Falling (Fading Series) (9 page)

Suddenly, I’m back in the alley as my words play back in my head. This chick is all over me, but in an instant, my mind is somewhere else completely. Somewhere it hasn’t been in a long time. I try to shake it off, but it’s so dark in here that my eyes have nothing to focus on.

“God, please! Stop!”

“Stop.”

“What’s wrong?” she pants.

“Stop,” I repeat and move her away from me. Buttoning up my pants, I know I can’t do this. I know that she isn’t, but all that floods my head is that this girl could be
that
girl. And what the hell am I doing with her anyway? Using her for a quick fuck to satisfy some sick need I have that I can’t seem to get rid of?
Fuck.

“Did I do something?” she questions, and the last thing I wanna do is make her feel like shit.

“Pull your shirt down,” I tell her before opening the door. When I do, I look at her and say, “You didn’t do anything. I’m just . . . I just can’t do this. Sorry.” I turn to walk out and back into the club. I don’t even look for the guys; I just head straight out the door and continue to my jeep, to head home and jerk off.

I sit in my office at the bar, drinking beer and not getting much work done at all. Last night was messed up, and I know I can’t be doing that shit again. I need something else to focus on, so I spent the morning clearing the images off of my camera and loading them onto my computer to start editing and enhancing. I figure I can work on those to suck up all the free time I seem to have on my hands at night now.

When the door to my office opens, Jase walks in.

“Hey, man,” he says as he walks straight to the little fridge that’s behind my desk that I keep stocked with beer.

“Can you toss me another one of those?” I ask as I throw my empty bottle into the trash.

Handing me the beer, he asks, “So, you been up here all day?”

“Pretty much. You know how Saturdays are—crazy as hell all day.” I take a drink and then add, “Missed you last night. Mark said you got hung-up with a friend.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. She’s been going through a rough time, so I decided to stay with her last night.”

“You missed a pretty good show,” I tell him, referring more to his boyfriend than the band.

“That’s what Mark said.”

I can’t help but laugh at the thought of him last night. “Your guy’s a little crazy when he drinks.”

“I’m not even gonna ask, but he was in a piss-ass mood when I saw him earlier.”

“Ha! I bet. He drank a shitload, probably hungover as fuck.”

We both laugh when the door opens and Mark walks through. “What’s so funny?” he asks as he stands there.

“You, man,” I chuckle.

“If this is about last night, I don’t even wanna know what the hell I did. My head has been pounding all damn day, and now I have to play for the next two hours.”

“Go find Max. He always has earplugs,” I tell him.

“Not a bad idea.” Turning to Jase he asks, “Can I stay with you tonight? My new roommate just decided to tell me that he’s throwing a party tonight.”

“Yeah, no problem.”

“Well, I gotta run. I just wanted to catch you,” he says before he heads back down to the bar.

I start to shut down my computer when I ask, “So, is she okay?”

“Who?”

“Your friend. The one you were with last night,” I say.

Standing up, I grab my beer and start to head out when Jase stands to follow me, saying, “She’s getting there.”

Since that night at The Crocodile a few weeks ago, I’ve been out of touch with Gavin and spending more time with Jase and Mark. I hit the coast the other week to get a break and do some surfing. I’ve finished working on several of the photos that were stored on my camera and picked up the mattings from the framer yesterday. I don’t know what I plan on doing with them, but I spent so much time working on them, that I felt like I needed to finish them off by getting them matted.

I had to call Tori to let her know I wouldn’t be making it back home for Halloween. I know she was disappointed, but Michael has had some things come up at home and hasn’t been at the bar very much. Not sure what’s going on with him, but I’ve had to be at work more than usual, covering for him.

Pulling out my phone, I open up my video chat and connect to Tori. I promised her I would call to say hi to Connor and Bailey before they leave to go trick-or-treating.

The call connects, and I see Tori when she answers.

“Hey, Ryan,” she says, and I can tell she’s flustered. The background is filled with the kids laughing and being loud as usual.

“You look rough,” I tease.

“Connor had a Halloween party at a play date we went to earlier, so the kid is hopped up on sugar,” she explains.

“Put him on. I wanna see him.”

“Connor, Uncle Ry is on the phone,” she hollers over her shoulder, and I see a miniature Superman with not-so-miniature padded muscles.

“Buddy! When have you been hitting the gym?” I ask.

“I have muscles,” he says and then crooks his arm up with an intense face and growls, “Arrrr.”

I laugh at his mock intensity and say, “Dude, you’re getting bigger than me.”

“Show me yours, Uncle Ryan,” he requests.

Crooking my arm in the same way he did, and giving him the intensity right back, I flex and growl, “Arrrr.”

His eyes grow big, in the way only an innocent four-year-old’s can, and he says, excitedly, “Wow!”

“Yeah, man. Keep lifting those weights, and you’ll get big guns like me.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Tori teases as she pops her head back on to the screen.

“Hey, Connor. Don’t let your mommy make fun of me, okay?”

“Mommy, be nice,” he scolds her, and I let out a laugh.

“Where’s your sister, little man?”

I watch as he runs off, red cape flying behind him. These kids have a way, in a matter of only seconds, of putting me on top of the world. I doubt I’ll ever have any of my own, so I try to get the most out of my cousins’ children.

“Here she is,” I hear Tori say as she hoists Bailey onto her lap.

She’s the sweetest little poodle I have ever seen. “My little angel’s a poodle,” I say, not able to wipe the smile off my face. The cuteness is too much.

“Say hi,” Tori encourages, as Bailey raises her chubby arm and waves at me before pointing, pressing her finger against the screen and saying, “Wy-Wy.”

“That’s right. It’s Ry-Ry,” she says to Bailey.

“Give Ry-Ry kisses,” I tell her.

Perking her lips, she gives me an exaggerated, “Muah.”

“Muah,” I give her back in return.

“Are you coming for Thanksgiving?” Connor asks when he walks up, standing next to Tori and Bailey.

“Yeah, buddy, I am. Promise! I miss you guys so much, you know that?”

“I miss you too,” he says.

“Well, I’m gonna let you guys go. Make sure you get a ton of candy. Be good for your mommy and daddy, okay?”

“Yay! Can we go trick-or-treating now, Mommy?” Connor asks with way too much energy, and I have no clue how Tori and Trevor are gonna get through Halloween without the aid of alcohol.

“Yes, we can go. Say bye to your uncle.”

“Bye, Uncle Ryan,” he shouts before running off.

“Say bye-bye,” Tori tells Bailey.

Waving her hand again, she says, “Bye-bye.”

“Bye, sweetie,” I tell her.

“We gotta go before Connor drives me crazy,” I hear Trevor, Tori’s husband, say as he walks up.

“Okay,” she responds.

“Hey, Ryan. What’s up?” Trevor says into the phone.

“Not much. Looks like you have your hands full.”

“You have no idea. Get your ass here and help us out,” he jokes.

“Soon, man. You guys have fun tonight.”

“Same to you. Bye.”

“Bye,” Tori adds.

“Take it easy, guys,” I say before disconnecting the call.

I take the next half hour to call my other two cousins and check in with their kids. Envy starts to move slowly inside of me, and before I let the feeling take over, I go upstairs to my room, blast some music, and hop in the shower. It’s gonna be a busy night at work, and I don’t need to be in a funk. I love my family, but the idea of having my own worries me. What I grew up with was far from perfect. I’ve never had to take care of anyone other than myself, aside from my mom. But she’s a strong woman, always has been. I don’t really know what it means to provide for someone else emotionally. Even if I did, I doubt I would be capable of it. I live a selfish life. I only take care of myself, and at times, I feel like I do a shitty job of it.

After my shower, I grab a bite to eat and watch a little TV. I find myself focusing on the rain outside rather than the show that’s playing. It’s pouring as I stare out the solid wall of windows. I’ve always loved the weather here, never getting tired of the constant rain.

My phone rings, and when I look at the screen, I see Max’s name.

“What’s up?” I say when I answer.

“When are you getting here?”

“What time is it?”

“Almost ten. We’re already at capacity, and I feel like shit,” he complains.

“I’m leaving now,” I tell him as I drag myself off the couch and start heading out.

I walk out to my black Rubicon and decide to grab a coffee before I go to the bar. It’s gonna be a late night, and Mel sucks at making coffee. I drive around the corner and spot a coffee shop right off campus. Not that hard to do since there are coffee shops on every street corner.

Throwing the car in park, I step out into the heavy rain. I keep my head down as I walk to the door, getting soaked. When I go inside, my phone buzzes with a text from Jase. He’s asking when I’m heading in, and I’m distracted when I walk up to the counter.

I briefly notice a girl sitting on a stool behind the register, reading a textbook, studying. She sees me and hops up as I turn my attention to the drink menu on the wall.

“Hey, what can I get for you?” she asks softly.

Still looking at the drinks, I settle on my usual. “Uh, just a twenty coffee. Black,” I tell her when I start typing my text back to Jase.

“Easy enough.”

On my way now. Give me 15min. Busy?

Insane.

“That’s one ninety-three,” she says as I shove my cell into my pocket.

Pulling out my wallet, I hand over a five. Finally, not distracted, I look at her. I think I know this girl ‘cause something about her seems familiar. I stare, trying to pinpoint who she is, but she’s so different from any girl I would ever go for, so I’m just confused. She has a small frame, can’t be much taller than five feet. Her hair is a deep brown like mine, and it’s pulled up, messy, on top of her head.

“Everything okay?” she asks, catching me staring, as she hands me my change. This girl has me so caught off guard that I don’t even realize I haven’t responded when she questions, “Anything else?”

The small features of her face, aside from her large hazel eyes, seem more delicate with her fair, almost porcelain-like skin. Not my usual type, but God she’s pretty.