Evenfall (150 page)

"I don't think he thinks of you as an enemy," Boyd said, not wanting Ryan to think Sin hated him. "But, Carhart... How was he messed up?" Ryan shrugged. "Right after he found out that Sin was, well that he was assumed to be dead and that they had no intentions of doing an S&R, he pretty much hit the roof. Honestly I'm not sure if he would have been suspended if it hadn't been for his reaction, like the way he blew up at Jacob. Apparently he went on a total rant pretty much castigating Jacob for everything he's ever done to Hsin, how all he does is use him until there's nothing left and so on... But then after we found out that the entire thing went down wrong, that the mission information had been bad, Jacob really let him have it and told him that the reason Sin was dead was because Zachary sent him off on an assignment with faulty
Intel
and if he has anyone to blame, he should blame himself. I found that part out later after Zachary finally came back to work but while he was on suspension... I don't know. He just totally withdrew. No one heard from him at all-- none of his friends, I tried to get in contact with him hoping he had information about the two of you but it was like he just fell off the face of the Earth. I went to his apartment once towards the end because I began to get worried and he just looked... I don't know. I can't describe it. He just looked strange. But then as usual he came back to work and let himself be consumed by it and since then he's been his usual hard ass self but the whole time Sin was in that coma, I don't know, you could tell he felt this immense guilt over it."

Boyd could understand very well at least a portion of what Carhart had felt during that time. "Connors told me essentially the same thing; it was my fault that it all happened. I was the one who received the faulty information from Thierry, I was the one who made the decision that caused Sin to be in the situation he was in. I was the one who left him alone."

Ryan's eyebrows drew together slightly and his thin lips parted as though he were going to say something more but before the words could leave his mouth, what sounded like the tune from an old Nintendo game began playing loudly and he scowled, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket. With an apologetic look thrown at Boyd, Ryan murmured soft responses into the phone with none of his usual enthusiasm or friendliness and when he hung up, his mouth sank at the corners. "Well, so much for working strictly from home. I have a progress meeting in an hour."

"That sounds exciting," Boyd said mildly. He didn't particularly think Ryan should be running around in the condition he seemed to be in, but on the other hand he couldn't say he minded the interruption. Despite the fact he mentioned what Connors had told him, he could tell from Ryan's expression that he'd wanted to ask details about how it had happened and he didn't really want to talk about it; not yet.

"Not really," Ryan said sourly, disappointment written all over his features. He stood up, shoulders slumping as he brushed his bangs out of his eyes. "Will you come by again?" He asked hopefully.

Boyd raised an eyebrow. "Of course I will," he said, standing up as well. "You can't get rid of me that easily."

Some of the traces of his impending bad mood seemed to disappear slightly and Ryan smiled slightly. "Good."

Boyd studied him then suddenly reached out to ruffle Ryan's hair. "Don't look so serious," he said with a small smile, lightly teasing. "People will begin to mistake you for me and that would be terrible."

Ryan smiled but it lacked his usual enthusiasm. "I think it'd take more than that for them to think I'm you."

"Hmm." Boyd studied him seriously. "You're right," he deadpanned after a moment. "You'd probably have to dye your hair. And then you'd have to deal with blond jokes. Not to mention you would suddenly find yourself the unfortunate son of Vivienne Beaulieu."

The R&D agent chuckled softly and though he still looked more serious and somber than Boyd had ever seen him, at least he appeared to be in a slightly better mood.

"I should go anyway. I have a few things to do today yet and I'd like to finish sooner rather than later."

"Okay," Ryan said, seeming slightly mollified as he walked partially across his apartment to see Boyd out. "I'll see you around, then."

"You will," Boyd agreed firmly and half smiled at him briefly before he turned and walked down the hallway, hearing the door shut and lock behind him.
C
hapter 43

The ticking of the second hand on the clock seemed louder than a jack hammer in the silent room, even with the thunderstorm booming behind the bulletproof glass like horror movie ambiance. The same black clouds that had haunted the sky for several weeks made it seem as though it were closer to midnight than noon, with only lightning to illuminate it every so often. The rain never seemed to stop and although it was pretty miserable weather after the first week, it did provide for filler conversation.

“I heard it’s flooding in Bedford,” Dr. Slate said suddenly, her voice cutting into the silence awkwardly.

“That’s nice.”

Auburn eyebrows rose and she tilted her head to the side. “That’s a poor neighborhood these days. A lot of people lost their homes. Some people would feel sympathy.”

“Some people would.”

Thin fingers folded together and the petite woman shifted in her chair as her brown eyes gazed at him intently. “Are you ready to speak now, Agent Vega?”

Sin shrugged one shoulder languidly and stared back unflinchingly. “Depends on the conversation. While I am willing to trade meaningless comments about the weather because I feel a slight mote of pity for people who feel the need to fill silences with idle chatter, I am unwilling to discuss my assignment with you.”

Dr. Slate’s mouth twitched slightly and it was difficult to tell if she was amused or annoyed by his bluntness; he was going to place his bets on annoyed. “I was given clearance to discuss everything in your case file, Agent Vega. If that’s what you’re worried about.”

“It’s not.”

She frowned fully this time, frustration evident in the tense way she held herself. She was young, probably newly licensed and probably very annoyed that one of her first cases was with Sin, the Monster and the notorious psychiatrist terrorist. “Then what’s the problem?”

Another shrug and he didn’t drop his eyes, knowing the steady, rapt stare was intimidating the poor girl. “You’ve read my case file, yes?” Why did all of these sessions start with this line of questioning?

“Of course,” She replied, appearing offended at the suggestion that she would take him on unprepared.

“Then you will most likely find that I have already been diagnosed with paranoia, antisocial personality, schizophrenia, bipolar, DID… pretty much everything in your little shrink manual. So it’s already established that I am believed to be mentally ill, they just don’t know which specific illness I allegedly have because no one can agree on it, so the fact that I’m being sent to you just because I had a little torture/interrogation session makes no sense to me. Do you know the amount of physical abuse I’ve endured in my life? Do you think this will have affected my mental health any more than any other incident? Do you really think even if you were to write down that I am ‘mentally unfit,’ they’d stop sending me on assignments?”

He quirked an eyebrow but didn’t give her time to respond. “No. Just like all of the other times. So this is a fruitless effort on your part and it’s rather annoying for me to have to sit here. No offense, you’re a lovely girl, but if I have to stare at you any longer and wait for this session to end, I’ll probably do something regrettable.”

“Agent Vega, are you threatening me?” She seemed more than a little alarmed.

“Of course not.” He smirked at her. “But the fact that you jumped to that conclusion shows that you have some biased, preconceived notion about me.”

Dr. Slate’s lips parted, eyebrows drawing together and she shook her head. “No, not a—“

“Nowhere did I imply that I would hurt you. You jumped to that conclusion on your own and because of these opinions you obviously have about me, opinions that are already colored due to outside information that has nothing to do with our interaction, I am afraid that I will have to request a new doctor.” He stood up, pushing his chair back.

“Agent Vega that’s highly unnecess—“

“I’m disappointed in you, Dr. Slate.” And with that being said, he turned around and headed out of her office, ignoring her red face and protests. Highly pleased with himself and his escape from the next forty minutes of sitting there, Sin headed out into the reception area and towards the elevator bank.

There was another meeting in a couple of hours and he was more than a little anxious about it. Not only did it provide him with an excuse to see Boyd, something that had been difficult considering their constant surveillance and his inability to leave the grounds, but he had to admit that he really did want to know more about Thierry and his involvement with their failed mission.

Sin shoved his hands in the pockets of his hooded sweater and distracted himself with thoughts of the previous meeting. It wasn’t until he heard a sigh of annoyance did he realize that someone was also waiting for the down elevator and when he looked over, he saw that it was Ann.

She looked as professional and impeccable as always, dark blonde hair twisted in a knot at the back of her neck and curvaceous figure complimented by the black dress she wore. She was the exact opposite of her twin in every way and the hostile look that she was currently aiming at him made the sentiment all the more apparent; Lydia had always looked at him with a strange, sick desperation in her eyes that had made even him uncomfortable.

“It’s you,” Ann said flatly, bristling. “Wonderful.”

He opened his mouth to say something sarcastic, hurtful but then for some reason her narrowed hazel gaze made him stiffen and grow cold. For some reason it made him think of an identical pair of eyes that had stared at him in terror, and it suddenly felt like all of the air had just been sucked out of the room.

Sin stared at her blankly, silently, and as a horrifying train of repressed memories flew through his mind, an overwhelming sense of guilt came crashing down on his shoulders like a four hundred pound barbell and it was all he could not to just turn around and walk away. Because he couldn’t look at her; not when his mind was choosing this moment to show him what he’d done to her sister.

So the moment stretched awkwardly and finally he controlled his thoughts, his sudden paralysis and averted his gaze abruptly. “Sorry.” It came out in a low mutter and he stared straight ahead at the metal doors, at their distorted reflections, and tried to ignore the way her eyes remained trained on him. He didn’t know if he was apologizing because he’d hurt her twin or because she had to be in his presence but he suspected it was for both.

Ann seemed confused at first, surprised, and even slightly curious but she only crossed her arms over her chest and arched an eyebrow at him. “I thought you were dead or brain damaged or useless or something.”

He shrugged, still staring at the elevator, saying nothing.

There was another brief silence and to his frustration, she wouldn’t turn away. “So they’ve decided to throw away another psychiatrist by sticking them with you? Have any grand plots as to how you’re going to turn this one into a catatonic basket case or do you come up with that stuff on the spur of a moment?”

Her tone was anything but serious and if anything, it seemed to him that she was just trying to see if she could get him to react in some way; it usually didn’t take much. But her words didn’t give her the reaction she’d expected and his back stiffened, hands tightening into fists and he grit his teeth together, trying to ignore the---

“I just wanted to hel—Please do—God, don’t!”

Sin’s green eyes snapped shut abruptly as he tried to block out the phantom voice, tried to block out what he was seeing and it was only when the elevator suddenly dinged, did he open his eyes, effectively pushing everything to the back of his mind where it belonged.

“Just go,” he said flatly. “I’ll wait for another one.”

He still didn’t look in her direction but she nodded shortly, seemed mildly intrigued by his reactions and continued to stare directly into his face until the doors closed between them. Once she was gone, he deflated and took a deep, shaky breath, jamming his thumb against the down button again as he chastised himself vehemently for showing such outward displays of distress.

But he couldn’t help it and it wasn’t the first time it’d happened since he’d emerged. Ever since that evening when he’d opened his eyes, flashbacks constantly assaulted him out of the blue, haunted his dreams, and although he’d tried to make himself accustomed to it over the weeks, it was still startling. Everything was still choppy and in brief, slightly incoherent fragments and he was thankful for that; some things were better left in the dark parts of his brain and the Lydia incident was one of them. He’d always felt guilt over what had happened but just then… it’d been more powerful than ever and having her twin stand there and stare at him had only made it worse.

The elevator arrived, shaking him out of his reverie, and he tried to ignore his racing heart and the way his forehead had broken out with a cold sweat. His previous amusement had faded entirely and he walked silently, stiffly, to the conference room after getting out of the elevator on the seventh floor.

He was more than a little early but at the moment, he didn’t care. He needed to get himself together before the meeting and sometimes being alone in his apartment only made the situation worse.