Fading Darkness (Bloodmarked #1) (40 page)

A vampire was always the most out of control
when he or she fed. They were a slave to the thirst and at their most
vulnerable state as well. I took a step further, my heart pounding out of my
chest. My eyes never left his and he stood statue-still. His eyes were
calculating as he stalked my every move, but they began to burn with something
a little carnal. Instead of shrinking back, I became more curious and an
unknown need forced me forward. I felt my cheeks flush and a slow burn took
root deep inside my core.

When I reached him, I stood inches away and
could feel the heat and tension radiating off of him in waves. He still didn’t
move and I knew he was being extra cautious, but his look became knowing, like
he figured out a piece of the puzzle. His eyes shifted slightly, burning a
little more, which only seemed to stoke the fire inside me. What the hell was
happening right now? I needed to keep control of my little investigation. I
leaned in further, baring my neck to him. “Come on. Go ahead. It’s right here.”

He sucked in a sharp breath, obviously not
needing the oxygen but purely out of surprise. He steadied his breathing and
spoke in a low, rough tone. “No. That’s not what this is about. Not me and
especially not your safety since you clearly have no regard for that.”

“Then what is it about?” I asked
skeptically.

A shift in the atmosphere sent a shudder
through me. The scale seemed to tip toward the devil on his shoulder. I could
feel him surrendering to that lack of control that I sometimes caused him. The
slight curve of one side of his mouth into that wicked grin was all I
registered before he was right in front of me, invading my personal space.
Suddenly, I wasn’t so sure about my plan but I couldn’t move. I wanted to know
what he’d do, and the growing heat inside me made me very curious.

Without warning I saw his fangs extend and his
face angled down toward my neck. I held my breath for a split second before
feeling his teeth scraping across my flesh. I flinched slightly but my head
stayed angled away from him giving him all the access to my jugular he wanted.
He was right. My safety was not very high on my priority list. However, I
didn’t feel any fangs, just a light brush of teeth in a more playful biting
motion.

The feeling sent shivers surging through my
nervous system, and I actually wanted more. At that point, I wasn’t even sure I
would notice if he really bit me. But I did notice the feel of his lips spread
into a grin across the sensitive skin before his tongue traced the pulse across
the major artery in my neck. The sound that escaped me was part gasp, part
squeak, part moan, but pure pleasure.

He raised his head to look me in the eye as
I tried not letting the disappointment show on my face. His voice was a rough
whisper when he spoke. “That is what this is about. It’s about you feeling
something. Every time you taunt me like this, you’re trying to get closer to
your humanity, whether you’re aware of it or not. You use excuses to get
physically closer to me so that you can get closer to your feelings without
feeling guilty for doing it. You said it yourself. You felt alive when we
kissed. Whether you know it or not, Lucy, your subconscious wants to feel
things.
You
want to feel things.”

I wanted to deny it, but it would be
pointless. We both knew what he said was true, and the truth of his words
hummed through every fiber of my being. Any guards I still had up had vanished,
and I couldn’t stop myself from feeling… everything. A wave of vertigo hit and
I was overwhelmed by intense emotion. I looked in Gavin’s eyes and knew I was
feeling what he felt. I suddenly felt like the most important thing in the
world. And just like that, the feeling left, and his face took on a much more
predatory, lascivious expression, flipping the switch between Mr. Hot and Cold.

He picked up the conversation where he had
let it trail off. “And I’m all for you living life to the fullest. Tell me what
I can do to help. Tell me what you want from me?” He was so close and kept
coming, backing me up to the back of the kitchen island, placing his hands on
each side of me. My heart was racing so fast, but instead of feeling it
throbbing in my chest, I felt it much lower. All the sensitive parts of my body
became heavy and achy with need, a need that I still couldn’t fully comprehend.
My lips were full and parted in anticipation.

“Lucy, you need to tell me what you want. I
can’t restrain myself forever, but I need to hear you admit it to yourself that
this is really what you want. I don’t want you blaming me later for taking
advantage of you when you’re back to being pissed at me,” he breathed. He was
right, but I was finding it difficult to form words at the moment.

“Gavin… Please,” my voice was ragged and
barely recognizable.

He sucked in a sharp breath. Then, his smile
became down-right devilish. He ducked his head toward my neck. “Please what,
Lucy?” and just the sound of his voice, as it caressed my name, nearly undid
me.

He began a slow and torturous assault on my
nerves. His lips brushed the bottom of my neck where it meets my collarbone.
They pressed more firmly while parting slightly so his tongue could slide
slowly over my now heated skin. When he pulled his kiss back, there was a small
suction created that tugged seductively at my neck. He continued this way,
slowly working his way up my neck as my nether regions grew increasingly hotter
with need. His slow, skillful kisses drew farther up, still, to the really
sensitive spot just behind my ear below my hairline. His lips and tongue
lingered there, massaging and caressing my skin in a very lazy, torturous
fashion as I just stood there, about to turn to a gooey puddle on the floor. I
would have if it hadn’t been for his hands that moved to my waist with a firm
grasp.

He pulled just far enough back so he could
ask, “Do you feel anything yet, Lucille?” he asked, using my full name. He
seemed to be more formal when he was still in control. It was Ms. Masters when
he was really pissed, but at the moment, I like everything that came from his
mouth.

My whimpering might have been embarrassing
had I not passed the point of caring. I could only nod, not trusting my voice.

“How about now?” he asked, moving his hands
down to my hemline. His fingertips slid under my shirt and his hands moved
slowly up and down my back before settling back down around my waist. He
gripped me harder and pulled me closer so that I could feel his body flush with
mine. This might have been the closest to getting a little slice of heaven I
would ever get.

Slowly, he moved back and the stiffness in
his posture and the strain in his eyes suggested that took a lot of effort. I
felt the loss immediately. My body felt suddenly cold, and my insides felt
empty. I gasped and reached for him.

His hands found mine and curled his fingers
with mine, stopping my advancement. He placed his forehead against mine and
closed his eyes.

“Gavin, please,” I begged again.

“What do you want me to do, Lucy?” his voice
was desperate, sounding just as needy as I felt.

“Touch me,” my voice came out in a breathy
whisper.

His hands released mine and snaked their way
back around my waist, finding their way back under my shirt. “Where? Here?” he
asked.

“Everywhere,” I answered.

And his strong, skilled hands began their
exploration of each curve, lump, and corner that they could reach. The heat was
back in full force and I released a satisfied moan. I greedily reveled in the
onslaught of sensations, wanting to live life to the fullest and enjoy all of
life’s pleasures. This man completely undid me, and my body kept needing more
and more of him. I was a hormonal hot mess in his arms.

“What else, Lucy?” he hedged.

There was only one thing I needed then. I
managed to lift my weak, shaky arms up and around his neck and pull…
hard
.
I had the added pleasure of seeing his eyes pop wide open with shock. He
thought I was just putty in his arms. Oh no. I knew I needed to take charge. I
needed him to know I was
sooo
on board with this. “Kiss me,” I demanded.

A split second later, his mouth crushed
mine, his lips not too forceful but commanding at the same time, soft and
molding perfectly with my desperate lips. His tongue parted them, unleashing an
audible moan from the exquisite sensations. He tasted of mint and desire. That
electricity between us seemed to snap, sending white hot lightning coursing
through my veins.

His answering low growl deep in his throat
sparked me to life. It was like the dam of pent up emotions broke, sending a
tidal wave of desire through me and each kiss, each touch I gave was fueled by
that rushing wave. I poured every pent up emotion I’ve had since I met him into
this moment. And I felt everything he gave me right back.

He deepened the kiss further, desperate and
starving for what I had withheld from him for so long. It felt… well, there
really weren’t any words to describe this feeling, but divine, amazing, breathtaking,
and perfect came close. Our breathing became heavy and loud as he backed me up
to the nearest wall and slid one hand from my face down to my chest, to my
stomach, across my hip and around to my backside. He squeezed its softness
while drawing me in as close as he possibly could so our bodies were pressed
firmly together. He then reached around and grabbed my other side and lifted me
up to press me into the wall with his solid torso. I wrapped my legs around his
waist to free up his hands for more touching. He didn’t disappoint.

I arched my back up to get closer, and,
oh
God
, the friction was pure bliss. I needed more of that. Our kisses only
broke around our loud, ragged breaths and moans. My fingernails dug into the
flesh at the back of his neck and the tops of his broad, sculpted shoulders. I
memorized every hard protrusion and valley I could get to. He did the same with
my arms, my sides, my stomach, my back, and everywhere in between. I sucked at
his full bottom lip and tugged on it with my teeth.

A low groan escaped him. “Lucy,” he
whispered, almost reverently. “Oh God, we should stop.”

“What?” I asked, panicked. “Why?”

He let out a breathy laugh and kissed me so
tenderly and sweetly, I went back for seconds, and thirds. When I came back for
fourths, he pulled back slightly, and I felt his smile spread across my lips.
He closed the thin gap between our lips with a sweet chaste kiss before backing
away and sliding me down to a standing position. He kept his arms around me,
but they loosened and I kept my hands around his neck.

“There’s still so much unfinished business
between us, so much we need to talk about, so many unanswered questions. We
can’t go further until we really clear the air,” he said.

He was right,
again
. Once the
hormonal fog started lifting, I realized how crazy and how out of control I had
just been. There were so many other big things going on right now. I needed to
focus. Although it was a very nice distraction, I needed to get back to the
life and death stuff. I was so grateful to Gavin for helping me to open up and
feel something real for the first time in my life. I never knew I could feel
that good. I never knew opening myself up to feelings could even affect me so
much. I felt like a monster all my life, only capable of feeling hate and
remorse. I didn’t even know it was possible to feel all those warm and fuzzy
human feelings.

He backed up, releasing me and putting some
distance between us. I felt cold once again at the loss of his touch, but my
senses at least began to return to normal. His demeanor changed to the more
business-like one I was more accustomed to dealing with. Something stabbed at
my chest, and I wondered if what we had just done even meant anything to him,
or if it was some sort of experiment to get me to feel something. He never
actually confessed his undying love for me or anything. I wasn’t sure how real
that moment was for him. That thought was like a bucket of ice water straight
to my libido, and suddenly I had this puzzling mess of emotions swirling in me
that I was not comfortable with.

“Lucy, tomorrow night, there’s something I
want to talk to you about. Can you be here at sundown, please?” he asked, a
cold sincerity in his voice.

“Would that something have anything to do
with the answers I want?” I asked, hopefully.

“I can’t promise you the answers you
want
,”
he said stonily.

Was he kidding? He still wasn’t going to
tell me anything. After all this time, and after… everything. Maybe I did
misread the situation. Maybe what I had felt wasn’t reciprocated. Did I just
get played?

I was pissed, but before I let it show on my
face, I schooled my features into a more nonchalant expression. For once, I
didn’t unleash my wrath on him. I didn’t want him knowing I had other ideas on
how to get answers. And they didn’t involve all the emotional baggage. The
guilt of going behind his back faded, knowing he still wasn’t going to tell me
everything I needed to know.

“Sure,” I said passively before going to my
room. Like hell I was going to wait around for him to talk in circles around
the truth until I got bored with what he was saying. It was time I got closer
to the truth without getting closer to Gavin. Who was he to decide when I was
ready for it? Mr. Hot-and-cold-shuts-down-before-he-starts-to-open-up.

The next night, before sundown, I devised a
plan to track down Shane. It wasn’t so much as a plan as it was an
ill-conceived idea to follow a cold trail of scattered bread crumbs, or old
vampire dens I had helped him acquire. I decided to start with the most recent
ones, but even those were from months ago. I hadn’t actually helped him acquire
anything lately.

My first stop was an old warehouse that was
currently being renovated for office space. That was definitely a bust. Big
surprise. I doubted he was interested in anything being reclaimed by humans.
Finally, after about five dead end warehouses, I came across an old rundown
apartment complex that still seemed unoccupied. When I stepped through the
broken doorway into the main hallway, the musty air carried a smell like
rubbing alcohol, or bleach, or a combination of the two. I wondered if this
place was too dirty for Shane’s taste and he tried covering the odor.

“So are you stalking me, now?” his voice
asked. I didn’t even have time to register his approach. “Cause that would be
hot.”

I spun to face his dark silhouette framed by
the doorway, outlined by the streetlight outside. “What if I am?” I asked,
flirtatiously. I nearly choked on my words and felt disgusted for saying them,
but I figured playing his game might make him more agreeable when it came to
answering my questions.

“Give me a little bit of credit, girl. I’m
not that stupid. You want something, which means you are about to become
indebted to me,” he taunted.

I didn’t care. I wanted answers, so I kept
going, “Only if you give me what I want.”

“And that would be…” he trailed off as he
stepped closer. Before he invaded my personal space, I moved back.

“Not that. Trust me, I’ll never ask for
that. I want to ask you something.”

“Are you going to get on with it or are you
going to keep building the suspense?”

“Ass. I want to know about Gavin. How do you
know him? And why do you hate him so much?” I drilled him.

“Ah, so this is about your boyfriend?”

I rolled my eyes, but I couldn’t help the
giddiness from bubbling under the surface from the idea of that very tempting
but very impossible relationship status.

“Oh, come on. Admit it. You are in love with
him. Even if you don’t know it, trust me, you are.”

I felt something in me stir, and those mixed
emotions began boiling to the surface mingling into one very familiar feeling.
Anger. “Can we not talk about this?”

“What? Did I hit a nerve? Am I hitting a
little too close to home? I mean, you are shacking up with the guy.”

“Seriously. Quit deflecting for a moment and
answer the question. What do you know about him?” I prodded.

He measured me a moment, seeing my
all-business demeanor, before his teasing subsided, and he took on a more
serious tone. “West has always been an outcast in our world, for obvious
reasons. Why wouldn’t I hate him? Then again, I don’t care for a lot of my
kind.” he stopped briefly before proceeding with a question directed at me. “So
I take it you asked him about the prophecy, too?”

“Yes, but he was hiding something from me.”

“He hides a lot from you,” he said, leaving
his words hang in the air for dramatic affect.

“Well, the suspense is killing me. What do
you know?”

“Nothing you haven’t already suspected, deep
down. I know a part of you had to consider the possibility at some point. Or
has love made you so blind to the obvious truth?”

“What are you talking about? What truth?” I
asked, so rigid with tension, I felt like I would snap in half if I moved an
inch.

“The truth about who murdered your mother,”
he said gravely. “You’ve been under her killer’s roof this whole time, and you
really didn’t suspect anything? Why do you think he sought you out in the first
place? He’s your maker, so to speak,” he continued, but I was already removed
from the present. He kept talking in that superior, I-told-you-so voice he
loved to use, but I stopped listening. It didn’t matter that Shane was a liar.
I knew this was true. He was right, deep down, I did know. I felt something off
from the beginning.

I felt like I had just slammed into a brick
wall at a hundred miles an hour. My world began to spin in circles, but I was
stuck there motionless, unable to move to catch up with it, but unable to take
my eyes off of what was right in front of me. It was there all along, just
beyond my edge of reasoning. Had I really avoided it because I didn’t want it
to be true? I started to see the truth, see everything that had been right in
front of me, so obvious. Everything about Gavin was so familiar when I met him.
I knew it wasn’t the first time we had met. It couldn’t have been, and
apparently, it wasn’t.

The past few months became a blur in my
mind. It was the past several years that mattered. All that time I was so
confused about who and what I was and needing my parents, my real parents to
guide me. They were taken from me too soon, and the vampire responsible for
part of that was in my life this whole time. He made my life the disaster it
was. My life was revenge. I was vengeance, and this was what I had been waiting
for.

I expected the anger, the rage, but I didn’t
expect an underlying sense of sadness to accompany it. That kind of betrayal
cut deep. Every emotion I had felt over the past few months slowly began to
burn, the embers growing brighter, and my insides were set on fire. Everything
I had felt sizzled and scorched before being replaced by cold black ashes of
hate. There was nothing else left inside me, and when my focus came back to the
present, all I could see was red.

“Lucy?” Shane asked, and he came back into
focus too. “You look kind of… scary, right now,” he said. “You going to be
okay?” he asked anxiously. He seemed truly scared, or at least nervous about
what I might do.

I moved closer to the door and watched with
vague curiosity as he sidestepped me to avoid being in my way. My eyes tracked
him, until I was out the door. Then, all I saw were the city lights blurring
into bright lines in my peripheral view. I only had one thing on my mind, kill
or be killed. No matter what happened, one of us was going to die. The fear of
death was gone. I didn’t care. This was my purpose.

†

I burst through the apartment door, wild
with my anger, like a lion hunting prey in the savanna, scanning the dark with
my hunter’s eyes. He wasn’t here. I spotted a piece of paper on the counter in
the kitchen. I flashed over to it, stirring it up into the air where I caught
it. In bold letters, it read, “MEET ME ON THE ROOF.”

Before I made it out the door, I felt my cell
phone vibrating in my back pocket. I stopped in my tracks, and heard the
buzzing when it went off again. It filled the entire space of both the kitchen
and living area in the dead cold silence of the loft. When I pulled it out, it read
Holly, and I nearly pressed ignore before guilt washed over me. It had been so
long since I last spoke to her. I answered on the third ring. “Hello?” I said
in a clipped tone, the anger seeping into my voice.

“Lucy,” she cried between two big gasping
sobs.

“What is it?” I asked, instinctively worried
about the danger she might be in.

“It’s Derek,” she choked between a sobbing
intake of breath. When she took another breath, she steadied her breathing a
little before continuing. “We broke up. Lucy, we’ve had fights before but
nothing like this. It’s definitely over this time.”

“Hol, I’m really sorry to hear that, but I’m
in the middle of something. Can I call you back later?” I begged, hoping she
wouldn’t feel too rejected, especially after a break-up. But I had my own
problems right now.

“No, Luce, it can’t wait. I want to go out
tonight. I need to take my mind off things. Please, will you come out with me?”
she pleaded, desperation thick in her voice.

“Hol, I can’t. We’ll go out another night. I
promise, but it’s really not a good time. I have…
stuff
to deal with.”

“Oh, I see. You mean vampire stuff. That is
exactly why I’m calling you, because I can’t seem to go out without a
bodyguard! Well, I’m sick of it. I can’t sit around in fear of living my life
all the time! Either you come out with me or I’m going out on my own.”

“Holly, you’re not going out alone. It’s
gotten really bad out there. Now is more dangerous than ever,” I said.

“Why the hell did you even tell me about
them to begin with?” she screamed. That question cut deeper than I expected. It
was one I asked myself all the time.

“I didn’t have much choice.” It was a weak
excuse, but I didn’t have an honest answer for her. I didn’t mention that it
was her who insisted I tell her at the time, mostly because at the time, I
hoped desperately it would help her understand the real world she lives in. “I
guess I just wanted to prepare you for it.”

“Well, that’s great Lucy. Did you ever
consider what it might mean for me, though?” she spat, injecting more venom
into her words.

“I thought if you were more aware, you could
be more careful.”

“Paranoid is more like it. What kind of life
does that leave me with, one of fear, one where I’m always scared to turn the
next corner, afraid I might be attacked or killed. I spent a lot of time trying
to be tough, but the truth is I’m terrified of what might happen. But I can’t
let that be my life. I can’t let fear rule me, because that’s not living at
all.”

“I’m sorry. I had no idea you felt that way.
I only wanted to protect you. I know I’ve made mistakes, lots of them, but
everything I’ve done was to protect you. You have to believe that,” I cried,
becoming all too aware of the parallelism between mine and Holly’s relationship
and mine and the evil vampire’s relationship. Except the roles were reversed
now.

“Stop! You don’t have to protect me all the
time. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I just wonder sometimes if it would
be better not knowing, but you have to let me live my life. You can’t make my
decisions for me. I don’t call you Mom or Dad. You can’t save everyone, Lucy,
including me. Why do you always carry all that weight on your shoulders? You
don’t have to. You’re not responsible for anyone’s death.”

Yeah. The monster on the roof was
responsible for some. “Yeah, but if I didn’t go out and fight every night, what
kind of life would that leave me with? One of guilt? If you had the power to
save someone, would you ignore it?”

“You already lead a life of guilt. You blame
yourself for the ones you can’t save, and that seems to negate all the lives
you do. There would be a lot more deaths if it weren’t for you, Lucy. You
aren’t the killer, they are. You’re a savior, whether you choose to believe it
or not.”

Not. But at least I could get my vengeance
on those vampires who took lives before I had the chance to stop them. I felt
ice in my veins when I remembered what I needed to do.

“Holly, don’t go anywhere tonight.”

I hung up the phone as I fled the loft and
darted up the stairwell until I reached the access door to the roof. Once
again, as I drew near to him, I began to feel a little less predatory and a
little more like prey. I knew he was waiting, and I didn’t know how, but I
sensed that he knew why I was there. He was expecting this. Obviously, he knew
I would find out eventually, but it was like I could feel his awareness of not
only me, but my intentions. The intrusive feelings were a brief glimpse inside
of him and were quickly replaced by my own determination and years of pent up
rage.

I had my hand on the door knob when I
steeled myself and hastily twisted it, shoving the heavy door out of my way
like it weighed nothing at all. The shivers down my spine were the only
indication I had that it was below freezing outside. I barely felt anything but
the previous fire I had when I put all the pieces together. I narrowed my eyes,
blocking out some of the harsh wind that made them water from the arctic air.
It didn’t take long for me to find him. He hadn’t even bothered hiding, as if
he didn’t even see me as a threat. I would have been insulted if I didn’t know
what he himself was capable, but he was underestimating my anger this time.

He stood at the edge of the roof, looking
down over the city. All I saw was his back, clad in a black pea coat that fell
down just above the knees, covering a pair of loose fitted black slacks. His
light, short cut hair revealed the shape of that thick skull of his, and the
air frosted with each breath he exhaled. His hands were rested in his coat
pockets, pulling the coat tighter around his back, showing off the tense
posture and set of his shoulders. I saw him stiffen slightly. He knew I was
here.

“So you’re here to kill me?” he yelled over
his shoulder. “You got the ammunition you needed to condemn me, did you? You
think you know the whole story?” His voice sounded cold and detached. In an
instant he was gone. I flinched and spun to follow him, but he was just a blur
of motion. I saw movement in the corner of my eye that led behind the roof
access enclosure.

“So the murderer has a side? Sorry, you’re
not getting my sympathy vote,” I said, my voice struggling to stay even, on the
verge of breaking with the lump of anger stuck in my throat.  Did he really
think there was an excusable reason for destroying my family and my entire
existence? Fury flooded my veins, making my blood boil. I felt my cheeks
warming with it.

“Always so quick to jump to conclusions
based on what you see or hear, not what you feel. If you really think I
murdered your mother in cold blood, then go ahead and kill me.” His voice
called from behind the little stone structure, but when he was finished
speaking, I felt his presence behind me.

With a gasp, I spun, holy water syringe in
hand, and struck out at him as fast as I could manage. The needle struck his
abdomen under a thin cotton button-down shirt that his unbuttoned coat
revealed. It bent a little before his tough skin gave and broke when it pierced
him. He staggered back, and I heard the sizzle of his blood. I looked to his
face and saw his clenched teeth as he gritted through the pain. A second later
he composed himself and pulled the needle out of his stomach. He looked at me.
“You’re going to have to do better than that little vampire hunter. I told you
not to underestimate your opponent,” he scolded in a very mentor-like fashion.