Every Girl Does It (4 page)

“So that’s it? No,
‘
oh hey
,
Preston, what are you doing with your life
’
? Or
,
‘
sorry for
lying
to you in front of the entire school
’.
Or
maybe this one,
‘
thanks for punching the creep I call a boyfriend in the face
’
? Seriously, go ahead
,
choose any one of those phrases
.
I’ll
wait.”

He
stops
behind me
.
A
nnoy
ed
, of course I had to t
urn around and face my now
enemy
.
I can’t believe I ever thought
he was hot, him and his “wow
” body, please
.
I want to ruin his body with my nails right now
.

“Thanks
.”
I grind my teeth and force a smile
.
“
For
punching him in the face
. And
yes
,
sorry about
h
igh
s
chool, but
let’s
face it, that was ten years ago
. And
t
echnically I didn’t lie
.
W
ell I did, but I didn’t want to make it worse by saying no in front of the entire school
. And
come on
,
you got your revenge on me and everyone else
.
I mean
,
look at you
.
”

S
top talking
,
Amanda
.
But it was too late.
W
hen I get started
,
there
’
s no alarm that goes off in my head that says
,
“hey
,
Amanda, maybe that’s an over
-
share”
.
I think
Google
or Apple should invent an app
to put on
cell phones so alarms go off w
hen you
’
ve been talking too much or embarrassing yourself.

He lean
s
in close enough for me to see the perfect trace of his irritating jaw
.
“
W
hat do you mean
,
‘
I got my revenge
’
?”

Biting my lip and fighting the fluttering feelings his close proximity brings, I try to figure a graceful way out of this situation. This couldn’t get much worse
.
I
’
ve now admitted twice to him that I think he
’
s the hottest man on the planet
,
a
nd he still doesn’t have a clue. C
ould it be?
Is he one of those guys who
se
actually humble?

“
You
know what I mean.”

“Oh you mean this?” He f
lexe
s
a bicep
and leans down to
kis
s
it. Oh no, he did not just do that
.
Of all the arrogant
…
I have no words to finish that though
t
.

“Amanda, I’m kidding
.
G
eez
,
you need to lighten up, how much
caffeine
do you consume
,
anyway
? It must be a lot with how high strun
g you are.”

Glad we
’
ve moved on from embarrassment to just plain being offended. “I’ll have you know that my
caffeine
levels are completely normal as
are
my BMI a
nd IQ
.”
Wait
,
maybe the IQ comment
made me sound dumb
,
b
e
c
ause
now
he’s
trying not to laugh.

Frustrated
,
I stomp my foot on his and ru
n down the stair
s. Don’t ask me why. His foot didn’t suffer any long term damage
.
I know
,
because he followed me all the way outside
.

“Did you just stomp your foot?” He
’s
incredulous
as h
e rests his hands on his hips. Preston
’
s eyes widen in scrutiny as he waits for my answer.

“No
,”
I lie, crossing my arms.

“You need sugar
or something or maybe a
stress pill
. Ever
try herbs? Or massages?”

He
’s
mocking me now
.
I
’m
sure of it. So I walk up to him, as close as I
can
possibly get without kissing him, and smile.
“
A
re you offering?”

His mood immediately
turns
serious as he
leans
in closer to my face. “D
o you want me to be offering?” O
h
,
he
’s
good
. Way
better than
I am
.
S
ee
,
I try to flirt
,
but
people think I
’
m being funny
.
H
e flirts and makes me want to sell my parents just to be in his presence.

“Amanda! There you are
.
I’ve been calling you all night
.
” The voice broke our moment as we both turned to see Derek hanging out his car window waving his cell phone at me.
At this time in my life
,
I
’
m ready to yell at myself for telling Derek about my running addiction and gym membership.

“It looks to me like someone else has already
scheduled time tonight, maybe
later.” He smiles and strolls
off as I contemplated ways I could hide in a bush from Derek.

“Traitor
!
” I
shout
as I watch his feet carry him to a
n impressive
black truck.

“Hey
,
is that the guy that punched me?” Derek ask
s
as I will myself to look a
t him.
If I were a betting woman I’d guess he was sporting a broken nose
. It
actually did him a favor in the looks depart
ment, giving him an all around
tougher
appearance
than
before.

“What do you want
,
Derek?” Does he have no shame or
self-respect
? Trying to get to my car as fast as possible, I contemplate if there
’
s any way this night
can
get worse.

“Well, I just thought that if I gave you a little time
to forgive me
,
then we could,
I don’t know
,
start dating again…soon.” His face look
s
hopeful
.
I
,
however
,
feel
irritation seeping from my every pore.

“Oh
,
I’m sorry. D
o you have another wedding you
’
d like to br
eak up? Do you need to use me again?
Derek
,
we hardly know each other
. Stop
being so….weird. Seriously, it’s over.” I open my car door and hear a sniffing sound
.
Uh o
h.
P
lease tell me he isn’t crying again.

“I just t-t-thought, that we had something…” He
proceeds to pull
out a hanky, yes a hanky, and bl
o
w his nose, or at least tried to, whil
e tears streamed down his face.

Sympathy is not an emotion I can give Derek at this point
.
“Derek
, have
a good night.” With that
,
I slam my door
,
leaving a
heart-
broken Derek alone in the parking lot. Hope he didn’t lock his keys in the car
,
because I
’
m not staying to help him.

Turning up the radio
,
I
begin to sing at the top of my lungs
. It
’
s actually Christmas music
;
all the more reason to rock out
.
It
’
s only Nov
ember
,
but
Christmas has
a tendency
to sneak up on
me
; j
ust like Derek, and Mr. Firefighter. What is it with men these days?

****

Parking my car and running up the stairs to my apartment
,
I slam the door behind me and breathe a huge sigh of relief
.
Yes, my apartment doesn’t look glamorous on the outside
,
but
there
’
s nothing sketchy about hard wood floors and vaulted ceilings
. Plus,
Mrs. Butterworth is a
good guard cat. As I walk into my front room
,
I see a blinking light on my answering machine
.
T
en messages! W
ho in the world is calling me? Did someone die? My chest
constricts
.

Beep
.
“Hi
,
Amanda
.
T
his is Derek
..
.”
Erase
.
“Hi
,
Amanda
.
I
t
'
s Derek again
.
W
here are you?”
Erase
.
“Amanda
,
really
.
I me
an
,
why don’t you
–”
Erase
. A
re all of these from Derek? It wasn’t until I got to message
eight
that the annoying voice on the other end wasn’t that of Derek, but of my best friend and co-worker
,
Kristin.

“Hey
,
girl, I heard about the wedding. I
’
m so sorry
.
I had no ide
a he was such a creep
.
Call me,
no matter how late
.
I just put the kids to bed, so make sure you call the cell, not the house phone
.
Love you
.”

Kristin is a
gem
.
S
o what if she tried to set me up with Derek
;
it’s my fault for bei
ng desperate and saying yes. A s
hower
is
necessary before calling her back
,
and I
can’t
help but groan
at the reflection looking back at me in the hallway mirror
.
Not only does my hair scream, “h
omeless”
,
but my face is all blotchy from stress. I pull my long
,
dark hair from the ponytail and
feel
immediate relief
.
M
y hair
is
too thick to keep up for so long
.
It
always end
s
up giving me headaches.

What was it about me that made Derek think I was
easy prey? V
ulnerable
is
n’
t how people would describe me
. High strung, outspoken, unladylike, those are usually ones I
’
m familiar with, but vulnerable? Ea
sy? Never. Re-evaluating
my dating strategy
is a necessary conversation I need to have with Kristin.

The shower did nothing to wash off my shame from earlier, but did make me feel a lot more positive about the following day where I was planning on spilling my entire guts to my bible study group. It usually consisted of my best friend Kristin
,
my other crazy fri
end Lexy, and her sister Raine.

A
lthough I do love being clean,
staying in the shower
turns
me into a prune
,
and that happens to be a pet peeve of mine. While I’m being honest, I’m not fond of
water. I
t has many uses
.
I love to drink it, but
being wet
makes
me angry
.
Mrs. Butterworth
is
maybe rubbing off on me, but she’s all I could eve
r handle of the feline species.

Picking up my phone
,
I dial Kristin’s cell number, ten
o’
clock shouldn’t be to
o
late
.
I hope
. Ring
, ring, voicemail.
Her kids wake her up
at the crack of dawn
;
sometimes I wonder if they
’
re somehow related to roosters. I tried to babysit them one
time
.
I
t didn’t go well. Leaving
their
house at noon, I got home
and fell asleep on m
y couch until nine pm
.
T
hat girl deserves a medal.

Why voicemail? Poor Kristin
.
I
feel like yelling and she probably knows it. Since the whole town is aware of
what transpired today,
what I need is a good solid sleep and some time at church. I walked over to the computer to turn off the monitor an
d laid my hungry eyes
onto Mr. December.

So what if I stomped his foot, he deser
ved it
.
Looking at the monitor again
,
I
click on
“
order now
”
. As I’m taken to the payment page
,
I justify actions
, or try to.
The money is going for a good cause
.
O
ur firemen are underpaid
,
and the donation to the local homeless shelter only sweetens the deal.
Feeling fully justified
,
I groan as I see how long it will take to arrive
.
T
wo to four weeks!

T
ime for sleep
. One
last pea
k at Mr. December, and I shut down the computer
.
Tonight I’m testing the theory that people will dream of the last thing they though
t
of
. Maybe
in my dreams he won’t talk as much.
He
is
more attractive with his mouth shut.

Unfortunate
ly
for me, t
he last thing I remember as I
go
to sleep
is
Derek
’
s
pitiful face.