Everything Changes (44 page)

I knew what
that meant.
Get up so I can sleep.

All three of
them were asleep before I closed the door. It was funny to me how I would look
at my family now and everything changed. I didn’t worry about how things might
be. Instead, I was determined to make it happen and have the family that I
wanted, not the family I thought I would have based on my own experience with
my own parents.

Justin was on
the phone and wanted to know what time I should meet him at the airport in the
morning. We agreed on seven and decided we would take the boys with us and
talked briefly about what kind of setup I was looking for. I loved the track
setup in Texas but never raced well there so we had some shit to figure out.

When I turned
about, intending to head back to bed since it was only five in the morning,
Jensen was staring at me, his helmet in his hand again.

I smiled at
him, taking in the way he was hungry to learn. I knew the feeling. I was the
same way at his age, wanting to discover the sport that held so much meaning to
my own father. Only his way of showing me was completely opposite.

After spending
so much of my life looking at my family, my career, and myself, blaming myself
for things out of my control, I decided it was time to see it for what it was.
Shit happened and it wasn’t always within your control. It was just the way it
was. I couldn’t blame myself for my mom leaving or my dad taking his own life.
Those were decisions they made.

I could take
the blame in what happened with me and Ro, yeah, I was to blame for that too.
But we made it through that and now had what we always wanted
—
a family.

I started
living my life for me.

That was
essentially why I went back to racing. I knew the concerns everyone had with me
going back, but I also knew if I gave up because I was told I couldn’t race, I
would always wonder if I could have made it back.

It wasn’t long
before I found myself out behind our house on trails trying to teach my young
son throttle control. He desperately wanted to go fast like me, but one thing
at a time. First I had to teach him you couldn’t just grab a handful of
throttle at his age and not expect to be tossed off the back if you don’t hold
on.

After about
ten occurrences where he took a face full of dirt, he started to get the concept.

“Daddy, help
me!” Jensen motioned to his front wheel that had a stick jammed in it with an
aggravated flip of his gloved hand. Climbing off my own bike, I helped him and
then got his bike going again.

It was times
like this where I understood the difference between Jeremy and me. I never made
Jensen feel like he was living in my shadow or taking the spotlight from me. I
treated him like he should have been treated. He was just a boy. A son. My son.

We had taken
Jensen’s training wheels off the bike just last week, and it amazed me every
day that he could ride the way he did at only three.

I stood behind
him as he rode away, dust kicking up from around him as the sun beat down on me
warming my skin. But nothing warmed me like the sight before me, and I smiled
watching my son follow in my footsteps, a son I would never take for granted.

The fact of
the matter was that Ro and I had fallen in love at a very young age, completely
unaware of the power that love held over the both of us or the damage we could
do to that love. Now it was easy to see, appreciate even, the way it drew us
together time and time again. For that, I was thankful for the way it turned
out and what it gave me: a beautiful wife and two wonderful children.

Sometimes love
hits and instant and you have no idea how to process it or what it means or how
it can control you. Sometimes it can take you years to get your shit together.

It was worth
every fucking miserable minute when I looked at what I had now. It took five
years of give and take, banging bars and soaring jumps, deep ruts and steep
sweeping corners but we balanced, controlled the throttle, and shifted weight
together.

I inhaled,
drawing that fresh spring air into my lungs, as I looked out over the trails
and our home.
 
I realized that a lot can
change a person, but this was where I found my heart, discovered my home, and
raised my family here.

This was one
thing I never wanted to change.

The End

The best thing about the future is that is comes
one day at a time.

Abraham
Lincoln

Meet the
Author

Shey Stahl used to be an Administrative Assistant
before making the decision to become a full time writer. Now she rarely leaves
her laptop and orders take out every night. She lives in Washington with her
adrenaline junky husband and overactive little girl who is convinced she has
magical powers and lives in a castle.

You can follow her on Twitter @
SheyStahl
or Facebook under: Shey Stahl, or, if you would
like more, visit her website at:
www.sheystahl.com
to keep up to date on her future projects.

Additional novels by Shey Stahl: Waiting for You,
Racing on the Edge and Delayed Penalty.