Everything I Have (Everything I Want #3) (25 page)

Epilogue

Download.

Donington Park, Leicestershire, England

Two months later…

Rain crashes against the tent as Frankie tries to keep my hair in check.

“Damn rain,” Frankie mumbles as he applies a little more smoothing balm into my hair. At least it’s not hot. I would rather play in the rain and the temperature be in the sixties than sunny and hot as fuck.

“So, how are you doing being away from little miss Scarlet?” Frankie asks me.

My heart drops at the thought of her. This is my first time being away from her. Traveling with a newborn across the Atlantic just didn’t seem right to me, but my family jumped on the opportunity to watch her. Our next tour is starting in the fall and that’s when we’re taking her. Frankie’s duties just jumped up to not only stylist, but now, nanny too. He couldn’t be more excited. A smile tugs at my lips when I remember when Frankie first met his little partner in chic crime as he calls her.

“Oh, my sweet stars,” Frankie gasps. Bringing his hands up to cover his mouth, he bends over my shoulder and gazes down. Cradling Scarlet close to me, I look over at him.

“Wanna hold her?”

Frankie is speechless. Holy shit. The warmth I’m feeling right now inside brightens looking at my best friend’s face.

“Oh, my. Yes,” he coos at her, tears beginning to form in his eyes.

Looking back down at her sweet little face, I bring her tiny forehead up to my lips and lay a gentle kiss on her, breathing in her sweet newborn scent. I swear, it’s the sweetest perfume there ever was in this world.

Light, breathy coos come out of her tiny mouth as I bring her up to me.

“Ready?” I ask Frankie.

He raises one finger, then looks behind him and pulls the chair closer to my bedside. Turning back around, his smile wide, he holds his arms out toward me.

“Come see your tee tee, Frankie,” he coos back at her.

My fingertips brush against her small back as Frankie wraps his long arms around her, cradling her against his chest. Some strands of hair that were tucked behind his ear fall into his face as he gazes at my sweet baby girl. His eyes moisten again.

“What’s this beauty’s name?”

“Scarlet,” I smile at him.

He glances up at me and makes his duck lips.

“Ooh, beautiful!”

Frankie gently nudges her tiny fist with his index finger. Her little fingers wrap around his and that’s when Frankie loses it.

“Oh, my. How fucking precious.”

“Frankie!”

“I’m sorry, girl,” he whimpers as he runs his thumb over the baby’s hand curled around his finger. “It’s just that I can’t take the cuteness.”

I adjust the pillows behind me a little then lean back to watch Frankie rock her. He runs his fingertips over her head. Little pieces of thick, black hair twirl around as he continues to stroke her.

“Wow, she’s already got a great mane. I can’t wait to work with it.” He looks down into her face. “Tee tee Frankie is gonna show you a whole new world, my little grasshopper.”

Just then, the creak of the door has me looking up. Frankie doesn’t notice, he’s all in babyland right now. My heart flutters, yes, fucking flutters when Tristan walks through the door in dark gray jeans and a white t-shirt. He must have just showered at my parents’ house because his hair is still wet looking and pushed back off his face. I also noticed that he’s trimmed his facial hair, which now looks more like a five o’clock shadow.

I smile up at him and he gives me his crooked grin back as he walks toward the bed. Holy shit. How is it even possible to be turned on right now after I just had a baby twenty four hours ago? Then I move slightly and my ass reminds me to chill the fuck out on that. I wince just a little. It’s not as bad as what some made it out to be, but those damn contractions toward the end there were just brutal. That took the cake as far as being uncomfortable. Next time I have cramps, I will never bitch again.

Tristan comes up right beside Frankie. Folding his arms over his chest, he stares at Scarlet in Frankie’s arms.

“You’ve done good,” Frankie says to him, still grinning at Scarlet.

She squirms for just a moment.

“Shh,” Frankie says, gently swaying with her.

He glances over his shoulder at Tristan, then smiles. Tristan’s eyes are still on Scarlet as she begins to fuss softly. His large hands reach out for her and in a moment, Tristan has her securely in his strong arms. 

The sight takes my breath away. Tristan, this huge man, dangerous sex god extraordinaire, cradling this tiny baby barely the size of his forearm. Watching them together, she already has him wrapped around her little finger. Who would have thought? Tristan has become a gentle giant.

The wind is beginning to pick up a little now, causing the walls of the tent flap. Smiling, I sit back and close my eyes, listening to New Year’s Day perform as this insane weather whips around. My boys are laughing, already partying,
what’s new?
, in the background. There’s no real privacy here for me to get ready in, but being here at Download and getting ready to go on stage with my boys is something we always wanted to do. Honestly, we thought it would take us a lot longer to get here than just a couple years.

“Hey, Jeff! Paint the British flag on my chest real quick,” Roger laughs.

Frankie makes a light gagging noise as he squats on his heels in front of me, lacing my boots up.

“What the fuck, dude? No one wants to see your gut,” Jared mumbles, cackling at Roger.

“Guy, it’s called paying fucking homage!”

“Whatever,” Jared waves him off. “Seeing you shirtless out there is more like disrespect.”

I shake my head, laughing out loud. These guys. Standing up, I turn my back to them again as Frankie steps in front of me wearing his tight leather pants and an off-the-shoulder, blood red t-shirt.

Crossing his arms, his eyes scan up and down me. Now, I know I just had a baby, but I still can’t help but feel a tad bit self-conscious. Frankie must sense that because he tsks at me and shakes his head.

“Don’t, girl! Whatever stupid thought is in your head right now, forget about it. You’re hot!”

“It’s just, maybe you should have picked something a little more…”

Shrugging my shoulders, I look down at my outfit- boots, shredded tights, and black jean shorts. My top is a strapless black corset with black lace filler pieces. My hair is wavy with thick curls, and as usual, Frankie has done dark smoky eyes. Only difference is my lips are a darker shade of nude.

“Honey, you’re hot! Look at them full fucking hips of yours.” He grabs a hold of my waist and wiggles me a little. “Pregnancy did the body good in your favor. You gained what, like twenty five pounds or something?”

“Yeah, in my nipple,” I smirk at him.

He just rolls his eyes at me.

“Yeah, whatever.”

Okay, maybe I did exaggerate. I’ve been on this stupid diet/workout routine for about four weeks now. Getting ready for Download with a newborn? Shit. I already feel exhausted, but I know I look fine. Just those stupid self-doubt voices trying to work their way in.

“I bet Mr. Scott is happy that he’s gotten the green light.”

Laughing at him, I can’t help my insides from clenching at his words. Yes, as a matter of fact, he is. I think. I thought Tristan had stamina before, but holy shit. If anything, it’s like having the baby has kicked up our… well, to just put it out there, our fucking.

Frankie teases me, saying I’m gonna be knocked up again by the end of the year. That’s a big NO. I love my little Scarlet, but she’s a lot of work and I’m not even ready to think about the possibility of having more yet. So, I’m back on birth control. Yeah, I know. It failed before, but I’m a big believer that everything happens for a reason.

Steve comes in, grinning at us.

“You guys ready to go?”

Frankie jumps up and down, clapping.

“Go get ’em, girl. Woo!”

Even he knows how awesome it is to be here right now. In the Rock and Metal world, it’s a fucking honor to play Download.

“Quick, someone paint me!”

Roger has his beer in one hand, and blue paint in the other. I walk over to him with my hand outstretched.

“Give it to me.”

Roger’s face lights up.

“Fuck, yeah!”

Even with the sea of thousands upon thousands of people, and the chaos going on around me, for some reason, everything sounds muted. I haven’t been able to run into Tristan yet, since Undead played earlier on a different stage. I’m nervous as fuck as I stare out at flags from all over Europe waving around in the mass of bodies.

The raindrops become fatter as they start falling heavier now. Whatever Frankie had tried to do to my hair is now a complete waste, but I don’t care. Watching my boys’ backs as they start to take the stage, panic rises in me.

Why am I freaking out all of a sudden? Is it because it’s Download? Yes, most definitely. But even after all the practicing this past month, this is still the first time since February that I’m going live again and that’s causing the massive freak out going on inside of me right now.

Fuck! Move legs! I yell at myself in my head.

All of a sudden, I feel Tristan’s presence behind me. It instantly softens me as he grips my shoulder. His face coming around the other side, he kisses right below my ear, his hot breath caressing my skin.

“So fucking beautiful.”

He reaches his long arms around me and pulls me in close, his fingers finding my new engagement ring which rests on my finger. He twists it from side to side.

Cradled in Tristan’s arms, I look up at the edge of the stage at the sea of people. I realize now that some of the places we played before should have been called lakes of people, because being here at Download... now
that’s
a fucking sea.

“Breathe, my girl.”

Tristan’s voice, low and deep, melts over me. It pulls me into “our” place and I already feel better. Crazy, huh? How did I go from freaking out about getting ready to go out in front of a massive audience, to wanting to have Tristan? Even though I’m distracted now, at least I’m more excited than nervous.

Tilting my head to the side, Tristan’s lips finds mine as he opens his mouth up. His tongue doesn’t search for long before mine meets his. His grip on my waist tightens as his other hand begins trailing up my stomach... until we hear someone clear their throat right beside us. Fucking Lux! My eyes go huge as Tristan still holds me from behind, grinning at Lux himself.

“What? You didn’t think I would miss my Dollar Settlement’s first gig at Download, did ya?” he winks.

Smiling, I take him in. Still Lux. He may be the only person here that’s wearing a full suit. But Lux can get away with that, he just has this Sam Elliot vibe about him. Gawd, he was and always will be a good looking old timer, too.

“Ready, Sophia?” Lux asks me, his eyes warm.

He’s like a second dad to me. Nodding, I slowly step out of Tristan’s hold.

“Well, then… get your cute ass out there and ‘give ’er,’” he air quotes, using Roger’s words.

I laugh, then look back at Tristan. Right as I am just about to step out, Tristan reaches for my hand, stopping me. He gives me his panty-wetting, crooked grin.

“Don’t fuck up,” he says.

“Fuck you!”

“Fuck you, too.”

That’s kind of our fucked up way of saying ʻI love you’. Staring up at him, with my band beginning to play behind me, I step up on my tiptoes and caress his rough cheek. Tristan’s eyes close as he leans into my hand. I love this man.

“Get out there!” Lux yells, shaking his head.

Oh shit! Grabbing the mic from Steve, I mouth ʻI love you’ to Tristan.

He stays on the sidelines for the entire set, arms folded over his strong chest. In the shadows, he watches me. And his watching me gives me that much more drive.

The hard rain cools my skin as it falls. My wet hair sticks to my back, making it a little harder to head bang without having it sting my skin as it whips, but we jammed the hell out of our entire set and it was fucking perfect. All of this is fucking perfect. My sweet baby, Tristan, my family, and my boys, and of course… the music.

What a fucked up, crazy ride this has all been, but if I had to start right back at the very beginning again, I
so
would…

The Motherfucking End

BONUS SCENE

Everything I Want

Tristan’s POV

“I’ll one up you, motherfucker. I’ll snag two just to shut you the hell up.”

Caleb bumps Dave’s shoulder with his fist. 

“Yeah, two nasty ones,” Dave mumbles, slipping his guitar strap over his head, smirking back at Caleb.

“I wouldn’t want my pussy any other way.”

Caleb’s grinning like a son of a bitch. Christ. Shaking my head at them, I walk over to the mic, glancing at Gunner twirl his sticks around, waiting.

“Are we gonna do a do over again?” he asks as I yank the headphones off.

“Nah.” I look down at the phones in my hands, “Let’s just fuck around.”

We’ve been in the studio for the last few months and now we’re finally finishing up our fifth album. Next month we start touring again and I just found out this fucking morning that the last group the label just signed with are total fucks and Lux had to let them go. Now, it’s all about managing other bands the studio signed with to see who’s fucking available to open for us.

I fucking doubt they’ll be able to get anyone. Most of the bands around are busy with recording or starting different tours. I know Lux was rambling on about some band he saw not too long ago back east in Chicago. Actually, he wouldn’t shut the hell up about them. I trust his judgment. If he sees something he likes, it’s usually, but not fucking always, pretty good. What in the fuck were they called again? All I know is that the lead singer, a chick, can sing hard like a man, and soft and feminine like, too.

Whatever. She’s probably just some stuck up bitch, showing off her tits and pretty much letting her band carry her. Seen the shit a hundred times before. Not all the time, but way more than the ones with actual talent.

The guys and I go over some of our older material, just fucking around ‘til Lux gets here. About an hour ago, he called to see if we were still at the studio, saying he has something he would like to discuss about the tour. Maybe he called one of his studio contacts and found someone that would be willing to prep for a tour in a month? Fuck, maybe he’s postponing it until they can straighten this shit out.  

Placing the headphones back down, I push my sunglasses up with my index finger. Since Caleb and I hit the bars pretty hard last night, I knew I had to wear them for the fact that I had a fucking rager headache this morning. Even though it’s dimly lit in here, any light would feel like splinters to my brain.

After he places it in, he shoves it off to the side.

“Man, I gotta take a piss,” he says and starts heading out.

I catch a glimpse of Caleb’s back stilling for a moment when he opens the door, but I don’t really give it too much thought. Ryan heads after him and eventually, I’m the last one making my way out. Lux better hurry the fuck up. I feel like shit and I’m not in the mood for any bullshit today.

Walking up to the doorway, I catch a lot of bodies crammed tight in the small room. What the fuck? Stepping in, my eyes instantly zero in on one of the most fucking hot chick I have ever fucking seen. No shit. Even living out in L.A. and touring all over the damn world, this chick right here...

Fuck, my cock hardens at the sight of her fucking tits. Yeah, call me an asshole. Anything with a dick would look there first. And how can you not? Tight as hell body, fucking gorgeous rack. Goddamn. I love the fucking fact that I wore shades today, because now I can take my time and get my fill of her. But fuck… I can’t get enough and that’s when my eyes roam up ‘til they meet with these shiny sapphire eyes. Fuck! It literally feels like I’ve just been gutted. And that pisses me off.

This chick is definitely trouble. Looking that fucking good is bound to bring some evil with it. But as I keep staring at her, her smiling eyes fade as she takes me in. What? She probably
is
a stuck up bitch.

“Hey guys!” Lux says to everyone in the room, waving his hand around.

Okay, so this is definitely a band.

“Just wanted you guys to meet the new band I signed today. They will be joining you guys on tour. They’re Dollar Settlement and they can jam. I went out and saw them in Chicago last month.”

Yep, figured as much.

Lux points over at the chick.

“This is Sophia. She’s lead vocals, but don’t let that pretty face of hers fool ya. This chick has a set of lungs on her.”

Sophia?
Of course someone that looks like her would have a name like that. Taking in her simple but sexy as fuck clothing, I can only imagine pounding into her. Fuck! I can’t keep staring or I probably will just fucking go after her.

Glancing back over at Lux, I try to get my mind off her, but I just get angrier at myself for having to keep glancing back at her. What the fuck? Fucking pussy. I roll my eyes knowing no one can see me.

Lux turns slightly over to this dude with the ponytail. Checking him out, I can’t help but wonder if he’s had her and again, the thought pisses me off. Why the fuck?

“This here is Roger. He’s the drummer.”

Roger steps in and nods, reaching out his hand. He offers it to me first and I kind of want to push it away, but after looking him over again, I don’t get that he’s bagged her. Taking his hand, I shake down hard once before letting go. He continues going around and offers his hand to the other guys. I guess that’s cool of him.

“This is Cory. He’s lead guitarist. And Matt, who is rhythm.”

Looking over his shoulder, he stares at this quiet dude in the back. Where in the hell did he come from? Didn’t even notice the fucker back there.

“And last but not least is Jared. He’s bass and I think he’s a big fan.”

You can hear the laughter in Lux’s voice as he introduces him, which causes everyone in the room to chuckle a little bit, but I don’t even notice since my eyes are back on this Sophia chick. Shit. She’s beautiful. Fuck! I can’t be goggling all over her. Bitch is probably used to it. But who can blame her, looking all like a goddess. She must be the type who spits when she sucks dick. By the looks of her, no way would she be down for some dirt. 

“Okay, so before I leave you guys to all get to know each other, I have just a few more things to say to the newcomers.”

Turning his back to me, he starts talking with Sophia and her band. Her eyes dart from his and over to mine for a second before going back. The longer I watch her listen to Lux’s words as if he were God or something, the faster this heated anger starts to rise inside me, and I don’t fucking like it.

“You got it, Lux,” she says, her voice small but upbeat.

Damn. Just hearing her speak sounds so sexy. How am I gonna tour with someone like her and fucking control myself? Maybe her singing voice sucks. She’s probably just some rock eye candy. Yeah, that’s fucking it.

One by one, her band members start to flood into the recording room. She hesitantly takes a step forward. Am I affecting her? Good! Because she sure as hell did some shit to me.

Say something, weak fucker!
I scream at myself, but for some fucked up reason, my anger wins.

“This isn’t no bar gig,” I growl at her. “You fuck up on tour, it makes this label look like shit. I have shares here, so I don’t want myself looking like shit. You got it?”

Fuck, dude. Sophia’s eyes widen with heat behind them before she glares at me. But then she goes and crosses her fucking arms, pushing her tits up. The juicy flesh peeks out of her t-shirt. Goddamn.

“I think my little band can manage,” she goes, her voice sounding a little bratty. “Are you done? Because I have some work to do.”

She finishes with a hint of annoyance threading through her sweet voice. Then she smiles at me. I don’t know whether to fucking scream at her for being beautiful, like it was her own goddamn fault, or screaming at myself for not keeping my shit in check. It’s like I’m a fucking kid again. Shit.

When she walks by me, her arm brushes against mine and my dick jerks at the feel of her soft skin. Then she’s gone and I look on for just a second longer as her back goes through the door.

“Ahem.”

Caleb coughs from out the other door, leading to the hallway, smirking at me like a bitch. I feel like shit all over again, but there’s something annoying there and I can’t put my fucking finger on it. I just need to get the hell out of here. Heading for the door, my back tenses when I hear Dave joking out in the hall.

“I call fucking dibs on that one. Holy fuck, she’s hot!”

Never in all my time with Dave have I ever wanted to slam my fist in his throat as I do right fucking now.

Caleb slaps my shoulder and gives me another shit grin. Shaking his head, he looks over at Dave.

“Nah, bro. She’s off limits.”

“Why the fuck do you say that?” Dave laughs, but his voice has a serious tone to it.

“Because…” Caleb stops and grins over at me as we wait outside the elevator. Where the fuck is he going with this? I’m not in the mood for one of Caleb’s crazy ass riddle shit.

“She’s Tristan’s.”

I stare back at my friend, wanting to wipe that smirk off his face. Shaking my head at him, I look ahead as the elevator doors open. I step in first, and with my back to them, the corner of my mouth rises.

Sophia, huh?
I think I may have to have some fun with this one.