Fake (25 page)

Sebastian hating me is more pain than I can handle.

At the gates we separate without a word. He glances back once and I see in his eyes that not only is he not the person I thought he was, but I'm less than he hoped. My head bows and I hurry to my locker.

Chay is waiting for me there but I'm so busy staring at the ground I don't see her until I'm an arm's reach away. She's dressed nicely again. Jeans that leave a little of her shape to the imagination, a positively decorous top and a tasteful scarf. Her subtly made-up lips are grinning and she's wriggling on the spot. ‘Joel dumped Lana.' Her hands clap. ‘He heard she went out to meet another guy and he's had enough.'

‘And that makes you happy?'

She doesn't seem to notice my tone. ‘Of course. She's already texted Aaron saying she's single and wants to hook up.'

‘I guess she's not heartbroken then.' I sigh and unpack my books. They're almost too heavy to carry today. Must be the weight of the guilt I'm dragging around.

Chay leans against my locker. ‘Not yet.'

‘You have a plan?' I don't have the energy to point out I've long since stopped being a part of whatever it is she's trying to achieve.

Her grin widens. ‘I think it's time for Aaron to tell her where to go.'

‘Haven't you done enough?'

‘Me?'

‘You. The one who's texting a kid at all hours and leading her on so she heads to the city on her own in the middle of the night.'

‘Nothing bad happened.'

‘Lucky for you.'

She scowls. ‘And I was going to let you be the one to send the text.'

I glance down at the phone she's waving. It's impossible not to be curious about what she's written but it doesn't mean I have to act on it. ‘I don't want any part of this.'

Chay stares at me.

I take a deep breath. ‘And I'm going to tell Sebastian the truth.'

‘Why?'

‘Because he's going to find out anyway. If it comes from me … he might hate me less.'

‘And the whole world has to revolve around you?' She shakes her head. ‘I'm asking you not to tell him. It will ruin everything.'

‘But …'

She leans close. ‘If you tell him I will never forgive you.'

I don't watch her leave. Nine years of friendship and she's forcing me to choose.

CHAPTER

19

The rest of the day passes in a blur of indecision. That night I eat alone with Mum working late in the salon as background noise. By the next morning I can't face another person. I survive the first period with my head pounding and then make for the girls' bathroom in search of solitude.

The hallway filled with shouting students and hyperactive boys wrestling has never looked so long.

‘Hey Kath.'

I don't see who speaks but I attempt a smile and wave of my hand in return. As I make my way toward safety others say hello. I don't stop. I hate to be rude but I can't do small talk today.

There are a few whispers too, but I can't summon the energy to worry. Not when I've screwed up with people I actually care about. Once school is done I will never see most of these people again, and I'm sure they'll forget about me and my problems just as fast.

I might as well be an outcast. Without Sebastian and Chay I'm alone.

At last the door closes behind me and the noise from outside is muffled. I can try to think again. I lock the cubicle and sit on the seat with my head in my hands. All morning my belly has churned with the anguish of this decision.

If I tell Sebastian, maybe he'll hate me a little bit less, but then I'll lose Chay. Every time I imagine getting through to the end of the school year without my best friend, my throat blocks and tears threaten.

Don't cry.

The unmistakable sound of a sniffle comes from the next cubicle.

Crap. Whoever it is probably thought they were alone. I hold my breath but there's only silence. The distraction helps keep the tears at bay.

I could leave now and pretend I didn't hear. I have enough problems without trying to solve someone else's. They probably don't want to talk about it anyway, or they wouldn't be hiding in here.

Like me.

I exit the cubicle and wash my hands. If they don't cry again while I'm here I can put the sound down to my overactive imagination. The paper towel is mid-arc from my throw to the bin when I hear it. A sniff-choked sob.

‘Are you okay?'

There's a long silence.

Fine, I don't really want to talk to you either
.

Then, ‘Go away.'

I squeeze my eyes shut. I know that voice. And guilt won't let me flee. ‘Lana, what's wrong?'

There's another long stretch of silence and my urge to help fades fast. She doesn't like me and I don't like her. I'm the last person she wants help from.

‘It's Aaron …' Her voice becomes a sniffle.

I move to the closed cubicle door. Thank goodness no one else has come in or they'd see me talking to the peeling paint. Aaron's made her cry. It's not hard to guess what's happened, having spoken to Chay.

‘Did he dump you?'

I take a deep breath full of antiseptic and the terrible forest-yuck air freshener they use in these bathrooms.

The door swings open.

Inside, Lana is hunched on the seat in short denim shorts, black tights and a black fitted top. Her big green eyes look up at me and I have to say she has the sad panda thing down perfectly. Her dark hair frames her face in artful strands, falling over the scratch on her head Sebastian mentioned. The black eyeliner has run from her tears but only in one elegant spot and her red nose and puffy eyes actually look cute.

‘Yeah,' she says from pale lips.

If I didn't know her better I'd feel sorry for her. As it is I'm battling not to. She's how I should have looked after losing Sebastian. Instead, I managed to look more like a bedraggled gremlin.

‘Are you okay?' I try to keep my tone brisk.

‘Like you care.' Her lip curls. ‘I bet you're loving this.'

‘No.' And it's true. I don't like to see anyone so sad. Imagining Lana getting her just desserts didn't include having to witness real tears.

Seeing her cry doesn't ease my pain. I'm sick inside. I didn't love Joel. I hardly knew him. And I brought some of the embarrassment on myself. This girl didn't take Joel from me. I didn't really want him to begin with. I don't know his favourite colour. I can't picture the cute expression he gets when he's puzzled and I couldn't guess what he wants to do when he leaves school.

The only boy I know that kind of thing about is Sebastian, and I've managed to screw up our fledgling relationship all on my own.

Lana's head is buried in her hands and she's too caught up in her misery to care who's watching.

I stand there, torn between leaving her in privacy and not wanting to leave her alone when she's hurting. This is the girl I've talked to late at night as Aaron. We actually have things in common. If she didn't hate me we could have maybe …

No. It's stupid. This is Lana, she'll turn on me at any moment.

Walk away
.

She must sense my conflict. Her head comes up and her eyes flash with anger. ‘Everything is so easy for you.'

‘Me?' How could this beautiful, confident creature possibly think …?

‘We have to move to this stupid town and my parents are obsessed with Sebastian and Poppy and the drama.' Her eyes roll back in her head. ‘I am so sick of the drama. I begged Mum to let me go back to the city but she said we needed to make this town our home. Ha. Two years tops and I'll be so far out of here your pathetic town with its lame people will be nothing but a bad memory.'

The accusations fly from her mouth like it's somehow my fault. I raise my hands and try to say something but she's in full flight, talking at me, not to me.

‘Then I look for five minutes of peace and pampering to get my hair done and this woman spends the whole time raving about her perfect daughter.'

My stomach drops.

Now her eyes are on me and they're narrow and mean and not at all beautiful. ‘About time you had someone mess a little with your perfect life.'

‘My life isn't perfect.'

‘For about five seconds maybe, and then you'll go home and Mummy will make everything better.'

I open my mouth to deny her words but close it again. My life is so far from perfect it's a joke, but she'll believe what she wants to. At least now I know why she hates me so much. It's twisted but it makes a strange sense.

‘I hope you feel better,' I mumble and back away.

I wash my hands as fast as I can, aware of Lana glowering at me the whole time. Out in the hallway a sea of students are going about their day. With Lana's accusation in my head, I wonder how much of what they show the world is real and what problems they have happening that I can't see.

Chay is at the fountain. She looks up, sees me and looks away before I can speak. Not that I have a clue what I'll say.

Maybe that I know she sent the text. Maybe that I have to tell Sebastian because it's the right thing to do. Maybe that I hope she didn't mean it about never forgiving me.

There's a disruption in the flow of students. Joel and one of his teammates are tossing a soccer ball between them as they walk down the hall, sending laughing classmates diving for cover. As they pass me the midfielder's throw misses my head by less than an inch. I catch the ball using reflexes I didn't know I had.

‘Sorry Kath.' He stops in front of me, harmless and friendly. His hands are on his knees and he's puffing for breath and laughing at the same time.

I can't help a smile. ‘You'll have to do better than that.'

He shakes his head, still laughing. ‘I can't believe it.'

There's a gasp from behind me and I'm elbowed out the way. ‘Whatever she said it isn't true.' Lana is just short of spitting as she stares down the gathered crowd.

The jovial mood of the hallway vanishes and people crowd closer, sensing drama. I'm reminded of a pack of animals drawn to blood.

Mine.

Heat floods my face. I touch her shoulder and she flinches. ‘We weren't talking about you.'

‘Sure.' Her gaze skims the crowd. ‘She's jealous because my brother dumped her like Joel dumped her. They finally realised what a skanky slut she is.'

I reel back, but steady myself, holding my head high in front of this bitch who thinks she can say anything. I will not bow before her.

Lana's eyes narrow. ‘It's a pattern for Kath. Her dad didn't want her either – or her mum.' She smiles venomously. ‘He went and got a couple of new families, all at the same time.'

The words ring in my ears like a slap. My chest actually cramps as I try for a breath. I shrink inside myself, blinking dumbly at Lana who's now smiling wider. A minute ago I was trying to help this girl.

Maybe some people here had heard what happened with Marty when Mum and I came to town, but never in those terms. She's taken my deepest fear and spread it out for the class to see. And the worst part of it is that there's only one way she could have found out. Sebastian.

‘How could you?'

I don't know whether I'm asking her or him but it doesn't matter because my whispered question is lost in the noise of someone barging through the crowd.

‘Leave Kath alone.' It's Chay. Eyes blazing and hands on hips, she stops at my side and stares Lana down. Defending me again.

Lana laughs. ‘You? You're the biggest backstabber of all. Have you told your bestie who you're sleeping with?'

My gaze swings to Chay. She pales and her eyes implore Lana to stop but it's too late. Lana is in her element now. She has the crowd lapping up every word. ‘You were so obsessed with trying to sleep with my boyfriend, you don't even care that your best friend liked him first.'

Chay's crying. Silent tears track down her cheeks as her wide-eyed gaze swings between me and Lana.

‘Joel?' I ask softly.

Her slow nod twists a blade in my chest. She's been lying to me all this time.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Joel, flushed and sweating, edge backwards and almost disappear into the locker he's leaning against, but he's the least of my concerns.

Mentally I retreat inside my brain. If this was a movie I'd written I could yell ‘Cut'. Or ‘Scene break'. Or something to make it stop.

But life doesn't work like that.

Lana laughs. ‘Maybe you two can share him because I have more serious things to consider.' She flips her hair back to reveal the fine mark on her forehead. Of course it's seeping a tiny drop of blood for effect. ‘Forget whatever Kath told you. Aaron Winter didn't dump me.' She pauses to make sure her words aren't lost on the onlookers. ‘He assaulted me.'

A whisper rises from those gathered around. Everyone was friends with Aaron until he disappeared offline. This is drama of the highest order.

And looking at Lana, heart-achingly beautiful and obviously wounded, it's impossible not to believe her. Unless you know the truth.

It's then I see the tall and gangly boy standing silhouetted at the end of the hallway. Sebastian. Betrayer. The pain inside me builds until I'm afraid I might explode, drenching the hallway in splatters of blood and pieces of my broken heart.

His face is a mask.

I want to hate him but my feelings for him don't want to cooperate. How long has he been listening? Does he believe his sister? Does he think I'm going to fight over Joel?

My eyes close and I wish for the classic escape of the ground opening up and me disappearing. But only for a second. Because I've never liked confined spaces and I'm not a big fan of being crushed by rock or swallowed by lava.

I stand straighter. Open my eyes and meet Lana's gaze. ‘Accusing someone of assault is pretty serious.'