Fade (14 page)

I force myself to nod, in spite of the cruelty of what Sebastian Cook is saying. I can feel the blood draining from my face at the harshness of it. What worries me even more is that Jack looks every bit as pale as I do.

SIXTEEN

W
e go into the Underground’s base then, following the route we took before along the corridor and then down in the elevator towards that circular viewing room. Grayson has been taken on ahead, so that there is no sign of him, while the guards wait in the corridor. Once we get into the elevator, it’s just me, Jack and Sebastian. The middle aged head of the Underground puts an arm around Jack’s shoulders.

“I know this has been a hard assignment for you, Jack. A really difficult situation towards the end, in particular.”

“It’s been fine.”

“It has,” Sebastian says. “You’ve handled this well. Very well, in fact. Especially given everything you must be feeling towards Celestra here.”

Jack looks at the other man sharply, and I do the same.

“What has Jack said to you?” I demand. It’s the only way I can think of that Sebastian might know about what Jack and I might or might not feel towards one another. If Jack
has
said anything… well, I don’t know what I’ll do. I just hope that he hasn’t, that’s all.

Sebastian shakes his head. “Jack doesn’t have to say anything when it comes to this. I can guess. You’re both feeling connected somehow, correct? Like you know one another?”

The elevator comes to a halt, and we step out into the viewing room. The walls are clear, letting us see that there’s no one about. Compared to how busy the watching galleries were when I first came here, it’s eerie. Apparently, the Underground leader wants privacy for this part.

“You know that there are things you don’t remember?” Sebastian asks Jack.

“I know that you’ve Faded me before.” Jack doesn’t sound comfortable about it.

“It was necessary,” Sebastian assures him.

“For the job, I know.”

I have the feeling that I’ve walked in on an old argument between them. One that has lost most of its force, but which is still there under the surface, waiting to bubble up. The Underground leader shakes his head. “For more than that. Much more.”

Jack looks like that isn’t the answer he’s expecting. “More? Yes. I know that I feel something around Celes that I haven’t felt around anyone else I’ve Faded.”

“What’s going on?” I ask, adding my voice to the mix. I figure I have as much right to know as anyone, given how close Jack and I have gotten in the last few weeks.

Sebastian Cook stands there, his features tight. “I can’t tell you that. Doing so would cause too much pain.” He looks at Jack. “I’m sorry, son.”

Son? ce="CalIHold on,” I say, “Jack’s your…”

Jack nods. “He’s my father, but that isn’t important right now.”

“Then what is?” I ask. How can it not be important that the leader of the Underground is Jack’s father? More to the point, what could be so important that it makes a detail like that irrelevant?

Jack looks at Sebastian evenly. “The memories I had of Celes are locked away somewhere, right? We never get rid of them completely. We always keep copies.”

“Yes,” Sebastian said. “They’re in with all the other memories we’ve collected.”

“So, in theory…”

“You know you can’t go after them, Jack.”

I can’t help thinking of Grayson’s memories. Soon, they’ll be stuck in a jar somewhere, or on a computer file, or however it is they store them. All his memories of me, gone, just like that. Just like
Jack’s
. Did Jack really have memories of me once? Is that even what Sebastian is saying?

“Why can’t Jack have his memories back?” I ask.

“It would cause too many problems,” Sebastian says, adjusting his suit uncomfortably. “There would be unhappiness as a result, at the very least. There might even be enough anger to spark violence, given some of the things there. It isn’t a risk we can afford to take.”

“Not that it matters to you either way,” I say, suddenly angry. “You’re just determined to get rid of every memory of me, aren’t you?”

Sebastian looks at me, and it’s the look he gave me the last time I was here. The one that says I am just a little girl who can’t possibly understand the big picture. It doesn’t make me any happier now than it did then. If anything, it just makes me angrier.

Jack moves over to me, but I push away from him, thinking of Grayson. Thinking of how Grayson soon won’t know me. Of how soon, the only evidence that we were ever together will be in my head. There will be nobody else in the world to say that I didn’t imagine half the closest moments between us. Nothing but my memories, and a few files deep within the Underground.

Jack moves close again. He obviously knows exactly what I’m going through, because he holds me close, kissing the top of my head. “It’s going to be all right, Celes,” he promises.

“No,” I say, “it isn’t. I’m not sure it ever was.” I look up at Sebastian Cook. “Are you going to take Jack’s memories of me too? Are you going to make it so that only you and I know I even exist? Or are you even going to wipe
your
head clean?”

“Don’t be melodramatic,” the older man says.

Jack obviously doesn’t think it’s over the top, though. “Dad,” he says, moving between me and his father. “Please don’t take my memories of Celes in these last few weeks. I couldn’t stand to forget her.”

That’s a clearer indication of how he feels than almost anything he’s said to me before. It seems to have some effect too, because Sebastian moves forward and pats him on the shoulder in what is obviously intended to be a comforting gesture. It might even have worked, had it not been Jack’s injured shoulder.

“Who says we’re doing anything to your memories of her?”

“So you aren’t?” Jack asks. “You aren’t planning to Fade me again?”

Sebastian shakes his head. “In fact, we want you to continue with the Jack Simple and Celeste Channing cover. It’s still solid enough to work, in spite of everything that has happened today.”

I wonder if he would have been as accommodating had he decided that the cover identities wouldn’t work. Of course he wouldn’t. He’d have had Jack whisked away as quickly as he took away Grayson.

“Besides, your presence seems to have had a beneficial effect on Celestra here. Her abilities have advanced remarkably since you came into the picture. In fact, if the outline of the situation you gave me during your flight is correct…”

“It is,” Jack assures him.

“…then it seems likely that Ms. Caine’s feelings towards you were a catalyst for what happened when the Others’ agents attacked you.”

“I’m responsible for that?” Jack asks. I expect him to look horrified at the thought, but instead, he looks almost proud.

“Not directly,” his father replies, “but you helped. As such, I think it’s very important that you remain around her for now. Who knows what else you could unlock in her?”

“I’m right here, you know,” I point out, slightly annoyed that Sebastian can talk about me like I’m no more than a lab rat that happens to be doing well. He doesn’t seem very ashamed, but Jack does.

“Sorry, Celes.”

“It’s okay,” I say, “but right now, I don’t care about all this. I want to be with Grayson. I want to know that your people are treating him okay.”

“They won’t hurt him,” Sebastian says, as if that’s all that’s important. “After the memory wipe, he’ll be fine. For now, he just has to wait in a secure area until we have the machines set up. It can take several hours to prepare.”

“Then I want to be with Grayson until it happens,” I say. Apparently, no one has thought about what it must be like, waiting hours to have your memories taken. “He shouldn’t have to be alone, not knowing what’s going on.”

Sebastian nods. He probably thinks he’s being generous. “That can be arranged.”

“Then please take me there.” I look around at Jack. I can guess how it will hurt him, with me wanting to go to Grayson just as we’re both finding out more about his memories, but it’s where I have to be right then.

“I’m sorry, Jack,” I say, “but I can’t just abandon Grayson after everything we shared together.”

“I know,” Jack says, but he doesn’t sound happy about it. I think some part of him is hoping that I’ll forget Grayson as quickly as he’s about to forget me. That, however, is never going to happen. “I don’t think I can come with you though, Celes.”

“Why not?” Sebastian asks. Apparently, he genuinely doesn’t get it.

“Dad, do you think I want to be in the room while Celes and Grayson say goodbye?”

Sebastian laughs. “This is stupid. It’s obvious that Ms. Caine and the boy are not meant for one another, what with him being one of the Others. You, on the other hand… you’re even her kind.”

“My kind?” I ask, picking up on the words.

Sebastian looks a little uncomfortable, as though he’s said too much, but he clearly decides that it’s too late to back away from the issue now.

“You know, of course, that you cannot be human. Seventeen year old human girls do not do the things you do.”

I nod, trying to play this cool. “I’d guessed.”

“Jack isn’t human either.” He leaves that hanging for a moment before going on. “You are, broadly speaking, the same kind of creature. The only difference is that Jack had a human mother, whereas you appear to be a full-blooded example.”

Jack tries to pull me to him again as I stand there in shock. “Come on, Celes. This can wait. You need to go see Grayson right now.”

For a moment, I’m tempted. It would make things so easy. Just go see Grayson, put the whole thing out of my mind, and try to pretend that I haven’t just been told that Jack is almost as much of a freak as me. That I haven’t just been told…

I grab Jack and push him back against the nearest of the glass walls easily.

“You’ve lied to me Jack! All this time, you’ve been lying to me. You’ve been just like me, you’ve had some kind of connection to me, and you haven’t said anything.”

“I’m sorry,” Jack says.

Sebastian has more to say. “Jack was sworn to secrecy, Ms. Caine, and here in the Underground, that is something we take seriously. He couldn’t tell you. In any case, he wouldn’t have known all of it. I imagine the feelings of a connection to you only came up once he was paired with you.”

Jack nods. “That’s right, Celes. I never meant…”

I don’t find out what Jack never meant, because at that point, he slumps into unconsciousness. At exactly the same moment, meanwhile, images start to flash across the screens around us.

SEVENTEEN

S
cenes flicker over the walls of the viewing room in flashes, barely giving me enough time to see any of them properly before they move on. The perspective seems odd, until I realize that the view is from someone’s eyes. Jack’s? He’s slumped against one of the walls, and when I peel his eyelid up to check that he’s okay, his eyes are flickering back and forth, the way people’s eyes do in deep sleep.