Every Day a Friday: How to Be Happier 7 Days a Week (27 page)

Those words have healing power. But when somebody is rude to you, it’s easy to respond the same way. Instead of judging that person, if you first step into his or her shoes, it will help you put on the right set of eyes: eyes of love and not of judgment.

This doesn’t mean you are excusing the person’s behavior. What they are doing may be wrong. It may be their fault. They may have brought the trouble on themselves. But I’ve learned I’m not the judge. God is the Judge. I’m not here to straighten everybody out. I’m here to help bring healing.

Our job is to pour the healing oil on the wounds. Our job is to lift the fallen, to be a friend to the lonely, to encourage the discouraged. When you take this merciful approach, instead of giving them what they deserve, you start the healing process. You say, “I understand. They’re not having a good day. I understand they’re under a lot of stress. I understand life is not treating them fairly.”

There was an older farmer who had puppies for sale so he put a sign on his fence. A boy about eight years old from across the road came over and said he wanted to buy a puppy. He then pulled out a pocketful of change and said, “I’ve got thirty-nine cents; is that enough?”

The farmer laughed. “I don’t know,” he said. “Let me count it.”

He counted coin by coin. “That’s exactly the right amount,” he told the boy.

He called to his farmhand and told him to let out the puppies. Four of
the cutest little fur balls you could imagine came scurrying toward the little boy. He reached down and played with them, trying to figure out which one he wanted to buy.

Then he looked up and saw that a smaller pup was just coming down the ramp from the puppy cage in the barn. There was something wrong with this puppy’s back legs. It tried to run, but the best it could do was hobble along.

The little boy was immediately drawn to it. Without hesitation he said to the farmer, “That’s the puppy I want.”

The farmer was puzzled. He said, “No, son. You don’t want this puppy. It will never be able to run and play like the rest of the litter. There is something wrong with its back legs.”

The little boy reached down and rolled up the legs of his jeans to reveal steel braces on his legs. For the first time, the farmer noticed he wore specially made shoes.

He said to the farmer, “You see, I don’t run well either. This puppy needs someone who understands it.”

This world is full of people who need to be understood. We don’t know what others are going through. We don’t know the hurt or the pain they have endured. They may be different and have hang-ups and do things we wouldn’t do, but that’s okay. Give them a little room.

If you took time to know their stories, you wouldn’t be critical. If you would first attempt to walk in their shoes, you would find out why they are the way they are.

The puppy story reminds me of the dancing man who attended my father’s church when I was growing up. This member of the congregation was in his thirties, and he was always dancing during the service. As soon as the music began, he’d be up on his feet, hands in the air, dancing without inhibition.

I was ten years old or so and I’d sit with my friends making fun of the dancing man. We just thought he was so odd. We would even look for him before the service so we’d know where to get a good view of him
dancing. We’d do a play-by-play when the music started. “There go his hands! There go his legs!”

We just couldn’t understand why he was always so excited, why he was dancing. My father, being the man he was, called the dancing man up on the platform one Sunday and asked him to tell his story.

You can believe our young ears were tuned in. Finally, we were to find out what made him so strange, why he danced all the time in church. Our attitudes, and our perspectives, changed as he spoke.

He explained that he’d never known his father and that his mother committed suicide at an early age. He’d grown up angry and bitter, with no direction and no purpose.

He’d always felt lost and alone until he’d found Lakewood Church, he said. In our church, he’d felt a sense of belonging for the first time. He felt loved and supported. That encouragement helped him turn his life around. He found a good job and married a woman who loved him. My father’s church gave him the foundation that his life had lacked, something he could build upon and draw strength from.

“When I think about all God has done for me, I just can’t be still. My arms go up in the air,” he said. “When the music starts, my legs just go to dancing. I’m so happy I’ve just got to give God praise.”

When my friends and I heard his story we felt about two inches tall. We never made fun of him again. We learned that when you imagine walking in somebody’s shoes, when you hear their entire story, you gain a new and deeper perspective.

Could it be the person you’ve been judgmental toward has a good reason for the way he is? Maybe he has an addiction. You’re tempted to write him off, to be critical, but have you imagined walking in his shoes? Do you know how he was raised? Do you know what battles he has fought?

Most of the time we don’t know all the facts about the people we judge and criticize. Even if they are in the wrong, God did not put us here to condemn them. They need our mercy, our forgiveness, and our understanding to get back on the right track. Being hard and critical doesn’t
bring healing. We aren’t lifting people up. We just push them further down.

In dealing with thousands of people over the years, one thing I can tell you is that 99.9 percent are not bad people. They may make poor choices, but deep down they have good hearts. Most want to do what’s right. If you will just see them through eyes of love, you could be one of those to help them come up higher and still fulfill their God-given destinies.

The longer I live, the less judgmental I become. I had a man tell me after the service awhile back, “Joel, that was a hell of a sermon today.”

Do you know that didn’t offend me? I thought the sermon was good, too! His choice of words just told me he wasn’t raised the way I was. The way I grew up, if you said “hell,” that meant you were going there. But I found out that his parents owned bars. So when I grew up as a little boy hanging out in the church, he was hanging out in the bars.

I’m not holier than thou. I know if it were not for the grace of God, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

If a girl with a bad reputation walks into my church, my feeling is that I would rather her come to Lakewood than be out on the street or in a club somewhere. Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick” (Luke 5:31
NIV
). Our churches should not be museums to display perfect people. They should be hospitals to help the hurting and the lonely.

Before you judge that young lady or anyone else, let me ask, “Have you walked in her shoes? Do you know her story? Did she have good parents who gave her wisdom and guidance? Did they make her feel valuable and loved, or was she taken advantage of? Have you tried to see life from her perspective?”

Give people a little room while they’re in the process of changing. Maybe the girl who walks into my church is trying to turn her life around.
Maybe God put that co-worker next to you not so you could judge him, but so you could help love him back into wholeness.

Your attitude should be,
God, how can I help this person come up higher? What can I do to inspire them to become better? How can I make them feel more loved, more accepted, more valuable, more secure?

The closest thing to the heart of God is helping hurting people. The amount of love, mercy, understanding, and compassion you give to others will be given back to you by God.

Romans 15:1 says, “We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak” (
NIV
). You will have to put up with flaws and overlook faults. You have to make allowances for the weaknesses of others. Bottom line is this: Be generous with your mercy. Show acceptance to everyone, not just those who are like you.

Bill was a college student known for his wild hair and sloppy dress. Every day he wore the same T-shirt with holes, blue jeans, and sandals. He didn’t care to dress well, but he was a very sharp young man, a straight-A student. He was just a little different.

One day he went to a campus ministry event. His heart was touched, and Bill gave his life to Christ. The campus ministry encouraged him to get into a good church. There just happened to be one across the street from the university campus. This was a small and very formal church, very conservative, and members of the congregation dressed up for services.

You can imagine what they thought when Bill walked in late for a service the first time. The little church was packed and he couldn’t find a seat. He walked down the center aisle toward the platform. He was wearing his usual tattered old T-shirt, blue jeans, and sandals. He went row by row and couldn’t find a seat.

Finally Bill reached the front row, and found there still was no place to sit, so he plopped down right on the floor in the center of the altar area. He wasn’t trying to be disrespectful. He just didn’t know any better. He was acting as if the church were a college classroom with no seats.

About that time the head deacon came up from the back of the church and walked down toward Bill. This deacon was in his eighties, a very distinguished gentleman, silver hair, glasses, wearing a very expensive suit.
He walked slowly down the aisle with his cane. There was such a commotion that the minister had to stop his sermon and wait for the head deacon to reach the front.

Everyone was thinking that he was planning to ask the strange young man to find another seat or leave the church. The expectation was that the disciplined eighty-year-old man would have little understanding of the ways of an undisciplined young college student.

Imagine their surprise when the head deacon stopped next to wild Bill, laid his cane down beside him, and with great difficulty lowered himself to the floor and sat next to him so he wouldn’t have to sit there all alone.

At the sight of the two of them sitting side by side on the altar, the whole church erupted in applause. The minister said, “The sermon you hear me speak today is one you’ll remember maybe for a week or two, but the sermon you just saw will be remembered for the rest of your lives!”

When you see people through eyes of love, eyes of compassion, and eyes of understanding, you won’t be nearly as critical. Instead of being quick to judge, you will be quick to give people the benefit of the doubt. That deacon realized,
Bill wasn’t raised like me. He doesn’t come from my same background. He didn’t come out of my same value system.
Once he imagined stepping into Bill’s shoes, he understood where he was coming from.

Teddy was a fifth grader struggling in school. He wouldn’t participate. He was moody and hard to deal with. His teacher, Ms. Thompson, always said that she loved all of her students, but later she would admit that she hadn’t cared for Teddy at first. She couldn’t understand why he was so unmotivated and unwilling to learn.

At Christmas the students brought Ms. Thompson presents that she would open in front of the class. Most were wrapped in fancy holiday paper with sparkling bows, but Teddy’s present was wrapped in brown paper from a grocery bag. When she opened it up, out fell a very plain-looking bracelet that had half the rhinestones missing, plus a bottle of cheap perfume, half of which was gone.

Some of the students giggled at Teddy’s present, but Ms. Thompson hushed them and acted pleased, dabbing on some of the perfume and placing the bracelet around her wrist. She then held it up and said, “Oh, it’s so beautiful.”

After class Teddy came up to the teacher and said very quietly, “Ms. Thompson, that bracelet looks as beautiful on you as it did on my mother. And with that perfume you smell just like she did.”

After Teddy left, Ms. Thompson rushed to the files to find out more about his family. She found the paperwork. It read: “First grade: Teddy shows promise but has very poor home situation. Second grade: Teddy could do better but mother is seriously ill. Third grade: Teddy is a good boy but distracted. Mother died this year. Fourth grade: Teddy is a slow learner. Father shows no sign of interest in him.”

After reading the reports, Ms. Thompson wiped away the tears and said, “God, please forgive me.”

The next morning when the students went to class they had a new teacher. You see, Ms. Thompson had become a new person. She exchanged her critical eyes for the eyes of love. She’d come to understand why Teddy was so distracted and unmotivated.

She made the boy her personal project, showing him love and encouragement, tutoring and mentoring him. The empathy and acceptance of Ms. Thompson changed the course of Teddy’s life. Years after he’d moved on to high school, the teacher received a letter from her former student Teddy.

“Ms. Thompson, thank you for all you did for me in grade school. I’m about to graduate from high school second in my class.”

Four years later, another letter: “Ms. Thompson, thanks again for all of your encouragement years ago. I’m about to graduate from college first in my class.”

Then came one final letter: “Ms. Thompson, thank you. I am now Dr. Teddy. I just graduated from medical school. Also, I’m about to be married and I wanted to see if you would come to the wedding. I’d like to seat you where my mother would have been if she were still alive.”

What a difference it makes in your happiness and the joy of others when you take time to hear the stories of others. It’s easy to be critical. It’s
easy to write people off. But I’m convinced, like Ms. Thompson, if you will make an effort to find out what they’re all about, it will be a lot easier to show mercy.