Faith (A Dark Romance Novel) (13 page)

She stared at me for a moment, but finally, thankfully, she smiled. She didn’t wait for my response. Leaning in to me she placed a soft, delicate kiss on my cheek. “Thank you, Tanner.”

It wasn’t often I received tenderness like I’d just encountered from her. If I were to be completely honest with myself, it was the first time since my parents had passed. I wasn’t sure what to think. Her gesture wasn’t that of a mindless drone that I’d created, but of her free will, despite knowing what I was and what I’d done to her. I really wasn’t sure what to make of it.

She stood. “Can we go see the dogs now?”

“Yeah.”

Chapter 17

Emily

Snuggled tight to his side with his arm lazily draped over my shoulder and the bowl of popcorn on my lap, I watched Tanner out of the corner of my eyes, off and on, throughout the movie. We were watching
How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days
. It was a cute movie, but Tanner’s presence next to me was keeping me more than a little distracted.

He’d followed through with his word and this night, up until this point, had been a night fulfilling my wishes. He’d played the role of dutiful and caring boyfriend perfectly, making me realize that what he’d said a while back was true. He could morph himself into anything or anyone he wanted seamlessly. Had I not seen with my own eyes what he really was and what he was capable of, I’d never have believed it. 

“What?” His eyes shifted from the massive flat screen television mounted on the wall to me.

I didn’t answer, only stared up into his dark eyes.

“Don’t feed me the nothing line. I’ve been enduring this movie because you wanted to watch it, but instead of watching it you’ve spend the last hour periodically staring at me. It’s apparent you have something on your pretty little mind, so spill it. Beating around the bush with me is just a waste, you realize this, right?”

After a moment’s hesitation, I nodded. “How can you be like this?”

He gave me a peculiar look, his brow furrowing. “I don’t follow.”

“Tonight you’ve acted as if we were just a normal couple. Is it hard for you being like this? Or is it just something you can switch on and off?”

“Ahhh, you want to play doctor-patient again, that it?”

Placing the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table I turned to face him and nodded. “Something like that. I’m just trying to understand.”

He took a deep breath in and slowly released it. “All right. I guess I can explain it to you this way. It’s mentally exhausting to act like this. But I gave you my word you could have a normal date night, so I’m enduring.”

“What do you mean by that? By it being exhausting.”

“This might not be the best analogy, but let me put it to you this way. Have you ever had an itch you’re dying to scratch but can’t seem to get any relief from? One so bad that if you don’t get relief soon you’ll go insane?”

I crinkled my nose up at him, attempting to decipher his response. “I suppose.”

“When I act freely and without pretending to be something I’m not, there’s no nagging at the back of my mind, there’s relief. But when I’m acting,” he motioned air quotes, “‘normal’, then it’s like an itch in the back of my brain that gets worse and worse until I can no longer play the game or put on airs.”

“Oh.”

“If I were to be completely honest, a part of me is hoping that with you I’ll find some peace. You’re mine and you know what I am so I don’t have to pretend. It calms me. Putting me into a ‘normal’ family to pretend to be something I’m not would be the equivalent of caging a tiger. Sure I could play nice for a while, years even, but eventually my true nature would break free. It’s as inevitable as the tide.”

“But your father…” I loved it in the brief instances where I was allowed to peel back the layers of him in an attempt to get a grasp of how he worked. I was starting to see why his mother had used him as her own personal science project. His thoughts and way of thinking were fascinating. Although to be fair I suppose that could be said about me. But I know I was a product of my environment, of years of carefully planned and executed manipulation by my father., He wasn’t.

“My father had more control over himself than I do. My father was able to direct his tendencies and be satisfied with mental manipulation and the victory of financially destroying families. That was how he got the rush to satisfy his urges. My preferences are more hands-on. For me, it’s the one-on-one mental and physical challenge.

“So when I ran a few days ago and tried to stab you…that’s why it was fun for you? It fed that need?”

Giving me a sheepish smile, he nodded.

The wheels began to turn in my head. I’d lost count of the amount of times he’d warned me not to try to run, but those words were in direct conflict with what he wanted from me. Perhaps if I played out the scene with him from time to time and gave him that rush it would sate him? It had worked the first time, although that hadn’t been intentional. But if I played the role, then perhaps I could make this work. He’d been so pleased with me that night after I’d cut him, satisfied. To use his words, the itch had been scratched.

I nodded to myself. Yes. I was beginning to understand. His words, everything he’d said to me up until that point was beginning to make sense. I needed to periodically feed the beast before it became too much and he imploded. I thought I could do that. It wasn’t like I had a choice, but the understanding could help me deal with this – with him.

“Emily?” Using the arm he’d had across my shoulders, he raked his fingers through my hair, the soft tugs from the strands sending sweet shivers through me. Closing my eyes, I allowed myself the luxury of savouring the delicious pull and his rare tender touch.

Slowly, I reopened my eyes and met his stare, and I saw what I’d seen in him the first night we met. He was so damned sexy as his dark eyes drank in every inch of me. Maybe it was the wine I’d consumed throughout the evening that was making my body begin to crave his; I hadn’t drank a lot, but enough to help me forget the previous three weeks of agony and focus on this moment. Tanner lived in the moment – maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea. Maybe in order to lead a somewhat happy life that was what I needed to do as well?

“I have a question.”

“All right.” He raked his fingers through my hair again. I had to force myself to keep my focus on him and not the delicious feeling.

“This is my night, my date night, right?”

“Yeeeesss.” He eyed me with curiosity now, his brow creasing ever so slightly.

“Then I was thinking…” I could feel a blush colouring my cheeks and I averted my gaze, looking down at my hands placed on my lap. I could only imagine the shock on his face when I said what I was thinking – I hardly believed it myself.

“Well, come on.” He released the strands of my hair and braced his head on his hand, patiently waiting, a sexy smirk tugging at the corners of his lips.

Taking a deep breath in and slowly releasing it, gathering my courage, I forced myself to look at him. “I’d like to have sex.”

His expression went blank as his mouth dropped open. If nothing else, I’d managed to shock him, not an easy feat. Had I not been so nervous I might have found his expression comical.

“Have sex?” Quickly regaining his composure, he cocked a brow up at me, his grin slowly returning.

“Yes. I was thinking and we’ve been playing these roles and it feels like a date and tomorrow it all goes back to the way it was. And I…
Oh God, this is hard, so hard.
I was doing everything in my power to keep from rambling and to keep from backing out. “It’s just, I wanted my first time to be special and since this is my night, I just thought that…”

God, could I be any more humiliated?
I wasn’t supposed to be asking a man for sex. I’d never been brought up to be that type of girl, but considering the circumstances, considering Tanner would be taking my virginity, why not have it be on my terms? At that moment and in this situation it made sense.

“You thought…” he prompted.

“I thought that maybe you could humour me and pretend you actually cared, so it feels real.” I raked a hand though my hair, my hand shaking. God, I was so scared and humiliated. I couldn’t do this. This was foolish. The intense need to go to my little room and be left alone became too much. I bolted from the sofa but only got two steps before Tanner’s strong arms slipped around my waist and twirled me around to face him. I couldn’t bear to look up into his eyes, so I buried my face into his chest, refusing to lift my gaze.

“Look at me.” His voice was gentle but there was a hint of authority in it, challenging me to disobey.

Swallowing down the lump that had formed in my throat, I lifted my eyes to meet his. “Please, let me go back to my room.”

“No, I’m sorry, you’re not going anywhere.”

I fought against his unyielding hold to no avail. “This is my night and I want to go back to my room!”

“You’re trying to run from me and what you really want, and that’s not acceptable.” His tone challenged me to deny him.

I stopped struggling and remained silent, glaring up at him, not sure what to do or say. It was easier to be angry then allow him to see the vulnerability I was feeling.

Sliding a hand to the back of my head, Tanner held my head still as his lips captured mine. Instead of the forceful, almost violent way he normally kissed me, he held himself back, his lips teasing mine, coaxing me to settle in his arms and invite him in.

Tears filled my eyes as I forced the tension from my body and slid my arms around his neck. So many emotions rushed through me. I hated him and wanted him. I wanted to run and I wanted him to never let me go. As his tongue slipped between my parted lips, teasing mine, I’d never felt so torn, anguished, yet elated in my life.

He pulled his lips from mine and scooped me up into his arms as if I weighed nothing more than a feather. I yelped, but didn’t struggle. Instead I cuddled tight to him as he turned off the television and began walking towards the bedroom. “What are you doing?”

A smile spread across his lips, so soft and seductive that it made my stomach flutter. “I’m doing as you asked, playing my role.”

Tanner

Her request came out of nowhere and I have to say it took me aback. The last thing I would have expected from her was for her to ask me to fuck her, at least not like this. Beg me after I’d teased and tormented her until she couldn’t think straight, sure. But she had the option of anything and she wanted me to pretend to do what? Love her? Be the boyfriend of her dreams? Pretend this wasn’t what it was?

“Why are you doing this?” she asked. I looked down at her, cuddled tight to me. She looked so damned innocent my cock jerked alive at the prospect of finally claiming her.

“Doing what?”

“Agreeing to this.”

“Would you rather I didn’t?” I flashed another smile at her and was graced with a smile in return and a slight flush. We reached the bed and I gently laid her on it. I could play the role she wanted me to; hell it might even be fun. It would beat the shit out of that fucking chick flick she’d been making me endure.

Leaving her on the bed, I straightened. “So to go along with this whole fantasy scene you’ve envisioned, is there music?” Okay, I was humouring her, maybe teasing a little bit for my own entertainment. But this was also a bit of a milestone for me as well. Letting a woman have control over me and my actions was way out of my comfort zone, but it had an exciting element, as I waited to see what she’d want. I was betting she’d want the sweet missionary style, looking deep into my eyes and bear to me your soul shit. I was somewhat anxious to see if I was right.

She chewed at her lower lip. While I was joking, she seemed to be legitimately considering it and I have to say it was cute. But God I hoped she didn’t overthink this thing to death. “Okay. I’d like that.” Laughing, I gave my head a shake and went over to the satellite radio, selecting a channel that boasted that it played all the hit love songs from the past and today.

“Good?” I asked, turning back to her.

The hesitation that was in her eyes was beginning to fade. “Yes. Thank you.”

Walking towards the bed, I pulled the sweater up and over my head, tossing it to the floor. I didn’t miss the fact that her breath hitched or the way her dark eyes widened as they drank in every inch of me. “So, my sweet little church girl, if you’re having second thoughts or want to back out, I suggest you do it now.”

Chapter 18

Emily

My entire body was trembling, both from anticipation and pure, sheer fright. This was it. No waiting for marriage, no saving myself for the man who would be my husband. I was going to give myself to the man who’d abducted me and on a whim could sell me without thinking twice. But he was giving me control. Sure it might just be an illusion – ultimately he was still the master and I his slave, as he seemed to like to refer to me – but I needed to buy into this fantasy for tonight. After the weeks that I’d endured and the uncertain future, I needed the fantasy of this night.

Getting to my knees I crawled over to the edge of the bed and tentatively touched his bare abdominals. The muscle was hard and so defined, like those you’d see in one of those magazines. “Will you tell me about these?” I fingered the raised skin where the scar was along his left side was.

“There’s not much to tell. I got stabbed.” I looked up at him and he gave me a wink. “But don’t worry, you’ve made your mark to go along with the collection on my arm and chest.” My eyes drifted to his arm and then his chest. The bandages were still present, covering the wounds, but they were healing nicely with no infection.

“I’m sorry…”

He gave his head a shake. “We’ve discussed this. It’s just a scar. You don’t live my life without wearing the history.” Seeing my disappointment and upset, he let out low groan. “Fine. That particular scar is one of my oldest. The man I killed, the man who killed my parents, managed to grab a knife and slice my side. Nothing serious.”