Every Day After (19 page)

I bounded up the front steps two by two, let my
suitcase drop to the porch with a bang, and jerked open the screen door. It creaked loudly in protest. I was gasping, trying to catch my breath, but fear didn’t seem to care. It wrapped cold, strangling fingers around my neck and whispered ever so calmly that I was kidding myself. There was a good chance that Ben and his mother had already gone. And after our fight two days back, there was also a mighty good chance that Ben wouldn’t want to see me even if they hadn’t.

I looked at the darkened windows and listened for any sound of remaining life coming from inside. Nothing. I closed my eyes and gripped my slingshot, taking in deep breaths of the familiar scents around me—the warm wood of the house, the clean Christmasy scent of the pines, the sweetness of Mrs. Butler’s gardenias. I raised my hand and knocked my usual
tap-t-t-tap
. The wooden door was rough and splintery against my knuckles. Painful silence drifted through the air. I squeezed my slingshot and tried once more, for myself. Not in Daddy’s
tap-t-t-tap
but in a new knock, a knock only I could knock.

For a moment I thought I heard the faint popping of Ben’s slingshot. Then the sound faded … and the door opened.

Ben stood in front of me. He studied me for a second with a question in his eyes, but he didn’t ask it. There was no smile, no hint that he was happy to see me. I brushed the sweat off my face with my forearm and wiped it on my shirt. For once, I was unsure of what to say. I might as
well have been a newborn, not able to talk, not able to say how I felt. It felt like I was seeing him for the first time. But if I was, I could start over. I could be the friend he needed instead of being the friend he was stuck with. I could care about him like I always should’ve, but never did.

Then, just like that, words came rushing back, and I knew what to say. Words I should’ve said a long time ago. “Are you all right?”

“You want the truth?” he asked.

I nodded, even though I knew the truth. I’d always known; I’d just been too concerned with myself to care.

Ben stepped out onto the porch and closed the door behind him. “I know I ain’t perfect, and I don’t pretend to be. But sometimes it seems like no matter how hard I try, things just don’t go right.” He studied his slingshot and sighed; then he looked back at me holding mine. “You look like you know what I’m talkin’ about.” He jerked his head toward my suitcase. “What’s that for?”

“Sheriff Dawson came to take me over to the orphanage, but I got away.”

Ben’s mouth dropped open. “You did what? Ain’t he lookin’ for you?”

“I’m sure he is, but I had to come here first … to see about you … and to ask you something. I wasn’t there when you needed me, Ben, and I’m sorry. But I want to be here for you now, if you’ll let me.”

Ben put his arm around my shoulders and squeezed
me. “You are my best friend, Lizzie, even if you aren’t much of one sometimes.”

I wanted to snort and stomp and say something smart, but I didn’t. Because he was right. “You don’t want to leave, do you?”

“No way in heck do I want to leave, but like I tried to tell you the other day, there ain’t a whole lot I can do about it. I wish I had another chance to figure out some way we could stay. But I reckon I’m not like you, always figurin’ how to get my own way. When Pa got sick, I tried to help him, but I couldn’t, and when he died I figured it was best to just buck up and take what life dealt me.”

“Well, what if I told you I’ve been figuring again? And what if my plan will help us help each other? Isn’t that what being friends is all about?”

Ben scrunched his eyebrows, then let out a long sigh. “I ain’t so sure I want to hear it, but I reckon it won’t kill me to listen to you one more time.”

“Wise decision,” I said. Then I told Ben about my job, the mess I was in, and my plan—a plan that’d give us all a second chance.

Ben’s eyes widened as I spilled it all out in one long breath. He smiled, then grabbed my hand and pulled me inside to find Mrs. Butler. We found her standing at the kitchen table boxing up some canned goods. Two closed suitcases sat against the wall. I figured they were already filled. Mrs. Butler looked up with a start, but Ben didn’t
wait for her to ask; he blurted out everything even faster than I had.

Mrs. Butler stared at us for a second like we’d gone off our rockers; then she began to smile too.

Ben walked over and squished up close to her. “Please, Ma,” he whispered. “We can try.”

Mrs. Butler laughed. “Oh, we can try all right. The thing that worries me is how I’m gonna keep you two out of trouble.”

Ben threw his arms around his mother, and if I hadn’t been coming at her from the other side, he’d have knocked her flat to the floor.

Mrs. Butler pried our arms away. “All right, both of you, let me go. You’re suffocating the life out of me.”

“Would you both mind coming home with me now?” I asked. “I don’t want to go alone.”

Ben looked at me and nodded, and Mrs. Butler took my hand. She squeezed it. “Of course we’ll come with you. Look there.” She pointed to the suitcases. “We’re already packed and ready to go.”

Chills ran up and down my limbs just thinking about having to face those people hovering around Mama alone. But I knew one thing for certain—I wouldn’t have to. “You know,” I said, “needing people isn’t half as bad as I thought it’d be.”

Mrs. Butler sighed. “No, honey, it’s not needin’ people that’s so bad, it’s needin’ people when there’s not a soul
around that’s the worst.” She grabbed me and squeezed me tight. She leaned over and looked me square in the eyes, the way Mama used to when she was saying something important. “I want you to know that I’m going to do everything I can to help your mama. I should’ve done it two months ago; I just wasn’t sure Rose wanted me there, but I was wrong. She needed me whether she wanted me or not.”

In that moment I knew Mrs. Butler had forgiven Mama, and I wasn’t sure she’d ever been angry, just sad—sad about losing Mr. Butler, sad about losing Mama, sad that she was alone when she needed someone the most, sad she hadn’t taken the chance to be there for Mama. And in that very same moment, I was sad. Sad that I’d waited so long to reach out to the people that I loved, people who’d been there the whole time waiting to reach out to me. Mrs. Butler hadn’t had that, but I had—Mr. Hinkle, Ben, Mrs. Butler, even Miss Jones—and I hadn’t treated it like the blessing it was. I’d nearly thrown it away, but I never would again. Of that I
was
sure.

Mrs. Butler and Ben grabbed their suitcases and the three of us rushed out the door, headed home to help Mama. If she was still in the state she’d been in earlier, the doctor and the others would be having a mighty hard time convincing her to leave that back-porch rocker. Not all folks agree, but I think stubbornness can be a right good quality to have sometimes.

As we raced down the road, I glanced up. Puffy white clouds meandered across a brilliant blue sky. I smiled. If my emotions had a color, that was it—fresh, stainless white slowly covering a deep, sad blue.

Half a mile later, huffing and puffing, we rounded the side of the house. Just as I’d figured, Mama wasn’t budging. Mrs. Sawyer was pulling Mama’s right hand while Dr. Heimler was pressing against her back, trying to get her to stand. We walked onto the porch and put down our suitcases. It showed what I wanted to say: we were staying. Mama’s visitors—Mrs. Sawyer, Erin, Dr. Heimler, Mr. Cooper, and even the sheriff, who must’ve overcome his sickness at last—stared at us.

Mrs. Sawyer stared at Mrs. Butler, her eyes fluttering faster than a butterfly’s wings. From the look of her, I figured her inner wheels were turning, trying to figure out exactly who Mrs. Butler was and what she was doing there.

Erin glared at Ben and folded her arms across her chest. “Should’ve known,” she said. Mrs. Butler looked confused and stared down at Ben for an answer.

“Me and Ma’s just tryin’ to help, that’s all,” Ben said.

Erin huffed. Her face puckered up in that all-too-familiar lemon look.

Dr. Heimler and the sheriff hadn’t seemed to notice any of the other happenings around ’em. They were too all-fired busy staring at me. Sheriff Dawson wagged his
finger at me and shook his head. Mr. Cooper just stood there looking as confused as a cow standing in front of a new gate. He didn’t know whether to go or stay.

Mrs. Butler broke the silence. She slowly walked over to Mama and took her hand. “Rose,” she whispered. “Rose. It’s me, Louise. Me and Ben have come to stay with you, if that’s all right. We seem to be having a pretty rough go of it.” For only the second time since Daddy had left, Mama turned her head toward a voice. Mrs. Butler patted her hand in response. “We’re gonna stay with you, Rose. With you and Lizzie.”

Dr. Heimler edged over to Mrs. Butler and whispered something in her ear. Mrs. Butler nodded. She placed her hand under Mama’s arm and said, “I’m gonna help you inside now. Dr. Heimler needs to take a look at you, and you can come back out when he’s finished. He wants to help you.”

Dr. Heimler put his hand under Mama’s other arm and they helped her to her feet.

The doctor said to me as he passed, “Stay here. I’ll be back.”

With only Mr. Cooper, Sheriff Dawson, and her mother now present, Erin took the opportunity to lash out at Ben. “I knew it,” she said, her voice sharp and stinging. “You never were my friend. You were just mad at her.” She pointed at me. “Well, guess what. I wasn’t your friend either. I just wanted you to think I was.”

Ben stepped close to Erin. “I don’t believe you.” His
voice was soft and steady. “You wanted me to be your friend. I wanted to be yours. Still do. But you gotta stop all this battlin’ between you and Lizzie.” Ben turned around and looked at me. He smiled. “Heck, Erin, I’m even nice to rattlesnakes, and some folks around here don’t think that’s too smart. But I figure as long as I know where the snake stands, and it knows where I stand, we’ll get along all right. I won’t hurt it, but it’s got to trust me enough not to hurt me either. Understand?”

Erin didn’t stop long enough to hear anything Ben was saying. “I understand you think you can have it both ways. You think you can march around here being friends with me and with Miss Know-It-All. Well, let me be the first to tell you, that isn’t gonna happen.”

Mrs. Sawyer stepped forward and put her arm around Erin’s shoulders. Erin pulled away. She scowled at Ben and sulked over to the railing on the far side of the porch. Ben shook his head and walked back over to me. Mr. Cooper and the sheriff tried their darndest to pretend they weren’t standing smack in the middle of an argument. Well, they should’ve thought about that before they butted their noses into my business.

An early evening breeze began to blow. It cooled the porch after the heat of the day. The pond and the woods beyond it grew shadowy in the twilight. Ben and I sat down on the top step of the porch and I closed my eyes. I wondered what Dr. Heimler was talking to Mrs. Butler about, and if he’d examined Mama.

I didn’t have to wait long to find out. The back door creaked open, breaking the quiet. The doctor and Mrs. Butler came back onto the porch.

“Where’s Mama?” I asked, jumping up from the step.

Mrs. Butler came over to me. “She’s sitting in her chair, honey.” She turned and nodded at Dr. Heimler.

He cleared his throat. “As we all can see,” he said, motioning toward the sky, “it’s getting rather late. Mrs. Hawkins is beginning to tire, so I suggest we resume this discussion in the morning.”

Mrs. Sawyer stomped forward. “You can’t be serious, Doctor. You’re going to leave them like this?”

The doctor nodded. “Frankly, I fail to see the problem, Mrs. Sawyer. Mrs. Butler will be here with Lizzie, and she’s perfectly capable of watching over everything. I think the best thing for all of us is to get a good night’s rest and sort this out first thing in the morning.”

“Well, I must tell you, I do not agree.”

Dr. Heimler rubbed his eyes with his fingers. “You don’t have to agree with me, but you spoke to me of your concern for Mrs. Hawkins several weeks back, and now that her care is in my hands, I’m trying my best to do right by her. It does her no good to be up and out of her usual routine. My goal, Mrs. Sawyer, is to make her better, not worse. So, everyone”—he motioned toward the porch steps—“if we would all be so kind as to leave, I’m sure Lizzie and Mrs. Butler have things to attend to. We’ll all meet back here at nine in the morning.”

The sheriff and Mr. Cooper tipped their hats to Mrs. Butler as they passed. I reckoned they were more than ready to leave. They’d already witnessed more than they’d bargained for. Erin refused to look at either me or Ben.

Mrs. Sawyer pushed past the doctor on her way to the steps. “I never would’ve believed you’d let your emotions get the better of you, Dr. Heimler.”

The doctor didn’t respond. He tipped his hat to us and followed Mrs. Sawyer and Erin down the steps. As they all rounded the corner, the feeling of freedom filled me. But I knew there was a big chance that feeling would get knocked out of me at nine o’clock in the morning. I had to think of something else to keep us all together. To keep us all home.

The three of us walked inside to check on Mama. She was sitting in her chair, beginning to nod off. Mrs. Butler looked at me. “Ben and I will ready one of the spare rooms; you tend to your mama.” She walked out to her new room, and Ben followed her.

Mama’s book was hanging on for dear life at the edge of her lap. I picked it up and gently shook her. “Come on. Time for bed.”

She let me lead her to her room and help her into her nightgown. “We’re gonna be just fine, Mama. I promise. Don’t you worry about anything.”

As I brushed and braided her hair, I wondered if now she’d start to get better. She’d recognized Mrs. Butler out
on the porch. I’d seen it. Surely Dr. Heimler had too. I felt like this night was Dr. Heimler’s way of giving us a chance to prove we could make it work. And if we could prove it, then he’d work with us, not against us. He wasn’t gonna be buffaloed by Mrs. Sawyer the way the sheriff had, and I respected him for it.

I helped Mama into bed and pulled the covers up over her. To me, she looked better already. I gripped my locket as I stood over her, praying for God to send me a sign—any sign—as to how to keep the house away from the bank. Mama would get better with all of us together at home. I knew it. I rubbed at the rough lines of my locket’s engraving and pictured the two faces inside. For the first time since Daddy had gone, God must’ve heard my prayers, because like I was seeing a flash of lightning cutting through the darkness, I knew exactly what I had to do.