Everything and the Moon (7 page)

“Bad idea.”

“I beg your pardon.”

“I said it's a bad idea. Most inadvisable.”

She blinked in aggravation. “It is quite possibly the most advisable idea I've had in a long time.”

“But you wouldn't want to be deprived of my company,” he returned.

“That is precisely the end I am trying to achieve.”

“Yes, but you'll be miserable without me.”

“I am quite certain I can judge my own emotions with greater clarity than you.”

“Would you like to know what your problem is with Neville?”

“Would you like to tell me?” she asked, with no small amount of sarcasm.

“You don't know how to be stern.”

“I beg your pardon. I am a governess. I make my living by being stern.”

He shrugged. “You're not very good at it.”

Her mouth opened in consternation. “I have spent the last seven years working as a governess. And in case you don't recall, just yesterday you said I was quite good at it.”

“At the lesson plans and that sort of thing.” He waved his hand nonchalantly in the air. “But discipline—Well, you'll never excel at that.”

“That is not true.”

“You've never known how to be properly stern.” He chuckled and touched her cheek. “I remember it so clearly from before. You would try to scold me, but your eyes were always too warm. And your lips always turn up just a bit at the corners. I don't think you know how to make a serious frown.”

Victoria eyed him suspiciously. What was he up to? He had been so furious with her yesterday morning when he stole into her room. But since then he'd been positively congenial. Utterly charming.

“Am I correct?” he asked, breaking into her thoughts.

She leveled a shrewd state in his direction. “You're trying to seduce me again, aren't you?”

Robert wasn't eating or drinking anything, but he choked nonetheless, requiring Victoria to give him a hearty whack on the back. “I cannot believe you said that,” he finally said.

“Is it true?”

“Of course not.”

“So it
is
true.”

“Victoria, are you listening to a word I am saying?”

Before she could reply, a knock sounded at the door. Victoria instantly panicked. She threw an agonized glance at Robert, who responded by putting his forefinger to his lips and grabbing the plate of cake as he tiptoed to her wardrobe and climbed in. Victoria blinked in disbelief as she watched him squeeze in. He looked most uncomfortable.

“Miss Lyndon! Open this door at once!” Lady Hollingwood sounded most displeased. “I know you're in there.”

Victoria ran to the door, silently thanking her maker that Robert had been rude enough to lock the door behind him. “I'm so sorry, Lady Hollingwood,” she said as she pulled the door open. “I was taking a nap. I often do while Neville is at the stables.”

Lady Hollingwood's eyes narrowed. “I am certain I heard you speaking.”

“It must have been in my sleep,” Victoria said quickly. “My sister used to tell me that I kept her up half the night with my mumblings.”

“How perfectly bizarre.” This was said with disgust, not interest.

Victoria gritted her teeth into a smile. “Was there anything in particular you wanted, Lady Hollingwood? An update on Neville's lessons, perhaps?”

“I shall quiz you on his progress on Wednesday, as is our habit. I am here for a far graver reason.”

Victoria's heart dropped. Lady Hollingwood was going to dismiss her. She had seen her with Robert. Perhaps she had even seen him enter her room not ten minutes earlier. Victoria opened her mouth to speak, but she couldn't think of any words in her defense. At least none that Lady Hollingwood would pay heed to.

“Miss Hypatia Vinton has taken ill,” Lady Hollingwood announced.

Victoria blinked. That was all? “I trust it is not serious.”

“Not at all. A putrid stomach, or something of the sort. It is my opinion that she will be well by morning, but she insists upon going home.”

“I see,” Victoria said, wondering what this had to do with her.

“We are now short a lady for my dinner party tomorrow evening. You will have to take her place.”

“Me?” Victoria squeaked.

“It is the worst of possible situations, but I cannot think of any other course of action.”

“What about this evening's dinner? Surely you'll need another lady.”

Lady Hollingwood fixed a supercilious stare on Victoria's nose. “As it happens, one of my male guests has offered to escort Hypatia home, so we will be evenly matched. It is no use angling for another invitation, Miss Lyndon. I do not want you bothering my guests any more than necessary.”

Victoria privately wondered why Lady Hollingwood had bothered to ask her if she was such an embarrassment. She murmured, “It was only a question, my lady.”

Her employer frowned. “You do know how to comport yourself in polite society, do you not?”

Victoria said frigidly, “My mother was every inch a lady, Lady Hollingwood. As am I.”

“If you disappoint me in this endeavor, I shall not hesitate to throw you out. Do you understand me?”

Victoria didn't see how she could do anything
but
understand her. Lady Hollingwood threatened to dismiss her every other day. “Yes, of course, Lady Hollingwood.”

“Good. I don't suppose you've anything to wear.”

“Nothing suitable for such an occasion, my lady.”

“I shall have one of my old frocks sent up. It shall fit you well enough.”

Victoria declined to mention that Lady Hollingwood was a good stone heavier than she. It just didn't seem in her best interest. Instead she opted for a noncommittal, “My lady.”

“It will be a few years out of style,” Lady Hollingwood mused, “but no one will comment on it. You are the governess, after all.”

“Of course.”

“Good. We will be serving drinks at eight, and dinner thirty minutes thereafter. Please come at twenty-five minutes past the hour. I do not want my guests to be forced to socialize with you for any longer than is necessary.”

Victoria bit her tongue to keep herself from speaking.

“Good day, then.” Lady Hollingwood stalked from the room.

Victoria had barely shut the door behind her when Robert bounded out of the wardrobe. “What a cow!” he exclaimed. “How can you bear her?”

“I haven't any other choice,” she ground out.

Robert eyed her thoughtfully. “No, I don't suppose you do.”

More than anything, Victoria wanted to slap him just then. It was one thing for her to be aware of her miserable lot in life. It was quite another for him to comment on it. “I think you had better leave,” she said.

“Yes, of course,” he concurred. “You have things to do, I'm sure. Governess things.”

She crossed her arms. “Don't come here again.”

“Why not? The wardrobe was not uncomfortable.”

“Robert…” she warned.

“Very well. But first a small token of thanks for the chocolate cake.” He leaned down and kissed her hard and fast. “That should get me through the afternoon.”

Victoria wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and bit out, “Contemptible swine.”

Robert only chuckled. “I look forward to tomorrow evening, Miss Lyndon.”

“Don't seek me out.”

He raised a brow. “I don't see how you're going to be able to avoid me.”

W
hen that evening and the following morning passed without any contact from Robert, Victoria let herself be lulled into thinking that he might have decided to leave her alone.

She was wrong.

He found her a few hours before supper was due to begin. Victoria was walking briskly down a hall when Robert suddenly materialized before her. She jumped about a foot, startled out of her wits. “Robert!” she exclaimed, one of her hands pressing against her breastbone to calm her racing heart. She took a deep breath and looked both ways down the hall to be sure that no one else was about. “Please don't creep up on me like that again.”

His lips formed a masculine smile. “I like to surprise you.”

“I really wish you wouldn't,” she muttered.

“I merely wanted to know how you are faring with your preparations for your grand debut.”

“It isn't my grand debut,” she snapped. “If you must know, I am dreading every moment of it. I have no love for the nobility, and the thought of spending several hours in your ranks makes my blood run cold.”

“And what have the nobility ever done to you to warrant such distaste? Failed to marry you?” His eyes narrowed to slits. “Tis a pity your plans went so awry. You toiled so tirelessly to achieve your goal.”

“I have no idea what you're talking about,” she said, utterly baffled.

“Don't you?” he mocked.

“I need to be going.” She moved to her left to try to get around him, but he blocked her. “Robert!”

“I find myself loath to part with your company.”

“Oh, please,” she said disdainfully. That was a lie if ever she heard one. His eyes were clearly showing his disgust for her.

“Don't you believe me?” he asked.

“Your words and your eyes are not in agreement. Besides, I learned long ago not to trust a word out of your mouth.”

Robert sparked with fury. “What the hell does that mean?”

“You know very well.”

He advanced, forcing her to back up against the wall. “I was not the one who lied,” he said in a low voice, jabbing his forefinger against her shoulder.

Victoria glared at him. “Get out of my way.”

“And miss this extremely edifying conversation? I think not.”

“Robert! If someone sees us…”

“Why the hell are you always so concerned about appearances?”

Victoria's anger grew to the point where she was shaking. “How dare you ask that?” she hissed.

“I dare a lot, darling.”

Her hand itched. His cheek was very close, and it would look so good with a nice red welt on it. “I will ask you one last time—”

“Only one more time? Good. You're getting most tedious.”

“I shall scream.”

“And alert the masses whom you are so assiduously trying to avoid? I think not.”

“Robert…”

“Oh, for God's sake.” He whipped open a door, snatched her hand, and hauled her into a room, slamming the door behind him. “There. Now we're alone.”

“Are you mad?” she screeched. She looked wildly about her surroundings, trying to figure out where she was.

“Do try to calm down,” he said, standing in front of the door, looking very much like an implacable god. “This is my room. No one will walk in on us.”

Victoria snorted. “This isn't the guest wing.”

“Lady H. ran out of room,” he said with a shrug. “She put me near the family quarters. Because I'm an earl, she said.”

“I am well aware of your rank and all it entails,” she said, her voice pure ice.

Robert let that barb pass. “As I said, we are now alone, and we can finish this conversation without your incessant worrying that we will be discovered.”

“Did it ever occur to you that perhaps I just don't like
you
? That perhaps
you
are the reason I do not want to be alone with you?”

“No.”

“Robert, I have chores I must attend to. I can't be here.”

“I don't see how you're going to leave,” he said, leaning against the door.

“Stop jeopardizing my position. You may be able to return to your privileged life in London,” she said in a furious, low voice, “but I do not have that option.”

He stroked her cheek insolently. “It could be an option, if you should so choose.”

“Don't!” She wrenched away from him, hating herself for loving his touch, hating him for touching her. She turned her back on him. “You insult me.”

His hands came down lightly on her shoulders. “It was meant as the highest of compliments.”

“A compliment!” she burst out, pulling away from him yet again. “You have a warped set of morals.”

“That is certainly a bizarre statement, coming from you.”

“I am not the one who spends all of my free time seducing innocents.”

He countered with, “I am not the one who tried to sell my life and body for a fortune and a title.”

“You're a fine one to talk. You, who have already sold your soul.”

“Explain yourself,” he bit out.

And then, just because his tone annoyed her so much, she said, “No.”

“Do not defy me, Victoria.”

“‘Do not defy me,'” she mocked. “You are not in any position to give me orders. You might have been—” Her voice broke, and it took her a moment to regain her composure. “You might have been, but you gave up that right.”

“Is that a fact?”

“It's no use talking with you. I don't know why I even try.”

“Don't you?”

“Don't touch me,” Victoria bit out. She could feel him drawing near. He radiated heat and a certain maleness that was his alone. Her skin began to tingle.

“You keep trying,” he said softly, “because you know that matters between us have never been resolved.”

Victoria knew it was true. Their relationship ended so abruptly. This was probably why seeing him after all these years was so difficult. But she didn't want to face him now. She wanted to sweep him under the rug and forget about him.

Most of all, she didn't want her heart broken anew, which she was fairly certain would happen if she let herself spend any time with him.

“Deny it,” he whispered. “I dare you to.” She said nothing.

“You can't, can you?” He crossed the room and put his arms around her, resting his chin on the top of her head. It was an embrace they'd shared a hundred times before, but never had it felt so bittersweet. Robert had no idea why he was holding her. He only knew that he couldn't
not
do it.

“Why are you doing this?” she whispered. “Why?”

“I don't know.” And God help him, it was the truth. He'd told himself he wanted to ruin her. Part of him still wanted revenge. She'd cut his heart to ribbons. He'd hated her for years for that.

But holding her felt so right. There really wasn't another word for it. No other woman had ever fit quite so perfectly in his arms, and he'd spent the past seven years filling them with other women, trying desperately to blot this one from his memory.

Was it truly possible to love and hate at the same time? Robert had always scoffed at the notion, but he was no longer so certain. He let his lips trail along the warm skin of her temple. “Have you let other men hold you this way?” he whispered, dreading the answer. She had wanted only his fortune, but his heart still raced with jealousy at the thought of her with another man.

She made no reply for a moment, and Robert's entire body tensed. Then she shook her head.

“Why?” he asked, with just a touch of desperation. “Why?”

“I don't know.”

“Was it the money?”

She stiffened. “What?”

He moved his lips to her neck, kissing her with a feral grace. “No one rich enough to keep you satisfied?”

“No!” she burst out. “I'm not like that. You know I'm not like that.”

His only reply was a chuckle, and Victoria felt his laugh directly on her skin.

“Oh, my God,” she breathed, wrenching herself out of his grasp. “You thought…You thought…”

He crossed his arms and looked down at her, the very picture of urbane elegance. “What did I think, Victoria? You tell me.”

“You thought I wanted your money. That I was an adventuress.”

He made no movement except for an arching of his right brow.

“You…You…” Seven years of anger exploded within Victoria, and she launched herself at him, pummeling his chest with her fists. “How dare you think that? You monster! I hate you. I hate you.”

Robert raised his arms to fend off her unexpected attack, then neatly caught both her wrists in one hand. “It's a bit late to feign outrage, don't you think?”

“I never wanted your money,” she said hotly. “It never mattered to me.”

“Oh, come now, Victoria. Do you think I don't remember how you begged me to settle my differences with my father? You even said you wouldn't marry me unless I tried to mend the rift.”

“That was because—Oh, why am I even trying to explain myself to you?”

He moved his face very close to hers. “You are trying to explain yourself because you want to snare what you missed seven years ago. Me.”

“I am beginning to realize that you were never such a spectacular catch to begin with,” she ground out.

He laughed harshly. “Perhaps not. Which would explain your failure to show up for our elopement. But my money and title never lacked appeal.”

Victoria yanked her wrists from his grasp, surprised when he yielded so easily. She sat down on the bed, burying her face in her hands. The fragments of her life were beginning to fall into place. When she hadn't kept their assignation, he had assumed she had backed out of the marriage because his father had disinherited him. He had thought—Oh, God,
how
could he have thought that of her?

“You never knew me,” she whispered, as if only just realizing it. “You never really knew me.”

“I wanted to,” he said harshly. “Lord, how I wanted to. And God help me, I still do.”

There was no point in trying to explain the truth to him, she realized. The truth no longer mattered. He hadn't had any faith in her, and nothing could mend that breach. She wondered if he had ever trusted any woman.

“Contemplating your sins?” he drawled from across the room.

She lifted her head to face him, her eyes glinting oddly. “You're a cold man, Robert. And a lonely one, too, I'd wager.”

He stiffened. Her words cut to the quick, and they were startling in their accuracy. With blinding speed he moved to her side, his hands grasping at her shoulders. “I am what I am because of you.”

“No,” she said, shaking her head sadly. “You did this to yourself. If you had trusted me—”

“You never gave me a damn reason to,” he exploded.

She was trembling. “I gave you every reason,” she replied. “You just chose to ignore them.”

Disgusted, Robert pushed himself away from her. She was comporting herself like some kind of noble victim, and he didn't have patience with such hypocrisy. Especially when every fiber of his being was screaming with desire for her.

That was what appalled him the most. He was every bit as big a hypocrite. Wanting her so badly. Wanting Victoria, of all people, the one woman he should have had enough sense to avoid like the plague.

But he was learning that this need was something he just couldn't control. And hell, why should he have to? She wanted him every bit as much as he wanted her. It was right there in her eyes every time she looked at him. He said her name, his voice husky with promise and desire.

Victoria stood up and walked to the window. She leaned her face against the glass, not trusting herself to look at him. Somehow, the knowledge that he had never trusted her hurt more than when she thought he was only out to seduce her.

He said her name again, and this time she could tell he was very close. Close enough for her to feel his breath on her neck.

He turned her around so she was facing him. His eyes burned blue flame to the very depths of her soul, and Victoria was mesmerized.

“I'm going to kiss you now,” he said slowly, his words punctuated by ragged breathing. “I'm going to kiss you, and I'm not going to stop. Do you understand?”

She didn't move.

“Once my lips touch yours…”

His words sounded vaguely like a warning, but Victoria could not make herself heed it. She felt warm—hot, really, and yet she shivered. Her thoughts were racing at lightning speed, but her mind was somehow a total blank. Everything about her was in contradiction, and that was probably why she suddenly thought that kissing him might actually not be such a terrible idea.

A taste of yesterday—that was all she wanted. Just a taste of what might have been. What could have been. What
should
have been.

She swayed forward, and that was all the invitation he needed. He crushed her to him in a stunning embrace, his lips devouring hers. She could feel his arousal pressing against her, and it was utterly thrilling. He might be a rake and a philanderer, but she couldn't believe he had ever wanted a woman the way he wanted her this very minute.

Victoria felt like the most powerful woman on earth. It was a heady sensation, and she arched herself against him, shuddering as her breasts flattened against his chest.

“I need more.” He moaned, his hands grasping frantically at her backside. “I need it all.”

Victoria couldn't have said no if God himself had come down and told her to. And she had no doubt that she would have surrendered herself completely to Robert if a voice hadn't suddenly sounded in the room.

“Excuse me.”

Robert and Victoria flew apart, both whirling to face the door. An extremely well-dressed gentleman stood there. Victoria had never seen him before, although she had no doubt that he was a member of the house party. She looked away, utterly mortified at having been caught in such a compromising position.