Falling for Mr. Darcy (22 page)

After a few moments, she sat on the windowsill to think about what she had learned. Mr. Darcy had not come to see her, and he had left the country without so much as taking proper leave of his acquaintances in the neighborhood. She was hurt that he would not pay her the respect she felt she deserved. She had come to believe they at least had built a friendship in the recent weeks. Her anger at herself for having become so vulnerable to him was palpable.

Before her encounter with him in the grove of trees, she was nearly unaffected by him. She might have admitted to finding his features pleasing, but she was quite able to dislike him.
Why could I not have kept my reserve?
As she sat clenching her fists in frustration at her weakness, she began to feel a stirring of anger at the man himself. He had been charming and teasing with her. He had said pretty words and flirted with her. She ignored the voice in her heart that said there had been true feeling in his eyes when he acted thus, but instead allowed herself to reason that he had trifled with her feelings and then left the neighborhood without so much as a thought for her. It was in this attitude that Elizabeth heard the knock on her door and Jane’s voice from without.

She hurriedly checked her appearance in the mirror above the dressing table and was relieved to see no evidence of her former moment of weakness. She took a few deep breaths and said a small prayer of thanks that she had never shared her feelings for Mr. Darcy with Jane. She would now put them aside and forget him as he had obviously forgotten her. After another quick breath, she opened the door to her sister’s smiling face and gave an equally bright smile that, if not felt, was at least convincing.

Chapter 10

Mr. Bennet stood up from his desk as Mr. Bingley’s jubilant stride propelled him into the room. He studied the young man and suspected the nature of the interview he was now about to have. It did not surprise him that, so soon after granting his permission for Bingley to court Jane, the man would return with another request of a more permanent nature. He had observed the two of them together when Bingley visited, most particularly the evening when he joined the family for dinner, and it was clear that his shy, eldest daughter did fancy Mr. Bingley. He perched his mouth in a crooked smile of amusement and felt a smug satisfaction that he had judged Bingley’s character well enough to know that his impulsiveness would not allow a long courtship.

“Mr. Bingley, good morning, sir. What can I do for you this morning?” Mr. Bennet asked, motioning Bingley to sit across from his desk. He tried to hide his humor at watching Mr. Bingley’s radiant face change to apprehension in reflection of the memory of their previous interview when he had mercilessly teased the young man.

“Good morning, sir.” Mr. Bingley cleared his throat and felt all the discomfort associated with the task he was about to perform. It was not often that he was uncomfortable in any social setting, but he could not forget the stern countenance of Jane’s father when he had asked for permission to court her. The thought occurred to him that Mr. Bennet might not be happy about this new request coming so soon after the last.
The sooner I finish this, the sooner I can return to Jane
.

Thinking of Jane brought back his feelings of joy at her acceptance of his proposal and allowed him to speak more confidently. “Sir, I realize that my business with you today may seem rather precipitous after our previous meeting, but if I may be frank, sir . . . ?” He paused and waited for Mr. Bennet to nod his permission before continuing. “You see, sir, I rather think I have already waited for this occasion far too long. I found I could think of no good reason to delay this next step and thus, when given the opportunity today, I could not help myself.”

Mr. Bennet leaned back in his chair and rubbed his jaw in mock seriousness. He could see Mr. Bingley’s nervousness and knew what he was trying to communicate. However, Jane was his daughter, and he did not want to give up his residency in her heart so easily. So he continued to bait the young man.

“Mr. Bingley, I apologize, but I do not have the privilege of knowing what it is that you are speaking about.”

Mr. Bingley colored as he realized that, in his haste, he had assumed Mr. Bennet would know why he sought his company that morning. His embarrassment soon faded as his thoughts briefly drifted to Jane and the joy she must be experiencing sharing their news with her favorite sister. His features softened into that which only a man in love could express, and he sat up straighter in his chair, his tender regard for Jane giving him a renewed determination. He looked Mr. Bennet in the eye and spoke with a voice of certainty. “Mr. Bennet, I have come here to request your consent and blessing. I have asked your daughter, Jane, to be my wife, and beyond all my hopes, she has accepted me. I am here to ask you to grant me her hand in marriage.”

Mr. Bennet settled into his usual contented smile as he listened to his soon-to-be son-in-law request his daughter’s hand. He did not have the heart to continue goading the man.

“Mr. Bingley, I give you my consent. Jane is a dear, sweet woman whose compassion and understanding for others is one of her greatest virtues. I know you are a good man who will provide my daughter with the happiness she deserves.” Mr. Bennet’s voice faltered at the last, but he lifted his chin in an attempt to remain in control of himself.

“Thank you, sir. Today you have given me the most precious gift I could ever hope for in this life.” He reached to shake Mr. Bennet’s hand as he stood to take his leave.

“Just a moment, Mr. Bingley, if you can humor an old man.”

Puzzled, but no longer concerned, Mr. Bingley nodded his acceptance and resumed his seat.

“Mr. Bingley, before I grant you leave to return to my daughter, where I am sure you wish most to be, I have just one more area regarding your marriage that I would like to discuss with you.”

Mr. Bingley smiled at the sound of Mr. Bennet speaking of his future marriage. Excitement and impatience surged through him, and he looked eagerly towards his new father-in-law-to-be. “By all means, Mr. Bennet. Pray continue.”

“I understand that I am asking you to be rather candid with me about your choice of my daughter; however, I must ignore propriety and ask you to provide for me exactly why it is you wish to marry my Jane.”

Mr. Bingley’s face lit up in a radiant smile. “Sir, that is an easy question, and I do not mind telling you at all. If you allow me access to your roof, sir, I will shout the answer from atop it if you wish. I love Jane. And as you have granted me permission to marry her, I plan on loving her every day for the rest of my life.”

Mr. Bennet returned Bingley’s smile with one of supreme happiness at hearing the answer he hoped to receive for each of his daughters.

“Very good, sir. See that you do.” Mr. Bennet stood and reached for Bingley’s hand.

With a hearty bounce to his handshake and a laugh, Mr. Bingley replied, “I will, sir. I will.”

As Mr. Bingley turned to leave, Mr. Bennet asked him please to deliver a request to Jane to come to his study as soon as she was able. Mr. Bingley laughed happily again and confirmed he would deliver the message and return with Jane right away.

* * *

“Jane, what is this smile of yours about?” Elizabeth queried, as she stepped aside to allow Jane to enter the room.

Jane sat on the bed and, taking in a deep breath of contentment, fell backwards with a sigh. Elizabeth smiled at her sister’s serenity, even as she envied it. She caught the sight of her own tear-sodden handkerchief on the bed, and covertly reached to hide it as she sat next to her sister.

“Lizzy, how am I to cope with all this happiness?” Jane giggled and kicked her legs in the air with excitement. She then turned to her sister with a mock frown. “You should not have left us alone in the room, Lizzy. It was very naughty of you, but I shall forgive you, for you see, nearly as soon as you quitted the room, Charles proposed to me. He asked me to be his wife!”

Elizabeth reached to embrace her sister. “Jane, I am so happy for you. It is exactly what you deserve, and I will not apologize for leaving you alone even if you do not forgive me, for how can I regret a sin when the results of it are so fortuitous?” She laughed as Jane gave her a disapproving face before erupting into laughter again.

Elizabeth lay down on the counterpane next to her sister and they looked at the ceiling for a few moments.

“Charles?” she teased her.

Jane blushed. “Yes, it is Charles now. Though I must say I feel flushed whenever I say his name. I do hope that goes away or I shall be a very silly wife.” She smiled and sighed again.

Elizabeth turned on her side and grabbed her sister’s hand. “Tell me all, Jane. What did he say?”

Jane faced her and began to relate with as much detail as possible, as is usual with ladies, the scene of his proposal and her acceptance. Abruptly, she stopped speaking and flushed.

“Jane . . . what happened next? You know you cannot keep this from me,” Elizabeth begged, as she watched her sister cover her face with her hands and shake her head with embarrassment.

Elizabeth laughed as Jane mumbled something through her hands. She pushed her sister’s shoulder gently a few times.

“Jane, this will not do! I cannot hear you through your hands. You are far too discomposed for me to believe it is nothing, so I must insist you tell me!”

Jane kept her hands on her face but took a deep breath and spoke louder. “Then he kissed me!” She squealed again as her face flushed even redder at the memory the words brought back.

Elizabeth grinned and expressed her delight as the two sisters laughed some more. Despite Jane’s initial discomfort, they then began a lengthy discussion of the kiss — what it felt like, how it was achieved and when they thought he might do it again. After exhausting the topic, they rolled on their backs and looked at the ceiling, both sighing in contentment.

Elizabeth was truly happy for her sister. She knew Mr. Bingley was an excellent match and they would both be very happy in their life together. Jane’s natural modesty would be met by Bingley’s affable personality.

Jane sighed, “If only I could see you this happy, Lizzy, my happiness would be complete. If only there was such a man for you.”

Elizabeth remained silent as a single tear rolled down her face. She had set aside her own feelings of distress at Mr. Darcy’s departure upon hearing Jane’s happy news. Being reminded of the man she now believed was the only man she could ever be prevailed upon to marry, her feelings came back full force. She turned her head away from her sister in an attempt to compose herself and disguise her heartbreak. She swallowed the lump in her throat and, adding a levity she did not feel, replied, “Well Jane, you shall just have to be sure to place me in the path of other rich men after you marry!”

Her sister’s laughter allowed her the opportunity she needed to push her thoughts of Mr. Darcy aside and laugh too, though without the same warmth she had previously. “However, I am sure that so much good fortune and happiness cannot be granted twice to one family, and so, I shall content myself to be governess to your ten children. I promise to diligently teach them all to paint and play their instruments very ill, indeed.”

The sisters laughed again as Jane protested such a ridiculous statement.

“At least it may be said that the Bingley children will, all of them, be ‘excellent walkers’,” Jane teased her sister. They both laughed softly before returning to their private reflections.

Elizabeth was relieved to hear a knock on their bedroom door as the weight of the conversation was beginning to task her composure, and she stood to answer it. Hill relayed the message to Jane that her father requested her company in his study.

Jane stepped to the dressing table to check her appearance before turning to her sister with concern. “Do you think Papa will say no to Charles?”

Elizabeth smiled indulgently at her sister and shook her head. “Of course not, Jane. I am certain he simply wants to hear your feelings on the matter. Go to him; you will see all is well.”

Jane was reassured and, after giving her sister a parting hug and kiss on the cheek, left her to go to her father. Elizabeth’s knees gave way as she sank into the bed. Her thoughts were in a jumble, and she felt the beginnings of a headache. When she reflected on Jane’s good fortune, her happiness for her sister was to a degree that she could almost believe the state of her own heart inconsequential. However, her hurt feelings refused to be ignored. She could not understand how she could have misunderstood his feelings for her, but misunderstood they must have been, for he was gone and not to return.

Once again her ire was raised at Mr. Darcy and, nearly equally, at her own silliness. She was no better than Lydia or Kitty, whose understanding in such matters was trifling. They fell easily in and out of love with any number of gentlemen. She was always disgusted at her sisters’ lack of self-control over their hearts and had prided herself in her ability not to let her heart be so easily touched without proper consideration and protection.

She shook her head as she came to the ugly truth: she really was no wiser than her foolish little sisters. She had allowed her heart to be touched by Mr. Darcy and had deceived herself into believing that he might have returned her regard. What was even more vexing was that, as angry as she was with herself and Mr. Darcy, she could not disabuse herself of her esteem for him. Nor could she convince herself that Mr. Darcy’s personality was not everything she had ever hoped for in a partner. She groaned in frustration that he still had such power over her. She hated him, hated him with all the love in her heart.