Facing the Music And Living To Talk About It (8 page)

All the driving and running around and waiting for
cattle-call
auditions could be a drag, but once it was time to perform I forgot all about the hard work that went into preparing for that moment. I just dove in and within the first few notes of a song, I was in my own world. I didn’t win every role or every audition, but I felt like I was learning something and getting better. Even the directors, producers or casting agents who chose someone else often had encouraging words for me. They told me I was a quick learner with natural talent, and that I stood out from the crowd. So I quickly got the sense that my mother’s enthusiasm wasn’t just a
mom thing
.

In some ways I’d found an even larger and more reliable family—my musical family. I felt comfortable and welcome. I felt as if I belonged, as if I spoke the same language as other performers and musicians. Those feelings were strong—so strong that they made the bad things in my life more bearable.

THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING

It’s still that way for me today. Every time I’m on stage the crowd energizes me. I put out a lot of effort and positive energy, but even more comes back to me. I love to perform, pouring out my feelings and disappearing in the moment, whether I’m singing to a packed stadium or in a small club. I am one of those lucky people who early in life discovered a gift, a talent, and a strength that has served as a foundation for everything else in my life.

In this chapter I want to help you figure out how to generate happiness in the same way, from the inside out. I’m not referring to just a moment of happiness or a few laughs. I’m talking about building a life around whatever gift, talent or strength you have that excites you and makes you feel valued and connected to the world around you.

Once you’ve accepted that you are worthy of a better life and you have worked to identify and change the harmful behavioral patterns and self-sabotaging thinking that may have held you back in the past, it’s time to decide what your strengths are. Like many people, I came from a troubled family without a lot of resources, but after I dedicated myself to a career in music, my life took on incredible momentum. Making it as a singer wasn’t as easy as it might have looked from the outside and I have to work every day at staying sharp, but I am so grateful for my career. Music not only saved my life, it gave me a life.

MUSIC NOT ONLY
SAVED MY LIFE
, IT GAVE ME A LIFE.

Now, what about you? What are your strengths, talents, gifts, and passions? What can you build your life around? There are a few telltale signs to look for if you haven’t yet identified a strength. Here are just a few:

    1.  What are you drawn to time and again? Is there something you want to do during every spare minute?

    2.  What fills your bucket? Is there some activity that is so rewarding and fulfilling for you that you never get tired of engaging in it; in fact, is it something you’d even do for free just because it makes you happy? (Pretending for a minute, of course, that you didn’t have bills to pay or the standard requirements for food, shelter and clothing).

    3.  What comes easily for you? Is there a school subject, art form, craft, sport, skill or trade that you picked up quickly and then seemed to improve upon every time you do it?

    4.  What makes you stand out from the crowd? Think of any time when a friend, teacher, coach or classmate has said, “You’re really good at this.” Or “I wish I could do that as well as you.”

BUNDLE OF JOY

I promise that you have certain skills, talents, interests, and gifts that will not be denied. They begin to make themselves known from your earliest days, so it’s just a matter of taking the time to look for and recognize them. We are all uniquely made with our own pre-packaged gifts waiting to be unwrapped. If you’ve ever shopped for a computer, you know that most companies offer basic models with various bundles of special features depending on your needs and interests. Some are geared to gamers like me who like to play interactive video games on their computers. Others come with sophisticated software designed for photographers, graphic artists, or financial planners.

You and I come custom-equipped in much the same way. They don’t call babies
bundles of joy
for nothing. My bundle was the musical performance package. Yours may be the tech geek package, the artist package, the engineer package or the teacher package.

I encourage you to identify and develop your strengths so your weaknesses become irrelevant. Look at me. I was not a good student. My energy levels were so high that I had trouble focusing on subjects like reading, math and social studies. I was very good at daydreaming. Unfortunately they didn’t grade me on that. Maybe I had attention deficit disorder that was never diagnosed. I don’t know. But what I do know is that I could have studied math 24 hours a day for 365 days a year and I probably never would have done better than a C in that class. Even more important, I did not enjoy math. I never looked forward to it and I never felt good about myself while doing it—or trying to do it. A little parental encouragement would have helped, but I didn’t get much of that. If I’d ask things like, “Dad do you think I could be a scientist?” the answer was likely to be, “Yeah, whatever kid.”

You may have to reach down deep inside yourself and become your own source of encouragement and motivation, which is not ideal, but it certainly can be done. Build your confidence around your strong points, your talents and gifts. Just remember to make sure the young people who come into your life one day can look to you for the support they need, even if it’s support you never received from your family. It’s so vital for young people to have that. Try to make a difference in their lives, even if it’s helping them with homework and telling them they are special in some way. Point out their strengths and encourage them to develop them.

Too many people think that the secret to happiness and success is to master their weaknesses. I think that’s a recipe for a very unhappy and unsuccessful life. I’m all about focusing on strengths. There’s nothing wrong with trying to improve in areas of weakness so that you can at least get by, but why devote a lot of time and effort to an area where you will never stand out or enjoy yourself?

MUSIC EXCITED ME.
I HAD A GIFT FOR IT.

You can probably guess the one subject where I did kick butt in school—music. If I could have skipped math and biology and just spent every day in the band or chorus rooms that would have been fine with me. Music excited me. I had a gift for it. So I focused on developing that strength and now if I need the skills of accountants or doctors who were wizards at math and biology, I just hire them.

I am not a failure because I’ll never be a certified public accountant or be called Dr. Carter. My strengths and passions have taken me in a different direction. I can do basic math and I understand what I need to know about biology, but trying to become a “mathlete” or a biology brain would have been a waste of time for me. We have to go with our strengths if we are to be happy and fulfilled. If you love math, have a knack for numbers, study hard and become a successful accountant; who cares if you can’t draw a straight line or sing on key? If you are artistic and work to become a great illustrator, graphic designer or painter, it will never matter that you stink at algebra.

READY TO ROCK

We all have our weaknesses and our strengths. I say go with what works best for you. It’s about focusing on the positive so that your motivation comes from within. Devoting your time and energy to doing whatever you are inspired and passionate about, also helps you build confidence so you can overcome the challenges and setbacks that are a natural part of life.

LUCK AND TIMING
—BOTH GOOD AND BAD—PLAY A PART IN EVERY LIFE.

I would consider myself a failure only if I never tried to make the most of the gifts I’ve been given. That doesn’t mean I had to be a pop star to find happiness. Honestly, I probably could have been very content teaching high school choir and performing weekends in clubs or for parties.

Luck and timing—both good and bad—play a part in every life. In fact, I consider myself lucky according to the theory that “Luck is where preparation meets opportunity.” With my mother’s help, I began building on my musical strengths from an early age with vocal coaches and dance coaches. I also performed in musical theater roles, television shows, commercials and talent competitions. So, I was about as prepared as a kid could be when luck brought the first big opportunities my way.

You may discover, as I did, that the harder you work to build your strengths, the more great opportunities will come your way, one right after the other—or even at the same time. When the Disney Channel held auditions for its “All New Mickey Mouse Club” television show produced in Orlando, I tried out. The competition for these roles was always fierce. A few names you might recognize among the other talented kids who auditioned for the show during its run from 1989 to 1995 are: Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, Ryan Gosling, Christina Aguilera, Keri Russell and future ‘N Sync stars Justin Timberlake and J.C. Chasez.

I was not only invited back for the final round of auditions for the Disney series, but another life-changing opportunity arose then, too. I learned that auditions were being held for a boy band like New Edition. An Orlando-based businessman, who just happens to be the cousin of one of my mom’s favorite singers, Art Garfunkel, was behind the venture. When I heard about that connection I wondered if all those hours of singing “Bridge Over Trouble Waters” were about to pay off.

This successful entrepreneur, Lou Pearlman, had hired talent scouts to put ads in area newspapers and various entertainment-industry trade journals. Although the ads stated that his organization was looking for guys between the ages of 16 and 19, we figured it was worth a shot. They’d been conducting auditions for a couple of weeks at Pearlman’s mansion, but they decided to move the screening process to a bigger venue. Pearlman, who was also in the air charter business, owned an aircraft-parts warehouse, which is where the later auditions were ultimately held. I was the first to audition in the new location, which had just the sort of acoustics you’d expect of a warehouse—not good at all.

Still, my audition went well enough that Pearlman had a long talk with my mom. He spoke about what they were looking for and the extent of the work involved. He explained that there would be long hours of rehearsing and touring and that it would be pretty demanding. During that conversation, Mom mentioned that I’d been invited back for the final auditions of “The All New Mickey Mouse Club.” I don’t know if she also mentioned that Disney had actually made a concrete offer in the amount of $50,000 for me to join the cast.

When we left, Mom told Lou that she and I would have to talk it all over. Since we didn’t commit right away, Lou’s team picked another guy as their top choice for the group. It was a good thing I didn’t know about that, because when Mom and I talked that evening about which opportunity I wanted more, I told her I preferred to give the band a try.

Lucky for me, the other guy Lou’s team had chosen backed out. Pearlman called a few days later and asked Mom if we were interested in joining his project. We said yes without realizing how close we’d come to missing the boat.

WORKING FOR YOURSELF

When I was selected to join the Backstreet Boys, I felt like I’d won the lottery. This was an opportunity perfectly matched for my strengths. But keep in mind that I put myself in a good position to jump on that opportunity by developing my skills; finding good mentors, teachers and role models; listening to them; and working my butt off in practices and rehearsals, all while being on the lookout for ways to showcase my talents.

It’s just like I said before: I was lucky, no doubt about it. But I was also ready to rock when luck arrived.

You need to prepare yourself, too. I’d been working since the age of eight to become what some people thought was an
overnight
success. You can’t wait for the world to discover your talents. It’s up to you to make people see and respond to those talents. You are responsible for your own success, happiness and fulfillment. Once you’ve identified your strengths and are committed to developing them, you then must find ways to motivate yourself to reach as high as you can. Again, it’s all up to you. The quality of the decisions you make will determine the quality of your life.

BUT I WAS ALSO
READY TO ROCK
WHEN LUCK ARRIVED.

Why is identifying your talents, developing them and building your life around them so important? Because once we do those things for ourselves, we are no longer dependent on anyone else for our happiness and fulfillment. That doesn’t mean you won’t need other people in your life. Most of us need supportive and loving relationships. It’s part of human nature. But it does mean that when people disappoint you, relationships fall apart, or hard times hit, you and I will still have our strengths to help get us through.

Again, I am the poster child for this truth. The gift of music has given me the strength to survive and thrive despite some terrible mistakes and huge challenges. I’m not being a drama king when I say it’s saved my life. I began performing with Backstreet before I hit my teens. I had some talent, but I was also very young and immature to be stepping out of a Tampa junior high school and into the life of an international pop star. I didn’t have the life skills to deal with the craziness that came with sudden fame, especially as I got older and fell into the same hard-partying lifestyle that my parents were into. But ultimately, focusing on my talents and being surrounded by others who took those same talents seriously helped me find my way back.

A GOOD GANG

Yes, I struggled at times and had some pretty awful episodes, but I managed to keep performing, thanks in large part to the positive and supportive members of my new musical family. One of the great rewards of building your life around your strengths and doing what you love is the friendships formed with those who share your passion. When I joined Backstreet Boys, I found myself in a new position in a new family. I was the eldest among the Carter kids but the youngest of the Backstreet Boys.