Falling for the Ghost of You (31 page)

Zane doesn't respond.  We drive to the restaurant in total silence.  It's so surreal to me.  I am in the car with
Aiden Cross
, my favorite singer.  I had sex with him.  How could I have not known? 
How
could
I have known?  Who would guess that their boyfriend is actually a famous rock star?  That doesn’t happen in real life. 
Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that this would be his big secret.

Ha, if I thought me and Zane didn't stand a chance before...yeah, there goes that dream, right out the window.

I'm so stupid.

Zane pulls into a parking spot at Taco Bill's, but neither of us get out.  Why did I pick Taco Bill's?   Looking out the window, I spot Matt's car, and Kim's.  Kim is, like, Aiden Cross' biggest fan.  If she saw Zane up close, she might guess his secret identity.

I feel dumb for saying that.  Like he's a superhero or something.

"You must've thought I was so stupid," I say, my hand on the door.

He looks up at me.  "What?" he says warily.

I give a bitter little chuckle.  "All those times I accused you of flirting with receptionists, waitresses, and cousins...when you were really screwing around with a
ctresses like Alaina Skye, and—and—s
upermodels."

"Alaina and I are just friends."

"Right."  I snort.  "That's why there are pictures of the two of you with your hands all over each other."

"No, those were photo ops arranged by our agents for publicity," he growls through clenched teeth.  "Like all the other pictures you probably saw.  I don't even know most of those girls' names."

"Right," I say, rolling my eyes. 
“But then I guess you don’t have to know someone’s name to put your hands all over their ass.”

He leans across and takes my hand in his.  "I haven't been with anyone since that first day we went to lunch together."

I snatch my hand away.  "Why should I believe you?  You lied to me about everything.  You don't even work at
Cronus
, do you?  Was it all research for your big movie role?  The fake name, the appearance...us?"

Zane is shaking his head.  "No!  I turned that down a while ago.  My agent was trying
to change my mind--she snuck that script
in my bag to get me to reconsider.  That's not even why I came to Hidden Cove."

"Why did you come, then?"

"I don't know."  He sighs and glances out the windshield.  "I guess I wante
d a break from being me
.  D
on't get me wrong—I
've got the best job in the world, doing what I love.  But it doesn't afford much privacy.  Hell, I get a haircut, and
it's
front page news."

"When I'm Aiden Cross, I'm always putting on a show, you know?  I'm whoever my fans want me to
be, and that's fine—I
get that it's part of the job.  I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't love i
t.  They can have Aiden Cross—h
e's all theirs.  He's not
real.  That's why I came here—
I was starting to lose myself in all the hype.  I needed to find the real me again.  Then I found you."

I look away from the intensity in his face.  I tug at my skirt nervously.

"Jenna knew," I say softly.  "You told
her
."

"Jenna was there from the beginning," Zane says.  "When I was twelve and getting all kinds of shit, my dad decided we needed a new start.  We
moved from Seattle to L.A. 
I started school with a new name and a clean slate.  Aiden is my middle name, O’ Connor is my mother’s maiden name.  I was Aiden Cross when I met Jenna.  Then someone took a video of me singing at a party, and put it online.  I've been Aiden Cross since."

Zane gives a little shrug, like it's no big deal that he was discovered as a kid and became an internet sensation overnight.

"You could have told me
!" I burst out
.  "You
should have told me.  I mean—god, I told you—I
told you
everything
!  I trusted you, and all this time...you didn't trust me
with your little secret
."

"I did trust you—
I do.  No, look at me, Violet!"  He grabs my hand, but this time doesn't let go.  "I'm so sorry I hurt you.  But please believe me.  I didn't
tell you because I didn’t
want to lose you.  I thought I could have it all.  I fucked up."

I'm a mess right now, choking on my tears.  I desperately try to hold onto my control, but I just can't.  My heart is breaking.

"Were you ever going to tell me?!"

Zane loo
ks pained.  Does he feel sorry for me now?  Is that what this is about?

"I was going to tell you when I took you to my place."

I yank my hand away from his grasp and angrily wipe my eyes.  "Then what, huh?  'Thanks for the memories, it was good while it lasted'?"

"No."  He leans back in his seat and sighs.  "I was going to tell you everything and beg for your forgiveness.  You were supposed to say it's okay, you under
stand, and you love me, anyway—
beca
use you know the real me.  Then
I was going to ask you to stay with me, because I am
so
in love with you."

My heart gives one big thump before
it falls to the floor and shatters
into a million pieces.  Shaking my head, I whisper, "Don't say that to me.  Not now."

"Why not?  You wanted the truth, right?"

"
So, what now?  This—
it won't work. 
We
can't work.  What am I suppose to do?  Follow you around to your concerts and watch while girls flash their breasts at you?  God, you thought I was jealous before..."

"None of that matters!"  Zane runs his hands through his hair, frustrated.  "You're the only thing that matters.  Violet, please....give us a chance.  I can't lose you."

"You lied to me!" I sob.  "I don't know what's real."

"
This
is real."

He pulls me close and kisses me
,
hard and deep.

I kiss him back, helpless to resist.  I climb onto his lap, sinking int
o him, shutting everything out—
all the lies, the millions of rea
sons why we can't be together—f
or a few precious seconds.

"Tell me you love me,"  Zane says roughly, between our desperate kisses.

"I love you," I whisper.  "But I can't be with you."

I pull myself away from him, and it's the hardest thing I've had to do.

"I don't want to see you again...Aiden."

I reach blindly for the handle.  Zane grabs my hand.

"Violet—
"

"No!"

I twist away from him, and open the door.  Refusing to look at him, I slip out of his truck and walk towards the restaurant.

Don't look back.

Before I go in, I swipe my hands over my face to wipe away the tear tracks.  I don't care how much of a mess I am, but I don't want them to see me cry.
  Not again.

Taco Bill's is super crowded, of course.  I spot Matt and Rachel, sitting on the same side of a booth.  Matt sees m
e and waves.  He seems shocked
at my appearance.  I just nod
at him
and look for Kim.

She's sitting at a big table with a bunch of her giggly friends.  I catch her eye and wave her over.  She comes immediately.

"You okay, V
iolet?  It looks like you’ve been crying.
"

I shake my head and force a smile to my face.  "Kim, can you do me a favor?  Can you take me to Lauren's?"

"Um, s
ure.  Just let me tell the gang, okay?"

Before we leave, I hesitate by the door, peering out at the parking lot.  I am relieved to see that Zane's truck is gone.

I'm never going to see him again.

******

Chapter 32

Kim let's me cry on the car ride to Lauren's in silence,
for
whi
ch I am immeasurably grateful
.  I ask her to come up with me, and she does.

Lauren is surprised to see the both of us, but quickly invites us in.  She orders the twins to go to their friend's apartment downstairs, and they obey her no-nonsense tone.

I tell Lauren and Kim everything.  Kim's eyes grow wider and wider.

"You had sex with
Aiden Cross
?!"

I nod, hugging my knees to my chest.  "Except I didn't know it was him at the time.  I thought he was...I don't know.  Now I'm, like, mortified.  It changes everything, you know?"

"For sure," Kim agrees, looking star struck.

"But he's still the same person, V."  Lauren twists a lock of hair around her finger.  "And he said he loves you."

"Yeah, but..."  I frown, staring off into space.  "I don't care what he said.  He didn't care enough about me to tell me the truth.  And what about all those pictures of him with other women?  Kim, do you know if he's dating anyone?"

"There are rumors about him and Alaina Skye," Kim admits.  "But neither side has officially confirmed it.  And there's never been any
pics
of them kissing."  She gives a little laugh.  "Believe me, I'd know."

I lapse into a miserable silence.  Lauren carefully eases down onto the floor beside me.  "So, can you forgive him for lying to you about who he really is?"

"You really should," Kim enthuses, patting me on the shoulder.  "Dude, he's
Aiden Cross
!  I would give my left boob to go out with him."

I can't help but laugh at that, even though the image it evokes is disturbing.

"Seriously, though," Kim says, looking me in the eye.  "I can see why he did it.  I bet he gets sick of all the little fan girls
—like me—
throwing themselves at him.  You're probably the most normal relationship he's had in years.  Maybe he wanted to keep it like that for as long as he could."

"Insightful," Lauren murmurs, impressed.

Kim grins and shrugs.  "I saw a couple of movies like this."

"Yeah, it
is
like a plot out of some lame movie," I say.  "That's why--I just can't wrap my head around it.  It's so surreal, I just don't know what to think.  But he
lied
.  Not about something stup
id, like what his favorite color is
.  He lied to me about his identity!  How can I forgive him for that?"

"There are all kinds of reasons why people have secret identities," Lauren says, in a not-so-subtle reminder that I have one, too.

I let my meaningful look convey to her that it's totally not the same thing.  I u
se a pseudonym for my writing—I
don't fak
e a whole other life
.  And b
esides, I told Zane about my writing
.  So, there.

"It doesn't
even
matter whether I can forgive him or not, guys," I say finally, resting my chin on my knees.  "It can't ever work out between us
, anyway
.  It's stupid to even hope."

"No, Violet!" Kim groans.  "Don't give up."

Lauren surprisingly agrees.  "There's always a way to make it work," she says.  "If you love him, you would find a way."

"Yeah, well, if he loved me, h
e w
ould have told me the truth."

I climb wearily to my feet.  "Time to go home and face the music," I mutter.

"Where did that expression come from
, anyway?"  Kim wonders.  "You
would think that
would be a good thing, right?  Who doesn't like music?"

Lauren shrugs.  "Maybe because it sounds better than 'face the year long grounding,' or 'face the dragon mother.'"

"'Face the end of your life.'"

"Thanks for joking about it," I say.   "I'll let you know if I make it out alive.  Maybe."

Face the dragon mother.  Ha.  More like gentle lamb mother.  I bet she doesn't even raise her voice.  Maybe a quiet reprimand, between bone-crushing hugs.

Ten agonizing minutes later...

"--never ever leaving this house again!  Is that clear?!"

I cringe back into the chair.  "Crystal."

Mom takes a deep breath.  Clearly, screaming at the top of her lungs drains her.

"—never have dreamed you would be capable of being so irresponsible!
  What were you thinking?!"