Falling in Love in New York (36 page)

And it was now very difficult to watch Abby struggle with this unexplained (at least as far as she was concerned) misery following the break-up, she thought, recalling their conversation at her house a week before. To think that after all the couple had been through and how much they’d shared, that without the necessary continuity, it was so easy for Abby to simply forget all about him. That by not seeing or speaking to him for a while he could be so easily lost from her memory.

It merely highlighted to everyone yet again the fragility of her situation, and of course exactly the reason Abby had to let him go in the first place, Caroline mused, as she waited patiently in line at the Food Court. There was no denying that it was all very sad, but having promised Abby that she wouldn’t try and refresh her memory if she succeeded in forgetting about Finn, she couldn’t do a thing about it.

“I don’t bloody believe this!”

Caroline turned around sharply at the sound of commotion coming from the hot food queue, a little way across. Two men were squaring up to one another over what seemed to be a spilled bottle of Coke, and speak of the devil ….one of them was Finn!

Although he had his back to her, Caroline would recognise the voice anywhere, not to mention that the worried-looking Lab by his side was very definitely Lucy!

“Aren’t you even going to apologise?” Finn snarled at the customer who’d evidently been trying (and had failed) to balance two bottles of coke on a tray with one hand. Both bottles had fallen to the floor and exploded all over Finn, who happened to be ahead of him in the queue.

“It was an accident–what’s your problem?” the man replied, not looking or sounding in the least bit apologetic either to Finn or indeed the hapless employee who was now trying to clean up the mess.

“My problem is that I’m covered in fucking Coke!” Finn retorted angrily “Accident or not, you could at least fucking apologise!”

Caroline didn’t think she’d ever seen him so worked-up and she’d certainly never heard him use bad language! Poor Lucy, who was now looking very sheepish alongside him, gently nudged the side of his leg hoping to calm him down.

“Piss off arsehole–people like you shouldn’t be out on your own anyway,” the man said derisively, much to Caroline’s and indeed everyone else’s horror.

“People like me…?” Finn seemed momentarily confused, but just as quickly he understood that Lucy’s presence had given the man the wrong impression.

As both men continued to stare each other down, Caroline could see Finn’s jaw working furiously, and realising that the situation was about to explode, she hurried over to his side.

“Finn, hi, long time no see!” she exclaimed, quickly putting herself between the two men. At the sight of this diversion, Lucy looked up and gratefully wagged her tail.

“Caroline…” Finn said glancing down at her. “What are you doing here?”

“Tosser,” the other man grunted, moving away, and when Finn went to go after him, Caroline held him back.

“Don’t,” she soothed. “I saw what happened. He’s not worth it.”

“Can you believe the bloody ignorance of it though?” Finn gasped, and to her discomfort Caroline saw that his eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot. “I should have put him through the wall for saying something like that–never mind drowning me in Coke.”

“Look, I was just getting something to eat, why don’t you and Lucy take a seat and I’ll bring some paper towels over, help you dry off a bit. And something to drink too?”

Finn looked at her warily before nodding.

“All right,” he sighed eventually, “just a coffee, thanks.”

As he trundled away from the waiting area, Caroline couldn’t believe how dishevelled and … despondent he looked.

And she knew well that this wasn’t all to do with the recent fracas; by his bloodshot eyes and irritable behaviour Finn wasn’t himself, and judging by Lucy’s anxious demeanour as she walked by his side, clearly hadn’t been for a while.

So he too was taking the break-up badly, but unlike Abby poor Finn was all too aware of the reasons for his broken heart.

Right, Caroline thought, as she watched a clearly defeated Finn slump heavily into a seat nearby (rather reminiscent of the way Abby had looked the week before at her house) enough of this sanctimonious nonsense, maybe it was time to put some things to rights.

Two fresh coffees in hand, she eventually joined him at the table.

“So how have you been?” she asked, reaching down to pat Lucy on the head. The Labrador gave her a look that seemed to convey immense gratitude for stopping her master from getting into even more trouble, and remembering how close the two had become, Caroline suspected that Lucy too might be feeling Abby’s absence.

“How have I been?” Finn drawled, clearly not bothering to put a brave face on things. “Just fine, considering your sister dumped me to go back to the same idiot who messed her around before. Then again,” he added nastily, “she’s probably forgotten that already.”

Caroline took a deep breath.

“Finn,” she began, knowing that she shouldn’t be doing this, that she shouldn’t be betraying her little sister’s wishes, but at the same time she was fully convinced that it was right, “I’m very sorry to have to tell you this, but…. you’ve been misinformed.”

Chapter 40

The heavy, leaden feeling still wouldn’t go away, no matter what Abby did to rid herself of it.

Today, she’d arranged to meet Erin for lunch in the Italian Quarter of the city, her friend apparently eager to try out one of the newer restaurants there, although Abby suspected that this was more than likely another ruse of hers to get her out of the flat, and stop her dwelling on her circumstances.

She knew everyone was only trying to help in attempting to keep her spirits up, but the fact was that since she’d found out the truth, Abby no longer had the same energy or enthusiasm about things, irrespective of how well she’d coped this year. No matter how far she’d come there was still no getting away from the fact that with one single slip, it could all be taken away and she would be right back to square one. Yes, this year had been great and she’d never felt happier or so optimistic about life, but since discovering the reality, she just couldn’t raise herself out of the dark fog that shrouded her continuously.

It was like it had enveloped every inch of her being, and no matter what she did she just couldn’t work through it. It felt a lot like those early days after her break up with Kieran, when she felt that everything in the world had turned bleak and horrible. 

And again, deep down, Abby also got the sense that she was missing something, something important.

It was difficult to explain, especially given what she now knew, but it felt as though she was almost hiding something from herself.

She put on a coat and went to go outside thinking it was a strange feeling, knowing that you couldn’t even trust yourself, let alone other people.

In all honesty, Abby had expected to feel much more upset and considerably more paranoid, but the truth was she just didn’t have the strength. It was almost as if the entire life force had been sucked out of her over the last few weeks, and these days, she just didn’t care what happened to her. It was probably understandable given the blow she’d received–maybe comparable to someone running a marathon only to discover that the race had finished the day before. Spent, drained and numb that such an immense effort had gone to waste.

OK, so yes, she had learned to cope somehow, and according to Hannah had found a way to keep up that all-important continuity her brain needed to commit things to memory, but she couldn’t help feeling that it was all pointless anyway.

One more seizure and she’d be right back where she started. This must be a little bit what purgatory must be like, she mused with a humourless laugh.

The cold winter weather was really starting to bite now she thought, going outside and wrapping her coat tightly around her. Christmas was now well and truly on the way and she supposed she’d better get the finger out and start picking up a few presents for the family before it was too late.

As she walked down the street, a large handwritten sign on a nearby lamppost briefly caught her attention.

Must be some new marketing thing, Abby mused as she spied another similar sign further along the path.

O-K.

By the time she passed the third sign, she’d pretty much put aside her own musings and her curiously had been piqued.

By the fourth it was very
definitely
piqued.

Abby looked further down the street and saw that every single lamppost along the quays was covered in these odd posters.

And strangely, she thought shaking her head at her own stupidity, it was almost as if they had something to do with her, as every statement so far was true as far as she was concerned.

Well, it just went to show how unimaginative and commonplace her own tastes were, didn’t it? she mused, moving on. And equally, how incredibly well targeted these marketing campaigns could be.

You favourite food is chocolate, but only out of the freezer
read another, while the following sign announced:

Your favourite number is 17 even though it lost you $1000 in Vegas

Hold on …Now Abby was feeling more than a little spooked.

What the hell was going on here? Every single one of these signs meant something to her; in fact they seemed to be referring
precisely
to her and her life! Surely there weren’t that many other people who ate chocolate out of the freezer, loved the movie Gladiator, or bet on 17 in Vegas? Abby moved on, agog with confusion while other passers-by seemed to be moving on by the signs without interest–or indeed concern.

Now Abby was feeling very exposed indeed. What
was
all this? OK, so she was feeling paranoid these days in any case, but all this really had to be about her, didn’t it? She moved onto the next sign.

But then tears came to her eyes, and this wasn’t borne out of fear. Looking up ahead to the final sign, Abby realised that there was someone standing alongside it–someone who was watching her closely as she approached, and had been all along.

And to her trepidation she realised this was a face she recognised, although how she knew it, or even
who
the person was she couldn’t say.

All Abby knew was that when she’d first laid eyes on him, her heart had immediately leapt into her stomach, and she had the clearest sense of déjà vu she’d ever felt in her entire life.

Except something inside her told Abby that this wasn’t quite déjà vu.

Then, temporarily shifting her gaze away from this person, Abby read the final sign

“I don’t know where to begin,” the man said, regarding her uncertainly as they faced each other. “I suppose you’ve probably guessed by now that we kind of … know one another.”

Abby nodded wordlessly. He had amazing brown eyes, dark brown, almost mahogany, but more than that she decided, her heart hammering with the realisation that they seemed unquestionably
familiar
.

“I suppose I might as well start from the beginning– ”

“There’s no need,” Abby interjected, her voice a whisper. “I know.”

Those remarkably dark eyes widened as he picked up her hands and held them both in his. “You mean you remember?”

“No, I just know,” she gulped, feeling more sure about anything than she’d ever been in her life. “It’s the reason I’ve been carrying around this weird feeling over the last while–you’re the reason.”

“Abby, why did you do it?” he asked softly. “Why didn’t you tell me the truth? Why push me away like that? When Caroline told me I–”

“I pushed you away because it isn’t fair,” she said, not needing to know the details; not when it was so obvious that this man’s absence was what had caused her so much pain. Why
wouldn’t
she have pushed him away, when it was patently clear that she was in love with him?

“We can deal with this,” he said, speaking quickly. “We’ve dealt with it up to now. And even without all that stuff I erased, we’ll start again.”

“Ah.” Now Abby understood why she had no memories of him (at least not any tangible ones) and nothing to trigger back to the time they’d spend together.

“I’m sorry …I was so angry, I just couldn’t help it. But we can build it all up again, get more photographs, make more memories. I meant what I said Abby–the best is yet to come.”

Her heart melted, but still she was so unsure. “I want to believe you, but you don’t know that.”

“Yes I
do
,” he argued. “And I know too that I don’t give a damn if every morning you wake up beside me and don’t recognise me–just as long as you
do
wake up beside me Abby.”

Tears came to her eyes. “You don’t really mean that.”

“I do. Look, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Don’t push me away again. For better or worse, remember?”

At this choice of words, she couldn’t help but laugh. “Surely you know by now that word is meaningless when it comes to me?” she said, with a loud sniff.

“Don’t I just?” he replied, laughing too.

Abby looked deep into his eyes and studied every contour of his face, all the while furiously trying to recall some memory, some recollection of this man who clearly was of such immense importance to her, but still there was nothing.

But, she realised suddenly, neither of them seemed to care.

“You realise what you’re getting into, then?” she asked, tentatively lifting a hand to his cheek.

“You’d better believe it,” he replied, drawing her close and into his arms.

The two of them stood there for a very long time, wrapped in each other’s arm, locked in one another’s gaze, each willing the memories to come back. But Abby knew this didn’t really matter. She didn’t need memories to tell her that she was deeply in love with this man, so much so that she knew instinctively that she would trust him with her life.

Finally, and without breaking eye contact, he inclined his head towards hers.

“Oh and by the way, …” he murmured softly but Abby barely could barely hear him; her heart was beating so fast, “just in case you’re wondering …” he went on, managing to get the rest of the words out just before his lips met hers, “my name is Finn.”