Fair Game Inc (2010) (23 page)

oItAEs just not working for me,o Eric leered from that dark spot in her mind where she kept her deepest hurt. She still had a silk and lace wedding dress in the back of her closet to show for her pain.

But Grayson is different, her heart insisted.

You thought Eric was different her mind replied. SheAEd trusted him, loved him, and in the end heAEd walked away with his new love leaving her with a broken heart, a failing business and a massive catering bill.

oAmber?o

She jolted back to her senses her heart still racing. Grayson looked intently into her face. How long had she kept him waiting for an answer to his proposal?

oA permanent kind of thing?o she asked, stalling to catch her breath. oLike moving in together?o

oA permanent kind of thing like moving in together permanently, forever.o

Calm down, she ordered herself. Her body refused to cooperate. She had to find a way out of this conversation to buy herself time to straighten out her tangled feelings. Time to relieve the terror that insisted this time she was setting herself up to be irretrievably hurt.

Because she loved Grayson. More than sheAEd ever loved anyone else in her life.

The crease between his eyebrows deepened. He drew the wrong conclusions from her silence, but she could barely spare oxygen to breathe instead of reassuring him.

oA permanent kind of thing, like getting married,o Grayson finished, as if she needed clarification.

They couldnAEt have this conversation now, not with her heartbeat pounding in her ears and her stomach clenched into a tight ball. She needed time to convince herself Grayson wasnAEt Eric. In desperation she settled on the first excuse that leapt to mind. oShould we be thinking about this now?o The words came out more harshly than she meant them to. oI mean weAEre both under so much stress. YouAEve got the problems at firm to deal with and my business isnAEt going well, except for the work youAEre giving me, and I donAEt know how much longer you can realistically afford to do that--o

oYes! I do think we should be discussing this now.o Amber could hear the hurt behind his anger and frustration. oI love you. I want you to be part of my life. Forever.o

oI love you, too. And I want to be part of your life, Grayson--o The knot in her stomach wound tighter. Grayson drew entirely the wrong conclusions. The argument snowballed rapidly out of control. Somehow she had to rectify the situation.

oBut what, Amber?o She heard the coldness seep into his tone as he put up barriers against the rejection he suspected was coming. oIf you donAEt want to marry me, you should just say.o

****

How could he have misread the situation so completely?

Grayson cursed himself silently. HeAEd mistaken AmberAEs contentment with their current situation as a sign she was ready for greater commitment. HeAEd assumed she shared his dreams for their future together. But instead of his surprise proposal being met with joy, Amber looked about to burst into tears at any moment.

Which could only mean like a fool heAEd risked his heart once again. Well, better to know now than later. Better to have this happen while everything else in his life was falling apart anyway. Grayson prepared himself to be hurt.

oI do want to marry you, Grayson.o

Her words cut into his thoughts. With her eyes brimming over with tears, she didnAEt look like she wanted to get married. He levered himself up on one elbow and turned on the light above the bed. oSo what is it then?o

oI--IAEd just like to talk about it in the morning thatAEs all. WeAEre both tired and stressed out--o

But tonight had held all the magic. When heAEd come home from the nightmare at Barlow & Charles to find her standing in his kitchen wearing that fuzzy robe, heAEd felt that somehow everything in his life would be all right. ThatAEs why heAEd offered such an impulsive proposal of marriage. Now he felt like a total fool. He wanted to cry himself. But he wouldnAEt, heAEd shamed himself enough already. Out of a desperate attempt to soothe his pain and put the situation to rights, he insisted, oIn the morning IAEll be right back in the middle of the mess in my office. I want to discuss it now.o

Tears spilled over onto her cheeks, tumbling like pearls onto the duvet. oYou donAEt understand,o she got out, then the words deteriorated into sobs.

Whatever it was, it broke her heart as well he realized, his anger evaporating. He reached for her, pulling her back into his arms. oWhat is it, Amber?o he forced himself to ask gently. oWhat donAEt I understand?o

oHow I feel.o She shuddered against him, struggling to say more.

His hand cupped the back of her head. He wound his fingers through her fiery curls, as though by pulling her closer he could somehow shield her from her hurts with his body. oYou can tell me, Amber. ItAEs all right.o

oIt sounds so foolish when I say it aloud,o she said. oI want to marry you, Grayson. I love you. IAEm just so afraid of--o

oOf what?o he prompted gently, when her words would have dissolved into tears again.

oOf getting hurt again.o

He opened his mouth to protest her image of him, but she continued.

oI know it doesnAEt sound much like the Fearless Amber Shaw Private Investigator, Avenger for the Lovelorn, but thatAEs just a stupid image I try to portray. Inside IAEm--o

oStill hurting,o he finished for her. oWeAEve both been hurt. But we have to find the strength to try again. ItAEs a hard thing to do, but I thought it was working between us. IAEm prepared to take the risk.o

oThis horrible fear I have,o she stammered, oI canAEt make it go away.o

oDonAEt you know that I love you, Amber?o Grayson asked, risking her rejection all over again.

oYes, but--o

If she loved him, she wouldnAEt have said aebutAE. If she truly loved him, she would have said aeyesAE emphatically. He prepared himself to hear the same string of excuses Melanie had given him. oItAEs not you itAEs me. You really are a nice guy, youAEll make some other woman happy.o

Self defense turned his pain to anger. How could she possibly compare him to that lout whoAEd deserted her? He wanted to ease her pain, but at the moment his own overwhelmed him.

oHow can you possibly think IAEd leave you after all weAEve been through together?o he heard himself demanding. oHow can you take the declaration of my love and just throw it back at me?o

AmberAEs mouth moved, but no sound came out. She buried her head in the crook of his shoulder, and he was dismayed to feel the hot wetness of her tears soaking the hair on his chest. Now what had he said? All heAEd wanted was confirmation of her love for him. An enthusiastic yes to his clumsy and ill-timed proposal. Somehow heAEd upset her deeply and damned if he knew how. It had always been that way. Roger had always instinctively understood the secret ways of women while Grayson had been obliviously ignorant.

oAmber.o His voice came out rough, as raw as his feelings. oI love you. I want you to be my wife. But if thatAEs not what you want, then you should tell me now.o

****

This wasnAEt how Amber wanted the conversation to go at all. GraysonAEs distress only intensified her own panic. oBut donAEt you see, Grayson?o she stammered past the vice around her chest and the lump in her throat. oAll the men in my life said they loved me. Eric, my father. But they were lying.o Her words sliced through the conversation. She heard GraysonAEs quick intake of breath and winced at her own clumsiness. Bad enough that sheAEd accused him of being untrustworthy, now sheAEd accused him of lying as well.

oOh God, thatAEs not what I meant,o she moaned. But he thrust her away from him to sit by herself along side him in bed.

oUnderstand one thing,o he said, and she could hear the protective coldness in his voice as he laid out his argument as if he was in court. oIAEm not Eric. IAEm not your father. IAEm not a dishonest man. I offer you my love freely. If you choose not to accept it, then I think youAEre right, we ought to discuss this in the morning.o

oBut Grayson--o If the thought of marrying Grayson made her heart pound, the thought of losing him sent a pang of anxiety through her entire body. Somehow, she had to think past her fears, find the right words before she damaged the fragile understanding between them completely.

But he stole the opportunity from her, turning out the light and putting his back to her.

oIn fact,o he said. oI donAEt think we have much to discuss at all.o

The hurt in his voice put an end to the conversation. SheAEd asked him for time, and time heAEd given her. So why did it hurt so much? Why did it feel like sheAEd lost something irretrievable? A manAEs trust, Amber thought lying silently beside him the dark, listening to the sound of his breathing and the rapid beat of rain. His body lay warm beside her, and she longed to snuggle back into his arms. It didnAEt help when a few hours later, Grayson rolled over in his sleep and drew her closer. Did that mean she was forgiven? That even in his sleep he somehow understood?

****

Morning dashed her hopes of reconciliation.

Their late night discussion caused them both to sleep late. Cursing at the alarm clock theyAEd slept through, Grayson showered quickly and left the house without breakfast, offering her no more than a curt, oTalk to you later,o on his way out the door.

Amber sat at the kitchen table with a cup of the coffee sheAEd made for him cooling in her hands. Like their argument, last nightAEs storm had passed. Weak sunlight streamed through the high windows casting watery yellow streaks across the floor. But unlike the weather, the argument with Grayson only served to muddy things instead of clearing the air. Amber sighed. She should get dressed and go to work, do what she could to salvage Fair Game, Inc. from insolvency. She should do something other than sitting at GraysonAEs table. But she couldnAEt seem to pry herself from the chair.

What would she have without Grayson? she asked herself bitterly. The same as she had when her relationship with Eric had broken up, her mind answered. A failing business and a lifetime of loneliness stretching before her. Only this time it hadnAEt been Eric whoAEd destroyed the relationship. She had done that herself.

oBatting a thousand here, arenAEt we Amber,o she whispered. She wondered idly if she should take her clothes and toothbrush with her when she left today.

Tears stung her eyes, but she sniffed them back, determined to do what she could today to fix the situation as best she could. If things couldnAEt be mended with Grayson, then she had to find a way to salvage Fair Game, Inc. Amber Shaw, Private Investigator did not go down without a fight.

But somehow knowing Grayson had dampened her joy in taking revenge. Getting even on behalf of the lovelorn no longer held the appeal it once had. The thought of spending another moment dwelling on the dark side of love started her heart pounding all over again. Last nightAEs panic attack took the strength from her spine, leaving each limb feeling as if sheAEd run a marathon. DawnAEs gray light tinged the sky by the time sheAEd fallen asleep.

Grimacing around a mouthful of cold coffee, she dumped what was left in the sink and went upstairs to get dressed. Her problems would not be solved by sitting at GraysonAEs kitchen table, Amber rebuked herself.

SheAEd go into work, make an appointment to see her accountant, discuss what could be done about the companyAEs flagging receivables. Perhaps the act of sitting at her desk would nudge her mind toward a solution.

Somehow sheAEd find a way to save both Fair Game and her relationship with Grayson.

Chapter
FOURTEEN

Amber shivered in the frigid air of early dusk. Last nightAEs storm had passed, leaving the air clear and crisp with the promise of frost to come. The premature sunset had stolen the last of the sunAEs warming rays. Dried husks of leaves rattled across the sidewalk.

Late autumn always brought depression. The brief days, the bare stalks of trees gray against the sky cast her in a somber mood. Flagging business at Fair Game and the mess at Barlow and Charles amounted to a staggering list of problems. Topped off by her argument with Grayson and her unwanted shadow, it was far too much for one person, Amber decided.

And that was before the meeting with her accountant.

Another month, heAEd warned her. If things didnAEt improve by Christmas, sheAEd be closing the doors of Fair Game forever. Most people didnAEt have an urgent need for Private Investigators in December, she thought darkly. They were too busy enjoying the holiday.

The prospect of another heart-wrenching talk with Grayson only served to sour her mood further. Somehow she had to mend the rift between them, find the words that would make it all right when all others had failed.

That, or spend another Christmas eating a turkey TV dinner alone.

But Grayson had been out when she arrived. A thick file folder and a list of scrawled instructions greeted her instead. The disorder at the firm only nagged at her already frazzled thoughts. The offices of Barlow & Charles were no place to have a personal conversation, Amber decided. Leaving a note for Grayson to call her later, she gathered up the folder and headed for her own apartment.

Rush hour traffic had appropriated most of the curb side parking when she had arrived, forcing Amber to park several blocks from GraysonAEs office. She didnAEt mind the walk in the brisk sun of afternoon, but the empty sidewalks seemed somehow sinister in the thickening darkness.