Fallen Grace (10 page)

“Hang on a sec while I turn on some lights.”

I found Gus’ hand in the darkness and held it tight. Anxiety was taking a claim over me, unsure of what might be lurking while we were blinded. I focused on breathing deeply while Danny fumbled in the darkness for a source of light. Within moments the room was flooded in bright fluorescents.

“They’re hooked up to a battery array. We run a generator once a day to keep it charged. Mack and I are working at setting up solar panels for longer-term.”

The walls were concrete, and the two windows that must have been at ground level had been covered in brick and mortar. A metal pipe about four or five inches in diameter ran up the wall to our left and out a hole in the top portion of the wall. I walked to it, curious.

“It’s for ventilation, Zoe,” said Gus.

“It runs about thirty feet underground, and then up at an angle so rain is less likely to get in,” said Danny with a big grin. He was pretty proud of his home and all they had done. “There’s another in each room.”

“You guys really thought everything out,” said Gus.

“It’s a big basement. We’re only using a couple of the rooms, so I’ll show you to the extras and you can get some sleep.”

Danny led us though an interior door and to a hallway. On each side were three more doors.

“The last door on the left was a bathroom, but we gutted it and now it’s a pantry. We’ll eat later. Marnie and Mack use the room on the right and I’m in the next one with Mimaw. That’s kind-of embarrassing but I know she insists on me being with her so she can keep me safe. I just let her believe it. The two rooms on the left are open, so you can crash in whichever.”

“Thanks, Danny,” I said.

“Anytime. We’re glad to have the company. Get some rest. When the others get here we’ll have time to talk. Oh…there’s a battery-operated lantern in each room. Just make sure you use them sparingly?”

“You bet,” said Gus as he extended a hand to the boy.

Danny took his hand and shook it before returning to the family room.

“Agnes, we should sleep. Do you want your own room or to come in with us?” asked Gus.

I looked at Agnes, whose eyes were sunken. She looked exhausted and heartbroken.

“I’ll be ok. I could probably use some alone time, if that’s ok?”

“Of course it is. Just promise us you’ll come get us if you need anything?” I said.

She nodded and slipped into one of the two rooms Danny had pointed out. As she closed the door behind her, Gus and I were left alone in the hallway. The only light came from a small dim mood lamp at the end of the hall. He took both of my hands in his and pressed his forehead against mine. I felt his body shudder as he drew in a deep breath.

“I thought I’d lost you, Zoe,” he whispered. “Nothing I could do or say would stop you.”

“It’s ok, Gus. I’m still here. Right here,” I whispered as I squeezed his hands.

“I can’t lose you too. I can’t. I couldn’t bare it.” His voice was cracking, and I knew he was in pain from all he’d lost; his children, Emilie…

“Shhhh, I’m here.” I let go of his hands and placed my palms against the sides of his face. His stubble had grown out and was soft now. “I’m here.”

In the dim light he looked deeply into my eyes and I could feel his inner being wrap around my own. I could feel his fear, his love, his hurt, and the spark that made him the man he is. He leaned down and kissed me with desperation. The force of his lips on mine was crushing. I winced, bringing his kiss to a halt. Once I had caught my breath, I pulled his face closer again.

“I’m here,” I said once more. He kissed me again, this time with tenderness and gentle longing.

He lifted me off my feet, both of his hands under my butt. I wrapped my legs around his waist while my hands clung to the backs of his shoulders. His hands frantically pulled at the bottom of the nightgown I still wore, desperate to touch my skin. Electricity flowed between us that was impossible to ignore. I deepened the kiss, now as desperate to be a part of him as he was to be with me. A moan escaped his lips as we bumped into the wall. Somehow in our rush, he found the doorknob and we tumbled into the bedroom together. Fumbling in the dark, he winced when he bumped into a piece of furniture. There was no light in the room, just us in the blackness. I clung to him, never wanting to let go.

“There has to be a bed,” I groaned.

“Right now I’ll take the floor, or a table,” he grunted against my neck as he tasted the skin behind my ear with his warm tongue. His lips moved up and he began sucking my earlobe with vigor. “Or even the fucking wall.”

I could hear myself panting and my insides were on fire for him.

“Never leave me, Zoe,” he whispered as softly as possible into my ear. “Don’t leave me.”

Speech seemed awkward, so I responded by showering the side of his face with kisses, ending at his mouth. I could feel the dampness of tears on his face. I could feel his inner struggle and need to hold me and never let me go. I could sense a newfound grief over Emilie’s loss. I kissed his tears away the best I could, tasting his sorrow over losing Molly. His body began shaking slightly as he fumbled in the dark to find a place to lay me down.

I felt his body jar on something and he winced. Just after, he sat down, holding me facing him on his lap. I could tell we were on a bed by the squeak of springs beneath us. We didn’t speak with words, but could hear each other on another level. He pulled my nightgown up over my head. I heard it softly fall to the floor behind me. I could feel his breath on my shoulder as his large, warm hands softly caressed the bare skin of my upper arms.

“I was so close to losing you,” he said more softly than a whisper.

“I’m here, Gus,” I said just as softly. “It’s ok now.”

His reaction to the day had me worried. He had always been so good at keeping it together. I wasn't sure why today was different. His erection was pressing into me, causing me to shift in his lap. He moaned deeply in reply.

“The things I want to do to you right now,” he said under his breath.

I didn’t have a chance to answer before he kissed me with passion beyond any he had shown me before. His hands tightened around my arms when only a moment before they had caressed me so softly. If he was able to sense the slight pain it caused, he didn’t react. I ground myself into his lap and moaned into his mouth. His hands tightened just a bit more, but I welcomed the discomfort. I suddenly felt more alive than I had in days, if not weeks. I could feel dampness between my legs from the excitement he had caused. I placed my hands under his shirt and slid them up to his shoulder blades, where I grabbed onto him in desperate need to become one with him. He stood suddenly, causing me to rake my nails into the flesh on his back. In the next moment he turned and laid me down on the mattress. I heard him fumble with his shorts and t-shirt and moments later his nude body climbed on top of me. His fingers searched tenderly between my thighs, causing me to arch my back. His hot mouth found my right breast, which I had come to recognize as his favorite. He searched gently with his fingers for my clit, which had swollen in response to the foreplay. He dipped his finger inside of me to lubricate his fingertip, which he used to softly caress my nub again. I placed my palm on the back of his head, encouraging him to suck harder on my breast. I could hear him swallowing my milk, which by now I knew was a turn on for both of us.

My breath came in uneven gasps as his fingers slipped deep inside of me. As good as everything he was doing felt, I wanted more.

“Gus?” I gasped.

“Hmm?” he replied, while still drinking from me.

“Make love to me? Hard?”

“I don’t want to hurt you, baby,” he said.

“I just need to feel you…”

He switched to my other breast while continuing to explore my inner walls with his long, thick fingers. I dug my fingers into the flesh of his back again and pressed myself against his hand. He moaned into my breast with his own frustration. I knew he wanted to be inside of me as badly as I wanted him, but for some reason he was holding out.

He took his mouth from my breast and began sucking on my neck. “Tell me,” he mumbled.

I wasn't sure what he meant and was having trouble focusing.

“Tell me what you want me to do to you,” he nearly growled just below my ear.

I fought to catch my breath. “Fuck me,” I whispered.

“Oh God, you sound so dirty,” he said in a hauntingly deep voice.

He put an arm under my right leg and lifted it over his shoulder. He leaned down and showered me with light kisses from my belly button down, until he was teasing me with his tongue. I writhed with need, driving him wild.

“You’re so fucking wet, Zoe,” he panted. “Oh God, fuck…”

Suddenly he had my other leg swung over his shoulder and his erection was pressing against me. He struggled to keep control, I could tell, as he guided the tip of his cock and slid it up and down, teasing my clit again.

“God, Gus, please,” I begged. “Please…”

“Please what?”

“Please fuck me,” I gasped.

He groaned loudly as he quickly slid his overly hard cock inside of me. I gasped from the suddenness of it. I was accustomed to him giving me time to stretch, but this new sensation of pain mixed with pleasure felt so good. I began grinding against him, trying to get it even deeper. He began to pump in earnest, and I gripped at his biceps hard. I crossed my feet behind his neck and held on while he rode me. It was rough, so much more so than our other times together, but along with that roughness came a love so intense that I became lost in the pleasure. As I fell apart in his arms in a cloud of pleasure unlike I had ever known before, I heard myself crying. Gus lost control and joined me in ecstasy, and promptly collapsed on top of me in an attempt to catch his breath.

“Shhhh, baby, shhhh,” he said at last. “God, I hurt you…fuck…don’t cry.”

“I’m not crying,” I sniffled.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” he said as he kissed my tears away.

“You didn’t hurt me, Gus. It was just…awesome.”

He rolled over, making it easier to breathe. I felt him cover me with a thin blanket, and then settle in beside me.

Before long I heard him snoring gently. I scooted closer to take advantage of his warmth and rested my head on his chest. I listened for his heartbeat, but knew I wouldn’t find it.

I woke cold, even though Gus was still beside me and had a leg draped over my body. I could hear Boggs in the background, his voice loud but not angry.

“Gus,” I whispered as I nudged him.

“Hmm?”

“I hear Boggs.”

“No, darlin’, we’re in the hidey hole remember?”

“Wake up.” I shook his shoulder.

“Zoe? Gus?” It was Nathan’s voice this time. “You guys down here?”

I struggled to get out from under Gus’ leg, and in the process tumbled to the floor with a loud thud.

“Ouch,” I grumbled.

“Zo? You in there?” called Boggs’ voice from right outside the door.

“Be right out,” I managed to choke out. “Where’s my nightie?” I asked in a strained whisper as I lay naked on the floor.

“Here,” mumbled Gus as he held it out for me, draping it across my shoulder.

I took it gratefully and fumbled in the dark to slip it over my head and arms. I could tell Gus was doing the same with his clothes. I could see a sliver of light coming from under the doorway and made my way toward it. Boggs knocked again.

“Coming in.”

The door opened and light from a battery operated lantern half blinded me. I put a hand up to shield my eyes. Whoever held it had the good sense to lower it. As my eyes adjusted, I saw Mack standing beside Boggs, with Nathan just behind them.

“How’d you get here?” I asked, not trying to hide my smile. I was genuinely glad to see our friends. “Where’s Susan and Abbey? Are they ok?”

“Slow down, one question at a time,” said Mack as Boggs wrapped his arms around me. “Marnie and I went to the motel and found them there, safe and sound. When we mentioned your names they came back with us.”

“Susan’s alive,” said Nathan. He sounded so tired. “She’s weak though, and hasn’t spoken since she came to. Abs is ok, just fighting a cold and pretty scared.”

I sensed Gus step up behind me and felt Boggs’ relax his embrace.

“Bobby’s with you?” asked Boggs.

“No,” said Gus. “She died.”

“Fuck,” said Nate. “The dead?”

I shook my head back and forth. “The living.”

“He’s not living anymore,” said Gus with irritation in his voice.

Trying to lighten the mood, I changed the subject slightly. “Agnes is with us though.”

“Agnes?” said Nate. “’Agnes-and-Linus Agnes?”

“Ayup.”

“Linus didn’t make it. She’s pretty devastated.”

“Ok, kids, if you’ve gotten enough rest let’s hit the family room. We can talk over supper,” suggested Mack. “Danny and Mimaw have thrown together a feast.”

The thought of food caused my stomach to growl. “We should wake Agnes,” I said.

Mack chuckled. “She’s been awake for a while. She said you two were too loud.”

Boggs glared at Gus in the dim light. He might even have worn a look of rage, but it was hard to tell. Gus reached down and took my hand in his and gave it a little squeeze. I was grateful for the dark, since I knew my face was flushed with embarrassment.

***

Gus had been kind enough to fetch a blanket from the bed for me to wrap in. The basement was cold and I hadn’t exactly arrived wearing much of anything. We followed the others down the hall, back into the family room. A series of several large blankets had been placed on the floor as a sitting area and Danny was busy carrying bowls and platters to the center of the arrangement. Susan had been placed on a long couch off to one side, near a wood stove that I hadn’t noticed before. It sported glass doors and the fire inside was burning red hot. I walked to her side and knelt.

“Hey,” I said quietly. She looked at me, but said nothing. I brushed some of her black hair away from her eyes. As my skin touched hers, I could sense a deep sadness within her. The connection with her paled in comparison to that of what Gus and I shared, but I knew that she had my blood within her now. She smiled weakly at me. I kissed her forehead and then leaned down to her ear. “Sleep,” I whispered softly.

She closed her eyes in reply and I pulled her blanket up to cover her shoulder. I walked to where Agnes was already seated, not far from the wood stove. Danny smiled at me as he set a platter of potatoes on the floor.

“I didn’t notice the fireplace,” I said.

Danny smiled. “We added that weeks ago. The smoke gets piped out, just like the air vents. It really helps heat the place. Even the back rooms.”

“You’ve all done wonders,” said Gus.

I noticed that Boggs was glaring at him. I frowned.

“Danny’s a pretty creative kid,” said Mack.

“Mack, stop calling your brother a kid,” said Mrs. Jones from the other side of the room. “He proved he is a man long ago.”

The smile disappeared from Danny’s face. I didn’t ask about the source of the instant tension in the room.

“Where’s Abbey?” I asked.

“She’s cleaning up,” said a female voice that was a notch softer than the last time I had heard it.

“Marnie, take this to the center of the room,” instructed the older woman who was still busy preparing food.

“Marnie,” I said her name. “You saved me,” I muttered.

The woman winked at me.

“Thank you,” I said with sincerity.

“Don’t mention it, Sugar. Gotta take care of our own.”

Mack walked to Marnie and handed her a large pot of something that was steaming. He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek briefly. “Mind setting this one on the stove?”

“You bet.”

I settled down in my own spot on the floor, next to Agnes. I unwrapped the blanket from around myself and slid half over her shoulders. She looked at me and smiled half-heartedly in a gesture of thanks. She leaned against me and rested her head on my shoulder. Before long everyone else had found a place to sit, including Mrs. Jones. Abbey came in through the hallway door and smiled when she saw me. She looked pale, and had lost more weight. I gestured for her to come sit on the other side of me. We didn’t speak to each other, just sat close and held hands. I looked toward Susan on the couch and was glad to see her sleeping.

Mack had most of the food in front of him, and put portions of each onto individual plates before passing them around the circle. Once everyone had a dish in hand, Mrs. Jones gestured for Mack to take the first bite.

“It’s our tradition that the elder male eat first,” explained Marnie. “Nowadays that just means the first bite.”

Once Mack had swallowed, Mrs. Jones took a bite of something using her fingers. Danny and Marnie gestured for the rest of us to begin our meals.

There was no talking while we all worked at filling our bellies. The potatoes were baked soft and covered in salt and pepper and were moistened with oil of some sort. Canned green beans had been mixed with meat, which was salty. They were divine. Fresh whitefish was crusted and blackened with seasonings of which I was unfamiliar.

“For a special occasion like this,” said Mrs. Jones, “we’ll pass around the whiskey!”

“Bring it on!” said Danny.

His Mimaw rolled her eyes at him.

“What? You said that I’ve proven that I am a man now, Mimaw.”

“Yes you are, Danny. So drink. But not too much,” the old woman warned.

Abbey leaned against me and yawned.

“Want to catch a few Z’s?” I asked her.

She looked at me for a moment before answering. “Can I have some of the whiskey too?” she asked innocently.

I shook my head in disbelief. “I guess that’s up to Nate and Susan,” I said.

The girl looked over to Susan, who was still sleeping on the couch, and then toward Nathan.

“I’ll tell you what, Abs. We’ve all been through a lot. One shot, but that’s all. It’ll help you sleep.”

Abbey nodded in understanding. I noticed the dark circles under her eyes. Mack passed the bottle down, along with a single shot glass that had the logo of a brand of cigarettes on the side, now half worn away. Nathan filled the shot glass once it reached him, and then knee-walked across the floor to Abbey.

As he handed her the whiskey, he sat in front of her.

“Have you ever drank before?” he asked her.

She shook her head back and forth.

“It’ll burn your throat going down. Don’t sip it. Just toss it back and swallow. Drink some of your water as soon as you’re finished.”

“Ok,” she said simply.

“When you’re done, I want you to head down the hall and use the first room on the left. Sleep, Abs. You need it.”

“I think I’ll head back now, if you all don’t mind?” asked Agnes. “Abbey, mind if I bunk with you?”

“Sure, no problem,” she answered. “I don’t like to be alone anyway.”

Nate leaned down and kissed Abbey tenderly on the forehead. She did as he had instructed, downing the foul liquid. I knew Nate must have his reasons for allowing the girl to indulge. Like it or not, he was a father to her now.

She made a face as soon as she swallowed, showing her instant dislike for the drink. Nate immediately handed her a glass of water that she had set aside from dinner; she drank deeply.

***

As soon as Abbey and Agnes had disappeared into the sleeping area, Nathan and Gus settled in on each side of me. Nate passed the bottle to me, along with the shot glass. For the briefest of moments I started to pass it along, being used to abstaining for the sake of the baby who had, not long ago, been growing inside of me. Gus pushed the whiskey back toward me gently, and I ignored the shot glass and drank directly from the bottle. I tried to avoid making a face, but the burn in my throat was too strong. Nathan handed me the same glass of water that Abbey had used. I sipped at it before setting it aside.

“Abbey didn’t cope very well while you were gone,” Nathan said. “She’s barely slept.”

I watched as the whiskey was passed around the circle. Nate and Marnie were the only two who didn’t partake. I could guess Nate’s reason being his past drug abuse, and wondered only briefly about Marnie. Mack took the bottle from Danny before he could get much more down his throat that Abbey had. I chuckled.

“You said there’s ten of you left?” asked Gus.

“Yup, just ten,” said Mack with a sigh. “The other six are hole-up in what we call Sanctuary Two.”

“It’s underground, made out of steel cargo containers” explained Danny. “This is Sanctuary One. S1 for short.”

“S3 and S4 are farther out,” added Marnie.

“I heard you say you lost a couple others in your group?” asked Mack.

“We’ve lost too many. Gus’ girlfriend, Abbey’s older sister, a few friends who were originally with Nate and Abbey,” said Boggs.

“Wanda and little Jane,” I added softly. “Julio. Louisa and the baby.” I paused. “And my baby girl.”

While I wanted to cry, I just stared at the floor. Gus wrapped an arm around me and as I looked up I noticed Boggs glaring at us. He had the bottle of whiskey in hand and drank from it.

“She was mine too,” he said firmly.

I ignored him. I wasn’t in any mood to fight.

The new people in our lives looked uncomfortable.

“We almost lost Susan over there,” continued Nathan, to my relief.

“And we just lost someone newer to our group. A woman named Bobby.”

“What happened to her?”

“Danny, manners!” warned his Mimaw.

“Sorry,” the boy mumbled.

“It’s ok,” said Gus. “A man broke into a little shop we were hiding in for a night. He attacked Bobby and Zoe. He beat Bobby so badly she died; we think from internal bleeding.”

I took a deep breath, not wanting to remember the attack or Bobby’s last moments. I automatically reached for Gus’ hand, and leaned against him.

He continued. “We ran into Agnes as we were trying to get back to the others. Her twin brother, Linus, turned. He’d been bit and they hadn’t told us.”

“Fuck,” said Nathan. “Sorry, ma’am,” he said apologetically to Mrs. Jones.

She nodded in acknowledgement. She looked like a forgiving woman.

“I wouldn’t suggest returning to your motel,” said Marnie. “It’s not safe enough. Mack and I have talked and we’d be glad to have you join up with us. I’m sure the others will feel the same way.”

“Safety in numbers and all,” added Mack.

“How about we agree to stay on for a few days, talk it over?” suggested Gus. “We don’t mean to seem ungrateful, but we’ve come across some pretty evil people out there.”

“Fair enough,” said Mack. “Tonight, let’s rest. As soon as the horde moves on we can show you the other hideouts and introduce you to the rest of our group.”

The bottle of whiskey was making its way around the circle again. As earlier, Nate abstained. I took another large swig, wanting to feel numb if just for one evening. My mind was clear of the signals of the dead, but I felt a steady, warming connection to Gus. I could also sense Susan, but just faintly.

Eventually Mrs. Jones got up and blew out the various candles around the room, except for one. I could tell by how she moved that her bones must ache. She was out of breath and coughed deeply.