Everything I've Never Had (44 page)

He leans and gives me a little kiss. “Thank you, babe. I love you. I’m sorry about that.”

“I love you too. Let’s go talk to Archer.”

THE REST OF the week runs pretty smoothly. We’re all in planning mode. The boys are planning for their spring vacation, and I’m planning our little reception, and Adrian’s getting back into his music. We settle into a routine, and even though Adrian is quiet, he seems much better.

Tonight, it’s boys’ night out and girls’ night in. Bonnie and Farah have come over and the guys have taken Adrian out. I’m pretty sure I heard “bar crawl” floating around.

The girls pop in
Bridget Jones’s Diary
while I make margaritas. The little boys play
Guitar Hero
in the back.

I start to pour a third and remember Farah doesn’t always partake. “Farah, do you want a margarita, honey?”

“No, thanks,” she calls casually, “I’m having a baby.”

I slam down my margarita pitcher, sloshing margarita everywhere.
Whoops!
Rushing into the living room, I see Bonnie already all over her. I shake my head at her. “Thanks, what a way to tell me.” I join in on the hugging and the tears and the talking to the baby who’s probably the size of a pea right now.

Two down, one to go. Farah and I were both on top of the world. Now we just needed to get Bonnie there.

MY PHONE WAKES me up from a dead sleep. Margaritas have that brain-numbing effect. Grabbing for my phone, I simultaneously put my glasses on and blink at the time and the caller before answering. “Louis? It’s three o’clock in the morning.” Looking over my shoulder, I register no Adrian.

“Cel, don’t freak out, OK?”

“Now I’m freaking out,” I say. “What’s going on?”

He blows out a deep breath. “Adrian’s been arrested and is being held for twenty-four hours. But he’s OK.”

“What was he arrested for?” Other than a noise violation, I don’t think he’s ever been in trouble with the law before and that was back in college.

Another deep breath released. “Public intoxication, public disturbance, simple assault and destruction of city property.”

“Excuse me? Adrian doesn’t get drunk.”

“I know. I was pretty surprised myself. I would have told him to lay off, but it happened pretty quickly and probably because he doesn’t drink very often.”

“What happened?” I want to cry. I don’t understand this at all. I know it’s not the end of the world, but this isn’t like him at all.

“We were at a club and some guy got violent with his girlfriend. Adrian intervened. The guy got mouthy with him, got in his face. Adrian warned him. Guy didn’t stop. Adrian punched him. Once. That’s all it took.”

“Oh my God. What about the other stuff?”

“Well, that’s where it got bad. The one punch we probably could’ve gotten him out of pretty easily, but when the cops got there, Adrian got pissed off because they were jackasses. So he started throwing some insults. They, uh, arrested him. Once they had him in the back of the cop car, the arresting officer kept being an asshole. Just taunting him, you know?”

“And?”

“Adrian kicked out the back window of their car.”

I gasp. “What? Like the side window? Don’t those usually have a cage on them?”

“Not the side window. The big back window. And, yes, there was a cage. That didn’t seem to matter to your pissed off Marine.”

“Louis, that’s just not like him at all. He’s been acting strange since he got back. Quiet, moody, and he was even short-tempered. I mean, he’s an intense guy, yes. But this is different.”

“Yep, I noticed something off as well. I just chalked it up to stress and exhaustion.”

I run my hand through my hair, offering up a silent prayer on how to help my husband. “When can I pick him up? Do I have to bail him out or what?”

“Umm…he told me that I’m to pick him up. He doesn’t want you involved.”

“He doesn’t want me involved?” I squeak out disbelievingly.

“Yeah, Cel, I think he’s ashamed and doesn’t want to hurt you.”

I wipe at my eyes. The tears that are flowing cannot be stopped. My husband is hurting and doesn’t want my help. “He’s my husband. He hurts. I hurt,” I whisper.

“I know, baby girl. Look, I’m going to get him tomorrow morning, take him to his apartment—”

“Don’t you take him to his apartment, Louis. Bring him home to me.”

“He asked that I bring him to his apartment. He said he’s no good for anyone right now.”

SITTING ON ADRIAN’S couch, all I can do is replay those words, “He said he’s no good for anyone right now.” And every time I do, I just want to cry.

I’ve been waiting here for over an hour. I’d looked around and noticed lots of pictures of the boys stuck here and there. I found his programs for the boys’ events on his coffee table. All signs of a wonderfully supportive person who needed me right now, but it sounds like I might have a fight on my hands. I know that Hebert pride, and it was a force to be reckoned with. I’ve got news for him, though, I’m an Hebert too.

When I hear the key turn in the lock, my stomach turns right along with it. I’m a ball of nerves. I take a deep, calming breath and prepare myself. I tell myself to remain calm no matter what he throws at me.

His eyes find mine right away—despair, anguish, fear. I tear up again. “Hi, baby.”

“Celeste, what are you doing here, babe? I told Louis to tell you just to give me some time.” The jacket that he’s holding has all his attention.

I swallow hard. He’s calm. I’d gotten a “babe.” The message is still clear, though. Stay away. “Adrian, that’s not the way it works.” He sinks down onto the chair opposite me but doesn’t stop staring at his jacket. “You’re my husband. It’s my place to help you. Hell, it’s my desire to help you. Something’s going on. Is it this instant family you have?” His eyes finally fly up to meet mine. “Do you feel overwhelmed by us?”

“God, no. That’s not it. Celeste, y’all are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Then what is it, Adrian? I can’t help if you don’t tell me what’s going on. You didn’t hide your feelings from me when we were just friends, and now’s not the time to start.”

He drapes his jacket over his chair and runs his hands over his face and over his head. “Do you want something to drink?”

“No, I’m good.”

Getting up, he goes into the kitchen and I watch as he makes himself a glass of ice water. It’s a struggle not to pounce on him and drag this out of him and figure out how to help him. He drinks it and then pours another damn glass and drinks it. Finally, he sets the glass down and comes back into the living room.

“Sorry. I was extremely thirsty.”

“I bet. I heard you had a lot to drink last night. You’re probably dehydrated.”

“Do you mind if I take a shower?”

I shake my head no. I’m afraid if I try to speak that I’ll cry. He’s acting so cold, so distant, and so unlike my Adrian. He gives me a little smile and heads off to the bathroom.

Kicking my shoes off, I get up from the couch and go to the bathroom once I hear the water running. I crack the door and stand there watching him. He’s so beautiful but looks so…pained. If this had been any other day, I’d pull my clothes off and climb in with him as quickly as I could. But this is not any other day. I’m afraid if I do, he’d push me away and that would crush me.

I ease back out and go out to the kitchen, take out the leftovers from last night’s dinner that I’d brought with me, and heat them up for him. I’m sure he’s starved. I’m placing it on the bar as he rounds the corner.

“You didn’t need to do that,” he tells me.

“I know, but I’m sure you’re hungry.”

He settles at the bar. “I am.”

Before he can get started, I feel myself being propelled around the bar to pull his face to mine. “I love you, Adrian,” I whisper fiercely. “Whatever you are going through, I can help you. We can work it out together.” I kiss him, long and chaste. He’s not there.
He’s not there!
I sob and pull back. “You have to tell me what’s going on. You can’t pull away from me like this. I can’t…I can’t take it. You’re breaking my heart,” I say, my voice cracking.

He wraps his arms around me and buries his head on my chest, weeping.
No!
“Celeste, I don’t want to hurt you. I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m trying my damnedest not to hurt you. But I’m…I need space and time. I’m not safe enough for y’all to be around right now.”

“Adrian, what does that even mean? I don’t understand.”

Another sob. I run my hands over his head and down his neck, shushing him as I go. Leaning down, I kiss him over and over. I wish that my kisses held healing power and with each one, every sadness, every insecurity, every pain of his would dissipate, leaving behind the strong, compassionate man I’d come to know and love and cherish.

Finally, he pulls back. I run my thumbs over his tears and lean down and kiss them away. “I’m going to be staying here for a while.” I shake my head at him. “Yes, Celeste, I don’t trust myself right now. I have all these thoughts going through my head, uncontrollable but controlling thoughts. I don’t even know how to explain them to you except to say that I don’t feel…stable. I feel on edge all the time. You don’t need someone like me around the boys right now. I need you to be smarter than that.”