Faking Sweet (4 page)

A trip to Daydream Island, and Calypso wants to take me? I think? I'm sure that's what she meant. OH MY GOD! I so don't deserve it. What've I done for her? Absolutely nothing.

Right, Holly! I slapped myself on the cheek a few times and thumped my fists on the desk. You have got to pull yourself together and stop fluffing around. It's time to get this revenge plan into action. You owe it to Calypso.

Calypso, me and Daydream Island. I had never in my life contemplated anything so exciting. It was like finally my life was coming together. I was someone with friends. Hey, I was even someone who went on holidays with friends.

The urge to email back was strangling me. So many questions, like: when are we going? How many pools? I scribbled a list of everything I had to know. How many days are we away? Will we have our own room? What's the beach like? They were just the things I could think of now. Hopefully the holiday would be after I was back in Melbourne so my skin had time to clear up.

But it was time for self control. What a spoilt brat I'd seem if straight away I came back with all that stuff. I had to earn it first. I had to show Calypso that she was right in choosing me.

Friday morning was my first English class with Jess. I liked English; it was my best subject. At times it'd even been my substitute friend. But no more. Last night, while fantasising about Calypso and me lying by a pool on Daydream Island, I decided English would become an opportunity to show Calypso what a good friend I was.

Compare and contrast the many evils of Jess Flynn with that of the normal girl, like me or Calypso! That was my assignment.

Maybe I'd start a notebook documenting all the hideous stuff Jess did in class. Then back in Melbourne I'd present it to Calypso like a souvenir. We could read it together on the days we needed a good laugh.

Yep, Calypso would love me for it. Instead of studying the plays of Shakespeare, I'd study the real play in the classroom. The play of ‘Jess Flynn the impostor'. I found myself clapping my hands like crazy.

It was a win-win. Shakespeare was my least favourite part of English, even though my last teacher had said I had ‘a superior understanding for a girl of [my] age'. But honestly, his stuff never made sense. Studying a person who hadn't been dead for five hundred years and spoke in normal English was going to be heaps more fun and heaps more revealing.

When I arrived at class Jess was helping the teacher hand out a book to each desk. So she was a teacher's pet too? Point number one for my book.

The teacher greeted me. ‘Hi, you must be Holly?'

I nodded.

The big smile and outstretched hand told me she was going to be one of those passionate English teachers. ‘I'm Mrs Gideon.'

Sorry, I'm here in body only, Mrs Gideon. You won't be teaching me Billy Shakespeare. Jess Flynn is the only thing I'm studying, unless of course you have her on the curriculum.

Of course I didn't say that. I just fake smiled her and said, ‘Hi, Mrs Gideon.'

‘I hear you're a brilliant English student, Holly.'

My forehead sizzled. Shame she wasn't going to see that brilliance.

‘Now, you haven't studied
Much Ado About Nothing
?'

‘No,' I replied. ‘We did
Macbeth
last term.'

‘Great, great. That's what I thought,' she replied. ‘You'll love
Much Ado
. It's very different to
Macbeth
.'

Like I care.

I looked for the desk closest to Jess. But of course they'd all been taken. Everyone wanted to be close to Jess.

Mrs Gideon took the remaining books and said, ‘Everyone say thanks to Jess for handing out the plays.'

‘Thanks Jess,' echoed around the classroom.

I kept my mouth firmly shut, and that wasn't just to stop the chuck projectiling out of my mouth. These lessons were going to be even more interesting than I'd already thought. It looked like Jess had the whole class wrapped around her little finger.

I ripped a bit of paper out of my folder and waited to document my next discovery.

‘Okay girls, we're going to do something different with this play,' Mrs Gideon said as she sat on a desk, her long skinny legs swinging in and out. ‘We're going to have a go at relating Shakespeare's
Much Ado about Nothing
to our own lives.'

Jess was nodding with every word.

‘Just the title suggests what it's about,' explained Mrs Gideon. ‘Number one: nothing, just a lot of hot air. Number two: the word “noting” sounded the same as “nothing” in Shakespeare's day. There's a lot of “noting” in the play, which means the characters observing and noticing each other. You'll see too that very often they get it wrong. It's a great play to do in an all-girls' school. We all know how the rumours love to fly around here.'

Jess gave that comment extra big approval, the suck-up.

‘The play explores many aspects of deception,' Mrs Gideon went on. ‘Not just the deception of others, but the way we deceive ourselves; it really studies the fallibility of humans. Especially
what we choose to see and believe
!' Her voice grew higher and louder. The whole class seemed absorbed in every word she uttered. I looked out the window and yawned.

‘Let's look at Act One.' Instantly the sound of turning pages. What was it with this teacher? It was like she'd cast a spell over the girls. ‘Jess, would you read Leonato? Rosie, could you be Beatrice?' As the chosen ones were given their roles, I watched Jess begin to lick her lips over and over. I flicked through the pages. Yes, as I thought, she'd been given the main part and obviously couldn't wait to hear the sound of her own voice.

Calypso told me Jess was really into performing – public speaking, debating, all that ‘look at me' stuff. In Calypso's second week here she took part in a class debate with Jess. Apparently Jess went completely psychotic because she reckoned Calypso stole some of her points. Calypso wasn't posing when she told me they'd won the debate because of her. She was just being honest. Calypso was a really, really good debater. I'd seen her myself.

Apparently after the St Clemmie's debate everyone went up to Calypso and congratulated her. Then later when no one was around Jess said to her, ‘Listen here, new girl. I don't know where you've come from and I don't actually care. But in Year 7 I won the debating award and I intend to win it again this year. So don't go thinking you're too hot.'

Calypso told me she went straight to the toilets and had a little cry in a cubicle. She's so brave, Calypso.

Mrs Gideon was still explaining who the characters were, and Jess was still licking her lips, so much that a pink line was forming around her mouth.

‘Oh, and the Messenger!' Mrs Gideon clapped her hands. ‘We can't forget him. Holly, would you like to read the role of the Messenger?'

The Messenger? That was the crap part. Why didn't she just ask me to be the tree!

‘Holly, I know it's your first class with us but we're kind, aren't we?'

Heads nodded and murmurs of ‘yes' filled the room.

‘Okay,' I squeaked.

I flicked through the pages. The Messenger only had a few lines in the beginning. I sat on my hands and waited.

‘So we're at Governor Leonato's house in the town of Messina.' Mrs Gideon paced the room. ‘He's with his daughter Hero and niece Beatrice, and a …' She tapped me on the head. ‘… a messenger arrives with a letter.'

She smiled and nodded at Jess. ‘Leonato opens the play.'

‘Um, yep,' said Jess, shuffling a bit in her seat.

‘
I learn … in this letter that Don Bed
– I mean … um, Ped,
Don Pedro
…'

I followed the text. Jess was averaging about one word a minute.

‘… um,
of Arr-a-gon
.'

I watched her throat pop with a gulp. ‘…
comes this night … to Mess – Messina
.'

‘
He is very near by this
,' I read quickly. ‘
He was not three leagues off when I left him
.'

‘
How many gentlemen
…' Jess's tongue circled around her lips again. ‘
How many gentlemen have you lost in this … ac-tion
?'

‘
But few of any sort, and none of name
,' I read.

Jess's next lines took forevvvvvvvvvvvver. She stumbled and stuttered as she tried to wrap her mouth around basic Shakespeare stuff like ‘
hath bestowed
'. Duh! Everyone knows that line. It's in every Shakespeare play.

But the whole class stayed completely still and quiet.

Nothing about this girl even vaguely resembled a debating champion. It looked like her ‘it girl-ability' must've won her that status too. Not fair, considering Calypso had real talent. No wonder she thought this school sucked.

Once my role was finished it was hard to stay awake. The lesson dragged on and on. Jess took about ten goes before she got, ‘
What is he that you ask for, niece?
' right. Then she slipped on ‘betwixt' that many times I had to control myself from getting up and whacking her on the back of the head, to aid in spitting it out.

But the whole class sat there patiently like that's what they'd come to expect of English – listening to Jess.

The whole experience was excruciating. Plucking out one hair at a time would be more enjoyable. But there were two things I'd learnt. One, Jess was the teacher's pet, like surprise, surprise. And two, she was a candidate for the
Guinness Book of Records
in the monumentally pathetic level of stammering and stuttering category. Please let her not have this role for the entire play or I will die of boredom, and death was not meant to be the outcome of this exercise!

‘Great work, girls,' Mrs Gideon beamed. ‘Great effort, Jess.'

Great effort, Jess? Was I hearing right?

‘For homework I want you all to finish reading Act One.' Her voice rose a couple of octaves. ‘Look at how it's relevant to our own lives – especially the character of Don John, who describes himself as a “plain-dealing villain”. Why would he say that? Is he a villain because of the jealousy that consumes him? Think about it, because this will be an option for the first assignment.'

Villain! I thought. I know one of them. I looked over at Jess and practised boring my eyes into the back of her head. She turned around and caught me. I tried to look away but it's like our eyes were locked together – the villain and me. Then, faking sweet, she smiled, and the strangest thing was that suddenly her teeth didn't look so white and perfect.

Saskia and Isabelle were waiting outside the classroom.

‘Jess!' they squealed before their voices dropped to a whisper. I pretended to shuffle through my books so I could hang around and listen.

‘Saskia just got a text from Jase, and he's sprung a party on us – tonight,' said Isabelle.

‘You're kidding,' Jess gasped.

‘No, look.' Saskia pushed her mobile into Jess's face. ‘He's so random, that guy.'

‘Oh my God, that's fantastic,' Jess replied. Then the sound of panic set in. ‘I don't have anything to wear. Seriously nothing.'

She was answered with clucks of sympathy.

‘You two have water polo practice after school, don't you?'

Nods and more clucks.

‘I'll get Scott to come to the mall with me.'

The other two nodded, their ponytails bobbing up and down in unison.

‘Yep, that's what I'll do.'

‘Jess, are you going to buy that top from Lipstix?' Saskia asked.

‘Nah, can't afford it yet. I think I'll go to Spotti. I've seen some cute things there.'

I felt my pocket for my phone. Spotti? I knew where those shops were in Melbourne. Obviously there was one here. Calypso would know where.

‘Hey, talking about random, guess what Saskia did to Nadene in Science?' Isabelle started to giggle. ‘She pinned the back of her uniform up while she was sitting down.'

Saskia covered her mouth while her shoulders jerked in rhythm with each snort.

‘When Nadene stood up there was just this big fat bum in yellow-spotted knickers.'

Now they were doubled over and killing themselves.

‘It took her about five minutes to work out why everyone was pissing themselves,' finished Isabelle.

Jess had her hand over her mouth too. ‘You're such a bitch, Saskia.'

Isabelle could hardly speak now. ‘The yellow was all faded and like …'

‘Like the colour of poo!' screamed Saskia, who now looked like she was coming close to pooing her own pants. ‘It was sooooo funny, Jess. You would have died laughing if you'd seen it.'

The ‘it' girls veered right to the occupied territory. I was not going to follow them. I was not going to be another Nadene ‘no-friends' victim for them. Instead I turned left and made my way to the loos.

It took me about ten goes of pushing and rattling the last toilet door to get it to lock. What was it with these posh schools and their crap toilets? I could imagine who'd fiddled with the locks – no doubt Saskia, Isabelle and Jess. So they could burst through the toilet door while Nadene ‘no-friends' was sitting there with her faded undies around her ankles. Villains! Wait till I tell Mrs Gideon about villains.

I sat on the loo seat and texted:

Shopping at Spotti this arvo. Where is it?

Less than a minute later I had my reply. Calypso must've been hiding in the toilets too, waiting for a message from me.

That was the great thing we worked out: MLG and St Clemmie's had their lunchbreaks at the exact same time. It didn't make me feel like such a loser hiding in the loos when I knew Calypso was doing the same thing, just at another school in another city.

Spotti 2nd floor opposite Target. Y? Who's going??

R u in the toilets 2?
I wrote back.

Thinking about it was giving me the giggles. Perhaps we should do a comparative survey on how much toilet paper was stuck on the ceiling. St Clemmie's would win no worries.

The phone beeped in response.

What kind of a loser do u take me 4?

Oh? I re-read Calypso's message. She wasn't in the toilets? Then I remembered of course it was Friday! Friday at MLG was Year 9's day on the oval. Calypso was probably sitting on her own waiting for my messages.

Beep. Another one.

Who's going to Spotti?

Jess.

I didn't know whether to tell her Scott was going. But no, I had to be honest. That was part of the deal.

Maybe Scott 2,
I added.

If Scott goes do not follow.

Y?

Seeing the weasel Scott was what I was looking forward to. I had already planned it. I was going to pretend I was stalking him like one of those psycho girls you see in the movies. Every time he turned around I'd be there staring at him. If he was the softie Isabelle and Saskia made out, then he'd be easy to unnerve. Even the scary music had started humming in my head.