Exchange Rate (15 page)

And I hadn’t been intimate with him since our first afternoon in the bunker and our one afternoon at the Scoggins’ place. Teenage lust aside, our disappearing closeness saddened me.

Waking up next to him every morning while his back turned to me as his chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm squelched any attempt I might make toward resolving our celibacy.

The hangar loomed in front of me and I scrunched my nose. Stopping by the side of the building, I kicked at some browning grass. October had slipped in like a child tardy to class. No real fanfare but just enough of a disturbance to be noticeable. The air smelled of pine and oil wafting from the shop at the back of the building.

Jacket-weather would be on us all too soon. I sighed, dropping my shoulders and leaning my head back. If I were a few minutes late, I wouldn’t be surprised to find Ethan chasing after me, desperate to make sure I would join him. Not to see if I was safe, no, that guy only cared about himself and his needs.

Resigned to the next four hours, I knocked on the door, sick I’d arrived already. Why couldn’t I just turn and get out of there?

Ethan called from somewhere beyond the door. “Come in!”

A woman rushed past, avoiding my gaze. I clenched my jaw and rolled my eyes. What if I didn’t show up? What if I
was
just absent one day and didn’t have to put myself through the shame of dealing with him for a single afternoon? Just one?

Would skipping one shift – not even a full shift, just a half – be enough for them to kick us out? Evict us from the community?

Pushing open the door, I prepared myself for a collection of hours in hell with Ethan. Light flooded the warehouse in bright shafts. Ethan stood against the wall, clipboards in hand.

I clenched my fingers. I didn’t want to count cans of tomato sauce anymore. Or bags of rice. Or buckets of flour.

A whistle echoed off the metal walls. Ethan straightened up, his gaze darting around the warehouse. He placed the clipboards on the table beside him. “Come on.” He jerked his hand toward his chest.

I bit my tongue, hard. What now?

He turned and led the way down the farthest aisle. I followed, glancing back at the clipboards he’d left on a side table.

We made our way down the length of the warehouse to the steps. I hesitated at the bottom. I didn’t want to go up to Ethan’s living quarters. He already took his comments too far at the job we did together. How would he act in a more relaxed environment? But we’d been summoned and I had a feeling Rowan didn’t take kindly to having his orders ignored.

Rowan manned the top of the stairs, his arms braced on the metal railing. He turned to go inside when Ethan and I climbed the steps.

Ethan’s cockiness disappeared as we entered his home. Rowan took a seat in a leather recliner. I hadn’t noticed anything similar in the entire compound.

We took our places across from Rowan in the large living room on a sage green microfiber couch. All the space for just two men was confounding.

“Kelly, how are you doing? I hoped to get a chance to stop in and check on you and your family. Is John adjusting well to his job in mechanics? How about Bodey?” Rowan leaned back in his seat, crossing his ankle over his knee, and resting his wrist on the chair armrest.

“We’re fine.” I smiled, lips pressed tight. An uncomfortable fluttering sensation started in my chest.

Rowan stopped rocking and stared at me. “Do you like it here?”

Nodding, I tucked my hands under my thighs on the squat couch, angling my legs away from Ethan, putting as much distance as I could between us. “I do. I really like working with Cammie in the clinic. I’m learning a lot from her.”

“Have you given any more thought to pairing with another resident?” He glanced pointedly at Ethan who at least had the grace to not stare at me.

I lifted my chin, clenching my fingers under my legs. “No. I told you when I got here, I’m married to Bodey. I’m not going to be with anyone else.”

Rowan tapped his lip. He ignored my declaration like I hadn’t spoken.

This angered me. Like if he didn’t acknowledge it, then it wasn’t true. But that wasn’t the case. It was true. Bodey and I were married. We were
married
. And Rowan and his pathetic son weren’t going to make me feel otherwise.

“I’ll ask you again, Kelly, do you like it here?” Rowan turned his head and watched me from the corner of his eyes.

Smiling with syrupy sweetness, I fluttered my eyelashes. “Yes, it’s nice. Thank you.” Whatever game he was playing, I could play it, too. A throbbing fear suddenly hit me that I actually had no idea what he was doing and I was like more a mouse dangling from a string in front of a cat that may or may not be interested in delivering the death blow.

“Good. Do you know where your family is?” Rowan studied me.

Ethan didn’t remove his gaze from my face.

I swallowed. I hadn’t spoken the words, even to Bodey and John. They knew what had happened to Mom. They’d been there. But I hadn’t had to speak the actual words. Speak them like something I was over, something I had healed from. I inhaled long, and then cleared my throat. “My dad and brother died during the sickness.” I flicked my fingers into the air. “And Mom died the first week or so of the bombings. I’ve been with John and Bodey ever since.”

“Well, if you decide to leave Bodey, I can have you comfortably ensconced in a bunker of your own, maybe even sharing with your friend, Cammie, if that’s what you want.” Rowan verbally flexed his power, a lazy sneer barely passing itself off as a smile. “I can work with John and Bodey so they’ll let you out of any extra-marital expectations.”

“But...” Dread curved around my ribs. I shot a glance at Ethan who hadn’t stopped watching me. “I don’t want to be let out of anything. I love him. He’s my husband.”

Sighing, Rowan shrugged. “You’ll change your mind. I haven’t met one woman yet that didn’t change her mind when given the chance. There will be a dance tonight. I encourage all the single members of the community to participate. While you don’t consider yourself single, I do. We need to replenish our population at some point – especially if we have losses. I would rather have the human race continue with quality rather than... quantity. You’ll be at the get-together and you’ll dance.” He left nothing to question and planned my actions for me.

Nothing was more irritating or frightening than someone taking away my right to choose.

Rowan had the power and I was in the position to be dictated to.

Rowan didn’t move much, just rocked back and forth the smallest amount. Shifting gears, he added a pleasant twang at the end of his words. “I think we can consider this a safe community. I hope you find yourself comfortable here.” He dismissed me, pinpointing Ethan with a hard stare and then waving us away.

Ethan stood, reaching down for my elbow and pulling me toward the door before I could get my feet under me. I stumbled but righted myself before he could drag me further. I’m not sure what happened, but I felt like a noose had tightened around my neck and my actions would dictate whether it stayed loose or increased in pressure.

On the landing, Ethan closed the door, turning to me. His eyes dark with something I couldn’t identify, he pointed toward the warehouse and pushed in behind me. I took the stairs two at a time, nervous I would fall to my death. Okay, maybe not that dramatic, but I could fall to a sprained ankle or something – which was tempting since I might not have to work with Ethan for a day or two while I recovered.

I reached the bottom before I could make up my mind over allowing myself to fall or stopping and making Ethan push me down the steps.

Picturing either scenario improved my mood enough I didn’t mind facing the next few hours. What I wouldn’t give to share the incident with Bodey and laugh over the self-importance Rowan and Ethan gave themselves. A leather easy chair made sense, but not when nobody else in the compound was allowed such extravagances.

Sadness filled me as I realized I had a lot of instances like that one that I hadn’t had a chance to tell my husband.

Even as much as I loved the daily showers and the clean water to brush my teeth with and – oh, my favorite – the toilets to sit on, the wild looked better and better the longer Bodey and I went without talking or even seeing each other.

Chapter 13

My jeans and bright blue shirt might as well not have been there for how much I contrasted with the other women present. The community might have two-hundred members, but only a quarter of that number were in attendance at the dance.

I’d dragged John along with me, since I didn’t know anyone there. We still hadn’t met anyone, choosing to eat our meals in the house on the slight possibility we’d see Bodey between his shifts.

The people I passed as I walked into the decorated area wouldn’t meet my eyes, averting themselves out of my path – and John’s apparently – like we had some kind of highly contagious virus.

Plastic streamers with bends, folds, and twists in them had been strung up along the upper edges of the walls. John and I shuffled around the edge of the collapsible buffet tables.

No one spoke to us.

I kept my mouth shut. John didn’t want to hear how uncomfortable I was. He had to be miserable as well. A woman with a bright orange blouse and yellow bandana tied around her forehead took a place in the center of the clearing. “Will all the single members come to the center of the floor and grab a partner?” She lifted her hand and pointed toward a young man who pushed the button on a stereo.

Not so long ago, I’d missed music, the beat, the rhythm, the way it perfectly matched the emotions I had. Slow music filled the air and I shifted closer to John. This forced dance cured me of any longing for music I had.

In a slow ambling to the center of the square, about twenty single men and women loitered, as if waiting for partner assignments to be handed out. The woman in orange started pairing the group off.

I hadn’t noticed Ethan in the group. He broke off and headed toward me.

“John, I can’t dance with him. He...” How did I tell John spending time with Ethan made me nauseous and I didn’t want to deal with him outside of my shift? “There’s something off about him?” I finished lamely. A look in John’s eye had me wringing my hands, my stomach hurt. Shame filled me, like I’d caused Ethan’s actions. I dropped my gaze and stared at the dirty trampled grass. “He keeps coming onto me and Rowan has been pushing me to consider breaking things off with Bodey.”

John twisted his head and murmured, “Let me handle this. He’s a spoiled brat. You need to work with him, I don’t.” His words reassured me enough to loosen the knot working itself into a frenzy in my gut. John always worked to take care of Bodey and me.

All too soon, Ethan reached us, holding out his hand. “Hey, Kelly, want to dance?” His smile didn’t send me into a lustful spasm, instead the familiar painful clenching in my muscles returned and I worried about making it to the bathroom.

I wanted Bodey. I needed him.

“Actually, Ethan, Kelly’s spoken for. We were just leaving.” He inclined his head and took me by the elbow, carefully leading me from the party. John bent down, meeting my gaze. “Remember what we talked about? He’s no one. Bodey is fine. We need to keep our position in this camp, for now.”

I nodded, careful not to glance back and encourage Ethan further.

What if we’d angered him enough to make Rowan kick us all out of the community? Did I want to be in a group that would do something so illogical and narcissistic? From the way Rowan spoke in the entry interview, everything was about the community. But seeing the difference in lives and in the manner he’d treated me at his place, I could see we’d entered into a crazy twisted dictatorship. Hadn’t World War III been about eradicating controlling governments? Or was I so out of the loop, I didn’t know what was going on?

Was I the problem? Did I need to loosen my standards or give in to Ethan once in a while so that Bodey and John would be safe? Which brought up another point of concern. If Rowan didn’t want anyone having sex until they got into the new community, what did Ethan want to do with me? Watch me shave my legs or something? He would be breaking his dad’s own rules.

At our bunker, I rushed to the bedroom I shared with Bodey and shed my clothing for something that felt a little more me. Or maybe more Bodey. I donned Bodey’s sweatshirt from before Freedom Pass, the material soft and faintly scented like him.

A knock at the door and then John called through the panel. “Kelly, is everything okay?”

I pulled on different pants. Opening the door, I shoved my hands on my hips. “I’m fine. I’m just... What are we doing? We can’t stay here. I don’t see why we are.”

John crossed to the table and claimed a seat, hands on the surface. “What’s wrong? Tell me exactly what’s going on.”

“I can’t keep working with Ethan. It’s not right. He’s a pervert. And then today...” I trailed off. I didn’t want to tell John the details about what had happened in Rowan’s office. We still lived there and I didn’t want to make things hard for everyone because my feelings were bruised.

John pinned me with his gaze, narrowing his eyes. “What happened?”

I sighed. “He wants me to break things off with Bodey. He hasn’t said it exactly, but it felt like Ethan and Rowan were tag-teaming me to get me to commit to leaving him. He pushed again the fact that there are more guys here I can choose from.” Tears pricked my eyes. I couldn’t believe how tired I was. “Bodey and I are having problems and we didn’t have any before we were married and now we never see each other and have nothing
but
problems.”

“Are you considering other guys?” He didn’t accuse me, but his sad tone suggested he thought it was possible.

My shoulders fell. Sadness and disbelief scrunched my voice into a garbled mess. I tried to breathe so I could talk but it took a moment. “Really? You think I’d consider anyone but Bodey? Did I do something to make you think that?” I pressed a hand to my chest.

Holding up a finger, John shook his head. “Not at all. Just a minute. I can see how their attempts to separate you are wearing you two down. I’ll tell you the same thing I told Bodey – don’t worry. Just hang in there. We aren’t staying here forever. I’m working on getting the information about their electricity that Captain Phahn was interested in. Once we have that, we can try to leave.” He dropped his finger. “Do you want me to let Bodey know what’s going on?”