Falling for Alexander (Corkscrew Bay #2) (15 page)

I
’d pull the sun down from the sky for you

I
’d pull the moon down from its perch for you

She heard the
ifs
, how could she miss the
ifs
, but she’d already lost this battle with herself once today. She already knew all the things he wouldn’t do for her.

She could never get enough of him. She wanted it all. But she was also prepared to take whatever she could get, no matter how little.

His head lifted as the tone of the song darkened. His gaze, warm and intense, burnt into her and his voice, raw with unspent emotion, washed over her senses.

You walk beside me in the dark, I can
’t see you

Are you there, please say yes

I had no right to love that much

The sun wasn
’t mine to give

The tide drags you from my grasp, I can
’t feel you

Are you gone, please say no

I had no right to love you that much

The moon wasn
’t mine to give

Tears choked her throat and welled up in her heart as she looked at him, into the eyes branding her with a hundred words he didn
’t need to say. He was sorry. He’d hurt her and he couldn’t change that. He’d probably hurt her again the next time around. But he was hers, absolutely and completely. His boundaries and limitations were hers, too. The only parts of him he’d withhold were those parts that weren’t his to give.

He loved her enough to destroy his world.

He loved her, he loved his family, too much to destroy their world.

The song trailed out into a humming finish, his gaze never leaving her. She smiled, feeling like an idiot, and idiot in love, the idiot who
’d wanted it all and somehow fumbled her way into getting it.

He set the guitar down and came closer. Her legs slid flat and he brought himself over her, his hard body fitting her soft curves in all the right places.

“Mrs. Pinnings—Dora—returns on Monday,” he said, his breath skimming havoc down her throat. “This may be our last opportunity to take advantage of this sofa.”

“
You can take advantage of me all night long,” she groaned, lifting her hips to feel him flush against her and, at that exact moment, the impact of what she’d done gripped her in panic.

The file locked away in her bottom drawer. A file filled with his past, his life, the overwhelming tragedy he
’d suffered through at such a young age.

He need never know. She could shred the printouts.

But she couldn’t do that.

She wouldn
’t turn them into this lie, add another betrayal to his file. She couldn’t tell him that she’d researched him and she couldn’t pretend it hadn’t happened either…that she didn’t know a whole lot about him that she shouldn’t.

He
sensed her stiffening and brought his mouth up to hers, kissing her deeply before pulling back. “Is everything alright?”

She arched into him, closing her eyes on a groan. “
Keep doing what you’re doing and everything is just perfect.”

There was another way
out, she realised. She could get him to talk to her, to share his past. If the information was out in the open between them, that file was a tiny fib she could learn to live with.

Chapter Eighteen

Accustomed to late nights and even later mornings, Alexander grabbed the beeping cell phone when it went off at whatever ungodly hour it was and hurled it against the wall.

The slide of a silken thigh between his legs eased his grouchy mood to a smile as he came fully awake. Everything was good about the w
eight of Kate’s breasts on his chest, her cheek pressed to his heart, the way she fit into the arm he’d wrapped around her while they slept.

He inhaled the scent of her hair, entranced with everything about her.

She’d bewitched him with her open heart, her quick smile, those gorgeous blue eyes that softened on him so often and,
Dio
, the way she burned him up in bed was more magic than chemistry and biology.

He stroked her back gently until she stirred.

“Wake up,
cara.
” His hand trailed over the rise of her bottom, his thumb making small whorls around the dimple at the base of her spine. “You have to go to work.”

Did cavemen ever realise how good they had it? Not that he had any desire to club Kate over the head. But he was all onboard for dragging her into
his cave for a day, a week, and not only because her damn paper might crumple if she stayed away long enough. The idea of asking if she’d ever considered changing professions had crossed his mind once or twice, but he never would. If he ever stopped writing songs to please someone else, he’d no longer be himself.

She groaned, shifting against him with slow, catlike movements that woke up the rest of his body. Unfortunately, she rolled off him and onto her feet, taking the sheet with her.

Her brow arched above the soft gleam in her eyes as she dragged her gaze over the length of his naked body. “Well, good morning there.”

“
Want to come and play?”

“
Any other day, except Mondays. The paper goes out tomorrow.”  She pushed her hair out of her face, looking around her. “Where’s my phone?”

“
Ah, about that.” He swung his legs over his side of the bed and went to investigate the damage. “I might owe you a new one.”

“
You smashed my phone?”

“
I was half asleep.” He turned the phone over in his hands as he rounded the bed. “The screen’s cracked, but it still seems to work.”

She shook her head, taking the phone from him. “
Sleeping in your bed could become an expensive habit.”

“
One I’m more than willing to pay for.” He pulled her into his arms, the cool sheet between them doing nothing to douse his erection. He ran his hands down her back to cup her backside, bringing her in closer. “In more ways than one.”

“
You’re incorrigible.” She rubbed against him with a sensuality that promised everything, and gave him nothing except a quick kiss before scooting out of his arms.

“
I have to get home and you…” Her nose wrinkled as she pulled the sheet tighter around her. “Isn’t Dora returning this morning?”

His mouth lifted in amusement. “
My bedroom isn’t usually the first stop she makes.”

“
But I have to make a better impression on her than the last one,” she reminded him as she snagged her panties from the back of a chair. “And that doesn’t include a walk of shame.”

He moved in front of her before she made it through the bathroom door. “
No walk of shame, Kate, no slinking around my home.”

His hands landed on her shoulders and he waited until her eyes met his. “
Come to dinner tonight,
cara.
I’m relieved to say Dora’s cooking.”

Her eyes lit up. “
You missed her!”

“
Look around you.” He chuckled, stepping back to wave a hand over the room. The shambles included the clothes they’d left in their wake on the way to bed last night and the remnants of curdled cream that had proved an interesting dessert. “Neither of us appears to be fully domesticated.”

“
Don’t blame me,” she shot back, following the trail to gather the rest of her discarded items before pushing past him into the bathroom. “I’ve only been here for two days.”

Two days that felt like much, much longer. He
’d never had any lover over to Darrock, much less stay the night, and yet Kate didn’t feel like an intrusion. She was a part of his heart and home. She belonged.

He pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt, musing over her comment about a walk of shame while he made some effort to str
aighten the room.

It wasn
’t enough for him to feel that she belonged. She needed to feel it, too. The situation with Helena was difficult, but that was a separate issue and had nothing to do with him and Kate.

When she came out of the bathroom, fully dress
ed in yesterday’s clothes, he took her by the hand, leading her to his wardrobe.

“
Alex, I told you I have to—” Her protest dried in her throat when he cleared a shelf in one scoop, a pile of T-shirts flying to the floor. Her gaze flitted to him.

“
You should keep a few things here, for the nights you stay over.”

“
Oh, okay…” She didn’t look happy. “Thanks.”

“
And I thought you might like to invite some friends over.” He searched her eyes for the problem. For once, they weren’t an open door to her soul.

“
Maybe Saturday, if the weather holds,” he pressed. “We’ll have a fish barbeque down by the lake.”

“
I’d love that, Alex.” She turned from him, perching on the edge of the bed to slip her shoes on. “But can we wait a little?” She glanced up at him, her cheeks flushed. “My best friend, Megan, returns from her honeymoon in three weeks and that would make a lovely welcome home for her.”

“
Sure.” He kept the scowl from reaching his brow, wondering what the hell was happening here.

“
Meanwhile,” she said softly, giving him a smile, “we could go to the Three Jugs on Friday night. Most of my crowd hangs out there and I’ll get Izzy to join us.”

“
I’d like that.”

She stood, looking at him, mangling her lower lip for a long moment before speaking. “
Can I ask you something?”

“
What is it?” He went to her, running his hands down her arms as he smiled at her. “What’s bothering you,
cara
?”

“
Everything’s happening so fast.”

“
Too fast?” Looking into her eyes, the torrent of emotions that had inspired his latest song narrowed into clear focus.

I love you
.

The theme of most of his lyrics centred on love in so many of its incantations, but this time he hadn
’t written a song about love. He’d written a song of love, his love for Kate.

“
I don’t want us to slow down,” she said after a short pause. “I’d just like everything else to catch up to us.”

“
Such as…?”

“
Your childhood. What was it like growing up in Italy? Did you resent being moved to the States? What school did you go to?” Her voice grew more and more breathless as the questions rushed from her lips. “Are you still in contact with your best friend from back then, when did you write your first song, what was the first instrument you learnt to play? How did your parents die? Did you struggle to adjust to living with your—”

“
That’s a lot of questions.”

“
I want to know everything.”

“
We are all products of our past,
cara
, but the past itself is irrelevant.” His arms dropped to his sides. “If you know me as I am now, then you know how the past shaped me and you already know everything.”

She sw
allowed so hard, he saw the movement ripple along her throat. “How did your parents die, Alex?”

“
A car accident,” he returned roughly.

“
That’s it?”

“
Don’t you have to get to work?” He heard the caustic edge in his voice, but that couldn’t be helped. He’d put too much effort into burying his past for him to haul all those skeletons out for a viewing.

The brilliant blue of her eyes dulled. “
Yes, I suppose I do.”

He reached for her, pulling her close. “
Kate, let me be enough. What I am now is all you get. Let that be enough, please.”

“
It is,” she whispered against chest.

He couldn
’t figure out why it wouldn’t be enough, and yet something was still wrong. As the week passed, and then the next, Alexander felt a distance opening up between them that he couldn’t place.

Kate spent most nights in his bed. Dora was delighted about their improved relations and beamed for twenty-four hours straight after the first morning Kate had shown up at the breakfast table.

He met Kate’s friends, an Irish guy called Finn he’d liked at once and a local cop—no, a Chief Sergeant or something, whom Alexander was still undecided about. The guy had given him a couple of strange stares that night at the Three Jugs. Maybe it was a cop thing. Her other friend, Isobel, was either very reserved or maybe just not very friendly.

Still, he caught the shadows in Kate
’s eyes one too many times to know not everything was alright.

He
’d met her parents, a nice couple who’d welcomed him into their home and hadn’t made too many awkward noises about his intentions toward their daughter. That evening, Kate had developed a headache and insisted on going home alone.

When she
’d mentioned that Jazz Jade was one of her favourite singers, he took her up to London for two days. Jazz Jade was giving a few intimate performances in lounge bars as part of her frenetic European tour. The tiny venues had been booked out months in advance, but Jazz had been happy to arrange a special pass for him and Kate.

Every day she pulled further and further away, he fell deeper and
deeper in love. He wanted to tell her, intended to, when the perfect moment came along.

He knew something was wrong, but he never once entertained the notion that it might break them.

There were too many other times where everything was right.

When Kate la
ughed with him.

When she snuggled up to him on the sofa, or entwined her body so closely with his while she slept.

When she dared him into joining her for a skinny dip in the lake.

When she
’d blatantly gloated for days even though they both knew he’d let her win the cycle race through the forest.

He
’d lived through enough rough patches in his life to anticipate the worst in human nature.

And yet, when Kate came over on the Monday evening, he never saw it coming.

He heard her greeting Dora as she passed through the kitchen, but she didn’t linger like she usually did. She met up with him in the passage as he was about to join them.

“
I have to show you something.” She didn’t wait for his response, leaving him to follow her into the sitting room.

“
Glass of wine?” He saw how pale her cheeks were and changed that to, “Whiskey?”

She shook her head, holding up a folder he hadn
’t noticed before. Her fingers shook so badly, the thick folder trembled in her grasp.

“
What is it?” He held out his hand for the folder.

She c
lasped it to her breast. “Let’s sit.”

“
Kate, you’re worrying me,
cara
.” He tried to wrap an arm around her, but she slid away and sat down heavily on the far end of the sofa.

She looked up at him. “
You need to understand, Helena came to see me before she left. She said some things… I was so worried… I was stupid and petrified and… There’s no excuse but I didn’t mean…” Her voice shook as badly as her fingers, fading out before she could complete a sentence.

Alexander heard his sister
’s name and suddenly he needed to sit as well. He dropped beside her, not willing to believe, not strong enough to trust. “What did you do, Kate?”

She shook her head, her eyes shimmering with tears as she looked at him. “
I love you, Alex.”

He heard her, but the words didn
’t register. His heart was freezing over. What had she done to Helena? He held his hand out for the folder again. This time, he wasn’t asking.

She placed it on the cushion between them. “
I only wanted to know for us, Alex. I wanted to know if we had any kind of chance. I was confused and scared and so, so much in…”

He blocked her voice out as he opened the folder, staring at the smiling faces of his parents. His fingers stiff, he flipped through the first couple of printouts. He didn
’t need to see more.