Fallen Blade 04 - Blade Reforged (36 page)

Oh, Aral,
Triss whispered into my mind.

“That’s an interesting drink,” I said, forcing myself to a cool detachment I didn’t
feel. “What is it?”

The girl shrugged. “Some weird Varyan thing the Elite brought. Don’t know why they
didn’t just go for sake, but they’re paying the fare, so no one’s arguing.”

“How do you drink it?”

She shrugged again. “Don’t know how it’s supposed to go. Mostly folks around here
have just been tossing it back.”

“Fair enough.” I lifted the glass and swirled the black liquor under my nose—buying
time, though I didn’t know what to do with it.

The scent of efik filled my nostrils and I wanted to cry for the needing of it. I
knew in that instant that this wasn’t a ploy of the Elite. This was pure Kitsune.
The lady had done her homework since our last encounter, and I had no doubt that every
bar in walking distance had its own little clump of Elite and its own bowl and bottle.

It was the cruelest of tricks and not designed to catch me—she had to know I could
drink it down without ever
giving a hint to the Elite of how much it hurt me. No, she wanted to destroy me no
matter how our next meeting ended. Then, I was all out of time to think. The moment
had come to find out whether she had succeeded. I turned to the Elite, smiled, raised
my drink, and knocked it down.

Heaven and hell in a single glass.

“What d’ you think?” asked Fei, her voice coming from impossibly far away.

“Not bad,” I lied, and my own words didn’t sound any closer. “But not great either.”
A far bigger lie. “Don’t think I’d pay for another glass.” The biggest lie of all.
It was taking everything I had not to offer up my soul for a few magic beans and a
bottle of booze.

The waitress had vanished, off to scare up my noodles and tea probably—ashes and bitter
water—and the Elite were already back to doing whatever inane thing they had been
doing when I came in. And it was all too late. I could feel the burn of the alcohol
settling in my belly, not that big a drink for a man with my tolerances, and far too
big for a man with my weaknesses. But that didn’t begin to touch the icy joy of the
efik. I couldn’t feel its effects yet, but I could anticipate them with a combination
of loving promise and pure horror.

Aral?

Wait.

I smiled at Fei and we carried on the sort of conversation that two strangers in a
bar carry on when they don’t really want to get to know each other better. But I wasn’t
present in any real sense of the word. My tea came and my noodles, and I ate and drank
as though I cared. They could have been dirt and piss, or ambrosia and nectar for
that matter. I didn’t taste anything. All I could focus on was the efik slowly working
its way through my system.

First came the cold rush of calm. All of my problems seemed to fade into secondary
importance, even the problem of the efik itself. With the efik in my system I
knew
I could beat it. Ironic that. Then my heart slowed and everything felt better. My
aches and pains winked out one by one,
giving me extra room to focus on my expanded senses. Finally, my mind cleared.

I thought about killing the Elite who had bought my drink. There were three of them,
and I was certain their stone dogs lurked just below the flags, ready to rush to their
masters’ aid. A good two score Crown Guards surrounded them as well. But I knew I
could do it. Nothing was impossible right now, and the perfect plan laid itself out
in my mind, step by step. I was an avatar of death herself, and nothing could stop
me from my purpose if only I chose to implement it.

I had missed this and I didn’t want to let it go ever again—wasn’t at all certain
that I even could.

Aral, is there anything at all?

No. I’ve got to do this alone. That’s the only way it happens.

I let the efik fill me and take me completely. I didn’t fight it. I couldn’t. That
wasn’t the way. I don’t know how I knew that, but know it I did.

The swords of the goddess?
sent Triss.

I thought of the relief their touch had brought me when Devin first gave them to me,
and my hands twitched, but I stopped them. This couldn’t come from outside me either.

Triss.

Yes?

Shut up. Please. I love you, but you have to shut up.

He did, and I could feel him withdrawing into the farthest depths of my shadow. The
efik made it ten times as easy to track his position and emotion. I’d hurt him with
that, and I would have to apologize for it later…if I had a later. That was an open
question, no matter how much the efik told me I
had
this. It wouldn’t kill my body, or even hurt it, but it might well slay the part
of me that mattered. The fight here was for my soul, and it was me against the efik
and the Kitsune.

When I’d finished my food, I waved the waitress over and paid her. I made some polite
noises at Fei. That included a hidden message about where to find me when she got
the chance to follow me out—down by the river among the
cherry blossoms. Then I got up and walked out the front door. The efik continued to
put a fine edge on everything I did, and a flick of my attention told me Heyin and
Prixia were still waiting for me. From the jerky sounds of their movements, patience
had long since left them. I wandered past the gap, made noises about a walk by the
river, and then I went on.

As soon as I was certain I had gotten clear of any watchers, I let Triss know that
I wanted a shroud and control. He passed the reins over silently—desperately worried.
I walked down to the river and into the orchard. Heyin and Prixia followed soon after,
and Fei a bit farther behind.

I didn’t speak to them. Not yet. I couldn’t. My soul was still in doubt. Once the
battle was won or lost, I would join them, and together we would kill the Kitsune
and Thauvik. Afterward? Well, that would depend on whether there was any point in
my continuing on from there.

The three consulted, worriedly on Heyin and Fei’s part, angrily on Prixia’s. Only
Fei knew me well enough to have any tiniest notion of what I might be going through,
and I wasn’t about to explain. I moved silently away from the others, heading into
the darkest part of the orchard, where I settled down into a meditating pose to wait
for the efik to clear my system. Again, I didn’t know how I knew, but it was absolutely
imperative that I not
do
anything. I couldn’t let the efik help me accomplish anything, or I would be lost.

The efik told me that wasn’t true, that now was the perfect time for me to make my
way across the river to fight the Kitsune and Thauvik. The efik told me a lot of things.
It told me about how much more I could accomplish with it than on my own. It pointed
out that I was a better man with efik in me. It told me how to conquer the Son of
Heaven, slay the Emperor of the Gods, and revive Namara. I listened and I waited and
I did nothing, until, finally, it shut up. That’s when the silence began to devour
me, and I waited some more, until the silence had finished chewing on me, and it spat
me out, too.

Then I made a decision, and it was the hardest decision
I’d ever made. I decided not to go back to the Monkey and Rooster, and not to sneak
into the backroom, and not to steal me a bottle of Niala and a bowl of roasted beans.
I wanted to. I wanted it so very much. But I chose not to. I had beaten my demon.

For today.

Tomorrow I would fight it again. And the next day. And the next after that. If I held
out, the fight might get easier over time, as my struggles with alcohol seemed to.
At least, I hoped it would. But there was no guarantee of that. There was no guarantee
of anything but the fight itself, because this wasn’t a foe you could slay. You could
only push it aside. If I was lucky and I was strong, I would keep it at bay till death
took me, winning finally in the silence of the grave.

“W
here
the fuck have you been?” Prixia demanded in a hiss—I had only just dropped my shroud
and joined the others in the orchard.

“Hell, but I’m back for now.”

“I suppose you expect me to think that’s funny,” she said.

“Not really. It wasn’t for your benefit.”

“I’ve just about had it with you, Assassin. If you think you can fucking well—”

I burned a bridge then—knowing I would regret it later. I did it because I was all
out of patience. Drawing my righthand sword, I put the point just under the tip of
her jaw. “Are we done? I promised you a shot at me when this is all over. If you want
to live to take it, you’ll let this one go.”

“I…yes.” I sheathed my blade and she backed away, visibly shaken.

That was not well done,
Triss sent.

I know, but I don’t have it in me to do better right now. I feel like one giant bleeding
wound.

“How did you do that?” asked Prixia. “I’m a damned fast
hand with a sword and I didn’t even see you move. Not when you drew, and only barely
when you put it away.”

Fei rolled her eyes at Prixia. “Girl, you’re good, one of the best young fighters
and duelists I’ve seen in a lot of years of dealing with violence. Don’t make the
mistake of thinking that puts you in a league with the legends. This is the Kingslayer,
much as it pains me to swell his head by pointing it out. If you do choose to go against
him when this is done, pick a duel where luck wins, because anything else is simple
suicide. Now, if you’re done trying to pretend you’ve got the biggest dick, we have
a war to win.”

Prixia glared at Fei but didn’t argue with her. She understood when to cut her losses
and move on, which is part of what made her such a brilliant tactician. I wished once
more that my failure at Sanjin Island had not put us on opposite sides of an unbridgeable
divide.

You have made an enemy,
sent Triss.

Yes, the afternoon I got her brother killed and then ran away.

That was not your fault, it didn’t have to lead to this.

Even if I agreed with you about that, I don’t think she would. Either way, there’s
very little to be done about it now. Also, I’m sorry for snarling at you earlier.
I was not myself.

It’s all right.

“Now that Aral has finally decided to grace us with his presence, we can move on to
the next step,” said Prixia. “You’ve been able to get in contact with the other assassin?”

“Devin,” said Fei. “Yes, I have. If we want to withdraw to someplace a bit closer
to the fortress, I can send Scheroc to flag him and see about setting up a discussion.
If we’re lucky, he’ll be able to talk with us tonight. If not, we’ll have to wait.”

I nodded. “Do it.”

A few hours later, we had settled ourselves in a briar patch a half mile upshore from
the fortress. It was cold and damp and uncomfortable, but it was as close as we could
get without running into heavy shoreside patrols, and
distance mattered. Scheroc wasn’t equipped to haul physical messages back and forth,
but he could relay short verbal communications, mimicking people’s voices. With a
minute or more of travel time for the wind spirit each way, it was like having a very
slow conversation, with really long pauses between phrases.

I verified when and where I was supposed to meet Devin, then settled down into a half
nap while Prixia and Heyin talked back and forth with him to nail down details and
timing. It was nearly dawn by the time they’d hammered everything out and were ready
to return to their respective commands.

Prixia left first. She had the longest way to go since her people were across the
river on the north bank. We would not see her again until after everything was over,
which was probably for the best on my part. If we didn’t send her a message changing
the plan, she was supposed to start burning her way across the countryside about an
hour before midnight. Heyin went next, pausing only to confirm our meeting here at
that same hour. That left Fei and me, and Scheroc and Triss.

“How are you doing?” Fei asked me. When I didn’t answer right away, she continued.
“Scheroc found you for me in the orchard. He’s not good at things that aren’t moving
generally, but breathing registers for him much the way a light flashing on and off
might for you and me. He recognizes people by the patterns. He wasn’t sure it was
you at first, because your breathing wasn’t right, but I had no doubts. Then, later,
he knew you. Are you all right?”

“No, not really.” I felt a wave of wordless comfort from Triss, a sort of mental squeeze.

Fei frowned. “I don’t know what that drink meant to you, though I could tell it was
nothing good. I recognized the efik, of course, when I had one a couple of days ago—they’re
making everyone who wanders into any of the local bars have a glass the first time
they arrive. I wasn’t thrilled by the idea, but it didn’t seem all that strong once
I’d swallowed it.”

“The dose wasn’t a big one, and efik’s a mild sort of drug, especially if you don’t
chew the beans.”