Fall: A Seaside Novel (The Seaside Series) (21 page)

“Jaymeson…”

“I wanted all of you without you having to sacrifice anything. I thought if I was your friend, I could still be a part of your life…somehow. A small part.”

“But that’s not what you did!” I shouted and threw my purse onto the floor. “You lied to me!”

“But—”

“No!” I grabbed him by the shoulders and turned his body around. “You made me fall for you! You made me believe that you were an entirely different person! You made me look forward to your messages, to our talks—”

“I looked forward to them too!” He stood and gripped my shoulders. “That’s what I’m saying! I didn’t want to give it up!”

“But you had me!” I shrugged out of his grip. “You had me and didn’t want me! Were you bored? Was that it? You thought it would be fun to play with my emotions? Hmm, let me see how Pris reacts when I reject her and push her into the arms of another…and then pull the little string tighter so she’s consumed by me.”

He perked up. “Consumed?”

“I. Hate. You.” I spat the words, perversely enjoying the way he flinched at each one. “I offered friendship — and that still wasn’t enough. You still weren’t satisfied!”

“I won’t be satisfied, dammit!” He grabbed me by the waist and picked me up into his arms. “I won’t be satisfied until you’re mine! Not Smith’s! Not Jamie Hudson’s. But mine!”

His mouth slammed against my lips.

I arched back, planning to slap him, but he dropped me to my feet and pushed me up against the kitchen wall.

With a growl I pushed against his chest, then bit his lip. He retaliated by gripping my wrists and pinning them behind my back so we were chest to chest.

“Let me go,” I whimpered against his mouth.

“That’s been the problem all along.” His breathing was ragged. “I can’t.”

“Please.” Tears streamed down my face. “I can’t either. I can’t do this. I need lines, Jaymeson. You said I could have them. I can’t kiss you today and be your friend tomorrow.”

“I could never be your friend.” Jaymeson’s eyes drilled into mine. “Friendship doesn’t feel like this. Friendship doesn’t feel like I want to kill any guy who looks at you longer than two seconds. Friendship doesn’t feel like my body’s burning from the inside out. I want you.”

“For a night?” His grip released on my hands, freeing me to push against his chest.

“No.” He pushed me back, pinning my arms above my head against the wall. “For as many nights as you’re willing to give me — for as many sunrises and sunsets as I can count, not just for breakfast, but lunch and dinner. I want your future. I want the dates you haven’t yet planned, the moments you’ve yet to experience. I want them all.”

My chin trembled as he gripped it firmly between his fingers. “Don’t you get it?” His voice wavered. “It’s you. It’s always been you. The whole time. For the past three months. You and only you.”

“But—”

He kissed forcefully, cutting off my words with his mouth, making me forget to use sentences and nouns and verbs. “What can I do to convince you that I’m serious? That you’re my downfall—my everything?”

“I don’t know,” I whispered.

He released my hands and let them fall to my side then dipped his fingers into my hair, closing his eyes and leaning his forehead against mine.

Jaymeson stepped back, releasing my body. I felt his absence — like my body had lost all its heat at once. Like I’d been stabbed with an icicle. With a shiver, I crossed my arms.

I’d never seen a man look at a woman the way he was looking at me — From the pitiful look on his face, to his completely deflated posture — vulnerability was written all over him.

With a sigh he lifted his long sleeve shirt over his head and threw it on the ground. “One. When I was little my dad rarely visited me. He was too busy to care. So I had my Nanna, my grandmother. She told me she loved me every second of every day.”

He unlaced a boot and threw it. “Two. I was three when I realized my mom didn’t love me. A year later she told me to my face.”

My breath hitched.

He unlaced another boot and dropped it with a thud. “Three. When Nanna put my mom to bed, after another one of her drunken threats, she let me cry on her shoulder and told me that just because someone says they don’t love you doesn’t mean you aren’t lovable. It just means they aren’t capable of such a pure emotion.”

His muscled arms reached for his t-shirt as he lifted it off his head and threw it where he’d tossed his boots, leaving him in a tank top. “Four. When my Nanna disappeared, my mom told me it was because Nanna didn’t want to take care of me anymore. You see, my mom was jealous of her then four-year-old son. Nanna had given me a bear to sleep with — in a drunken rage my mom threw it in the fire. When I called my father, he said I was too old to be playing with stuffed animals. I never saw Nanna again.”

Slowly, he peeled his tank top from his body. “Five. Nanna died in her sleep — I later found out that her heart simply gave out — and as a kid I didn’t understand what that meant, so I naturally assumed it meant because I’d been a bad boy… I’d made her tired, and I’d made her love me. I’d been selfish. And in the end, I blamed myself for her death. Because maybe if I hadn’t needed her so much — she would have been able to have enough strength to live just a little bit longer.”

His jeans fell to his ankles, he stepped out. “Six. The last person I was vulnerable with is cold, dead, in the ground. She was also the last person I gave my heart to. When she died, I think a part of me died too. It was the first experience I had with reality. With knowing that life was naturally ugly, not beautiful. The last time I had something to live for…was when I was a child.” He took a tentative step toward me. “Until I met you.”

Tears streamed down my face.

Jaymeson took another step, his dark hair covering part of his face as the afternoon light cast shadows into the room. “Until you turned my world upside down.”

Another step.

I was paralyzed as I watched him move smoothly toward me, every plane of muscle tightening, keeping perfect cadence with my chest.

His hand reached out to touch my cheek. “You’re not the first female — Nanna gets that honor — but you will be the last.”

Chapter Thirty-Three

Jaymeson

I couldn’t read her. I wasn’t sure I wanted to. I’d just stripped naked in front of her — but to me, it was the only way I could actually be fully vulnerable — stripped down to nothing, both emotionally and physically, and pray she understood that what I was doing was for her—

I’d never done for anyone else in my life, nor would I ever. Because as far as I was concerned, Pris was it.

Tense silence blanketed the room. And then, Pris pressed her cheek against my hand, closing her eyes.

Drained, I pulled her into my arms and held her.

With a sudden jerk, she pulled back — only to press her hot mouth against mine.

My legs almost gave way as she kissed me, kissed away the pain I’d just sliced open, kissed away the embarrassment at being so insecure about the man that I was —her kiss healed.

It didn’t take.

It gave.

Shaking, I lifted her into my arms and carried her to the couch, laying her flat on her back so I could lie next to her and just… kiss her, play with her hair, touch her — as long as it involved her I was all in.

Our mouths nipped and sucked, alternating between pushing and teasing. Every kiss was new, exciting, as if I’d never actually kissed a girl until this moment in my life.

My hands instinctively went to her hips, dragging her body closer to mine as I hovered over her.

“You’re not going to disappear on me again, are you?” Pris asked, briefly pulling her mouth from mine.

“Not a chance in hell,” I muttered, taking her lips between my teeth. “You’d have to kill me.”

“I almost did earlier.”

“All you had to do was ask and I would have jumped off a cliff for you.” I slid my tongue into her mouth then pulled it back out. “I would do anything for you.”

“Good.” Her back arched as my hand slid up her side. “Because I’ve been dying to get an autographed poster for months.”

Our teeth hit from both of us laughing. I gave the side of her ass a firm slap and shook my head. “I’ll sign every damn poster in your room if you promise to let me sleep on the left.”

“What is it with you and the left?” She tried to get up, but I pushed her down, nipping her lips with small kisses then doing the same to her cheeks, her eyelids. I tugged her shirt over her shoulders. My mouth met creamy smooth skin and I almost died.

“I just like the left. Besides you sleep on your right and I sleep on my left, meaning when I wake up…” I licked the spot I’d just kissed. “…I wake up to you.”

She let out a sigh as my mouth moved to her neck and then blew in her ear.

“I love waking up to you.”

“Funny, I thought whores couldn’t go out in the sunlight.”

“Vampires.” I tugged her ear with my teeth. “But I understand why you’d be confused since I’m a badass.”

“Werewovles,” she blurted. “More of a werewolf fan.”

“Remind me to take that werewolf script.” I laughed into her hair, breathing hard from exerting myself so much. I’d never carried on a conversation with a girl while kissing her.

I was in uncharted territory.

And I was so damn nervous I was shaking.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m nervous,” I said honestly, then pulled back to look into her eyes. “I’ve never done this before.”

Her eyebrows furrowed. “Isn’t that my line?”

“No.” I tilted her chin so I could kiss her mouth again. Her lips would be the death of me. “I’ve never kissed a girl without it leading anywhere. I’ve never, um…” Shit, my face felt red. “Made out.”

Her grin widened as she wrapped her arms around my neck and jerked me against her. My entire body went rigid with pent-up frustration — with want.

“Well, allow me to demonstrate.” Her voice was husky. “First you kiss me, and then…” her hands inched down my naked chest. “You may or may not touch me.”

“Touching.” I gripped her hips. “Right.”

“And there’s always tongue.” She licked my lips, the minx.

“God, I love your tongue.”

“And sometimes there’s more. Clothing may come off… Then again, you’re already in nothing but boxer briefs.”

I smirked. “Vulnerable, love. It’s called being vulnerable, not naked.”

“Is that what we‘re calling it?”

“Yes,” I said seriously. “With you, always.”

“With anyone else?” Her eyes searched mine.

I kissed her nose. “Never.”

Deep brown eyes met my gaze as her hands closed over mine and then slowly slid them underneath her shirt.

Cursing, I closed my eyes as my fingers memorized every damn curve, every goose bump they came into contact with.

When my thumbs grazed her bra. I stopped.

Pris smiled.

“You shouldn’t tempt the devil.”

“I don’t see a devil,” she whispered. “I see… you. Only you.”

My eyes blurred for a moment, as if they were struggling to take in her beauty — my body trembled — unable to accept the compliment for what it was.

Swallowing against the dryness in my throat, I gently pulled her against me — trembling as my mouth met hers more urgently than before, no longer asking permission but pouring my freaking soul into every touch, every caress.

She shivered.

When my tongue touched hers, I lost complete control of my senses. My body demanded that I prove to her what I felt words couldn’t express, but I was torn, because at the same time, I didn’t want a repeat of my past.

I wanted a new beginning.

Her hands moved to my boxers.

My body damn near screamed.

With a groan, my hand grazed her side, reaching to the back of her bra.

“HOLY SHIT!” someone screamed.

With a curse, I fell off the couch and hit my head against the coffee table, while Priscilla covered herself with a pillow, even though she wasn’t naked.

“Dammit!” Demetri stormed into the room. “Babe, where’s my gun?”

Alyssa rolled her eyes.

“Bastard!” Demetri walked around the couch and pulled me off the floor.

Well, at least I wasn’t so aroused I was embarrassing myself. I had no fight in me, so I simply smiled.

Even when he punched me across the jaw.

Pris screamed.

Alyssa laughed.

And I smiled. It would hurt like hell in the morning, but I felt buzzed, like I’d just downed an entire six-pack of beer. He could beat the shit out of me and I’d still be smiling. Because I had her.

“I swear…” Demetri shoved me against the wall. “If you screwed her, I’m going to knife you!”

“Violent,” I mumbled under my breath.

“Guys!” Priscilla pushed Demetri away. “Nothing happened.”

At least she’d had enough sense to right all her clothing. It was distracting enough watching her swollen mouth form words. Pretty sure my own mouth was hanging open still, in shock, in arousal, in… lust?

“The hell it didn’t!” Demetri spat. “He was on top of you! He was touching!” He waved wildly in the air. “With his hands!” When I laughed, Demetri set his green eyes on me. “She’s eighteen dude, not a one-night stand.”

“I know,” I said calmly.

“You can’t just screw her and leave her.”

“I know,” I repeated.

“And, and—“ Demetri swore. “Damn I wish I hadn’t given up drinking.” With another curse he went over to the wall and started banging his head softly against it while Alyssa came up behind him. “I’m going to have to burn my couch.”

I burst out laughing.

“You!” He pointed. “I’m not done with you.” He turned on his heel and pointed at Pris. ”And you! You… go to your room!”

“It has smoke in it,” she answered smartly.

“Go to the guest room here. Son of a bitch,” he muttered and walked over to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water.

“Can I talk now?” I asked.

“Can I kill you now?” he replied.

Alyssa followed after Pris while I just sat and witnessed the rest of Demetri’s nervous breakdown.

“Tell me,” he said in a low voice. “Tell me you didn’t…”

“I didn’t,” I said smoothly. “I know my track record proves otherwise, but I actually care too much about her to strip her naked and have my way with her on your couch.”