Even When You Lie to Me (29 page)

Lila’s mother always greeted me with a smile. I couldn’t tell whether Lila had told her anything about our fight. “Hi, hon,” she said. “Come on in.”

“Hi,” I said. “Is she in?”

Her mother gestured to the stairs. “She’s in her room.”

“Thanks,” I said, and went up to the second floor. Lila’s door was open and she was lying on her bed with her bulky headphones on. I could hear tinny music leaking from them.

I waved to get her attention, and she looked over and then reluctantly turned off her music.

“Hey,” I said. Our argument felt so long ago that I could barely remember why I’d been angry at her. I sat down on her bed.

“I thought I wasn’t supposed to speak to you ever again.” She played with the headphone cord, not looking up.

“Something happened with Drummond. I have to tell someone or I’ll go crazy.”

She looked up sharply, then away again when she realized she’d betrayed her interest. “I thought maybe something had,” she said.

“What an idiot.”

She readjusted herself on the bed so she was sitting up. “You or him?”

“Both, I guess. Do you think anyone else suspects?”

Lila shook her head. “Nah. I mean, there are always rumors, but I haven’t heard any about you.”

“I’m kind of offended,” I said.

She smiled, but she looked tired. “So what happened?”

“You’re not going to believe me.”

“I will.”

I hesitated. “We almost had sex.”

“Motherfucker!”
She put her hand to her mouth. “Sorry. I just wasn’t expecting that.”

“I told you,” I said. We both started giggling.

“Oh my God, Charlie,” she said, looking horrified and delighted. “Start from the top. Don’t skip anything.”

I told her. When I was finished, she leaned back against the wall and said, “Is it incredibly wrong of me to find this hot?” She laughed. “You are so red right now.”

I hit her. “It’s embarrassing.”

“It’s really not,” she said. She sighed. “All that bullshit about feminism and then he gets it out as soon as he sees an opportunity with his jailbait student.”

“I’m legal now, all right?” I said. “And you’re one to talk. You tried to kiss him.”

“That was months ago,” she said. “I’ve matured. Plus he turned me down.”

I snorted softly. “I know he should have turned me down too. But…”

“Dude, I don’t blame you. I would have done it too.”

“Bet he wouldn’t have fled with shame after he had sex with you,” I said.

“Charlie,” she said. “He was a coward to do that. It wasn’t because of you.”

“I guess,” I said.

“Anyway,” she said, “you made a grown man give up his job for you. That’s power.”

I shook my head. “I don’t want that kind of power. I want something more…I don’t
know…permanent.”

She fiddled with the headphone cord again. “So you haven’t heard from him?”

“No,” I said. “Nothing.”

“He could be in love with you, you know. Pining away tragically.”

My throat tightened. “He isn’t.”

She glanced at me but didn’t press for details. “So was he good?”

I looked at her out of the corner of my eye. “Yes.”

“Yeah, but better than my toothbrush?”

I laughed. “Well, it didn’t vibrate.”

“Shame. They need to fix that.”

We were quiet for a few minutes. It had started to rain outside.

“So, uh, I had something I needed to tell you too,” Lila said.

“You broke up with Jason, didn’t you?”

She laughed. “No, but—I got into Stanford. So probably yes.”

I stared at her. Then I realized I needed to speak. “You’re kidding! That’s amazing!” I said. I wasn’t sure whether she wanted me to hug her, so I put my hand on her shoulder. She looked down at it but didn’t move away. “When did you find out?”

She was trying not to smile. “A few weeks ago.”

“Oh,” I said. I realized how big a gap had opened between us in so little time: she’d been celebrating for weeks and I hadn’t even known. Was that what it would be like from now on? “Well,
congratulations.
Chatham Valley is going to be crushed.”

She smiled. “I’m keeping them as a safety in case this falls through.”

“Lila—” I said. I hugged my knees to my chest. “I’m…”

“I know,” she said. “I am too.”

I laughed. Then I said, “Why are all our fights over guys?”

“Not all of them,” she said. “Sometimes we fought over Asha too.”

“That’s true. You know it’s because women are subjected to—”

“Please don’t try to make a feminist argument when you’ve still got stubble burns from your English teacher on your tits.”

My jaw dropped in mock indignation and I hit her with her pillow. She laughed and pulled me to her, and I let her.

“Your bosom is soft,” I said. “And stubble-burn-free.”

“I use protection.”

“I missed you.”

“I know.”

“Can we please never fight again?”

“As long as you’re able to never be wrong again.”

“Promise.”

After he left,
Truth Bomb
was covered by a rotating cast of substitute teachers. One day when Asha and I walked in, Ms. Anders was sitting behind his desk, rummaging through her bag.

“Hi,” I said. “Are you covering today?”

She looked up, startled. She was still as nervous as a bird. “Oh, hi, Charlotte. I didn’t realize you’d be here. Yes, I’m covering. Though I’m not sure why this activity wasn’t canceled.”

“Ah,” I said. “I think it’s because we haven’t actually produced an issue all year.”

Ms. Anders frowned. “You haven’t produced an issue?”

Asha sat on a table and I slid down next to her. “We were close,” she said, “and then Drummond left and we haven’t been sure what to do.”

Ms. Anders’s frown deepened, folding her forehead up like a concertina. “But why hadn’t you produced any issues up to—” She sighed. “But you kids loved him. Never mind. Where are we, then? Is it just you two?”

Dev and Frank appeared at the door.

“These guys sometimes,” I said, “when there’s food.”

Ms. Anders heaved her bag onto Drummond’s desk. “I think there might be mints in there if you desperately feel the need.”

Frank looked at her bag and then raised his eyebrows at us. Asha shrugged.

“All right,” Ms. Anders said. “Let’s press on. Can one of you show me where you are?” She stood up and moved toward the bank of computers.

We watched her for a minute, no one moving, and then Frank said, “I’ll go. I like brusque women.”

“Thanks, Frank,” I said, and he saluted me as he walked off.

Dev sat down next to Asha without looking at me.

“Don’t get too comfortable,” Ms. Anders said, craning around to look at us. “You’ll need to come help in a minute.”

“Okay,” I said. I turned back to Asha. “I’m failing trig.”

She laughed. “I almost miss Drummond.”

I winced. I hated discussing him, but that was all anyone had wanted to talk about for weeks.

“I definitely miss him,” Dev said.

“I know
you
do,” Asha said. “I still think he got fired.”

“Why would they fire him? What did he do?”

“He never actually finished an issue of the paper. He was relentlessly smug. He didn’t teach us anything we couldn’t have figured out on our own—”

“Okay, okay,” Dev said. He glanced at me and away again. “Don’t cross Asha.”

I smiled at Dev. He’d been different around me ever since my birthday, and I didn’t know how to apologize for how I’d acted.

“I thought you had come around on him,” I said to Asha.

“Well,” she said, “let’s not overstate it.”

“Be grateful,” I said. “If he hadn’t left, you’d have nothing to complain about.”

Asha laughed and hit my hand gently. “I’d find something,” she said.

I glanced up to see Dev watching us. He looked away when I caught his eye. Asha noticed and said, “Him, probably.”

“What?” I asked.

“I’d complain about Dev.”

“You do that anyway,” Dev said.

“True,” she said. “But you give me a sort of focus point.”

He rolled his eyes at me. I grinned.

“I saw that,” Asha said.

“That was the idea,” he said.

I looked at him. He didn’t look away. Asha watched us carefully. Then she smiled.

Ms. Anders kept me behind after everyone else had left. I didn’t think there was any way she could know about me and Drummond, but I was still nervous as she closed the door.

“So, Charlotte,” she said, crossing her legs as she sat down. I noticed there was a run in her stocking that jagged halfway up her thigh like a long skeletal finger and disappeared obscenely into her skirt. The skin underneath was so white it was almost blue. “I know you and Tom were close.”

“Uh,” I said.

“Sorry—Mr. Drummond,” she said. “See? I’ve gotten better about that.”

“I guess,” I said.

“So you know what happened?”

My breath caught. “What?”

“You know why he left?”

“A family emergency?” I said.

“No, I mean specifically,” she said.

“I, um…” I was suddenly sure she knew and was trying to tease it out of me. “No, I don’t think…Do you know?”

“Dr. Crowley said his mother was sick,” she said. “But we’re not supposed to tell the students, so please don’t pass it around.”

“Ah,” I said. It took a few moments for my heartbeat to slow down. “Okay. I won’t.”

“I just wanted you to know in case you were worried,” she said.

“Oh,” I said. “Thank you.”

“I’ve tried to get in touch, but his phone just goes to voice mail,” she said. “No forwarding address either.”

“I’m sure they’ll give you that information eventually,” I said.

“I wouldn’t count on that.”

When I gave her a quizzical look, she said, “They’re hiring someone else permanently for my position next year.”

“Oh,” I said. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” she said. “I just—I just thought I had longer, I guess.”

I didn’t know what to say. “Do you have any plans?”

She shook her head. “We’ll see what happens. Couldn’t be more of an adventure than this year, right?”

“Yeah,” I said. “Right.”

She didn’t say anything. She ran her hand down her thigh and her nails snagged at the tear. “Oh, great,” she said. “Was this there the whole time?” She covered it up with her hand. “Just two more weeks, right?”

“Yep,” I said. “Then we’re free.”