Everybody Say Amen (15 page)

R
achel eased the front door open. The light was on in the study, which meant Lester was still hard at work on his sermon. She was trying to be quiet, but Lester must have heard her and came into the hall.

“Hey, honey. I was worried. I’ve been calling your cell phone. Where have you been? It’s almost midnight.”

Rachel looked at him, but didn’t say anything. She wanted to scratch his eyes out. But she had to deal with this like a mature, reasonable adult. She had been driving around for hours in a daze, her cell phone turned off, trying to get her head together before she came home. She’d thought about calling Sister Morgan, but truthfully, she wasn’t in a praying mood right now. The only prayer she had been able to form was, “Lord, please don’t let me kill my husband.”

“So, what, you’re not going to answer me?” Lester asked. “Have you been out at the club again? I’ve told you before, that is not befitting of a preacher’s wife.”

Rachel slowly walked toward him, her voice steady as she spoke. “You know, Reverend Adams, what
is
befitting of a preacher’s wife? Should she be forgiving?”

Lester looked bewildered. “What are you talking about?”

Rachel leaned against the wall and crossed her arms. It was taking everything in her power to stay calm. “Should she be understanding? Should she be a fool?”

“Rachel, will you please tell me what you are talking about?”

“Tell me, Reverend, have you heard back from the floozy who stood up and confessed her affair at church?”

“What? Why are we talking about her again?”

Rachel could’ve sworn she saw a hint of nervousness cross his face. She threw her hands up as she sauntered into the study and over to his desk. She picked up a photo of her and Lester taken in Jamaica last year. “Oh, I don’t know. I was thinking, I wonder if the man she was having an affair with felt bothered at all by her testimony,” she said as she fingered the picture.

“I…I’m sure.”

“Are you?” Rachel placed the picture facedown. “Tell me something, do you think it’s hypocritical to get up in the pulpit Sunday morning and talk about walking a path of righteousness and yet be the biggest whore in the church?”

“Rachel, where are you going with this?”

Rachel walked around and stood right in front of Lester. “Tell me, Reverend, had you counseled the adulteress prior to her coming into the church?”

“What? I—I told you I didn’t know her.”

Rachel studied his face. He had started to sweat. She walked away, trying to calm herself again, but she could no longer hold it in. “Liar!” she screamed. “You no-good, hypocritical, lying dog!” She picked up the cordless telephone and threw it at Lester’s head. He ducked and the phone smashed into the wall.

“Rachel, what is your problem?” Lester yelled.

“You want to know my problem?” Rachel shouted. She reached into her purse and grabbed the pictures. “
You
are my problem. You and your lying mistress!” She threw the pictures at him.

Lester stared at her, then slowly bent to pick up the photos. “Oh, my God,” he muttered when he saw them.

“Don’t call on God now, you—”

“Baby, I can explain,” he said, stepping toward her.

Rachel held her hands up and backed away. “There is nothing to explain and nothing for you to say, except that you will be out of this house in the next hour.”

“Rachel, you’ve got to be kidding me. It’s after midnight.”

“Do I look like I care what time it is? Get out, Lester.” Rachel nodded as she silently counted backward from ten. She was doing good. If he just left now, there wouldn’t be any real drama.

Lester tried to pull her into his arms. So much for staying calm. Rachel felt herself losing it. “I said get out!” She hit him in the chest. “You lying, stinking, dirty, hypocrite. Get out!”

Lester put his hands up to shield himself from her blows.

“I trusted you! You were a pimply faced boy when I met you! I brought you out of your shell. I gave you my heart and this is how you repay me!” Rachel couldn’t help it, the tears had now started coming. “You stand up there every morning and preach about love, trust, and following God’s word. How dare you?”

Lester looked like he wanted to cry, too. “Rachel, I’m s…I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

Rachel swung at him again. “So you admit it, you lying bastard?”

Lester plopped down on the sofa and buried his face in his hands. “I never meant for this to happen.”

“What? You never meant for what to happen? Getting caught?” Rachel’s chest heaved up and down as she sobbed uncontrollably.

“No, I mean, I never meant to get caught up with Mary.”

Rachel viciously wiped away her tears as she struggled to compose herself. She was surprised she hadn’t awakened the kids but their rooms were on the other side of the house, not to mention they were both sound sleepers. “That’s right. Her name is Mary. Like the Virgin Mary. What a joke. She stood up in that church and made a mockery of God. Of me. Of you.” She laughed, but it came out sounding like a cry of pain.

Lester kept his face buried.

Rachel screamed, “How long has this been going on? How long have you been making a fool out of me?”

“It was only a few months. But it’s over.”

“A few? As in two, four, twelve, what?”

“About three months. But I stopped seeing her two months ago.”

“Does everyone at the church know?”

Lester lifted his head, tears filling his eyes. “No one knows.”

Rachel took a deep breath as she willed back the tears. How could she have been so blind? “Three months. Did you two have a good laugh when she got up at church?”

“No, no,” Lester said desperately. “She came to the church because I wouldn’t take her calls or agree to see her anymore.”

“Where did you meet her?”

Lester tried to reach out to Rachel. “Maybe you should sit down.”

“I don’t want to sit down. I want you to answer the question!”

“I met Mary when I was visiting another church. I never meant to get involved with her, but…she just kept telling me how wonderful I am. She…she made me feel like a man—something you never do,” he quietly added.

“Oh, so now this is
my
fault?” Rachel screamed. He definitely wasn’t making things better.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying. I just…”

“No, what you need to be saying is that you cheated because you
wanted
to cheat.”

Lester sighed; he knew this was an argument he couldn’t win.

“Do you love her?” Rachel didn’t know if she was ready to know the answer to that question, but she had to ask.

“Of course not,” Lester replied, a pleading look in his eyes. “I only slept with her a couple of times.”

“Oh, is that all? That makes it okay, then,” Rachel snapped sarcastically. It felt like someone had taken a knife and was twisting it in her heart.

“I swear. I just…I was just more emotionally involved with her than anything else. I just made a mistake. A horrible, horrible mistake.”

Rachel closed her eyes and tried once again to compose herself. “When’s the last time you saw her?”

“Right after church that day she came in. I met her later to ask her why she’d done that.”

Rachel snapped her eyes open to stare at Lester, waiting for him to go on. “And?”

“And she said she was trying to send a message to me that she wouldn’t go away easily. Rachel, I only got involved with her in the first place because…because she made me feel really good about myself.”

“I bet she did.” Rachel turned her back to her husband and struggled to stop the tears.

“Baby, I’m trying to be honest,” Lester said.

Rachel spun around. “Honesty? Oh, you mean you actually know what that is?”

Lester sighed. “I just went to her because she was constantly telling me how I deserved to be treated and that she could do that.”

“That’s a cop-out, Lester!”

“Maybe, but it’s the truth. The thing is, I realized I had made a mistake. I didn’t want to lose you. I didn’t want to hurt you. I begged God to forgive me and I ended it with her. At least, I tried to end it. She wouldn’t let me leave, saying she was in love and deserved to be with me. She kept threatening to do something, but I never thought she’d actually show up at the church.”

Rachel stared at him through tear-filled eyes. Never in a million years did she think she’d be at this place in her life. She never thought
Lester
, of all people, would do this to her. Rachel closed her eyes, willing the tears to stop. She smiled before opening her eyes and staring at her husband.

“Exodus 20:14.”

Lester lowered his head.

“What does the Word say, because you must not have read it?” Rachel asked, her voice laced with authority.

“ ‘Thou shall not commit adultery.’ ”

Rachel headed to the door, but stopped and turned around. “Romans 12:19.”

Lester stared up at his wife, confused. “ ‘Vengeance is mine saith the Lord’?”

“Just so you know, I’m not gon’ wait on the Lord.” She walked out of the study. “I’m going to sleep in the guest room. I want you gone when I wake up or you will really and truly know vengeance.” Rachel didn’t give him a chance to respond as she made her way upstairs.

E
very fiber of her being was telling Rachel to turn around and take her butt home. She’d driven around for almost two hours after awaking to find Lester gone. He’d left some funky note, reiterating how sorry he was and telling her he would give her time to cool off but that he wasn’t giving up on her.

He might as well give up on her. Because she was as good as gone. And her being here proved it.

Rachel fought off the tears that were trying to make their way down her cheeks. She had been a good and faithful wife. Sure, she’d been difficult at times, had even been tempted by Bobby a couple of times, but she’d never crossed that line.
Do not cry. Do not cry
. She repeated the mantra over and over in her head as she stood on the porch of the ranch-style home. After a few more deep breaths, Rachel pressed the doorbell. Nope, she’d never crossed the line. But that was about to change.

The door swung open. Bobby gazed at her in confusion. “Rachel?” He stuck his head out of the door and looked around. “I didn’t know you were coming by.” He stepped aside and motioned for her to come in. “Where’s Jordan?”

Rachel walked past him and stepped inside. “He’s with my brother.”

“What’s going on?” Bobby asked as he closed the door. “Is something wrong with Jordan?”

Rachel threw her purse down on the sofa and inhaled deeply.
An eye for an eye
. She turned to Bobby and forced a smile. “Nothing is wrong. Can’t I just stop by to say hello to the father of my child?”

He looked at her suspiciously. “You want to tell me what’s really going on?”

She stepped in front of Bobby, so close she could feel his breath. “I just wanted to see you, maybe talk for a little while. That’s all,” she softly said. “But if you want me to go, I’ll go.”

Bobby looked like he still wasn’t convinced. Rachel licked her lips and shot him an innocent look. “Hey, you got anything to drink around here? Like wine?” she asked. Yeah, it wasn’t even two in the afternoon, but she had to loosen up. She was about to take a step back and kill all the progress she’d made over these years. But it was Lester’s fault. As bad as she wanted Bobby, she would’ve never acted on it. At least not before she’d seen those pictures.

“Yeah, I got some wine in there. But should you be drinking? You know, because of your position in the church and all?”

Rachel looked around the room. “I don’t see any deacons now, do you? Besides, I told y’all, I’m no ordinary first lady.” She watched Bobby walk into the kitchen. “And I won’t be a first lady for long either,” she muttered.

“What did you say?” he asked, turning back toward her.

“Nothing. Just come on back with the wine.” Rachel sat on the sofa and leaned back, trying her best to get any feelings of guilt out of her mind. She couldn’t believe she was feeling torn. She needed to show Lester he didn’t know who he was messing with.

Bobby returned with two glasses of white zinfandel. He handed Rachel a glass. She took it, a seductive smile across her face. “So, are you and Shante really over?”

“As over as they come.”

“So what did you do?” Rachel asked.

Bobby laughed. “Why is it me who had to do anything? Nope, Shante wanted kids. I didn’t. She wanted Charmin. I wanted Angel Soft. We just fought all the time, about any and everything. Then she had her people all up in our business all the time. Just call it irreconcilable differences.”

Rachel nodded. She recalled how heartbroken she’d been when they’d gotten married. Bobby must’ve been thinking about the same thing because he said, “You know, when you showed up at my wedding, what did you hope to accomplish?”

Rachel looked away. She couldn’t believe she had been so stupid. That day was so embarrassing. She’d actually gotten into a fight with Shante after trying to kiss Bobby. She’d been hoping to break up the wedding, but they got married anyway. “I don’t know. I guess I just wanted to convince you that you shouldn’t marry her.”

Bobby raised Rachel’s chin and looked her in the eyes. “I wish I had listened.”

“I wish I’d done a lot of things differently, Bobby.”

They sat staring at each other in silence for a few minutes before Bobby leaned in. Rachel’s heart started beating fast. He gently touched his lips to hers. She closed her eyes.
What am I doing?
She felt her body growing weak. Bobby pulled her to him and kissed her harder. Rachel let herself sink into his embrace. She had dreamed about this day since they broke up nine years ago—but it wasn’t making her feel like she always thought it would.

Bobby eased her down on the sofa, then gently ran his hand up her leg. “Rachel, I have never stopped loving you,” he whispered.

Rachel tried to speak, but no words would come out. She squeezed her eyes tightly. It did feel good being in Bobby’s arms.
What are you doing?
There went that little voice again. Suddenly Rachel saw images of her mother. She was looking on disapprovingly.
You have grown into such a strong woman. Don’t let temptation wreck all that you’ve worked for
, her mother warned. Rachel quickly opened her eyes. Bobby had started unbuttoning her blouse. He was moaning as he nibbled her neck.
For God’s sakes, you’re a married woman!
the little voice screamed.
But Lester cheated on me. So? Don’t let his infidelity block your blessings
. It felt like the two voices were playing Ping-Pong in her head. Rachel shook her head and pushed Bobby away. “Wait.”

“Please, Rachel. You just don’t know how long I’ve wanted you.” He leaned in and tried to kiss her again.

Rachel pulled herself up. “Bobby, I…I can’t.” She started buttoning her blouse. “I can’t. I’m married. It’s not right.”

“It’s not right for two people who love each other to deny their feelings,” Bobby whispered. “We’ve denied them for too long. You don’t love him like you love me. You’ll never love anyone like you love me.”

Rachel stared at him. Her heart was beating so fast, she thought it would come bursting out of her chest. He was so right about that. “Regardless, I made a promise to my husband. To God.”

Bobby looked agitated. “What did you come over here for then? And since when did you become a woman of your word?” He looked like he immediately regretted saying that.

Rachel glared at Bobby. She knew that came from the fact that she hadn’t been faithful to him. “Since the day I said ‘I do.’ ” She reached down and picked up her purse before heading toward the door.

Bobby grabbed her arm. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. It’s just that I’ve waited so long for this. For you. I know you want me, too. I can feel it. And I know being a minister’s wife doesn’t excite you.” He stepped in closer to her. His breath was hot, yet it sent chills up her spine.

Rachel took a deep breath. “Bobby, you may be right. But the fact remains that I am Lester’s wife. Until, or if, that changes, I can’t be here with you like this. I’m so sorry for leading you on. I…I thought I could do this, but I can’t.” Rachel stepped around him and quickly made her way out the door.

She sat in her car in a daze. She couldn’t believe she had walked out on Bobby. In her heart, she’d always felt like he was the man for her. Lester’s infidelity had confirmed that. So why was she now so unsure?

“I don’t know,” she mumbled to herself. “Maybe I have to close this chapter with Lester before I can deal with Bobby.” Yes, she thought as she started her car. She needed to get Lester out of her life. Then she could focus on the man she was really meant to be with.