Falling (Fading Series) (31 page)

Sitting back on my knees, she rocks her hips into me, bowing her back off the bed as I run my hands up her torso and between her breasts. She’s completely exposed to me. Her naked flesh, smooth, damp with sweat.

My muscles tighten, and I feel myself swell as I’m about to go.

She’s moaning.

I’m panting.

Running my hands inside of her thighs, I slide my thumb over her wet core as she throws her head back into the pillow.

“Uhh, fuck,” I moan out when I finally feel the pulses of release I’ve been needing from the eagerness that’s been building up inside of me. I let it go as my head falls back while I ride out the images that are still reeling in my mind. The air is thick with steam, and when I’m able to stand without the support of the wall, I turn the heat down on the water to cool off before I get out.

After my shower, I get ready for bed and slide under the covers, replaying our evening together. Thinking about how she looked when I was photographing her. Realizing, that in her own way, she was finally opening herself up to me with her trust. It wasn’t obvious, but I saw it anyway.

I grab a pillow from her side of the bed, and smile at the thought that I’ve allowed a girl to claim a side of my bed. But I have and I like it. Rolling onto my side, I wrap my arm around her pillow and can smell her on the fabric. She smells so good; I know I’ll never grow tired of it, so I lie there as she finds a way to flood my mind again.

Fuck, I need another shower.

Candace stopped by a few days ago to pick up the photo after I finished enhancing it. I think she was surprised to see herself like that. Even if it was just the sway of her back, the photo was beyond sensual. For some reason, she’s really uncomfortable with exposing herself. She’s confident in her body—it would be odd if she wasn’t, being a dancer and all—but being comfortable with herself in a sexual way doesn’t seem to come easily for her. It could just be that she’s never been that way with a man, but I see her starting to try with me.

The whole thing got me thinking about how I spend my time. Candace keeps herself busy with work and school, but mostly with dance. She loves it; it’s her passion in life, and I admire her focus. I don’t have a focus like that in my life, and although she takes it a step beyond most people, I feel like I need to find something outside of work and Candace to do with my time. I talked to her about this yesterday on the phone, and she encouraged me to spend more of my time working on my photography.

I’ve always enjoyed the editing aspect of it, but never took a whole lot of pleasure in the actual shoots until last weekend when she let me shoot her. She made me a very loose promise that she would let me photograph her again, and I plan on holding her to her word.

I hear my phone chime in the next room, and I’m surprised to see Gavin’s name when I open his text.

You at work?

Home. What’s up?

In the area. Mind if I stop by for a while?

Come on over.

After the random run-in that Candace and I had with him the other week, I didn’t think I would actually hear from him when he said he would be in touch. But when he gets here, he says he just wanted to stop by and catch up. So we crack open a couple of beers and flip on ESPN, hanging out like we used to do, simply killing time.

“So I ran into Max and his girlfriend the other night,” he tells me.

“Oh yeah, where at?”

“Lakeside,” he says and then takes a pull of his beer before adding, “Did you know she’s pregnant?”

“Yeah, man. I knew.”

Shaking his head, he says, “I couldn’t believe it when he told me that shit. We used to have so much fun before he got tied down with that chick. Speaking of chicks, who was that girl you were with the other day?”

Looking over at him, I don’t even know why I’m even gonna waste my time telling him, but I do. “We’ve been seeing each other.”

He gives me a smirk and says, “Nice, man,” mistaking my word
seeing
for
hooking up with
.

“No, I mean we’re together,” I clarify.

Giving his head a questioning tilt, he says, “She doesn’t seem your type.”

“She’s exactly my type.”

“You sure about that?”

“Yeah, man. I’m sure about that,” I tell him, annoyed with his almost condescending tone.

He takes my hint and changes the subject, asking, “You gonna be at the bar tonight?”

“Yeah. I’ve been going in on Friday nights to free up my weekends lately.”

“A few buddies of mine were gonna hit up Monkey Pub, but we’ll stop by to hang out if you have time for a drink.”

“Yeah, come by. I think Mark and a couple guys from the band are gonna be there too,” I say when there’s a knock on the door.

I’m surprised when I open it to see Candace standing there. “Hey, babe! What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see you before you left for work,” she says with a smile before I pick her up off the ground in my arms and give her a kiss, appreciating the unexpected visit.

“I’ve missed you this week,” I tell her when I set her down.

“Sorry. Auditions are in a few weeks, and then I won’t be living in the studio.”

“Candace!” Gavin says from behind me.

“Hey, Gavin. What are you doing here?”

“Just stopped by to bullshit with Ryan.”

She looks up at me, saying, “I’m sorry, I should have called before stopping by.”

Before I can respond, Gavin takes her hand and pulls her inside. “Wanna beer?”

“Um, no.”

“I’ll get you a water,” I tell her as I walk by, knowing she just got out of a two-hour studio.

“Thanks.”

She takes off her coat, and the two of them sit on the couch. When I return with her water, I hear Gavin making fun of her bun, saying, “What’s with the hair, grandma?”

“Don’t be a dick,” I tell him when I sit down, pulling her to my side.

“I was in the dance studio all day,” she says and then takes a long drink of water.

“How’d that go?” I ask.

“It actually went pretty well. My instructor complimented me on my solo.”

“Really? That’s great, babe.”

Candace’s instructor has been continuing to ride her ass a lot, so I’m glad today was a good day for her because she’s been really upset about it.

“Well, actually all she said was ‘That’s better,’
but coming from her, that’s huge.”

“You coming out with us tonight?” Gavin asks her.

“Umm . . .” She turns to look at me, and I explain, “Gavin’s just coming by the bar tonight with some friends, that’s all.”

“Oh. No, I’ve got plans,” she tells him.

“What are you doing?” I ask, not remembering her telling me of any plans for tonight.

“I’m going to Jase’s to hang out. We haven’t had a lot of time to see each other lately.”

Wanting to be alone with her for a moment because I need more than the short kiss I got when she walked in, I stand and say, “Come with me to my office before you go.”

We start walking down the hall when Gavin snarks, “If you guys are gonna fuck, I’m out.”

“Dude!” I snap, pissed that he would say shit like that in front of my girl who already has enough insecurity about this shit.

Shrugging his shoulders, he says, “What? It wouldn’t be the first time.”

I see the way Candace is looking at him. She’s embarrassed when he adds, “Just sayin’.”

Taking her back to my office, I know she’s upset when I close the door and brace my hands on either side of her, caging her against the door, and I see it. It’s all over her face. The doubt.

“Sorry about that. The guy has no filter,” I tell her lightly. But she isn’t looking at me, and she isn’t talking.

“Candace,” I quietly say as she lowers her eyes to the floor, and I hate that she has to know that side of me. A side I’m ashamed of because I want to give her so much more than what I am. I’m embarrassed that she knows how much I used to use people.

“I’m sorry,” I breathe out.

“Did you really do that?” she asks with a shaky voice when she looks at me.

Mortified to have to admit this to her, I nod my head and answer, “Yes.”

I watch as her eyes begin to fill with tears, and I instantly hate all my choices before her. She blinks and the tears roll down her cheeks.

“Is that what you want?”

Taking her head and cradling it in my hands, I try to assure her with everything I have when I say, “No. I was miserable then. None of them ever gave me what you give me.”

“That’s the problem, though. I can’t give you what they could.”

“You give me everything,” I say, trying to convince her of the raw truth as I use my thumbs to wipe the tears from under her eyes. I feel my chest constrict when I try to make her believe my words. “You have more of me than any of them ever had. And when you’re ready to move forward, I can promise you that it won’t be like what I had with them. It was just empty with them.”

I rest my head against hers, wishing I could take back all those times I gave myself away to women I never even cared about. Wishing that it could have always been her because she’s all I want. She’s all I have ever wanted, and she doesn’t deserve to feel like shit because of my past choices.

“I shouldn’t be upset. I didn’t know you then,” she rationalizes.

“You have every right to be upset.”

Her next move is much too forgiving, more than I deserve, and I’m not sure how she can be so understanding about all this when she wraps her hands around the back of my neck and draws me down to her lips. I feel like I don’t deserve all of the good that’s inside of her, and I let out a sigh as she moves her lips over mine and holds me close. Gripping her waist in my hands, I keep my lips on her when I say, “I’ve missed you.”

She seals her lips with mine, kissing me intently as we both cling to one another. The taste of her on my tongue is intoxicating and there’s no doubt. There’s no question. She has a part of me that I never knew was up for grabs, but she has it.

Parting our lips, I ask, “Stay with me tonight?”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I promised Jase I’d stay with him.”

I haven’t had her in my bed since last Sunday, and it frustrates me to know that she’ll be in Jase’s tonight and not mine. That she’ll be in his arms and not mine. I respect Jase, and I understand their relationship, but I want to be the only man that she shares a bed with.

“You have to work anyway,” she says.

“I want you in my bed when I get home.”

“Ryan . . .” she whispers, and I know she doesn’t want me to push it, so I drop it—for now.

She cups my jaw in her hands and kisses me slowly before saying, “I should go.”

After I walk her out and say goodbye for the night, I close the door and turn back to Gavin. “Don’t ever say shit like that around her again.”

“You really like her, don’t you?” he asks, taking in my severity about the matter.

“Yeah, man. I do. And that shit just hurt her. She knows about my past, but she doesn’t need you throwing it in her face.”

“Dude, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were that serious about her,” he says as I walk over and sit down in a chair next to him. “I’m just a little shocked. I’ve known you for years and never thought I’d see you like this.”

“Me neither, but shit changes, Gav.”