Fall From Grace (16 page)

He takes a moment before turning around to face me head on. He's standing in front of the stove as I step back away from him, hitting the island as my hands grab the edge to steady me. We're only a few feet away from each other, but I can feel the tension between us as my pulse quickens in anticipation or fear. I'm not sure which yet.

It happens in an instant as he steps towards me and bridges the gap to a mere few centimetres. He searches deep into my eyes as my insides flip like crazy, ripping away all my self control. It's like he's looking for something, a strange mix of desire and confusion.

His left hand moves to gently cradle my neck and brushes a few stray strands of hair tucking them behind my ear with his right. Murderous rampages forgotten as my primal instinct takes over. I'm so done being good.

I crush myself onto him, pressing my lips against his with a hunger that I just can't control. He stumbles back, still connected with me, but quickly regains his ground and fully leans into my advancements. He pulls me up to him, taking control of my body as I wrap my hands around his neck, grasping at his shirt. Nothing in any book, movie or TV show has ever prepared me for the kind of heat that is engulfing me now.
 

He leans forward to pull my legs up and wraps them around his waist. He's so strong he can lift me effortlessly. He pushes forward so that I'm sitting on the island and he's positioning himself almost on top of me. I grab for his shirt and yank it up over his head. His body is all lean muscle, divine and hard ripples under a soft layer of smooth flesh. We're engaging in hot shameless groping and it feels amazing.

I break from the kiss and grab his face, pulling his gaze onto mine, trying to read his thoughts. His eyes are telling me everything I need to know; he wants me as much as I want him, like an uncontrollable force pressing us closer. His skin feels like it's on fire as I explore every inch of him. He starts to kiss down my neck and chest as I bring my legs up and wrap them tighter around his hips. It feels like the world is spinning like a tornado and the earth is literally shaking.

Hastily he tears himself off of me and steps back a few feet clearly disoriented and hitting the stove with a bang.

"What's wrong?" I breathe heavily trying to compose myself as I lean up on my forearms.

He's staring at the ground, his fists in tight knots, mumbling under his breath what sounds like a chant, but I can't tell for sure. He's talking to himself and looking around in a clearly confused state. Almost like he is trying to figure out how he got here.
 

I sit up straight and hop off the counter. As I step towards him, he looks up in a sharp movement and steps back away from me. What the what?

"I gotta go," he spits out as he grabs for his shirt and keys and turns on a dime towards the front door.

"Um, hello? What just happened here?"

"I uh, need to get home. I just remembered my Dad is getting home tonight and I really have to be there." I'm so stunned I can't even form a sentence, so the best I can muster is a 'wha?'.

Like a blur he's already at the front door, yanking his shirt back over his head. He makes a quick turn back to look at me and says,
"I'll call you later." And that's it, he's gone. Out the door, slamming it behind him as I see him through the front window jumping off the porch to his car. I hear the engine roar to life as he tears out the gravel from our driveway.

In a daze, I slowly walk close to the window, willing him to come back, trying to mentally figure out what the Hell just happened. I can see my reflection in the glass, my rumpled hair, bruised lips and flushed complexion. It was real wasn't it? Did I give it up too easily? Was I really bad at making out? At least I can rule out serial killer. I think.
 

Harve jumps up to the window with a force that shakes the house making me drop jump about a foot. Well at least someone is still happy to see me.

The next few days pass in a slow, horrible, anxiety filled blur. He doesn't call, text, email, send the pony express - nada. In fact, he doesn't even show up to school on Monday. Scratch that, he hasn't been in school all week. Gabs is all 'I told you so', which I clearly reamed her for, so she's backing off a bit and trying to be more supportive of her jilted friend.
 

I've replayed the night a thousand times in my head, but I can't figure it out. Could I be that delusional? Did I make the whole thing up in my mind? Throughout the week I've kept my ear to the ground, trying to figure out what the hell happened to him. It's as if he just dropped off the face of the earth. I approached some of the guys he typically hung around with, asked a few questions, but the funny thing is that no one really knew that much about him. They all assumed he was some rich kid with a bit of a 'tude. No one had ever even heard him talk about his family, home life, or even his old school.

Of corse I'm dying on the inside but trying to remain cool and aloof which I don't think is fooling anyone. I mean I knew I had a slim chance with him regardless, but I really did think we had a connection. I feel so stupid. Time to refocus, get school over with and get the hell out of here. I will not waste another moment thinking about that tit face. By the time Thursday came around I had tricked myself pretty good into thinking I was OK and 'over it'. I pulled into the parking lot in a pretty decent mood, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping and my hair really did look good today. A nice start. Things were on the up sweep when I saw his car and my stomach plummeted into my toes.

I'd all but written him off, but it never fails, you see the one who screwed you over and instead of closure it instantly comes rushing back. The embarrassment, uncertainty, self loathing. In a split second, I was back to the last moment we spent together and feeling the rush of heat in my cheeks. Of corse he's parked near where I normally do so I don't even notice him until it is too late to roar Murrie into the other side of the lot. He's looking directly at me with that intense stare, sporting a grey t-shirt pulled tight against his chest and casually leaning against his car with nary a care in the world. Guys blow. It's like oh, hey Stella, sorry for running out on you mid-make out but I had to bail with no explanation, no call, no nothing, but here I am a week later, and ready for you to jump me. Uh-uh, nope, I've learned my lesson, I'm in control, I'm going to get out, walk the sexiest walk I can muster without falling over and pop you the bird. Suck it Grey.

I hop out, sling my bag over my head and start walking. Fast. Do not make eye contact, do not make eye contact, do not make eye contact.

"Uh Stella, can I talk to you a sec?" Crap I made eye contact.

"Nope." And I kept walking, not the sexy walk I had hoped for, more of a stomp, but it's better then tripping.

In my peripheral, I see him peel away from his car to follow me into school so I pick up my pace and book it towards Biology. Pretty certain I've out-walked him, I casually peek backwards over my shoulder. Yup, gone. Feeling a tad disappointed by his lame attempt to explain, I turn right down the east hall, screeching to a stop before I plow into him. He's standing right there, his left arm spread wide touching the lockers, blocking my passage, how the hell did he manage that?

"I said I needed to talk, can you stop running away for two seconds so I can explain?"
 

"How the crap did you get over here so fast? Whatev. I need to get to class." I duck under his arm as he grabs my left elbow and pulls me back around to face him. His touch sends a bolt up to my shoulders. I have a slew of curse words ready to spew out of my mouth any second, but when I look into his eyes and with his hand still holding my arm, I can't form a coherent sentence. Ok plan B: get this over with; hear him out, tell him off and move on with your day. Done.

"Ok, you have 4 minutes. In 5, I'll officially be late, which I will then be forced to to tell to Mr. Abbey that you accosted me in the hall."

"Whew, 4 minutes, that's gonna be tight. Can I renegotiate?" he says trying to make a joke. No dice buddy. I remain tight lipped and stiff as a board. Regrouping he tried again, "Ok. Look, I'm so sorry I ran out on you like that. I didn't have to go home that night, you're right. I didn't have to be anywhere but there with you, and believe me, that's the only place I wanted to be," he says with a shaky breath as if he has been holding onto that statement for a week. Oh wait, he actually was, dick.
 

"When we started kissing, I felt something I've never felt before. I can't explain it, but I know you felt it too. There was something happening between us, and it freaked me out." He looks into my eyes expecting me to just accept that? That bull crap? I watch movies. I know a line when I hear one. Boy does he have a lot to learn about me.

"Is that all you got? You wasted 34 seconds on THAT. Geesh." I move to the left to walk around him but he swiftly moves in front of me, blocking my exit.

"I still have 3 min, 14 seconds left, you promised."

"Fine, what other dumb excuse did you want to use?"

"You really aren't making this easy on me Stella." He looks up into my eyes, and I can tell by his expression that no, this actually isn't easy on him, not in the least. As I look closer I can see the dark circles under his lashes and a gaunt look has settled across his face, like he hasn't slept or eaten in a week. I won't be swayed, it could all be an act, and actually achieved with the right amount of Rick Baker make up.
 

"And why should I? You left right in the middle of it, wait scratch that, you RAN away right in the middle of it. It wasn't just a silly make-out session to me, it isn't something I give out to every guy on the block if that's what you thought. You didn't call, didn't text, didn't come back to school for 4 days! You can't be trusted Ash, you surely know how to make a girl doubt her mad skills."

He laughs at this, "Mad skills, is that what you call it?" He's going to tease me now? NOW?!

"Insulting me is not helping your situation jerk-off. Is that all then?" I look down at the floor, very aware that I am completely mortified and blushing from the comment. Geez, I know I haven't been around the block a lot, but that was a low blow.

He looks exasperated by me and places his hands on his hips, visibly trying to control his temper as he looks to the ground and attempts to regulate his breathing. I pull both arms in close and fold them in front to remain firm and defiant - definitely childish but it works. He's clearly furious, and takes a few seconds to reign himself in. Then in an all too quick movement he grabs my face and pulls me towards him, way too close. I try to pull back but he is really strong.

"Stella, I didn't mean it like it was nothing. I meant it like it knocked me over and had me crying uncle. You really have no idea of the effect you have on me do you? Over ALL the guys at this crappy school? I've only got 15 seconds left here to tell you that you are the only girl I have ever felt remotely that way about. When you grabbed me like that in the kitchen it took every amount of strength I had to get out of there before I clearly took full advantage of you."

I was floored. What could I say to that? Is it just a really huge line he's using on me? Does he say this to all the girls? My mind is a muddled mess and I need to think. He's just standing there, staring at me, and my world starts to spin. I'm intoxicated by his very presence. I have no idea if I'm now late for class, and at this point I really don't care. I need some air, I need a moment to process this.

He seems to sense this and drops his hands, stepping backward. He looks vulnerable and unsure of himself, hooking his fingers on his belt loops, shuffling his boots across the dusty floor and avoiding my eyes. My firm attitude is melting away, leaving me tired and confused. Look, I'm no advocate for second chances with guys who are most likely playing me, but there is something about his energy that is off today. I don't sense any over confidence, insincerity, bullshit lies from this guy. I think he's officially more screwed up then I am.

"Ok, look Ash, you effed up. You effed up big time. You left me standing there thinking I was a toad and I'm really not sure what to believe at this point. I don't know what you're so scared of, but if what you say is true, you had better start making some sweet amends to me. I'm talking chocolate, throwing money around, jumping at my every whim. I mean it, if you care about me you must realize that you can't take back what you did. I don't trust you, and I particularly don't like you right now. You have your work cut out for you," I say. My resolve starting to melt.

A small smile creeps into his face, erasing the tension just like that. A moment passes where we are just staring at each other, figuring out what to do next. He finally looks at his watch.

"I think my time is up," he whispers.

"I really have to get to class."

"Can I see you after school?"

"Can't, I've got to get home for dinner. Dad is having some geeky dudes from the University over for supper, I need to play hostess."

"Can I see you after dinner?"

"Whoa guy, I think you are jumping the gun a bit. How about we have a do-over Friday night. You can try to woo me back and I will decide if you are worth of my time." I give my nails a drama queen inspection as he nods in agreement with a big smile plastered across his face.

"I think I'm up for the challenge. See you then Stella." He steps to the side to let me pass, gives me a final grin and walks away down the hall behind me.