Fallen (6 page)

They sat in silence for several minutes. She was gazing down at him, her lips parted slightly, her breath quickening as his hands flexed around her ankles. The tension was palatable, and Amir could practically feel it crackling between them. He knew what she was feeling, because he was feeling the exact same thing. He knew what was about to happen before it happened, yet could do nothing to stop it. He could only brace himself when Shayla practically launched herself into his arms, sending them rolling across the carpet in a tangle of limbs until he landed on top of her.

His head came down and hers came up, and the two met in the middle and lips touched. It was as if lightning had struck him, and just like his dream, he knew he couldn’t stop now. It was too late. He was ruined. He had tasted the sweetness of her lips and there was no going back now. She parted her lips on a sigh and met his tongue with hers. Her hands came up to thread through his dark locks, and his cupped her face as he tilted his head to a better angle and kissed her again. He wrapped his arms around her, trapping her between his body and the carpet, molding her against him. Her breasts burned his skin through the fabric of their clothes, and her heart hammered wildly against his.

“
Amir,” she whispered, her lips coming to rest just behind his ear. He jerked and stifled a groan by burying his face in her shoulder. Just as it had happened in his dream, he was burning.
O
nly this time he was burning from within, going up in flames with the heat of his own desire for the woman in his arms. In his mind he could see the flames, hot and menacing consuming him just before he was hurtled from grace and into the depths.

With every ounce of his will, he pulled himself away from Shayla, untangling himself from her arms. He fell back against the couch, one hand clutched over his racing heart, gulping hungrily for air. Her eyes a bit glazed over and her lips swollen from his kiss, she pulled herself into a seated position, her eyebrows pulled together in bewilderment.

“
Amir?” She reached out to touch his arm. The light touch of her hand was enough to snap him out of the trance he’d been in. He jerked away from the searing heat of her touch and jumped to his feet.

“
I have to go,” he said, almost running for the door.

Her voice jerked him back with invisible fingers. “What? Why?”

He turned to face her, his heart wrenching at the sight of her face, confused and stricken. “I’m sorry Shayla,” he said lamely.

“
What’s wrong? Did I come on too strong?” Shayla’s eyes widened and Amir was gripped by the embarrassment she was feeling. “Oh God, you must think I’m some kind of slut after the way I just threw myself at you!” She turned her back and buried her face in her hands.

Unwilling to let her take the blame on herself, Amir strode forward and placed his hands on her shoulders. “No, Shayla. It’s not you. You’re perfect. You’re beautiful and smart and funny. You’re wonderful.”

She turned in his arms and looked up at him. “And you want me don’t you? I wasn’t reading you wrong?”

Amir sighed. “No, you weren’t but…“

“
Then what is it?”

“
I can’t do this, Shayla. I shouldn’t have let things go this far and I’m sorry if it hurts you to hear that. I should go.”

“
Let me make sure I’m understanding what you’re saying,” she said slowly, backing away from him and avoiding his gaze. “You don’t want to be with me.”

“
No, that’s not it.”

“
You want to, but you can’t.”

“
Yes.”

“
And whatever the reason, you can’t tell me why?”

“
Yes.”

The anger that rose up in her was so swift and sudden Amir barely had a chance to register it before she exploded. “Why, Amir? Why can’t you tell me anything? Why can’t you tell me about your job or where you come from? Why can’t you tell me about your family? For crying out loud
,
I don’t even know where you live!”

“
It’s complicated, Shayla. It would be hard for you to understand.”

“
No, what I don’t understand is why you’re keeping so much of yourself from me. You know almost everything about me, Amir. Most of it without me even having to tell you. And as deep as my feelings are for you, I can’t say I know much about you beyond how you like your coffee and that you like classical music.”

“
There are things I can’t,“ he started.

“
Things you can’t tell me?” she interrupted with a sarcastic laugh. “As if I haven’t heard
that
before! What is it with you, Amir? Do you think that acting coy will make me want you more? Is this some game you’re playing, acting mysterious so I’ll pursue you? Because if it is I’ve got news for you; I’m not the kind of girl to follow a man around like some lovesick puppy. If you can’t meet me on equal terms and give as much as you get then this is over.”

Silence stretched out between them as they stood, each avoiding each other’s eyes. Amir looked down at his shoes. He had wanted to end things with Shayla but he hadn’t intended for it to be like this. Still, this was just the opening he needed to walk away. As much as he knew he needed to, his heart still rebelled at the thought.

“
I really am sorry Shayla,” he said again, knowing that it wasn’t what she wanted to hear but unable to say anything else.

“
Get out,” she said, so quietly at first that Amir wasn’t sure he had heard her right. She looked up at him finally, tears glistening in her dark eyes. The knife in his heart twisted cruelly when lone tear trailed down her cheek. He fought down his own tears. “Get out!” she repeated, this time practically screaming at him. “Go!”

Fighting the urge to pull her into his arms and comfort her, he turned and reached for his jacket. He turned in the doorway for one last glimpse of her, but she had turned away and all he saw was her stiff, unyielding back before he closed the door.

Chapter 10: The Gateway

Amir spent the rest of the night on his couch, staring blankly at the wall. When the clock told him it was six a.m., he left the couch just long enough to turn on the coffee pot, and fix himself a cup. He sat back down and sipped absently, his eyes focusing back on the spot he’d been staring at all night.

This is how Sarah found him when she appeared out on his balcony. She must have just flown in and landed on his roof, since she had obviously climbed down the fire escape. She slid the door open and let herself in. She paused in the doorway, taking in his disheveled appearance and broken expression.

“
What have you done?” Her voice was panicked as she rushed into the room and knelt to stare him in the eye. He lifted heavy eyelids to return her gaze and shook his head.

“
I’ve hurt her, Sarah. It’s over.”

Sarah sighed with relief and nodded her head. “Good. I know it hurts Amir, but it’s really for the best. You would have fallen and you know it.”

He nodded his agreement bleakly and stared at the bottom of his empty coffee mug. “He’s sent for me, hasn’t he?”

Sarah nodded. “New assignment. Right in the nick of time I’d say.”

Amir took her outstretched hand and allowed her to help him to his feet. “No matter how I’ve been acting lately,” he said, “I’m always grateful that you are my friend, Sarah.”

Without a word, they walked together to the balcony. Sarah morphed into her angelic form first, spread her wings, and shot up into early morning sky. Amir was hot on her heels.

“
You seem distracted son.”

Amir’s breath caught in his throat; he didn’t breath
e
for several seconds. He knew that Father, all-seeing being that he was, already knew what had happened between him and Shayla. He was bound to sense the brokenness of Amir’s heart. He did not bother trying to hide it.

“
It will pass, Father,” he answered, his wings raised and over his eyes. Even through the feathers, he could see the brilliance radiating from Father. He could feel the comfort of someone’s arm around his shoulder as they talked.

“
Are you certain of this?”

Amir did not answer. He couldn’t.

“
Come and walk with me,” said
F
ather.

They exited together to the outer courtyard. Amir was careful to keep his wings in place as a shield. He did not need to see where he was going; he knew the courtyard well. Glittering gold sparkled beneath his feet, and the song of the trees bending in breeze rang out over them. Flowers unlike anything seen on earth, in colors no man could imagine, lined the walkway and filled the air with their fragrance. The magnificent sound of thousands of pairs of wings echoed overhead as angels flew, coming and going to and from their destinations. Some were guardian angels. Some were messengers. Some were healers like Amir. Some never left heaven and were tasked with greeting newcomers, and taking care of children; heaven was full of them.

They walked for a while in silence, and for a few moments Amir forgot about his troubles on earth. The majestic beauty of heaven was more than enough to bring him out of his depressed state. If only he didn’t have to go back, then he would never have to worry about the crushing feeling of heartbreak ever again.

They walked for a while in silence before Amir finally spoke. “It was not intentional. I would never have imagined I could love a human woman.”

His hand still on Amir’s shoulder, Father chuckled. “It has been happening to heaven’s angels since I created mankind. There is something exquisitely beautiful about them, isn’t there?”

Amir thought of Shayla’s honey-brown eyes and wide smile and his heart ached. “Yes,” he answered.

“
What can I do, Amir? I do not like seeing you this way.”

Amir stopped in his tracks and frowned. “Forgive me, but I don’t know what you mean. Are you saying that you can make these feelings go away? Can you make me forget her?”

“
Do you want to forget her?”

He didn’t. Even if he couldn’t be with her, he still had two months’ worth of memories with her. Two months of coffee, éclairs, and Bach. Two months of conversation and heated stares and the innocent joining of hands. Two months of watching her overcome the odds and fight for her life. Two months of joy and companionship. And one night that had rocked him to his very core. Even now the memory of Shayla’s kiss left his lips tingling.

“
No,” he answered finally. “No, I suppose I don’t want to forget.”

“
In that case, there are three options we should discuss.”

Amir wrinkled his brow. “Three? My apologies, Father, but I can see only two options in this, and I have already made my decision.”

“
Tell me.”

“
Well, decision number one would be to succumb to these feelings. We both know that that would make me one of the Fallen.”

“
Such a thing would sadden me greatly.”

“
And I as well; it would be unspeakable. The second choice would be to sever all ties with Shayla and get back to the business of healing. This is the decision I have made.”

Father was silent for a moment as if contemplating what Amir had just said. He stopped walking, causing Amir to stop as well. “Would you now like for me to reveal to you the third option?”

Amir’s heart quickened. Was there something he didn’t know, a way that he could be with Shayla? Forcing the hope down as quickly as it had risen up, he forced himself to face reality. In the world of angels, you were either a servant of Father or you were one of the Fallen who served the Evil One. There was no in between. Curiosity prompted him to ask what the third option was.

“
Follow me,” said Father. They walked down a familiar path of the courtyard until they had reached the outer wall. The wall clear as crystal, but when the sun hit it at just the right angle, its prisms filled with every color imaginable. Amir wondered what they were doing at the wall, when Father stepped behind him and told him to open his eyes. As he watched, a brilliant burst of blinding light filled his vision, and a gaping hole opened up within the wall. Beyond the hole was the dark and beautiful solitude of the universe.

“
What is this?” Amir asked, staring out over the magnificent cosmos.

“
It is a gateway.”

“
But I thought I knew all of the gateways in and out of heaven.”

Father chuckled again. “Only those I wish to tell know of this gateway. Walking through it is a great sacrifice, but if it is worth it to you, I will allow you to.”

“
Where does it lead?”

“
My son, if you step through this gateway, you will return to earth as a man. You will no longer be an angel or possess any sort of supernatural power. You will be a man like any other.”

Amir’s breath caught in his throat. Leave heaven behind? He would not be able to return until he died. He would get to be with the woman he loved, but he could no longer heal.

“
Why would you offer me this choice? I don’t understand.”

“
You would not be the first, Amir. You will not be the last. Many angels have chosen this path for many different reasons. It is not my will that you should become one of the Fallen. In this way I will not lose you to the Evil One.”