Everything You Are (24 page)

Jane shoved the table's drawer closed with her leg, crossed the living room and went around the wall to Ian's office. She gently rapped her fingers on the office door and then peered inside to tell Ian that she was going to bed.

He wasn't there.

She glanced first into the gym and then into his bedroom.

He wasn't there either.

She opened the door of her bedroom, expecting to find him there, but her room was empty too. Where could he be? She heard muted voices coming from the guest room. She could hear Ian's voice. She couldn't distinguish what he was saying but, by his tone, he sounded upset. She closed the few steps of distance that separated her from the door and pressed her ear against the wooden surface.

“It's not right, and it's not the kind of behaviour that I would have expected from him. It's beneath him.”

Who's he?
Jane thought.

“I was very well aware of it since the beginning,” Amelia said.

Is
he
Ian's father?
She frowned. It seemed that whatever was bothering Ian lately wasn't business related. But whatever it was, it would be better if she learned about it from Ian, when he was ready to talk about it, not by eavesdropping. She moved away from the door.

“Darling, don't be so upset with your father, not on my account.” Amelia gave Ian a small smile. “Yes, at that time, he was in love with her, not me, but he told me that before we got engaged.”

“Then why even get engaged?”

Mother sighed. “The engagement was actually a ruse, we never meant to marry.”

“What?”

“Ian, darling, please stop looming like that, you are making me nervous.” She patted a place on the bed, beside her. “Please join me.”

Ian unlocked his arms, pushed himself away from the cabinet he had been leaning against, and walked to the bed. He sat on the edge of the mattress. His mother had nerves of steel; she had inherited those from Ann, his grandmother. Nothing could make either of them nervous or make them lose their cool.

“You should know that Sebastian's father and my father were friends, and when we were children they decided that it would be good to connect the families through us. My father died when I was little, so the plan was not mentioned again until we were nineteen and the Thornton company was on the verge of bankruptcy. Sebastian's father thought that marrying his son to me would bring him enough money to save his company and the estate. Which, in the end, it did, but he had to retire from his position, since my mother would never give money to somebody who was as bad at managing a company as the old Thornton was.”

“I heard Ann talking about that. In exchange for a no-interest loan, she put Father at the helm of the company.”

“He's such a great leader, your father. It was only a small company with a hundred employees when he took it over at twenty years old, and look what he has managed to do with it.”

“I admire Father's business sense, that hasn’t changed,” Ian said.

“But you're disappointed because of the lack of integrity.” She took his hand and squeezed it soothingly. “You can be at peace. Sebastian never lost his integrity. At the first meeting, set by our parents, he told me all about his love for Linda and about the company's problems. He said that I was a great girl, and that he liked me very much, but he couldn’t marry me because he was in love with somebody else.” She glanced at him and squeezed his fingers again before she released them and folded her hands in her lap. “I loved your father dearly, I had since I was a child. It hurt to hear that he didn't care for me enough to marry me, but I loved him enough that I wanted to see him happy. I proposed we could put on a pretence; that way the pressure his parents were putting on him would cease, and he would be able to figure out a way to be with Linda and to save the company in peace. He only agreed after I acquainted my mother with the plan and got her on board. So you see, he never cheated on me.”

“He's been cheating on Linda then.” Ian scowled as he turned sideways to face his mother. He had had many affairs with women and he had heard plenty of his father's harsh words on that account, but he had been faithful to each one of them, no matter how short or long their relationship was. “Or did she agree to it?”

“He didn't cheat, not on me nor Linda.”

“Than how do you explain me? I was born before you two married!”

“I met Linda, Sebastian introduced her to me,” his mother said softly. “She was a lovely, shy girl, and I could see immediately why he cared so much for her. I liked her very much and I couldn't resent her for having Sebastian's love.”

Why was his mother telling him that?

“If she were still alive, I think we would be good friends. But she died, and your father married me. But we only married because of convenience. I never wanted to replace Linda, or thought that he would fall in love with me, but we were good friends and I hoped that we could build on that friendship and respect we had for each other. If not for us, then for you.” A small smile graced her lips, but it was sad and slightly strained. “I love you so much, Ian. I would hate for you to think badly of me, that's why we didn’t tell you about Linda.”

“Why would I think badly of you?” Ian draped his arm around his mother's shoulder. “Because you couldn't refuse the man you loved?”

Her hand caressed his cheek. “I was lucky. Gradually your father started to love me, and you know how everything turned out. I have three amazing children and a wonderful husband. Please, let's let the past stay the past.”

He covered her hand with his. “I would like to do that, but as you may have heard from Father, the situation isn't allowing us that.” He released her hand. “What do you know about Linda?”

“Not that much, I'm afraid. She was a sweet and a very likeable young woman. She was eighteen, and that I know only because I celebrated her birthday with them. That was when she was still working as a maid. I know that she was an only child, or so she said, and that her parents were quite old when they had her. Her father died when she was a child, just like mine, and she lost her mother just before her eighteenth birthday. That's all.”

“How did Linda die?”

“She got sick. At first it was just a cold, but she couldn't shake it off, and it got worse and worse, and then with her --” She frowned.

“What?”

Mother pinched her eyebrows and fixed her gaze forward. “It was like she lost her will to live. She even refused to see Sebastian for a while. It broke his heart. I have always thought that when Sebastian's parents banished her from the estate, they filled her head with how bad she was for their son and that they were going to lose everything because of her. She believed them. She told me that I was much more suited for Sebastian than her, and that she didn’t want to stand in his way.” Something wet glittered in the corners of Mother's eyes.

“Mother?”

She waved her hand. She stood up and took her clutch bag from the nightstand, pulling a handkerchief out of it. She dabbed at her eyes with it. “After Sebastian's parents fired her, she disappeared. We couldn't find her for months and then when we did... She looked so small, so fragile and undernourished. I really liked her very much and to see her so resigned... When she died, a piece of your father's heart died with her.”

Ian stood up and wound his arm around her mother's shoulders. He pulled her into a hug. “I'm sorry for dragging all this out into the open.” He loved his mother dearly and it pained him that it was his actions that had brought tears to her eyes. He clenched his jaw. It wasn't fair that she hadn’t been his father's first choice.

“Sebastian warned me you would be asking me about her, so it's not as if you caught me unprepared, like you did him.” Her hand slid up his back. She patted it and then slid out of his embrace. She dabbed at her eyes again. “I think another cup of tea would do me good. Will you join me?”

“With pleasure.” He accompanied his mother to the living room, where he thought they would find Jane on the couch watching telly, but the telly was turned off and the couch empty. He drank tea with his mother, then went to the gym, leaving his mother in Holly's care. He needed to hush  the thoughts that whirled in his mind and clear his head, and the strain of the exercise and the calming effect of the repetitive movements were perfect for that. He worked in the gym for an hour and then took another fifteen minutes to shower and dress in the comfortable cotton pants he wore for sleeping. His mother was still up, reading in the living room, and he told her good night before he went to Jane's bedroom. He spent all his nights there, and he wasn't about to deny himself Jane's company and her soothing presence because of his mother's visit.

The light in the room was off, and in the greyness of the night, he could distinguish the outline of Jane's body lying on the bed. He quietly closed the door behind him and slipped under the thin covers.

She stirred. “Ian?” she said in a sleepy voice.

“Are you expecting somebody else?” He wrapped his arm around her middle, gently moved her sideways and tugged her backwards until her back was against his chest.

“Very funny.”

His hand went over her belly and stopped on her navel, he splayed his fingers and gently pressed her tightly against his body. Her hair tickled his chin and he pushed it aside.

“You seem tense.”

“Do I?”

“I heard you talking with your mother.” Had she been eavesdropping? Even if she had been, so what? “Did you?”

She turned in his arms, so that she now lay on her back, with her legs over his bent knees. “Just in passing.”

“Her room is at the end of the hallway.”

“Yes. You weren't in any of the rooms, so...”

“You were interested in where I was? Did you want something?”

She twisted her upper body so that she faced him. “Only to tell you that I was going to bed early. I didn't hear what it was about, just that you two were talking.”

“Ah.”

She shifted closer and her hand slowly glided over his shoulder to his neck. “You really are tense.”

“Just a hard day at the office.”

“But you're used to those.” Her fingers trailed up his chin and his cheek. They felt so good on his skin. She followed the line of his eyebrow to the spot between his eyebrows. “What a nasty crease.” She rubbed it.

He sighed, took hold of her fingers and lowered them to his mouth. He pressed a kiss on them. “It's nothing.”

“You're not used to sharing your burdens, are you?”

“It really is nothing.” He cupped her cheek.

She moved away from him, or at least tried to, but the hold of his arms stopped her. Her hand curled around his shoulder, and in the darkness he could see her frowning, but when she spoke, her voice was soft and low. “Is this how it's going to be? Do you expect me to just be a decoration, somebody who hangs off your arm, just -- I don't know -- looking pretty? Because that's not who I am. That's not somebody that I intend to become.”

“No. How can you think that?” He lifted and bent over her, forcing her to roll onto her back. He trapped her under him with his forearms on each side of her head. “I love you. I love you just the way you are, and I don't want you to change.”

“Really?”

“Really.” His mouth touched her forehead and he brushed small kisses down her nose until he reached her lips. His mouth lingered there, he kept the kiss light and shallow, a quick taste of her, before he lifted his head.

“There's something poking me.”

“Just ignore it.” He pressed another kiss on her mouth, as chaste as the one before.

“I will.”

“How disappointing. And here I was hoping you would give me the same reaction that you had this morning.”

“I'm too sleepy for that.”

“And too annoyed with me?”

“I'm not annoyed.”

“Just disappointed, then?”

“I didn't say that.”

He combed through her hair, staring at her in the darkness. She was beautiful, something that he could see now so clearly, even though, if not for his brother's words when Chris first saw her, he would probably have overlooked her beauty and never given her a second glance. “I don't see you as an ornament, I never have and I never will.”

“I doubt that I would be able to become one, even if I wanted to.” She smiled.

Oh, she could have, easily. All she needed was a stylist and a new wardrobe, something that he would never have proposed to her, because he wanted her to stay as she was, a sweet, open-minded, spontaneous girl, who felt most comfortable in a t-shirt and jeans. He rolled onto his side, then embraced her and drew her against him. “I have had relationships before, but they were all the fleeting, shallow kind. This is the first time that I'm aiming for something deeper and meaningful and for something that will last for a lifetime. But it's new to me, and I can be quite clumsy at it. So, you'll have to be patient with me.”

“This is new for me too. I don't want to impose on you and I don't want you to share things with me just because I want you to, but...” She pushed herself higher on the pillow, so that their faces were at the same level. “I love you and I would like to be part of your life, but you make me feel like I'm only here on a visit.”

His hand went to the back of her neck and his fingers caressed it as he leaned his forehead against hers. “I'm a very selfish man, Jane, I'm very well aware of that, and my upbringing encouraged that trait; when I was little, I was spoiled silly, and in a way I still am.”

“Yes, I noticed.” Her toes touched his leg. “Beth still sends you food at least three times a week, and your mother is always asking if you are eating and sleeping properly.”

“I was born prematurely and I was a very sickly child until I reached my teens. Even though I'm an adult now, Mother still worries.” He smiled. “She was always overprotective. You should have seen how she dressed me whenever I went out in the winter. I could hardly move in the layers of clothes she put on me, let alone run. It was so hot inside all those clothes, but I never dared to take any of it off, no matter how much Chris or the other children laughed at me, because the one time that I did that, she looked so worried and heartbroken. Whenever I didn't feel well, she always took time for me, and sat by my bed and read, no matter what kind of obligation she had to cancel. Once she even missed her own birthday party, because I got a high temperature and she insisted on tucking me in to bed and reading me my favourite story.”

“You must love her very much.”