Ever the Same (14 page)

“Fuck!” Audie grabbed his hand. “Do it again.”

Dixon did, rubbing his fingertips back and forth, feeling how Audie jumped at the rasp and pull. He could play this particular song for hours, given the chance. Audie probably wouldn’t last that long, but Dixon knew he could touch for hours, could listen to the sounds Audie made.

“God, Dix. You look like…. No one’s ever looked at me like that.”

He chuckled, knowing what Audie meant, but still finding a bit of irony in the idea that he was looking at anything. “You’re hotter than the hinges of hell, man. Who wouldn’t look at you that way?”

“A lot of people. Pretty much everyone.” Now it was Audie’s turn for a breathless laugh.

Dixon let his fingers spread over Audie’s thighs, splaying out, the crisp hair underneath his palms fascinating. Much rougher here than on Audie’s belly or even his chest, and when he rubbed back and forth, he could tell this didn’t tickle. This caused Audie to gasp, to rock.

“Love the way you smell. Makes me a little high.” Dixon thought it was important to note that.

“Yeah? I smell like Old Spice.” Audie was so completely unaware of his appeal, and it never felt false. “I like you. Kinda earthy, like uh, sandalwood, right?”

“Yeah. It’s my favorite soap.” He leaned in, nuzzled again, letting his tongue drag over Audie’s skin.

“Oh. Oh, do that again.” Audie threaded a hand into his hair, tugging him closer still.

He licked, exploring every inch that he could reach, letting Audie guide him. Audie moved against him, undulating in an incredibly sexy dance. Husky moans filled the air as he tasted and he lingered over the hot spots.

Audie explored him too, his back and chest, tracing his ink over and over. When Audie dipped below his waist, he grunted, his cock jerking like mad.

“Oh, you’re needing, babe. So hard for me.” Audie sounded damn near shocked.

“You’re here, touching me, letting me touch you. I want you.” He didn’t mind repeating it.

Audie’s fingers cupped his balls, rolling them in their sac and his head lifted, his throat working. Fuck, yes. He spread his thighs, rising up against the pressure of Audie’s touch, his belly tight down low where it met his pelvis.

When Audie touched the strip of skin behind his balls, one leg drew up, exposing him more. He craved that contact, loved how it made goose bumps rise on his skin. Audie stroked that spot again, then let his short nails drag over it.

Dixon curled up a little, the motion instinctive. Oh fuck, that felt amazing, like his body was trying to shake apart from the inside out.

“I want to touch, Dix.”

“Touch. I won’t break. There’s a little slick in the drawer in the headboard.”

“Oh cool.” Audie pulled away for a moment, and a flash of disappointment rolled through him. Those fingers were back in no time, though, slick and cool, sliding back past his balls.

He stayed spread and open, knowing that Audie hadn’t had the luxury of exploration, of time. One finger pushed into him a tiny bit, Audie testing him, letting him adjust, but the sensation felt more like a tease.

He let his hips roll down, riding Audie’s touch, nice and easy.

“This is okay?” Audie moved with him in counterpoint, pushing in, pulling back.

“God, yes. Yes, I want it.”

“Oh good. You’re so damned hot inside.” Audie sounded awed.

The touches stayed steady, arousing and not near enough to satisfy him. He pushed back, opening up.

“Harder, Audie. More. I can take more.”

Audie added another finger and he didn’t hold back, moaning and letting Audie know he liked it. Making these happy noises, Audie opened him up, exploring him deep inside.

When those fingers curled, barely brushing his gland, he threw his head back. “Yes.”

“Good. That rocks. Yeah? You look like a movie, I swear.”

“Good… it’s better than good. Perfect.”

“I love how tight your muscles are. You’re amazing.” Audie gave him three fingers with more lube then, his instincts right on the money.

“Oh, you’re a natural. A natural, Audie. Please. Don’t stop.”

“No. No, not gonna stop. I swear.” And he didn’t. Audie finger-fucked him until he wanted to scream, wanted to beg for more.

“Audie. Audie, you want in? Please? I got rubbers.”

“I do. Oh God, let me. I need to breathe a minute or I’ll come.”

Dixon nodded, laughing, and that made his ass clench around Audie, who moaned.

“Okay, I need my hand to put on a condom.”

“I’ll help.” He reached up, finding a line of rubbers in the same drawer the lube had come from.

“Thanks.” Audie tugged free, then helped him open the condom and smooth it on Audie’s cock with no more than a few fumbles. “Oh God. Dix. You make me a little stupid.”

“That’s what good sex is meant to do, honey. Now, come on.” He tugged the sheathed cock, pulling Audie back between his legs.

He rubbed the tip of Audie’s cock against his hole, then took him in, slow and easy.

“Oh God.” Audie sounded strained, as if he was barely holding on.

Dixon strained to see Audie, to see anything. He felt the way Audie’s heart beat when he put a hand on Audie’s chest, and the heat of Audie’s skin told him how ready the man was to get moving. Audie’s fingers brushed against his eyelids, closing his eyes.

“Sorry.” He knew it had to be freaky.

“No, you’re pushing, though. Trying too hard to see. You’ll get a headache.”

“Oh.” Oh God. So good to him.

“Shh.” Audie kissed his eyelids, his forehead.

He nodded and focused on that sweet cock, on the way Audie filled him. He bore down, his breath catching when Audie bucked against him.

They found themselves a rhythm, something in three-quarter time. Audie had good instincts, and a great sense of meter. He moaned, the sound captured in their kiss. Audie chuckled, a soft, happy puff of sound.

He wrapped one hand around Audie’s hip, tugged him deeper. They moved faster, got their skin slapping together. His body started to burn, his ass aching deliciously. He panted, his cock sliding on Audie’s belly when Audie leaned in to kiss him. Oh damn. Damn. He was close to losing it, unable to keep it together, and his sloppy kiss proved that.

Audie moaned against his mouth. “Can’t hold it much longer, man.”

“Uh-huh.” Please. Please, come on. He grabbed his cock and tugged, hard.

“Oh God, I feel that.” Audie jerked against him, their bodies rubbing from chest to pelvis, that cock inside him dancing when Audie shot.

His orgasm followed, right on the heels of Audie’s, his balls aching as he shot. Hell, he felt like his teeth rattled, he came so hard, drawing another set of moans from Audie.

“Wow.” He licked his lips, his head gone all goosenecked on the pillow.

“Uh.” Audie slumped down on him, holding him close, chest thumping with his heartbeat.

It was a treasure, to have this, to be so close. He stroked Audie’s back, tracing patterns, feeling the dampness of sweat. It fascinated him, the way the muscles felt, worked together.

“Thanks.” Audie snorted. “That sounds weird, huh?”

“No. No, it’s good.” It was all good.

“Yeah. You’re special. Dix. I don’t think you know how much.”

“I’m just a guy.” Just a blind guy.

“Well, right now, you’re my guy.” Audie kissed him, and Dixon thought he liked the sound of that.

“Your guy, and we have cookies.”

“And milk too.” Audie gave him one more kiss before easing off him, rolling to one side. “You want a cookie now?”

“Yeah. Yeah.” He sat up, loving the twinge his body gave him.

“I’ll get them.” Audie rose, and the glasses clinked with a plate, Audie making a sharp sound that said he almost dropped something.

“You okay?” He looked over, fighting to see.

“Uh-huh. Just tried to carry too much. You made me shaky.” The bed dipped when Audie sat. “Here’s your milk, man.”

“Thank you.” The cold had gone off on it. Blah.

“You want me to go get new? I can check on Randi.”

“Do you mind? I hate warm milk.”

It wasn’t until Audie left the room that he realized he hadn’t asked Audie to do it. Audie was getting scary good at reading his face. He was at a disadvantage there.

He heard Audie’s footsteps pause at Randi’s door, and then Audie chuckled.

As soon as he heard Audie enter the room, he asked, “What’s funny?”

“She’s sleeping like an inchworm, butt in the air.”

“Oh God. Momma has a picture somewhere of me doing that.”

“No kidding? I might have to ask to see it someday.” Audie pressed a cold glass of milk into his hand.

“Thank you.” God, he drank deep, trying not to think about all the things he couldn’t see again. His mind refused to cooperate, because it skittered on and showed him all the things he never would see: Randi at prom, graduation, her wedding. Then again, he would get to be there and Ron wouldn’t. One hand covered his, squeezed, bringing him back.

“You okay?” Audie asked, settling hip to hip with him. “Have a cookie, huh?”

“I am. Just… have a lot of time in my own head.”

“I bet you get so bored, huh?”

“God, you have no idea. I sit and listen to the TV for hours. That’s it.”

“Well, we need to figure out other shit. Audio books? Voice-activated software?”

“I wasn’t that computer literate before, but I’ve got to learn.”

“You do. I know a lady at the library. Marie Danes. She can help with that.”

“I feel like an idiot, you know? I used to be….” Something.

“It’s just about learning. You’re real smart, babe.”

He hadn’t been, though. He’d been the artsy one, the wild one, the pretty one. Ron had been the one who knew all the things. Ron had been clever and wealthy and experienced.

He grinned. Well, Audie sure wasn’t any of those things.

Audie made him smile.

“That’s better.” Audie rubbed arms with him, careful not to jostle.

“Yeah?” He ate his cookie, then finished his milk. “I’ve just got too much time on my hands.”

“We’ll work on it, huh?” Audie leaned some. “The kids are out of school now, so maybe you and Randi can come over to the ranch a couple days a week.”

“I’d like that.” There would be no way. He’d just be in the way.

“I’ll take you out riding. It’s great exercise, good for balance.”

“Me? Is that possible?”

“Yeah. I mean, I’ll be there, and to begin with, I’ll short-lead you, but I’ve been reading up.”

Oh. Now that was dear as could be. He reached out to set his glass on the night table so he could reach around to hug Audie.

“Well, hey honey.” Audie sounded surprised as hell.

“Hey. Thank you for thinking of me.” Dixon needed to say it.

He could feel Audie’s skin heating against him, the man’s flush making its way all the way down his chest. “You’re welcome.”

God, this was a good, good man. Like a dangerously decent human being. It was a little scary. He could fall hard, and look where that had gotten him with Ron. Not that he would trade their time for anything. Even his sight.

“You need to get out of here a little bit, get out of your head.”

That was easier said than done. “I know.”

“Well, let me help, then. Hey, you know what we ought to do?” Audie sounded so tickled all of a sudden.

“What?” He was curious in spite of himself.

“We should go to the lake. Go camping or something. Or hell, we could run down to the beach.”

“We had a pool at our place in Austin. I loved it.” He’d had Randi in the water before she was crawling.

“Good deal. Grainger loves to swim too.”

“Can you watch them both? I mean, that doesn’t seem fair to you.”

“Oh, hey, it’s not all that different than watching one.” Audie stroked his back, chin on his shoulder. “And Randi is hyperaware of you.”

“Is she?” He didn’t feel that way, but he spent his time focused on her.

“She can be, yeah. She watches you a lot.” Audie patted his skin just above his butt. “I don’t mean in a bad way, like she’s worried. She knows how hard it is for you, though.”

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s been a learning curve.” And how much did he suck, making her help him out?

“No shit. I can’t imagine.” Audie never made him feel guilty, though, acting like his responses were normal as every day.

“Weirdly enough, neither can I.”

Audie nodded; he felt it against his skin. “I’m sorry, babe. I hate it for you.”

He just had to make it twelve years. Twelve years. Then Randi would be grown. That was all he had to wait for, and then he could…. Well, he’d figure something out.

“Think about it,” Audie murmured. “The beach, I mean. The lake. Whatever.”

“I will. I bet Randi would love to go somewhere new.”

“Yeah. She has no idea what all there is to do, huh?”

“No. No, she’s an Austin girl, still.”

“Tell me about Austin.” They lay back together, the bed pillows cool compared to Audie’s heat.

“I loved it. It had the hills, the capitol. There was a life to it, you know? All the kids at UT come in, and you know it’s football season. It’s the most beautiful place in the spring—bluebonnets and Indian paintbrush….”

And he was never going to see it again.

Never.

Audie held him, held on tight when he couldn’t finish or pick up the trail of his thoughts again. If a few tears escaped, well, Audie never said anything about that, either.

“I’m sorry. I swear to you, I’m not a fucking basket case.”

“I never thought you were.” Audie took his hands, brought them up between them to rest them on his chest. “I got you.”

“I keep waiting for something to happen, you know?” He was living in his mom’s house and waiting to die.

“Well, we need to start making things.”

“Are you real?” He grinned. Audie was threatening to give him hope.

“I try to be, for sure. I’m sure I’ll piss you off at some point. I have a knack.”

“Yeah? Ron used to say….” He trailed off. “Is that awful? To talk about him?”

“No. He was part of your life. Would I have liked him?”

“I think so. He was smart—I mean, wickedly smart—and I was a little overwhelmed at first. I loved how he smiled. You know, he was the last thing I saw? His body.”