Fallen Angels (25 page)

Chapter Twenty

Ravyn

Defeat

Well, that certainly was unexpected, and also quite a disappointment. Kara “saved me” and in doing so took three things from me. First, the possibility of killing a God, which I would have loved to add to my list of kills. Second, if I couldn’t defeat Peter then I would have died while trying to kill him, and that would have been a great tale for my death. Third, all of the power I once held in the relationship. What she did leave me with was me feeling like quite the worthless piece of shit.

Of course, she was ecstatic about it, and my love for her wanted to force a fake smile and give her wonderful words of praise. I hate to say it, but I couldn’t even muster either of them. I could barely look at her and didn’t want her anywhere near me, let alone touching me. I was being an ass and I knew it. I knew I didn’t want to feel this way, and still I couldn’t change it. My behavior was making her doubt my confession of love. I wanted her to know it was all true, yet nothing good would come out of me.

The celebration continued shortly after boarding the private jet, but I had no reason to celebrate. I watched Kara’s confidence shine while she discussed the events with Angie and Lokie. Glancing at me every few minutes, I politely mustered up a tiny grin in return. I knew she could tell it was fake, and I didn’t care because nothing would change the way I currently felt.

“Hey, Ravyn, you all right?” Abigail whispered.

I turned my attention to her, and I had a moment of pause when my eyes found the bastard child of Astoroth sleeping next to Abigail. I suddenly wished I could go back in time and kill them all, kill this foolish life I had been sucked into.

Astoroth, he was the true winner that night. He found his death, he got his child, and he would make me suffer eternally as a full-blooded Fallen. He was brilliant, and I was the fool who walked right into his web.

“Ravyn?” Abigail whispered, urgently trying to get my attention.

I was still staring though I said nothing. I had no comforting words for her. My little Abby was all grown up and had turned out very much like myself, which worried Kara greatly. Kara had taken my victory; she had snatched the greatest fight to come my way right from my hands. I hated them all for helping her do it. 

“Hey? Snap out of it!” Abigail’s said louder.

Everything around me suddenly slowed, allowing me to focus in on the smiles, hugs, and laughing faces. All rubbing another failure in my worthless face. Abby’s hand latched onto my arm and the speed of life came roaring back as my demon burst forth with a loud roar. Abby flinched and quickly pulled away.

I stared at the fear in her eyes, feeling a horrible sadness. Abby always understood me, just like I understood her, and seeing her look at me with fear always pained me. I started to shake my head, preparing to apologize and explain when suddenly a hand pressed roughly against my chest.

“Cage!” Kara ordered, slamming my demon back in its cage.

I forcefully grabbed her wrist removing it from my chest. “No!” I growled, releasing the beast again just to spite her. She tried for my chest with her other hand, but I captured it too. I held her arms at her side peering into her eyes, trying to find something that would stop my insane line of reason.

“Ravyn, you’re hurting me,” she announced with the familiar glint of fear in her eyes.

I usually hated seeing her fear me; however, in this moment I loved it. I had reminded her that I was dangerous. “My demon is not yours to control, do you understand?” I whispered, letting my eerie calm settle in her ears.

“Yes.”

I released Kara then looked at Abby, who looked very disappointed. Pulling my demon in, I leaned closer to her. “Abby, I didn’t mean to scare you. You just caught me off guard,” I explained, but she refused to look at me. So I tried again. “Please don’t be angry. Let me take you out when we get home, I will explain why I lost control.”

Abby turned and a studied me for a moment. “I know why. I will still let you take me out, though. We could use a break from all of this. Don’t you think?” she said softly.

“Definitely,” I agreed and kissed her cheek. Kara was sitting next to me, which I failed to notice while I talked to Abby. What the fuck was happening to me?

“You have to talk to me Ravyn. Why are you so mad?” Kara asked, sliding her hand in mine.

“I failed again. I wanted to kill Peter, to kill a God. I failed,” I replied.

It was partially true. I turned to face her, and when my eyes met hers all of my anger and disappointed instantly melted away. The innocence in her eyes revealed her love for me, and I fell for it like I always had. I pulled her closer, holding her while her lips tenderly kissed my neck for a brief moment.

“Ravyn, you aren’t the only one with power in this relationship. I took a chance and it worked. You can’t be mad or disappointed. You had done enough for one day, and you distracted him for us. I can’t believe you said those things to a God.” She laughed.

I felt foolish and awful for my assumptions and my anger. Kara’s powers had peaked with the help of her friends and family, because she refused to watch anyone else die. I saw her power firsthand. I had felt it; we were now equals in this world. I would do anything to keep her happy. There was just one problem, and her name was Chloe. Peter didn’t care if we lived or died, or if he did for that matter. He wanted to introduce Chloe to violence, that was what he said. He just had to push some bodies in my way and hold Kara hostage. He played me again, and I walked right into it.

“She’s a good kid, Ravyn, she’s not what he said she is. She likes you. She feels your leadership and wants to learn from you,” Kara said, staring at Chloe.

“She feels my power, she craves it. She is very different and she will be very powerful. I just hope Peter was wrong,” I replied.

“We have a shot at a normal life. We aren’t being hunted, we’re safe.” She didn’t hide her enthusiasm.

I didn’t have anything positive to say. My mind insisted our safety would only be for a short time. I would not spoil her momentary joy. “There are plenty of monsters in the world who wish to harm the innocent.” My comment made me smile because it also reminded me that my devilish work was not finished.

“Buzz kill.” She paused, giving me a brilliant smile. “You can’t save the world Ravyn. I want you to stay with me. I love you. We can finally just be normal. I don’t want you out there killing and getting hurt. I want you to laugh and have fun with your family.”

Be normal? Did she forget that no one in this family was what you would call normal? We were more like a freak show act or the demented rich family, hiding the darkest of secrets behind a wall of money. I laughed when I kill and typically had a blast when my family joined in on the kill. Kara never saw these moments, too disgusted by our true nature.

“Well, are you going to stay with me and enjoy a peaceful life?” she asked again, this time staring into my eyes to search for the truth.

I was at peace when I killed; this she could never fully understand no matter how many times she insisted that she did. I mean, the mere fact that she was asking me to live a normal life proved she didn’t understand anything about me or my friends.

“What is a peaceful life?” I asked.

“It is a life without violence and worry. It’s waking up next to each other every day and helping Abby and Chloe grow into smart, loving women. It’s going places with our friends and enjoying things, like bowling, amusement parks and vacations. These things are normal and peaceful.” She spoke with cheer in her voice, almost dreamlike.

Her dream sounded like my nightmare. Bowling? The only fun in a bowling alley is the blunt force weapons it holds. An amusement park? With hundreds if not thousands of crying, snot-nose children running around demanding gifts from their parents, not to mention the noise pounding away at my sensitive ears. Pass. Vacations? Not an ounce of desire here. And as for watching Abby and Chloe growing up? I had watched Abby grow up, and I honestly had nothing to look forward to in Chloe’s life. Peter was rarely wrong. I could only hope he would be wrong about Chloe. Glancing over at the two girls, I wondered what Abby would think of this normal life. With a shrug I turned back to Kara.

“I feel like there is something you are trying to tell me,” I said solemnly.

“I want you to stop killing. If you stay, I want you to pack away your weapons, the coat, and boots. I can’t have this violence around Chloe. I am worried she will follow the same path Abby did.”

And there it was, her unconditional love finally had a condition. I guess I shouldn’t be so surprised, after all, I could feel it coming with all of her talk about a normal life. Her request only fed a bit of fuel to my already growing anger. What she was doing was asking me to change what I was, and inside I knew I couldn’t do it even if I wanted to. The demon had needs, and if those needs were ignored things would get rather ugly. Kara didn’t fail to notice my lack of a response.

“Does that mean no?”

“It means…What you are asking isn’t even possible. I don’t understand how you could even ask this of me. Chloe is safe, and there is no one left to really be worried about. Asking for this doesn’t make any sense. I don’t even know how to do consider it,” I replied honestly.

“You can do this, I know you can. Nebiros does it and so does Devlin,” Kara insisted.

“They are not like me and Devlin kills, you just don’t know about it. Have you asked the same of Angela or Lokie? They are truly like me, and I’m telling you it will not go well.”

“I haven’t talked to them yet, but I will. If they cannot agree to it then they cannot stay with me. Same goes for you, Ravyn. So find a way or you cannot stay with me either.”

Kara’s firm words caused my eyes to snap to hers. Again she was threatening to kick me out of my house because of the monster within me. When would she understand that it was a monster I could not change? It was also the monster that she fell in love with.

Silence captured the rest of the flight. With Kara snuggled against me, sleeping soundly, I couldn’t stop my thoughts. Only one thing was clear, I never wanted to be without Kara because I loved her. Maybe this was the reason she asked something so difficult of me.

I wanted to warn my friends about Kara’s coming request. I stopped myself though, knowing her craziness would anger them. I needed Kara to see that anger from the others as well. I was more than worried to lose Kara over something as idiotic as this. Stop killing? Who would I feed on? What would I do with all of my time? Sure, family time was nice, but not twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. That alone would make me beg for the kill, maybe even a family member.

When we arrived home everyone was relieved and happy until Kara announced that she would like to speak to everyone in the dining room. They looked at her with concern and then they looked to me. All I could do was shrug. They filed into the house, but I stayed in the driveway.

Kara took notice and came back down. She took my hand and tried to coax me up the stairs. I pulled her back against me. “Don’t do this Kara. It will not go over well. Just go in there and thank them for their help.”

“Ravyn, my mind is made up. They will understand,” she said.

“Understand? Like you understanding our needs that you magically want us to ignore? These demons have looked after you; they have put their lives in danger for you. You won’t have a family if you do this. Just let it go.” My pleas fell on deaf ears. Kara wasn’t going to change her mind.

“This is my call. They won’t be mad at you if that’s what you are worried about.” She smiled. “Come on, I need your support.”

“No, I don’t want to go in for this,” I said.

“What? Ravyn, you have to be there. They all look to you for advice,” she argued.

“I cannot support this Kara.”

She pulled away from me, and the look on her face displayed her dismay. “You’re kidding me, right?”

“I’m not. Don’t do this, please. They won’t stay. They won’t be able to, the demon won’t allow it,” I explained, not hiding my sadness over the situation.

“Are you leaving too?” she asked on the verge of tears.

“You are making it very difficult to stay. I want to stay here Kara. I want to be with you, but not if I can’t be myself.”

“Stop, I don’t want to hear anymore,” she cried.

“You have to hear me out.” I cupped her face in my hands. “If I cannot kill or fight, everyone in this house will be at risk. No one will be safe, and you know this. You have seen me go without it for too long.”

Kara knocked my hands from her face. “You can change! You just don’t want to. You love killing, and you taught Abby to love it! I can’t let that happen to Chloe,” she shouted, pointing her finger at my face.

“I won’t have to teach Chloe to love it, she carries the blood of the Fallen in her. She is a fucking demon Kara! She will crave the kill, she won’t be able to stop herself. And if you push us away, she will never understand how to control it. She will turn into a monster,” I yelled.

It was true. Kara was unknowingly creating another me. When my demon awoke, I couldn’t kill enough. Chloe would probably be worse; her blood was stronger. It was Kara who was helping Peter’s destiny for Chloe, not me.

“Chloe is not a monster!” Kara shook her head, denying everything I was telling her. “She’s not a monster Ravyn.” 

“No, she is not. And she doesn't have to become like me. Don’t make us choose.”

Kara started up the steps, wiping the tears from her eyes so she could put on a strong show for the others. When she reached the top of the stairs she turned back to face me. “See you soon Ravyn.”

She waited for me to respond in my usual way. But I couldn’t assure her that I would be back. She shook her head then disappeared into the house.

“Fuck!” I barked.

The situation made me want to go kill someone just to take the fucking edge off. I paced and smoked while cussing aloud about her decision. I wanted to leave, but I had to wait for Abby. I knew she wouldn’t stand for any of this. Kara was about to destroy her self-proclaimed daughter along with the friends who had become family.