Liam for bringing her here tonight and for giving her the chance to see them again. She embraces each of them in turn, hugging them tightly as they exchange their emotional farewells. She will never forget them, or the love and friendship they showed her at the loneliest time of her life. They saved her in so many ways.

Alex stands quietly on the side lines, too busy savouring his last few minutes with Abbey to notice the stranger lurking in the shadows by the edge of the bar. He has his hood pulled up with a baseball cap partially obscuring his face and after assessing the scene closely, he turns and sprints through the emergency exit, out onto the street and over to a black 4x4 that is parked up at the side of the road.

“They’re all in there. Matthews, his friends… and his girlfriend too…” The lackey struggles to catch his breath as he dutifully informs Marcus Holt of Alex’s movements.

“Excellent…” Marcus grins, viciously, and he twists his hands around the steering wheel as he stares at the main entrance to the bar, waiting to make his move.

Abbey and Alex climb the last of the narrow stairs and exit Denny’s onto the street outside. It is still relatively quiet and would seem as though the Saturday night revellers have yet to descend onto Leeds city centre, or at least onto Merrion Street.

Abbey faces Alex with a heavy heart and reaches up on her tip toes, kissing him lightly on the lips once more as he smiles down at her.

“I’ll see you around Irish…” She jokes sadly, and Alex shoves his hands in his pockets, shaking his head with a vague smile on his face.