Falling For The Lawyer (8 page)

He was talking to two lawyers about their working arrangements and current matters. Alex tried to focus on her work but it was useless; she couldn’t help but follow every part of his conversation.

He seemed to be able to walk the treacherous line between authority and equality. She could tell the lawyers were hanging on his every word yet they shared jokes and he listened to their suggestions. If he didn’t agree with them he had a way of putting his views back to them without criticism. Alex was transfixed.

Finally their conversation wound up. She could sense he was moving towards her and got to her feet to meet him in an effort to keep things formal.

“Would we be able to have that conversation about work allocation now?” she asked as he approached.

“No problem.”

Alex nodded and followed him into his office. He closed the door behind them.

“Take a seat.” He moved to sit behind his desk, locking his hands behind his head and leaning back in his chair. “I want you to change jobs,” he announced in a business-like fashion before she could say anything.

Alex knew her expression was dissolving into a running palette of shock and dismay. Studying the change in her in curious fascination, JP withdrew his hands slowly from behind his head and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk.

“Alex.”

“What?”

“I don’t mean leave the firm … or my office. I’m not sacking you.”

Her baffled dark-eyed gaze met his across the desk. “You’re not?”

“No. I want you to change roles,” he explained, smiling at the way she always assumed the worst possible outcome, waiting for the axe to fall on her life. “I don’t want you to work with me as a PA any longer.”

Alex was still looking at him in bewilderment.

“I’m going to offer you a role as a paralegal so that you can start studying law. I’ve looked up your leaving results and quite frankly, with those marks it’s a crime you’re not already through a law degree and working as one of my solicitors. Anyway, we can’t turn back time but we can sort things out now. You’ll have no trouble getting into one of the part-time courses so that you can keep working here.”

Alex gaped at him. She seemed incapable of speech.

“You must have considered this,” he prompted, wondering whether she would ever contribute to the discussion.

Alex shook her head in dumb response.

“You haven’t?”

“Not in such detail … the move to a paralegal position … none of that.”

“How can that be possible? You have raw instincts for the law and there’s no doubt you have the academic ability. Most importantly though the work you’ve done here tells me you’re just downright passionate about it. You couldn’t have applied yourself and acquired the knowledge you have without having done extensive reading. Is that right, Alex? Have you been teaching yourself law in your own time?”

“Not teaching myself exactly, but I read our Counsels’ advices, and I read books from the library here so that I understand the work I’m doing. But I’ve been happy working as a PA. I can’t become a lawyer JP, not now.”

JP rose to his feet and wandered over to the window, keeping his back to her. He needed to have her out of his line of vision to collect his thoughts for a minute.

The conversation was not turning out the way he’d expected because he’d expected her to leap at the fabulous opportunity he was offering her. In fact, who was he kidding? He’d been looking forward to telling her—looking forward to making her happy.

“I had no idea you’d resist this,” he began again in disbelief as he swung around to her. “You don’t seem to understand. I’ve spoken to my partners about it. Every year the firm offers one paralegal a generous grant towards university costs. You’d have to write a four thousand word essay on ethics but that won’t be a problem for you. You’ll blitz it, Alex.”

“Thank you, but I can’t accept,” Alex replied, a flat but determined edge to her voice.

Sensing she was in the process of erecting a brick wall between them JP dragged a chair near her and sat down.

“Okay Alex. I’m being frozen out here but I need to know what’s going on in that head of yours.” He was straining to keep his voice from rising in frustration.

“You’ve made me an offer and I’ve declined,” she shrugged. “So I guess that means my position as an Assistant PA has disappeared.”

“This has got nothing to do with getting rid of your position,” JP replied angrily. She was definitely shutting him out and he had to stop that happening before she slipped out of his reach altogether.

“Even if the offer hasn’t got anything to do with the PA position,” she went on in a businesslike monotone. “I know you’re policy on PAs so we may as well sort that problem out right now. Today’s demonstrated there’s no shared role here for Vera and me.”

“You’re right about that. I don’t need two PAs but I
do
need a paralegal and you’re the best candidate.”

“I’m sure there are other PAs who’d jump at the chance.”

“I don’t want anyone else!” JP almost shouted. He rose to his feet again and began to pace the room, shocked at the passion behind his last outburst. “Why don’t you want to become a lawyer?” he asked, trying to steady his voice and break down her obduracy with a technique he was comfortable with: cross-examination.

“That’s a silly question. Why don’t you want to become a hairdresser … or a vet … or a mechanic?”

But JP heard the tiniest of wobbles in her voice. He had to keep prising her open before she clammed up again.

“Don’t be obtuse, Alex,” he replied slightly more calmly than before as he threw himself onto a chair near hers. “Is it the study you’re worried about?”

Alex shook her head.

“Is it the balance of the fees you’ll have to pay? You’ll be on an increased salary as a paralegal you know. It will cover things. And it doesn’t mean you’re bound to the firm—there’s no pay back if you decide to leave.”

“No, it’s not any of those things!” Alex almost cried out and he knew he’d nearly cracked her open, the strain visible around her eyes.

“Is it the long hours, or the difficulty of the work? I can help you with that …”

“I’m engaged!”

Silence descended upon them both like a blanket.

During his years at university a lecturer had once passed on to JP the age-old legal adage: never ask a question in cross-examination when you don’t have a damn good idea of what the answer will be. He knew he’d just fallen seriously foul of that rule for the first time in his career. “You’re what?”

“I’m engaged to be married.”

Without thinking about the utter inappropriateness of what he was doing JP reached for her left hand and took it in his. Caressing her long fingers he stared in particular at the one where the engagement ring should have been.

He knew he had no right to touch her or speak to her like that but in the short time he’d known her she’d gotten right under his skin. Her commitment to another man wasn’t resonating with the instant rapport, the chemistry, the frisson, whatever you wanted to call it, that had wrapped the two of them up in knots from the moment they’d met.

“Why aren’t you wearing an engagement ring?” Without looking up he let go of her hand. “They do serve a number of purposes you know, one of which is to stop men making complete fools of themselves around engaged women.”

“We haven’t gotten around to buying one because my fiance’s been living in New Zealand but he’s coming back here to live—very soon.”

“How long have you been engaged?”

“Three years.”

“Three years! Why on Earth would anyone become engaged for three years? Who is he?”

“His name’s Simon.”

“Simon. For three years. And you’ve never gotten around to getting an engagement ring, let alone getting married. What does he do, this Simon?”

JP watched on as Alex drew herself up in defensive response. “He manufactures clothing. And it’s not like that … the way you’re putting it … you’re twisting it around … making it sound like I don’t want to get married.”

“Do you want to get married?”

“Of course.”

JP paused before throwing caution to the wind. He needed to see her reaction to the next comment. “Forgive me if I say the signals you’ve put out to me are not consistent with a woman who’s head over heels in love with another man.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Alex threw at him wretchedly and tore both her hands through her hair. JP watched on as a look of sheer agony and despair moved across her face. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I feel sick about it!”

JP wondered whether he’d been with Caroline so long he’d lost his ability to read women but Alex’s reaction told him all he needed to know. She had feelings for him, just as he had for her, but unlike him she was worried about those feelings —very worried.

“When I pressed you about doing law you told me you’re engaged. They don’t bar married women from the law you know so are those two things connected?”

“No … yes … I don’t know,” Alex’s words scattered in the air around them like pinballs.

“Tell me what’s going on, Alex.” JP heard the imploring note in his own voice but was powerless to stop it. “I need to know what your future is.”

“Simon and I are getting married,” she explained, her eyes wide and dewy. “The plan has always been that when that happens we’ll have children and I’ll give up work. I would disappoint every single person I care about if I turned around now and locked myself into a law degree and a demanding career for years on end.”

“Who the hell are these people who want to keep you from doing the thing you love!” JP barked. Her explanation had hit a nerve. “It’s your life. It’s your decision. You’re not married yet.”

“But it’s not just about me. In my family, we don’t make decisions in isolation from everyone else because they don’t affect just one person. Everyone’s happiness is interwoven with everyone else’s. You probably think that’s silly and old-fashioned but it takes much more than one or two generations to forget centuries of tradition.”

“I know about tradition!” JP nearly spluttered as memories of his beloved mother, crushed by the regret of her own shattered dreams swamped him, making it hard to breathe. He was damned if he was going to sit back and watch Alex give up on her future before she’d even started it, just as his mother had. “And traditions have a place. But Alex, the one thing that’s universal is love and I’m sure your family loves you. So tell them what you want to do with your life. They’ll understand.”

“It’s not that easy,” Alex sighed. He could tell she was already emotionally wrung-out by the conversation and wondered how it was possible to be so young and yet already carry a lifetime of regret.

“Have you ever thought about enrolling in law, Alex? And I want the truth.”

Alex looked long and hard at him before nodding. “I took legal studies at school and was social justice captain too—I would have liked to work with people in need, but it’s not to be,” she added in a hoarse whisper.

“You’d like to become a lawyer then?”

“Yes, but it’s a pipedream, JP. It’s not going to fit into my life.”

“Rubbish!” he handed down his verdict without mercy. “If you want something badly enough you can make it fit in. If your family loves you they’ll see it’s what you want and they’ll support you.”

JP sat back in his chair with a thud and rubbed his whiskery chin thoughtfully before throwing himself forward again. His mind was racing as he formulated a plan.

There was no point forcing her into a decision that night—she was too shattered to decide anything. But he could stall her from deciding against it completely and that would give him time to work on her.

“Will you promise me something then—just one thing?” he asked eventually.

“What?” Alex replied, her voice empty and miserable.

“Will you promise me you’ll think about my offer for at least one week before you give me a final answer?”

“It won’t make any difference. You know what a legal career does to a woman’s life and that’s not the life I committed myself to three years ago.”

“Just promise me, that’s all I ask, yeah?”

“Okay. But what if I decide ‘no’? I guess that means I’m out of a job.”

“I haven’t worked that out yet,” he answered, remembering Adam and Justin were expecting him to resolve his PA issues sooner rather than later. “I was so sure you’d agree to the paralegal offer. It seemed like the perfect solution. I thought it would be what you want and it would be what I need …” But JP caught himself up mentally and didn’t go any further.

“I think I must have misled you about my intentions.”.

“You haven’t misled me. Anyway, I have no right to ask and you’re under no obligation to tell me anything about your personal life—you know that.”

“I appreciate your offer.”

“I’m selfishly motivated Alex, I assure you. I have to lead by example here. If I’ve got two PAs it flies in the face of everything the partners are trying to change. I can’t have one rule for myself and another rule for everyone else. Normally it wouldn’t be a problem to cut back but with you …” JP stopped abruptly in mid-sentence. He didn’t want Alex to know the problem he was having was not solely employment related.

“With me … what?” Alex pressed.

“Never mind.”

Over a week passed.

JP didn’t broach the topic of Alex’s career again. In fact she began to wonder whether he’d forgotten about it. Perhaps he’d even had a change of heart.

Alex heartily wished she could forget it.

The problem was that JP had planted a seed in her mind and tentative imaginings about becoming a lawyer had been plaguing her ruthlessly ever since. Countless times during the week she’d caught herself daydreaming about sitting in lecture theatres, wading through legal books and even making some university friends. Suddenly her dreams had burst out of the confines of her private Alex Farrer world and into the streaming sunlight of JP’s hopes and expectations.

But Alex knew it wasn’t just the law that appealed to her. It ran deeper than that. It wouldn’t have mattered what she did, whether it was an Assistant Legal PA or a High Court justice. What she really yearned for was variety in her life: failures and successes, highs and lows, and vibrant, colourful people. Suddenly JP had lowered a ladder of future possibilities down to her. Now she ached to place her foot on the first rung and begin to climb. But despite what she’d said to JP about the weight of global family expectation there was one mountain of resistance which would be more insurmountable than all the others: Simon.