Fall From Grace (10 page)

"Geez Ash, you're going to have to stop this creepy silent stalker crap. I know some kick ass self defence from gym class and I'm not afraid to use it."

Without answering my question, he stares into my eyes with a fierce intensity I can't figure out. The air between us seems charged and heavy. I'm finding it hard to breathe in this tiny space with him.

Turning serious, he says, "Look Stella, one of the reasons I came here was to apologize for my abrupt exit last night. I guess I was a little overwhelmed by you seeing my prints on the walls. It made me nervous, and I don't do well with nervous," he breaks off.

What? I made HIM nervous?

Leaning against the doorframe with his hands in his jeans pockets, he continues, "I love to take pictures, it helps me find beauty out of the garbage in my life. But I never show them like that. I don't know what got into me and why I let Mrs. Castillo see them in the first place. I was in there one day having a coffee and flipping through my book when she bombarded me in a frenzy and wouldn't let me out of there until I agreed to let her show them."

"The wrath of Mrs. C. It's a crime to say no to her, Check out the county by-laws, it's there," I say.

"No kidding. She's great but a little intense you know?"

"Oh I know, believe me when I say that you don't cross that woman. Unless you have a death wish that is," I say quirking a smile at him.

He laughs, letting go of his serious face and relaxing again.

"I'm serious though, have you thought of doing it professionally after high school?" I ask, bringing my fingers up to nibble on the nails. Filthy habit.

"Sometimes. I dunno. I think I would kill myself if I had to make a living taking wedding photos of bitchy brides." He shudders at the thought making me giggle at the idea. "You think they are that good?" he asks.

He stares down at me and my mind just goes blank. What I really think is not lady like enough for me to admit. I clear my throat,
 

"Of course I do, my God, your work is awesome, I wish I had one ounce of your talent. Truly. Would your parents support you?"

"My Father isn't really that interested in my career choices, I don't think he would have any issues. My Mom died a long time ago." A sadness crosses deep into his expression.

Good one Stella, bring up his dead mom.

"I'm so sorry Ash, I didn't mean to bring it - "

Waving me off he says, "Geez Stella, think nothing of that, I've dealt with the past, it's ancient history, and I'm ok with it, really." Smiling at me again, he lightens the mood. Thank God. I never really knew how to deal with death. Humiliation and disappointment is old hat to me, but death freaks me out.
 

"I just wanted to explain my actions, that's all."
 

"No worries, really. I - " He leans away from the wall to walk forward, pushing me back into the small claustrophobic room with him as he starts to undo his jeans. Whoa.

"What are you doing?!" I shriek.

"Well I AM in a change room, and I thought I would try on all this stuff you think would look amazing on me," he says shining me a confident grin.

"Well let me get the hell out first! You change with the door closed Ash. What a line. Does that actually work on anyone? No wonder Francine and you are an item, she's such a sucker!"
 

As I try to shimmy around him and out the door, he pulls his right arm across and blocks my exit, "Now Stella, have I ever said I was dating Francine?"
 

"It was just an assumption - I mean, you hang out at school and the gossips are wagging about your togetherness. It's pretty obvious Ash." I take a deep breath trying to stay cool and nonchalant and stop that enormous flush that is creeping up my neck.

"If I were you I wouldn't assume anything Stella. Next time just
ask
me." He enunciates those last three words as he moves towards me like he's about to kiss me. I can see the fine lines on his lips, his beautiful eyes, his smooth skin and his breath intoxicates me, making me forget the world. He smells different from any guy I've ever known. Normally it's cheap heavy cologne and tic-tacs. Ash smells a little sweet, like soap and spice. Very unique and very sexy. Finally, he leans back, taking his arm down and flicking the top button of his jeans open, exposing the top of his black waistband underwear.

"Now. If you're not going to assist me in the changing department, then I must ask you to leave before I take my shirt off and you find yourself unable to resist my amazing body. It might get a little embarrassing for your boss," he grins, nodding towards Kim whose eyes that are trained on us like daggers.

"I don't get paid enough for THAT Mr. Grey, call me if you need a new size," I say squeezing by without a backwards glance and shut the door behind me. I smile to myself and step back onto the floor, thanking the Gods that at least he didn't see me trip on the way out.

JOHN GRACE

I need a maid. Period. I know I can afford it, but I always think I should just suck it up and wash my own god damn underwear. Then I find myself sorting darks from whites hating every nanosecond of it. Stella claims she doesn't mind and typically does most of it whipping around with her iPod on full blast. But soon she's leaving. Gone. My God, she is
actually
packing up and leaving. Panic has definitely started to set in the last few weeks. My anxiety is through the roof thinking of her alone in the big city. I know I have to let her go but sue me, I just can't.

Christ, when did my little girl become a grown up? I can still remember changing diapers, taking her to first grade, coaching her soccer games, then came the bra store - what an awkward ordeal that was. Now she's graduating and going to college all on her own. What the hell am I going to do? Sentiments aside, maid hire comes first.

I'm just so proud of her and how she turned out despite the circumstances. You'd think she'd be way more screwed up dealing with me as a single father but she really is incredible. It's only been the last few weeks that she's seemed a little off. I count myself lucky that she never became a disgruntled teenager. I couldn't take the drama.

I've always felt she was way more grown up then she was. An old soul. Perhaps I gave her too much responsibility but she really never seemed to mind. About a month ago I started to notice some changes with her. Definitely spacey and holed up alone in her room all the time. She blamed exams but I know something is up with Gabs and pray not a guy. Teenagers and hormones, someone kill me now.
 

Just as I'm shoving the vacuum back into the closet with a little more aggression then necessary, the front door opens and Stella rolls in from her Saturday shift.

"Hey Stells. I didn't know you were scheduled for today. I didn't get back until after 11 this morning. Sorry I missed our breakfast date."

She seems happy (good sign) but distracted, as she fumbles to hang her keys, dropping them for the second time. Dam, maybe it IS guy trouble? Or should I say, guy, but no trouble? This isn't making me feel any better.
 

"No worries Dad. I had to work at the last second anyways. How was Providence?" she asks, leaning down to pick up the keys once more, her mind a mile away.

"It was great actually. We held an interactive forum with a bunch of really brilliant kids... "
 

She's checking her phone and not listening to a single word.
 

"...who are convinced that aliens as are going to come to earth and impregnate all the humans with super smart alien babies trained to take over the earth."

"Cool." She walks past me, still fiddling with her phone, towards the kitchen and grabs a drink from the fridge.
 

"Whoa, earth to Stella? What is up with you today? Are you on drugs? That's it, you're grounded until I die." I fold my arms and lean against the archway into the kitchen.

"Sorry, I'm just thinking Dad. Hey can I ask you something?"

"Uh sure." Please don't let her ask about sex. No sex. No sex. No...

"Um, I don't want to upset you, but I'm curious about something." she asks.

"OKkkaayyyy. You're making nervous Stells. What's up? I promise to not flip out.... much."

"Um, OK. Here goes. How did you and my mother meet?" she questions with a wariness in her eyes.

Ouch. Did not expect that one, worse then sex. Well almost. I guess I knew this day would come. I kinda thought maybe she would be content with dear old Dad and not ask too many questions. Suddenly I'm brought back to HER, and I almost smile, she always had that effect on me. Even after the lies and abandonment, I waited so long for her to come back to me. I was such a sucker.

"Why do you want to know that Stell?"

"Oh you know just curious, we've never actually talked about it; what it was like when you met? Was it love at first sight or did it happen later on? Stuff like that."

She's turned from me, staring out the window, phone forgotten in her hand. Serious questions aren't really our thing here.
 

She's never asked anything this specific before. It was always something like 'where'd she go?' 'Why did she not want us?', or 'how could she do that?'. Stella was never interested in the good parts, the beginning. Just the end.

As I watch her silhouette, I notice she most definitely looks different today. I can't quite put my finger on it but it's there. Her hair? She looks older somehow, more like her mother then ever before. How have I not noticed? It seemed to happen over night - where has the last 17 years gone? Without wanting to, I'm forced back, back to the beginning when I first met Helena. Even thinking about her still takes my breath away.

"Well, let's see. We met when I was attending a desperately dull nerd convention, as you would call it, in San Fran." Stella turns towards me, interest piqued. "I headed down to the hotel bar to grab a drink and some dinner, and she was sitting at the bar, all alone with this giant beer. I was surprised to see her drinking a beer, I don't know why really, but I guess I thought she should have been a white wine spritzer kinda gal, it made me laugh. She was just breathtaking. Long blonde hair. Beautiful. Just like you Stells," I give her a wink and she blushes.

God, she DOES look like her, I mean the hair is a different colour, but it's slightly wavy just the way hers was and all down her back. They have the same smile, which perhaps could be why I never really got over her, I see her everyday looking back at me. Helena always had an ethereal glow about her too. I could never explain it quite right but it was a feeling I got being around her. Looking at Stella I can feel the same glow. Perhaps I've finally lost it.

"C'mon Dad, don't embarrass me. Geesh. Ok ok you can embarrass me a little - back to the bar, we are both drop dead gorgeous, yes go on."

The way she smiles at me gets me every time. In that instant I know I raised her right, I know I did the best I could and I would never have it any other way. It's killing me to re-hash the past but it was bound to happen sooner or later.

"She was at the bar, so I sat next to her, and we just started chatting. We talked for hours until the bartender kicked us out, hitting it off straight away, like old friends - comfortable from the start. She was also insanely smart and funny, just like me," (Har Har) "so I guess you could say it was love at first sight. Well at least for me it was, I'm not sure she ever felt that way," I admit, pushing off from the door jam. I head towards the kitchen and start to prepare dinner, hoping I've answered enough. Stella turns back to look out the window with a distant look on her face.

"Is there something going on with you Stella? I mean, you really haven't been yourself lately and then a sudden interest in your mother? Do you need to talk about anything? I could call Age, or Maria if you wanted to talk to a woman about, well, woman stuff?"

"Thanks but I think I have all the 'girlie' issues covered Dad. Sorry to bring this up with you. I was just curious. Hey, you wanna watch a movie tonight? I heard they are running a slasher flick marathon on AMC."
 

"Sounds perfect," I say with a forced smile even though it feels like my stomach has turned to stone.
 

I head outside for some air and start the BBQ. My mind travels back to where I left off and what I could never tell my daughter. We did close the bar that night, and then we went back to my hotel room. I expected her to be gone in the morning but she wasn't, she stayed the entire weekend. Needless to say I didn't go back to the convention.

I left with heavy feet on Sunday. She said she would keep in touch but I knew better, at least I thought I did. I couldn't have been more surprised when she showed up on my doorstep two weeks later with a suitcase. I didn't hesitate, I grabbed her and never looked back.

It was the happiest I had ever been. We did everything together, attached at the hip. Inevitably she came to me with the news that she was pregnant. She seemed angry at first, which I chalked up to nerves and our short courtship. I thought maybe it was that we weren't married so I started saving and planned to propose as soon as I had the money for a ring.
     

I bought the ring two days before Stella was born. I never got a chance to give it to her. I was so nervous but not in a bad way. I knew she would say yes, but it's just something we guys get nervous about no matter how sure we are of the answer. Then Stella arrived early and the romance was thrown out the window.