Exiled (Anathema Book 2) (23 page)

“So
what do you suggest?”

I
shook my head. “I don’t know.”

“Are
you leaving me?”

A
naked woman, beautiful and spirited and slick with my desire, wavered on the
edge of utter devotion and absolute heartbreak.

What
the hell was I supposed to do?

Who
was I supposed to save?

“I
don’t know,” I said.

Martini
gnawed on her lip. She urged me to come closer with the twitch of her eyebrows
and the glistening shade of her eyes.

I
always thought myself the sadist, but I put myself through enough shit to shame
a masochist. I obeyed her, resting on the side of the bed as she curled her
arms over my neck and rested her head on my shoulder. She laid over the tattoo
I etched into my skin to remind me of
this
decision. Of
this
moment. I meant for the ink to tell me what I had to do—whether it was right,
wrong, hard, or the last fucking decision I’d ever make.

It
stayed silent and waited for me to fuck everything up.

“You
have to go,” she whispered. “It’s for Rose. She needs her brother.”

I tensed.
Didn’t answer. She edged closer, pressing her body against mine. I never felt a
heat so perfect.

“Take
me with you.”

“I’m
not going to put you in that kind of danger.”

“And
leaving me here is a walk in the sunshine?”

“Christ,
Martini. Anathema is a club on the brink of war, with itself and Temple. I’m won’t
lead you into that clusterfuck.”

“You
won’t. You’ll protect me.”

“Are
you that sure?”

She
sighed, tightening her hold over me. Her eyes fluttered closed, and the gentle brush
of her breath tingled over my skin.

“I
am. Because of Rose.”

I swore.
She hugged me tighter. I didn’t push her away.

She
was right.

“I’ll
be there with you,” she whispered. “I’ll help you. I promise.”

“And
when I kill him?”

She
hesitated. “Then you can forgive yourself. Let this guilt go. We can’t survive both
your past and the war with Temple and Kingdom. If we leave, they won’t be able
to find us. We’ll be safe.”

“No
place is going to be safe.”

“We’ll
find a place where we can handle it. It won’t feel like running if we’re
together.”

I took
a deep breath. “It’s been a while since I did a run up the coast. There’s…these
vineyards in the Central Valley. They do these wine tastings. High class shit.
You’d like it.”

“Why,
Brew.” Martini’s finger traced over my tattoos. “That sounds like a date.
Usually men woo a girl with the romantic escape before getting her involved in
a gang war.”

“Can’t
say I’ve ever been conventional.”

“So
you’ll let me tag along?”

I
wrapped an arm around her, letting her snuggle in deeper against my chest.
“Don’t think I have a choice.”

“No
other way to keep me out of trouble?”

“No,
I don’t think I’ll be able to get you off my bike.”

He
almost left me.

I
saw it in his eyes. His posture. He shifted from impassioned lover to caged,
rabid animal within a moment of darkness. The torment exhausted him.

I
curled in his arms as he held me tight. His phone lay silent on the nightstand.
He stared at it like it would ring again, like he expected to hear the worst
all over again.

He
finally spoke about Rose with me, but confessing to his past was nothing like
hearing her fear over the phone.

Brew
punished himself every minute of every day, but when confronted with the
ultimate reaper of his sins—no matter how gentle and timid she whispered for
her brother—Brew lost himself in the concussion of his grief.

He’d
leave me for her.

And
what did I expect? All the talk of trust and protection and keeping me alive?
It wasn’t me he was protecting. It was her.

Except
I couldn’t blame him. And I’d never blame her.

He
was right all along. It was my fault for getting into the trouble. My fault for
hopping into bed with Goliath. My fault for the ink on my neck, the bruises on
my cheek, and the lies I spun to shield myself and those I loved from my own
irresponsibility.

Brew
would to leave to save his family—rescue the little sister born into a world of
vile corruption and absolute agony.

I
didn’t try to escape. I didn’t go to school or attempt to get out. I applied to
the first bar in a rough neighborhood and strapped a corset over my chest. I
had no one to blame but myself.

The
shattered remnants of my pride scattered over the room. Panties on the floor.
Shoes kicked near the door. It wasn’t the nudity that bothered me, not when the
only thing I still wore was the pink scarf concealing my branding. At least
that was covered. At least when I offered my heart and crashed into a million
pieces of confusion, adoration, and submission for a man who hadn’t even held
me as we fucked, I hadn’t exposed the worst of me colored with the ink of
another’s name.

Take
me with you
.

The
words slipped out before I realized what I said. I shivered. Mostly from our
pleasure, even if Brew didn’t trust himself enough to touch me, to taste me, to
hold me. But a new shudder stole my breath. The cold, bone-breaking,
mind-clouding, break of my body.

It
was fear.

Utter
fear.

And
I wasn’t used to being so afraid.

Isolation
scared me, but I managed so far. I’d run, stay two steps ahead of Sacrilege
with Red’s help. I didn’t want to face the wrath of the country’s worst MCs,
but as long as I had boots on the ground and a tube of lip gloss, a shimmy and
smile would get me out of anything.

But
I couldn’t smirk my way any closer to Brew.

And
it killed me.

Asking
to join him was just another bad decision. Brew’s vengeance consumed him. While
he hunted for blood, nothing but rage pumped in his veins. He didn’t let me edge
into his heart while it belonged to another woman. And I understood why, with every
fracturing beat of my own heart, I knew why he gave himself to Rose.

What
would remain of him after he killed his father? His guilt would never fade, and
a lifetime of shame haunted his thoughts. I couldn’t lose his protection and
his soul in the same moment.

And
so I said it.

I
reminded him.

He
bared his innermost demons, and I sent him back to hell with a new burden of
sins. I needed his help, and I earned it through his remorse.

He
took me in his arms and comforted me as if it were Goliath I feared and not the
possibility of losing the only man who might have healed me from the sickness
that attracted danger. I fell harder than ever. It wasn’t a hand curled around
my throat or a thick paw gripping my hair. Brew’s embrace promised more than a
quick thrill and adrenaline rush. His strength controlled me, and I obeyed his
every command to rest and sleep.

We’d
leave in the morning.

He
thought himself a monster. I envied that. I’d rather believe I was evil as a
result of my blood. Instead I was a puppet-master. When charm didn’t work, a trembling
voice got what I wanted.

Another
night with me and he might have forgotten about Rose.

Another
night with me, and I would have conquered him without ropes or bindings,
brandings on his neck or veiled threats.

I
tucked into his arms, snuggling against the severe streaks of ink blackening
his chest. He breathed hard, as desperate as me.

He
almost left me.

Maybe
he should have.

At
least if he did, he’d be safe from me. If he traveled outside the state, beyond
Sacrilege and Kingdom’s territory, I’d pretend I did what they ordered. They
expected me to kill him? The gun would turn on me before it happened.

The
night passed in sweaty, restless tension. I doubted he slept at all. Brew went
to find breakfast before the sun rose, but my stomach gorged itself on dread.
He slipped from the room before I got up. The blankets fell to my hip. He
looked, but he still didn’t touch.

My
nudity didn’t bother me—I shielded my body in a layer of foul grime. He’d never
see me through it, and, if he did, it’d be the last time he’d ever approach me.

I
showered and dressed, throwing my belongings in my pack before Brew changed his
mind. The phone rested heavy in my hand. I had a few minutes at least.

Red
answered on the first ring. Apparently he wasn’t sleeping either.

“This
better be good news,” he said.

“What
would be good news?”

“Christ,
it’s been so long since I had any, I’ve forgotten what it is.”

“How
are things down there?”

“It’d
be a hell of a lot better if you delivered me a dead biker.”

I
flinched. My t-shirt wasn’t enough to shield me from my shivers. I put Red on
speakerphone and pumped the volume as I dug through my bag for something
warmer. Nothing fought that chill.

“Not
doing it,” I said.

“Martini—”

“No
way. Absolutely not.” I kicked the chair out and sunk into it. My cell tossed
onto the desk. “I’m not going to hurt him.”

“Then
what the fuck will you do?”

“Find
another way to save our asses.”

Red
sighed. “You don’t have any more time. Kingdom is out for blood. They will find
you and murder you. Give them Noir, and you’ll get out of this without them
touching a hair on your head.”

I
didn’t even have split ends. I’d risk it. “No.”

“You’re
going to die.”

“No,
I’m not. We’re leaving.”

“Kingdom’s
got men looking everywhere from Pittsburgh to Philly.”

“We’re
going to California.”

He
swore. The wheels in his head turned, but I didn’t realize how severely the
cogs would jam and spark.

“You’re
going
where
?”

“He
got a call. Family thing. He has to go home.”

“Where
the fuck is Noir from?”

“I
told you. West coast.”

I
heard his impatience. “What
club
, Martini?”

The
crisp, black lettering struck over Brew’s chest teased me. The word tingled on
my lips. Strange. I wasn’t supposed to know where he was from or why he had
left. The secret shadowed me as much as him. Every decision he made to protect
me only placed him in greater danger.

“Anathema.”

“Ana—”
Red swore. “
Anathema
?”

“You’ve
heard of them?”

“Jesus
Christ!”

“Uh-oh.”

Red
exhaled. “They’re not a recreational club. They dropped the petty shit years
ago and got mixed in bigger things. Drugs. Trafficking. Whatever. They’re
hardcore motherfuckers, and that’s when they’re not killing each other in the
streets. And you’re going with him back
there
? Why the fuck did he leave
in the first place?”

“It’s
complicated.”

“Complicated
enough he didn’t black the ink out?”

I
swallowed. “He’s not leaving to start shit. He needs to deal with some family issues.”

“And
you think he’s going to let you hop on the bike and take you home to meet his
folks?”

I
didn’t want to meet his father, and he hadn’t said anything about his mother.
It didn’t take a therapist to assume the worst.

“He’s
getting me out of here. That’s what’s important.”

“And
how’d you convince him to do that?”

I bit
my lip as Red chuckled on the other end of the phone.

“We…made
an agreement.”

“Oh,
that I can believe.” He laughed. I didn’t share it. “You must have really
gotten under his skin if he’s taking you to the one place more dangerous than
this warzone.”

“Christ,
Red, he said he’d help me.”

“Yeah,
help
. Not drag across the country.”

I
rubbed my forehead. The headache didn’t dissipate. “I have it under control.”

“He’s
not helping you out of the goodness of his heart.”

“You
don’t understand.”

“And
you better be goddamned sure you do.” Red’s voice lowered. “Maybe he’s planning
on whoring you off to finance his trip.”

“He’s
not,” I said.

“Bullshit.”

“For
Christ’s sake, Red, I have him wrapped around my little finger. He’s helping
me. I didn’t give him a choice.”

“Sure.
Until someone waves another couple grand under his nose. He’s a
mercenary
,
Tini. He doesn’t care about you.”

That
hurt. The speakerphone threw his voice and made his words way too loud. “You
don’t even know him.”

“He
threw you on his bike and was willing to trade you to an MC for the right
price.”

“But
he didn’t.”

“Because
everyone was dead.”

“What
the hell is your problem?” I debated hanging up on him. I might have done it too,
if I weren’t so terrified of losing his voice and risking the silence. “You
told me to stick close to him. To bat my eyelashes and make him want to help
me. Well, I did. He trusts me.”

“And
what’s to stop him from hurting you?”

I
answered too quickly. “Because he thinks that I’m his second chance. He won’t
make the same mistake again.”

“
What
?”

“His
sister.” Why was I telling him? I bared another man’s secrets to keep my own
safe, and I hated doing it. “His little sister was sexually abused by their
father. He didn’t know what was happening when she was a kid, so he never
helped her. He’s making up for it now. He’ll protect me from the same dangers.”

Red
laughed. “
You
? A damsel in distress? What’d you do? Tell him you were
afraid of Goliath? You needed a big, strong man to protect you?”

I
was glad I wasn’t facing a mirror. I couldn’t look at myself. Not now.

“Yes,
I did.”

“And
he’s buying that?”

I
shrugged. “He’s helping me, isn’t he?”

Red’s
abrupt laugh flushed my cheeks. “Oh, I get it. You slept with him.”

“Go
to hell.”

He
whistled. “I don’t blame you.”

“What?
You
want to fuck him?”

“You
did what you had to do. You wanna ride a man’s bike, you gotta hop on his dick
first.”

It
wasn’t like that at all. My chest ached, but I had no idea how to even correct
Red. Not when what passed between me and Brew last night was a revelation in
every dark and secret part of me. Our intimacy was nothing short of sacred. I
didn’t want to share it, especially to a frustrating cousin who didn’t know
when to quit.