Everything She Wanted (12 page)

“I want to rush and hold back all at the same time,” she admitted.

“Just don’t run away
this time.”

With the way things were going, he understood that maybe she didn’t think this thing was real. He’d had his moments wondering if everything he felt for her was because of what Morgan predicted. Kate had been through a traumatic event. He didn’t want to be just someone she held on to because she didn’t want to be alone. She needed the connection.

But he felt everything in that
kiss. Neither of them could hide what they truly felt when they kissed like that.

“This is real, Kate. Whether we take it slow or fast or somewhere in between, it will still feel like this.” He kissed her again to show her and prove to himself that the truth lay in those words and between them. She was meant for him. It hit him all at once. He was meant for her. That thought took on a whole
new meaning. The urge to protect her and be the man she needed and deserved swelled inside of him until his chest ached. His kisses grew hungry with the need to show her, prove to her, that he could be everything she wanted. Everything she’d dreamed, but never truly believed could be for her.

He could be the man his father never was.

She matched his urgency, then pressed her lips hard
to his to slow him down. She kissed him several times, breaking the kiss and pressing her forehead to his. She still held his face. He didn’t move, except to slide his fingers through her hair and up to cover the back of her head and hold her close. With her eyes closed, she breathed in and out a few times, evening out her breath. He did the same, but watched her. How could he not? This close to her,
she took his breath away. Her dark lashes rested on her pale cheek. When her eyes finally opened and stared into his, he saw the depth of her need for him. Not just for the physical connection that still raced over his nerves even now, but for that something deeper he felt but couldn’t name. What he saw in her eyes matched that unique feeling she gave him.

Alex stirred in the backseat and
let out a soft whimper of distress. Now that the car stopped, he woke up, wondering what was going on.

Kate fell back into her seat. He let her go, but wanted her back in his arms. Well, not in the car. Somewhere more private. And soft.

“Does it bother you?” she asked.

“Not kissing you bothers me a lot.”

She smiled and let out a nervous laugh. “No, I mean Alex.”

“He doesn’t
bother me at all.”

“You and me, we’ve kind of avoided the whole complicated relationship thing for a long time. If we explore this thing between us, well, it includes him.”

“First, what I feel for you isn’t complicated at all. I want to be with you, Kate. I don’t know what it is, why it feels different, but it is that simple for me.”

Her eyes narrowed and her lips pressed tight. Then
she admitted, “It is for me too.”

“Alex is your son. He’s a piece of you. I know a relationship with you means a relationship with Alex. I can’t have you without including him. I’m perfectly fine with that.” She eyed him again. “Really, I like kids. I like him. I don’t mind sharing you with him.”

“You have no choice, really.”

“I wouldn’t change it even if I could. I see the way you
are with him. The love you have for him and Margo. It makes me like you all the more, Kate. I know you want me to see how strong you are, that you can take this on and you’re fine. Giving in to your feelings and leaning on me . . . it’s not weak, Kate. You could never be weak.”

“I want to hide away with Alex and pretend none of this happened, that all the bad things were just another nightmare.
What does it say that I want to let you handle it, so I don’t have to face it?”

The grief in her eyes and riddled through her words tore at his heart. He didn’t like the way she wanted to push this off on others to handle. That wasn’t her way at all and spoke of how deep her grief and exhaustion ran. It worried him, but he knew she’d rally, because she’d never take a backseat when something
needed to be done.

He reached for her again, sliding his hand along her cheek and cupping her face. She leaned into his touch and he smiled softly at her. “It says you trust me.” Her eyes went wide with surprise. “That’s not something you do easily, so I’m glad we’ve got that between us. It’s a very good start. You’re grieving. Let me handle the case, you take the time you need to process
what happened and where you go from here.”

She closed her eyes and leaned into his palm. “I’m so tired.”

“Come inside. I’ll show you to your room. You can rest. In a few days, we’ll have more answers. You’ll be safe here.”

Chapter Thirteen

S
AFE SEEMED RELATIVE.
In the two days since Ben dropped her off at Haven House, someone had set off the security alarms in the middle of the night four times in different areas of the building. Each time, Ben arrived in a near panic despite her assurances over the phone that she was fine and no one got into the building. The fear in his eyes washed away with relief
when he finally saw her. The tremble that rocked through him when he pulled her into his arms for a hug touched her more deeply than if that shiver came from pure lust. He cared.

The belief that he had real and deep feelings for her scared her, but didn’t stop her from growing more and more accustomed to having him around. He stopped by in the early morning on his way to work and had breakfast
with her. He came by after work to meet with Jill, the person running the center for him until he hired a new director, then he had dinner with Kate. They’d kicked back and watched a movie each night with Alex falling asleep on Ben’s chest. Seeing him with Alex, holding him, feeding him, playing and making silly sounds to make Alex smile, made that fear inside of her ease and grow in a different
way. The more she needed him, wanted him in her life, the more she feared losing him.

“Kate?”

She looked up from where she sat on the floor with Alex, playing on his mat, batting at the toys hanging over his head with one hand. In the other he waved a bright green ring around that he sometimes managed to get in his mouth to suck on.

“Hi, Jill. What’s up?”

“If you’re not busy, I
wondered if you’d help me out with one of the girls.”

“Let me guess—­Mariana.” The fourteen-­year-­old was all attitude and defiance. Everyone who stayed at Haven House was required to pitch in and help. Though Ben had a full-­time staff that included everything from a janitor and chef to counselors and job placement coordinators, residents chipped in with setting the tables for meals, washing
dishes, and cleaning up the children’s playroom, the TV room, and the computer lab. Older kids were expected to oversee the little ones on the playground out back and help pick up the toys.

Jill smiled and nodded. “She’s having a difficult time adjusting. She doesn’t believe her mother will stick with the program.”

“Valentina attends her classes. She’s working with the counselor.”

“Her husband is in an anger management class. She’s been sneaking calls to him. Mariana isn’t convinced this time her mother will leave him.”

“What does Valentina’s counselor say?”

“She hasn’t quite hit that point where the success she’s achieving in her computer classes translates to a better life for herself without her abusive husband.”

“Her self-­esteem will improve over time.”

“Mariana is tough, but she’s scared,” Jill said.

“She’s got good reason to be. Unless her father really embraces anger management, it’s just a means to an end in getting his wife back and the authorities off his back. For now.”

“Which is why I hoped you’d work with Mariana. She watches you in the gym. I thought maybe you could teach her some kickboxing moves. Work with her to build
her confidence.”

“Sure. Where is she?”

Jill smiled and tilted her head to indicate the hallway. “Pretending to be you in the gym.”

That made Kate smile. She picked up Alex and held him close. He grabbed fistfuls of her hair and pulled, rubbing his face against her neck.

“Tired baby,” Jill crooned, patting Alex on the back. “Give him to me. I’ll grab his bouncy seat from your room
and bring him to my office.”

“Are you sure?”

“You help me out with Mariana, I’ll watch this little man for you.”

“He needs a diaper change before his nap.”

“I’m on it. He likes the puppy to sleep with, right?”

Kate appreciated Jill’s attention and friendship these last two days. “Yes. And the blue blanket on my bed.”

Jill held her hands out and Kate transferred Alex to
her arms. She hated to be without him, even for a short time. Funny how that happened without her realizing it. Every second of the day she grew closer to him and the guilt that Margo wasn’t here dissipated. Margo would want her to raise Alex without constantly beating herself up for loving every second she had with him.

Kate kissed Alex on the head, patted his back, and watched Jill walk
away with a smile on her face and in her heart. The last two days she’d let herself grieve for her sister, but not think too much about the future. She needed to make plans and decide what came next.

Soon. Right now, she could fall back on what she knew how to do. Help teenage girls direct and overcome their anger.

Kate stood in the gym doorway, spying on the little girl punching the heavy
bag. Mariana had some moves. The tears in the young girl’s eyes tore at Kate’s heart. She knew each one cost her. As much as she hated her father, she hated that he made her cry even more.

Been there. Done that. Kate understood all too well.

Dressed in black leggings and a pink short-­sleeved tunic, Kate walked into the room ready to lend a hand. First, she’d need to get the girl’s attention.

“You’ll never hurt him that way.”

The girl punched the bag harder, but it barely moved. She flinched with the impact and held her hand against her chest.

Kate stood next to the bag, crouched, and held her hands up, fists ready for a fight. In slow motion, she moved her right hand into the bag. “You need to plant your feet wide. Bend your knees to keep your balance and your center of
gravity low. When you swing, follow through with your body, keeping your stomach tight.”

Kate made the move a ­couple more times in slow motion, then went full force with the third punch.

“Come on, crouch like me. Show me what you’ve got,” she taunted, because a girl like Mariana couldn’t back down from a challenge. She needed to be tough. She’d been taught to be tough, or left bloody
and bruised on the floor.

Mariana didn’t say a word, just mimicked Kate’s moves. Kate moved in behind her. Mariana jumped out of the way, spinning to face off with Kate.

Kate held up her hands. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

“But you could.”

Kate nodded. “I’ve spent many years learning how to protect myself. I’ll teach you the basics.”

“I need more than the basics. I need to
be able to fight.”

Kate understood that all too well too. “I can teach you how to fight. First lesson. Be smart. A guy who is ten inches taller and a hundred pounds heavier will always win.”

“Then what is the point of even trying?”

“Survival. You don’t have a chance if you try to stand and fight. What you want to do is block and counter so you can get away.”

“I’m not scared. I
can fight.”

“You should be scared. Fear can either get you killed, or keep you alive. If you let that fear freeze you in the moment, you’re dead. If you learn to think through the fear, you can save yourself. It is more important to save yourself, than win the fight.”

“But I want to hurt him.”

Kate sighed. “I know you do. I want you to live. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now,
but there is so much more out there for you than the life you think you’ll never escape.”

Mariana’s sad gaze fell to the floor. “She’ll go back to him. I’ll have no choice but to go with her.” The misery in Mariana’s voice tore Kate’s heart and made it bleed. It took her back to when she was young.

“Then I’ll teach you to survive until you do have a choice.”

Mariana nodded, then waited
for Kate to begin the lesson.

“Be smart. Never be a stationary target. Keep moving. If he can’t catch you, he can’t hit you.” Kate swung her hand wide. Mariana ducked. Kate expected her to move, so she swung her other arm and caught Mariana on the shoulder. “Always be prepared for the attack to come on all sides.”

Kate worked with Mariana for an hour, teaching her to move, punch, and kick.
Most of all, she taught the girl that escape didn’t mean defeat. She hoped that lesson sank in, because at Mariana’s five-­foot-­nothing height, a grown man could do some damage. Her father had done enough.

Mariana breathed heavily in front of Kate. They circled each other on the mats. “Enough. We’ll work some more tomorrow.”

“No. One more time. I’m getting better.”

Ah, confidence.
Kate loved it. She swung her arm wide, palm open to smack Mariana on the side of the head. Mariana ducked and sidestepped under it, avoiding her other hand coming the other way. “Good job. You are getting better. We’ll work on it tomorrow.”

“Come on, Kate, one more lesson.”

Kate backed Mariana into the corner of the room and stood in front of her, blocking her escape. “You’re cornered.
What do you do?”

“Be smart, don’t let you get your hands on me before I get free.”

“How?” Kate moved in and reached for the girl.

Mariana smacked her left hand away and ducked under her right, diving out from the corner to get past Kate. She shoved between Mariana’s shoulder blades and knocked her to the floor. Mariana twisted to her back, ready to protect herself with her hands. Kate
landed on top of Mariana, straddling her hips, and held her hands down on the mats.

“Got you. What did I tell you?”

“Never let him pin me down. I’m too small and weak to fight in this position.”

“Exactly. So be smart.”

“You said girls are stronger in the legs than in the arms, so I kick and try to get you off.”

“Men are vulnerable in their private parts. You get a shot at their
groin, you take it and make it count.”

Mariana kneed her in the back and bucked to dislodge Kate.

“What is going on?” Ben demanded.

Surprised Ben arrived early, Kate looked up. Ben stood in the doorway, a fierce look in his eyes. Mariana bucked again, sending Kate up on her knees. Mariana used her speed to get her feet up and through Kate’s legs. She planted her feet on Kate’s hips
at her thighs and pushed. Kate went flying backward, letting go of Mariana’s hands. She stumbled into the wall and hit hard with a thump.

Ben rushed forward to help Mariana up from the mat by her hand.

“I got you,” Mariana shouted, and pointed her finger straight at Kate, triumph lighting her eyes.

Despite the sting in her back, Kate smiled, infected by the girl’s enthusiasm. “Yes,
you did.”

“What is going on?” Ben asked again, his voice more bewildered than upset now.

“I’m teaching Mariana to protect herself.”

“Be smart. Never be a stationary target. Keep moving. Hit him where it hurts. Retreat isn’t failure, it’s survival.” Mariana bounced on the balls of her feet, fists at the ready to fight.

Kate laughed under her breath and nodded. “That’s my girl. We’ll
do some more tomorrow.”

“Will you teach me some of those cool kicks you do?”

“Yes. I promise. Now, if I’m not mistaken, you’re on kitchen prep for dinner tonight. Go wash up and get to work.”

“I don’t even know how to cook.”

“Learn. You’ll need it when the choices become your own. First rule, be smart. That means learning everything you can about taking care of yourself and being
independent. School will take you places you never thought possible.”

“School is boring.”

“School is the key to a prosperous life. Find something you love and learn everything you can about it. Get a good job, one that makes you happy and fulfilled. Never let yourself be stuck in a job or a life you don’t want because you limited yourself and think you don’t have any other options. There
is always another choice, but it takes guts and work. You’ve got the guts. Now work hard to achieve the dreams you think won’t come true. They never will if you don’t try.”

“You think I’ve got guts?”

“And so much more. You’re smart. You work hard. You’re hungry for more in your life and willing to accept help to get it. You even impressed Ben, besting me in the fight.”

“I did?” Mariana
stared up at Ben, so much hope in her eyes.

Ben didn’t miss a beat. “Are you kidding? That was a great move. You’ve got the makings of becoming a real badass.”

Mariana’s eyes went wide with surprise that Ben would use that word in front of her, but then the smile bloomed on her lips and she eyed Kate. “Maybe I’ll be as good as you someday.”

“I have no doubt. Now, go. Punctuality shows
you have respect for other ­people. They’ll respect you for doing the right thing.”

“On it. What time do you want to work out tomorrow?”

“When you get back from school, come find me.”

Mariana nodded and turned to go, but spun back around and threw her arms around Kate, hugging her close. “Thank you.”

Kate hugged Mariana back. “You’re welcome, sweetheart. It’s going to be okay.”

Mariana let her go and ran out the door.

Ben stared after the girl. “That’s not the same angry girl I’ve seen these last weeks.”

“More than being angry, she’s scared. She feels vulnerable and that she doesn’t have a say in her life. For the most part, she’s right. She can’t keep her mother from going back to her father. She feels helpless. I’ve been there. I used to be her.” Kate put
her hand on his chest over his pounding heart. “Your approval means a lot to her.”

“Because I’m a man.”

“Yes. You’re a strong, good-­looking man who is nice to her and isn’t her rotten son of a bitch father. She needs to learn the difference. Your approval of her learning to fight and protect herself reinforces that you think it’s okay for her to stand up for herself when her father has
taught her doing so will only lead to pain. He makes her feel weak and vulnerable. You made her feel strong and capable. What you think is a small thing to praise her for, she thinks is huge.”

Ben bent and kissed her softly. “You’re amazing.”

“For teaching that girl to be a badass.”

Ben laughed. “Yes. And for understanding why she needed you to teach her how to fight. If she’d been
a boy, I’d have thought it the perfect idea, but hesitated to encourage a girl.”

Kate smacked him on the arm. “Girls can fight.”

“I knew that in the abstract, but you showed me the girls who come here need to fight. Not just to protect themselves, but to build their self-­esteem. To know they can.”