Fallen Desire (15 page)

“I hope that I’m not scaring you.”  He pulls me in tighter and kisses me softly. 

“No.  This is amazing Ethan.  You are amazing.  Why you think you’re a demon is beyond me.  No demon could be as beautiful as you are right now.”  We’re now hovering in the sky, and all I can hear is the slow heavy beat of his wings pounding against the wind, and I can feel the breeze they are creating.  This kiss is like nothing I’ve ever felt.  It is unbelievably magical.  His dark hair flows in the breeze being created by his beating wings.  “You are incredible, Ethan.”  I pull my head back slightly to look into his eyes. 

“There’s so much I have to explain to you.  Demons are very deceiving.  Our appearance is meant to be breathtaking.  It lures our victims.  All Fallen Angels are attractive to the human eye.  We were created in God’s perfection.” 

“Victims?”  What does he mean by that?  I can’t imagine him hurting anyone. 

“Let’s just enjoy the sky right now.  I don’t know if you’re ready to hear everything yet.  I know you have a lot of questions but I would prefer to have today to spend with you and not going through a history lesson.  Relax and enjoy yourself.” 

I close my eyes and then open them to take in the world from this whole new point of view.  Everything is peaceful from up here, especially when the only thing I can really focus on is the sound of Ethan’s wings.  It’s mesmerizing.  Before I know it, we’re on the ground.  Trees are all around us and there’s a circle of flowers at their peak.  It’s the same spot he brought me to before, the meadow in the forest behind my house.   I look into his eyes and can’t help but feel extremely blessed that he’s come into my life.  I can’t imagine how I’m supposed to help him.  He can’t be evil or even a demon, he’s perfect. 

“You’re the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen.”  My eyes are on his as I speak to him, taking in his bare chested beauty.  “I don’t understand how I’m going to help you, but if that’s what you need, then I’m here for you.  I want to know everything.  How did you come to be like this and why do you keep saying you’re evil and a demon?  I love you Ethan, but I need to know everything about you and us and why you chose to find me.”  As he stands in front of me his black wings glisten in the sunlight and I admire the appealing softness that they give.

“Lindsay, I love you, and I want you to know everything about me, but right now I just want to spend some time with you and really hold you.  You have no idea how relieved I am to know that you accept me for who I am.  I will tell you everything but not now, soon though.  I need you to be patient.  There’s so much for you to learn and so many things I know you haven’t discovered about yourself.”

“Well, I hope I don’t have to wait long, Ethan.  I need to know everything about you.  I love you so much and you were brought to me by a higher power of some kind that knew that we needed each other.  Maybe we can just start with what it is that you think I need to learn about myself.” 

He smiles at my words, “That sounds good – but another day.  Right now, let’s just lay here on the grass until I have to get you back.” 

“Okay.  But just so you know we’re going to have to talk about it soon enough.” I lay down on my back looking back up at Ethan and his wings have vanished.  I sigh and let my mind digest all that is new to me.

THIRTEEN

Three days go by without any explanations and without any discussions on demons and his past.  I don’t really know how much longer I can wait for him to bring it up.  I don’t want to be pushy, so the only thing I can do is wait for him.  There’s going to be a big party tonight at Kim’s house, maybe we can get some alone time and just maybe he’ll be willing to talk to me.  I have to know his past and not only that, I need to know what it is that he thinks is so special about me.  Tonight is the night I’m going to bring it up.  I haven’t even gotten to talk to Kim.  The only time we’ve talked lately is when she called me to invite me to the party.  I want so much to tell her, but Ethan says this is something no one would understand and that I have to keep it to myself.  It’s just so darn hard when he won’t even talk to me about it, and I can’t even go to a friend to discuss what I’m going through and feeling.  I know that Ethan is not human.  I’ve seen his wings, but that day being the last time I’ve seen them or even talked to him about it makes it hard to believe it’s real.  I’m not sure what’s stopping him.  He knows I love him no matter what.  Is he just waiting for the right time or for more to fall into place?  I mean, if he wants to talk to me about it that’s fine with me, but why is it taking him so long to tell me?  Either way, I’m determined to talk to him tonight and get some information.  Plus the last I saw him was yesterday morning and it’s been twenty four hours without him in my arms.  I’m craving his touch and his kiss.  I can only go so long without it.  I wish that I can see him now, but unfortunately my mom had decided that she wants to take me to lunch.  She says she feels like she doesn’t even know what’s going on in my life since she’s always busy at the office and then when she is home I’m caught up in my own things.  The last thing I want to do is be put on the spot, but I’m not left with much of a choice. 

I’ve never been a very good liar, it’s always been easy for people to know when I’m being dishonest so I’m going to have to avoid discussing Ethan and I.  The last thing I need is for her to think that I’m keeping something from her.  She would never let it go.  For now, all I want to do till lunch is just rest on my bed wrapped up in my white fluffy comforter and dream of Ethan – dream of his beautiful features and perfect complexion with those large black eyes that see right into my soul and lure me to him.  I want to dream of his hands; they hold me so tight, like I’m the only thing in the world that he cares about.  Those enormous black wings that move with grace and power are undeniably angelic.  He’s magnificent.  Every minute of the day, all I want is him, and when I don’t have him all I want is to dream of him.  His image never leaves my mind.  He is my everything. 

“Lindsay!  Someone’s at the door for you.”  My mom is standing at the bottom of the stairs yelling up at me.  Who the heck could be here?  I know that Ethan said he wouldn’t see me until tonight; that he had some things he had to take care of which seems to be quite often.  I know Kim is busy running around getting things put together for the party, and I know there’s no way she would stop to come by here.

“Coming!”  For some reason, I can sense him as I get closer to the door.  Right as I’m going to look out the front door, I know it’s him. 

“Derrick!” 

“Hey.  Sorry to bother you.  It has been awhile since I’ve been by, and well I was in the neighborhood and was thinking about you so I thought I would stop by and see what you’re up to.  I hope that’s okay.” 

What could he possibly want to talk about?  The last time I saw him was days ago, and that was when we kissed. 
“Um, yeah.  Sorry, I guess I just wasn’t expecting you.  I mean I’m glad you’re here.  It has been awhile since we’ve talked.  Do you wanna come in?”  I wanted so much to forget the feelings he had given me that day but it looks like that’s not gonna happen.

“Yeah,” he replies.

I take him up to my room so that we have our privacy.  “Are you going to Kim’s party tonight?”  I don’t know what else to say but I had to break the silence between us.  I’m on the end of my bed, and Derrick at the chair to my armoire.  I’m avoiding getting too close to him afraid of what might happen.  I’m not too sure what it is that he wants, but the last thing I want to talk about is us or Ethan and me. 

“Yeah.
  I’ll definitely be there.  Wouldn’t miss a friend’s party for anything.  So how are you doing, Lindsay?  I mean, I guess I’ve missed you.  I thought if I stayed away that would help, but it seems that I can’t help but think about you all the time.” 

His face is flushed and his eyes are shining as he looks into my eyes with love and affection.  His skin darker than Ethan’s but it’s just as pure and perfect.  He’s undeniably gorgeous and obviously into me.  I can’t help but feel something for him.  I just wish I knew where these feelings were coming from.  How could I have spent that last bit of the school year not feeling the slightest pull toward him and the
moment Ethan comes along, everything changed.  All of the sudden I’ve fallen in love with Ethan and I think I’m falling for Derrick too.  This is just my luck.  I really don’t want to hurt anyone. 

“I have so much going on right now and I know I’ve said this before.  I’m not going to lie, I care about you.  There’s definitely something between us, but Ethan and I are together and I love him.  I don’t want to make things more complicated.” 

His eyebrows crease, “Lindsay, all I ask is that you give me a chance before you make a final decision.  I don’t know how I’d feel knowing that I didn’t give it my best.  I want you, you’re all I think about.  You are the most beautiful person inside and out, and I’ve realized that I can’t stop the feelings I have for you.” 

He’s already off the chair and kneeling in front of me.  His hand takes mine.  His touch causes my body to heat up.  I get a tingling sensation down my spine and all I can think about is him.  His body is strong and he’s willing to give himself to me, if I’m willing to take it.  I want to give myself to him.  His touch is curiously soothing but he heats up my body with every stroke of his fingertips. 

He moves up to my mouth and as his lips press against mine, the whole world stops.  Nothing else matters in this moment, only the two of us.  His body moves forward and his chest presses against mine and he lays me down on the bed.  His body is gently lying on top of me with his lips still intertwined with mine.  He’s amazing; the sensations running through my body are overwhelming.  With a soul so pure it’s hard to resist him.  The energy is intense between us.  My body and mind are battling as my body is yearning for him and I do all I can to not give my entire self over to him, to surrender to this feeling of desire.  The only thing holding me back is the thought of Ethan lingering in the back of my head as well as the reminder of what happened the last time he tried to seduce me. 

“Derrick!”  I push him off of me and with quite a lot more strength than I intended.  He flies back off the bed and across the room with a stunned look on his face.  I’m not sure where my extra strength came from but I’m not in the mood to figure it out.  I’m tired of this sexual tension between us.  It needs to end. 

“Lindsay, are you okay?  I’m sorry!  I didn’t mean…I mean I don’t know what came over me.  Once I had you in my embrace I wanted you.  I want you, Lindsay, more than ever and I don’t know if I can keep this feeling back.  I can’t control it.” 

I sigh, “I want you too, Derrick.  But I have Ethan, and I love him.”

“Please, Lindsay, just give me a chance.  You don’t know him like I do, he isn’t good for you.  He’ll hurt you; I would never do anything to hurt you.” 

I’m so angry right now; he’s done it again, after he promised he wouldn’t.  “I think I know him a lot better than you do, what do you mean he isn’t good for me?  It isn’t up to you to decide.”  Instead of answering me right away, he gives me a long look and silence fills the room, like he feels sorry for me.  
What can he know about Ethan that I don’t?  Actually, I’m pretty sure that me knowing that Ethan isn’t human means I know a lot more than Derrick. 

“I’m just saying that he won’t be there for you like I can.  He’ll always be running off to take care of ‘business.’  Don’t think I don’t know what’s going on, Lindsay.  I know him better than you think.”  His voice is calm, but there’s an edge to it when he talks about Ethan. 

There must be something causing him to feel this way, I’m not sure if it’s just jealousy or if he really does know about Ethan.  There’s no way he could possibly know the truth, though; it must be jealousy.  Still I can’t be upset with him, not with those gorgeous eyes looking at me, providing me comfort and security.  There’s no way I can be upset with him, even though he talks so badly about Ethan.  He’s just looking out for me.  His intentions are good; I can sense it, even if he is constantly trying to get in my pants.  The feelings between us are intense, he probably has less control then I do.  I can’t blame him. 

“I can’t stay away from Ethan.  He’s a part of my life and I’m not going to let him go.  You need to accept this; I don’t know what it is that makes me want you.  There’s something about you that’s so appealing, you’re beyond gorgeous.  I can’t think with you around.  I care about you, but I think it’s best we don’t see each other until I can figure things out.   There’s a lot going on right now with Ethan and I want to be able to direct my attention toward him without distractions.”

“If you wish, Lindsay, I’ll leave you alone but I can’t guarantee that I’ll stay away for good.  I would miss you way too much.  But I’ll try my best to give you your space, I hope that you’ll come to your senses and see Ethan for who he really is.  Always remember that I would never hurt you and my intentions are always good.  He can’t hide from you forever and you will see the truth.”  He leans down to me and kisses my cheek then gives me a loving smile and turns to walk out my bedroom door. 

I don’t have the time or the courage to say anything back.  Now with him out of the room all I feel is gu
ilt.  I can tell that he wants to help me and be there for me as more than a friend.  But there’s absolutely no way I can deal with a demon boyfriend and a friend with benefits on the side.  It makes my head all fuzzy and I can’t think clearly when he’s around.  I don’t need the added stress, not now.  What would Ethan think if he even knew that Derrick and I kissed again and not only for the second time but the third?  What would he think if he knew how Derrick made me feel when he touched me?  Now I’m feeling guilty for turning Derrick down and I feel guilty for wanting him. Why can’t love be easy?  Who knew I was going to be confronted with all these issues this summer.  All the emotions building up inside of me are too much to handle and I begin to cry, letting out everything that has happened.  I can’t let these guys get to me like this.