Falling Into Drew (17 page)

Kate nodded, urging him to continue, but afraid of where this story was headed. She was a goddamn book editor and knew that very few teenage romances ended with the lovers living happily ever after. 

He swallowed the lump in his throat that was making speech difficult and rubbed his damp palms on his jeans. “She was a virgin and very Catholic, so birth control was a problem and I was a teenage boy with out of control hormones. Kate, I wanted her so badly that when she finally said yes, I stupidly agreed not to use condoms. I pulled out at the last minute — not just once, but every time we did it. It was beyond stupid, like playing with a loaded gun. Two weeks before I was scheduled to fly home, she told me she was pregnant.”

“Holy crap. What did you do? I mean with the Catholic thing, abortion would have been…”

“Out of the question,” Drew said, finishing her sentence. “It was illegal in Ireland and she would have had to get it done in another country.”

So far it was a glimpse into his past that had nothing to do with her, but if that were so then why was he so nervous? Her mind raced through various scenarios, but until she had something to worry about, she would try to hold it together, to not cry, to not scream at him or slap him, but it was becoming harder to control those urges. She whispered the question that had to be asked. “What happened?”

“She told her parents who told Gran who told my parents and then all hell broke loose, but in the end I thought I loved her and couldn’t let her face it alone. Besides, I had little choice in the matter. Erin’s father was ready to shoot me dead and her brothers had some fun using me as a punching bag.” He stood and turned his back to Kate, unable to witness the hurt his next words would cause, but they had to be said. “I married her, Kate.” He took a deep breath and forced himself to say the rest. “I have a wife.”

“What?” The word was barely more than a whisper. “What did you say?” She couldn’t have heard him right. Kate felt like her head was about to explode and she had to work to draw air into her lungs. She crossed her arms to contain the rage bubbling inside her body like molten lava. When she spoke, her voice was cold, toneless, but it rose in volume with each word. “Let me get this straight so there’s no misunderstanding. You didn’t say you
had
a wife, past tense, which means you
have
a wife. You’re not just a husband, but a father with a child in Ireland and you’ve had the fucking nerve to sleep with me and toss me some bullshit
I love you
?”

He held her shoulders so she couldn’t turn away, but she twisted out of his grip. “You bastard! Let me go!”

“Kate! Listen to me. There’s no child. She told me it was a false alarm two weeks after our wedding. There was never a child.”

“But you stayed married. Christ, I can’t fucking believe this.” Kate ignored the tears that ran down her face and dripped onto the grass. “Did you visit her after I flew home? Is that why you didn’t want me to go to that village with you? Did you sleep with her? Why are you here and not with your
wife
?”

“I haven’t seen her in years. Katie, I was a boy. I thought I loved her, but how the hell are you supposed to know what love is when you’re that young?” He searched her eyes trying to gauge her reaction, but there was nothing there to reassure him, so he kept talking. “I think it was lust combined with as much emotion as a horny teenager is capable of, but not love. Not like what I feel for you.” When he reached for her, she took a step back.

“Don’t touch me,” she growled.

He sighed and lowered his head. “I wanted to go home and start college. We had our whole lives ahead of us and without the baby…there was no reason for us to stay together or at least that was how I saw it.  During one of our fights, I told her I didn’t love her and left.”

“So why aren’t you divorced?”

“That’s the million dollar question. I thought we’d have the marriage annulled, but it’s not that easy to do in Ireland. Besides, she refused.”

“Why?” She couldn’t bear to look at him and kept her eyes lowered. Her trembling fingers plucked at blades of grass as she sat cross-legged at the edge of the blanket.

“Why? I have no idea, although she certainly has grounds. Desertion and adultery to start with.” He released a frustrated sigh. “Catholics stay married forever, she says.”

“That’s crap and you know it. There are plenty of Catholics who divorce and then remarry.”

“I know that,” he mumbled, “but without an annulment from the Church, she would be denied certain rites, like communion, and that must be more important to her than her freedom.”

“So there’s an Erin O’Connor, a Mrs. Andrew O’Connor in Ireland?”

“Yes.” Nothing he said could change that reality. It was fact.

Kate studied his face, a face that had become the one she dreamt about waking up to each day for the rest of her life. She saw pain and regret, yet if he’d kept such an important part of himself from her, could she give him the kind of trust they needed for their relationship to survive his public life? Maybe she’d been a fool to think that Drew was the right man for her. As difficult and frustrating as this was for him — and she could admit that it was — how was she supposed to get past the fact that he was a married man? She must be the world’s biggest fool.

He stretched his hands toward her, needing her touch, yet sure that she would deny him. He was right. “I gave up trying to convince her to let me go after a few years of getting nowhere. Katie, I didn’t need to be free and maybe some part of me liked that I wasn’t. That changed when I met you.”

“Damn you, Drew! I had a right to know that the man I was falling in love with is married! Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”

He didn’t hesitate. “Simple answer? Fear. I can’t remember when I’ve felt anything other than lust for a woman, but with you…it’s different. I was afraid that if I told you before we had a chance to see where this was going, you’d run. I finally had a reason to insist that the marriage had to end. I arranged to meet with her and her lawyer and finally take care of this when you and I were in Galway, but…”

Kate interrupted. “Wait a minute.” She gnawed on her bottom lip as she considered his words. “So instead of starting the process to free yourself, you flew home after I freaked out about that picture of you with the redhead in the hotel bar. Because of my insecurity, you dealt with your crazy jealous girlfriend instead of maybe finally coming to terms with your crazy wife.” She covered her face with her hands. “Oh, Drew. I’m so sorry.”

“You’re sorry? For what?”

“For making you choose between taking care of this or flying back to me.”

“It was an easy choice. I will always choose you.”

Her brows knitted together as she concentrated. Did she really want to lose him over something that happened so long ago? But he was another woman’s husband. There were plenty of women who didn’t mind sleeping with married men, women who preferred their sex with no emotional strings, but she wasn’t one of them. She wanted the chance of a future with him and that was impossible until his marriage was dissolved. She couldn’t figure out why this Erin would insist on staying married to a man who didn’t want her. There had to be a reason, but damned if she could think of one.

During much of their discussion, Drew had been pacing and now Kate did the same. She told herself to set emotion aside and deal with the problem logically. “You got married when you were eighteen. That’s eleven years ago. You’ve moved on and she hasn’t. What I don’t get is why a woman in her twenties, who I guess is attractive, hasn’t found another man she wants to be with.”

“She said I was the only man she’d ever love and even though I was an adulterer who’d abandoned her, she’d been true to our vows.”

“Bullshit. Please don’t be offended, but I find that hard to believe. Your
wife
sounds like a nut case.”

Drew laughed with relief when he tried once more to hug her. She didn’t resist, although her body was stiff and she kept her arms at her sides instead of wrapping them around him. He knew how close he’d come to losing her forever and he still might. “I should have trusted you, Katie. I’m so sorry.”

“Anything else to confess? This would be the time to do it.”

He scrunched his brows together and gazed at the bright blue sky, the picture of a man deep in thought. “No, nothing else. You know my deepest, darkest secret and maybe you get why I couldn’t risk doing the book.”

“Actually, I’m surprised that some reporter hasn’t dug this up already. You’re famous and the tabloids would pay a lot for this story.”

“When I won the Olympics I half expected that might happen, but by some miracle it didn’t. Maybe Erin and her family didn’t want the attention that would come with her being married to me, especially since I’d left her. I guess anyone who knew about the marriage assumed we were already divorced.”

“But Erin knows…”

“There’s that. She’s never asked me for anything, not a cent despite my wealth, so I don’t think she’d ever sell me out.”

“She might when you demand a divorce. Don’t forget that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and it’s clear that for some strange reason Erin doesn’t want to let you go. Once you file the papers, there will be a public record and the story’s bound to come out. Have you considered going to the press first so that this doesn’t bite you in the ass and put you on the defensive? I assume Charles knows, so maybe talk that over with him.”

Drew began to pack up their gear and stow it in the motorcycle’s saddlebags. “Yeah, he knows. Other than you and her family, no one else does. I’ve kept it that way since I didn’t want to hurt her more than I have.”

“Hurt
her
?” Kate’s face reddened as she turned toward him. Her hands were on her hips and her eyes shot daggers in his direction. “Hurt
her
? Un-fucking-believable, Drew. What about me? If you love me like you say you do, it’s
my
feelings that you should care about.”

He reached for her, but the hand she held up made him drop his arms to his sides. “Don’t touch me. This is so messed up.” She swiped at her runny nose. “We need to take a break until this is settled. I mean a complete break. No visits, no phone calls, no texts or emails. Nothing. I am not going to have an affair with another woman’s husband.”

“You said we were in this together.” He spoke softly and gazed at the ground, unable to meet her eyes.

“Tough shit. You’re acting like you’re still that infatuated, clueless eighteen-year-old instead of the confident man you’ve become. One mistake shouldn’t define your life and you’ve let this woman hold you hostage. I would think you’d want to be free even if you don’t end up with me.” She shivered, although the air was still unseasonably warm. She zipped up her leather jacket and pulled on her helmet. Before she lowered the protective black mask, she demanded, “I want to go home. Now.”

Just as well, Drew thought. More talk would only make things worse and he supposed it was a good sign that she was willing to ride back to the city with him. She was right about everything. It was long past time for him to man up.

He settled himself on the bike and a moment later the motor roared to life. It wasn’t until they were underway that Kate reluctantly wrapped her arms around him
,
but her body wasn’t pressed against his the way it had been on the ride up. The physical separation tore up his insides and he vowed to do whatever it took to make things right between them. He loved her too much to ever let her go.

CHAPTER 24

“I hate to say it, but now what? It seems that you and Drew are always in the midst of some crisis,” Liz said before taking a sip of her martini. “I’m not easily shocked, but this? It’s the stuff of novels or — and I should know — soap operas.”

It was two days since Kate had told Liz about the bombshell Drew had dropped on her. She hadn’t seen or heard from him since then, so he was taking her demand for space seriously. She should be glad that he respected her wishes, but she was disappointed that he wasn’t fighting harder for her. It made no sense, but who said she had to be logical?

The women sat at the bar of a busy downtown restaurant while they waited for a table. Kate gripped her glass tightly, but didn’t raise the drink to her lips. “It’s like we’re doing some kind of dance that’s two steps forward and then two steps back, although this time it feels more like one step forward and three steps back.”

Liz gently touched her friend’s hand. “I like Drew a lot and I believe that he loves you, but is he worth all of this angst?” Liz could guess what the answer would be, but she had to ask anyway.

“Being with him is like riding a wave, isn’t it? You never know when you’re going to go under. But I believe he wants to fix this and, if he does, we’ll get through it somehow. If he can’t…well, I don’t want to think about that yet. I’ve never pictured myself as a married man’s mistress.”

Kate slowly stirred her drink with one finger then put it in her mouth to suck the liquid off it. She didn’t notice the man whose eyes widened with interest when she repeated the motion until she was startled by a deep voice behind her.

“That’s an interesting way to make a drink last a long time. I hope there’s nothing wrong with it.”

Kate and Liz both turned toward him and scowled.

He raised his hands in surrender. “Sorry, ladies. It was just an observation.”

“We were in the middle of a private discussion,” Liz said. “You weren’t invited.”

“Ouch!” He grinned and covered his heart with both hands. “I’ll go, but I can’t exactly leave since this is my restaurant.”

“Oh!” Liz said, instantly reverting to her usual charming self. “I should have recognized you. You’re Mike Fielding, right? Charles keeps promising to bring me here, but he never has. I’m Elizabeth Bradford and this is Kate Porter.”

“Wait a minute…” He narrowed his eyes, trying to remember why those names were so familiar. “I’ve got it. You’re Charlie and Drew’s women.” He shifted his gaze to Kate. “The paparazzi have splashed your picture all over the place, so that’s why I thought that we’d met before. The guys stopped by on opening night, but they were alone. I’d remember if you two were with them.”

Kate returned his smile. “So you, Drew and Charles are friends?”

“Drew and I used to be on the circuit together.”

“The circuit?”

“Yeah, World Cup, Olympics, you know, the international ski racing circuit. He’s a phenomenal skier and Charles has managed his career brilliantly.”

Liz scanned the crowded restaurant. “It doesn’t look like you’ve done badly either. When did this place open?”

Mike mentioned a date, then his eyes crinkled as he smiled broadly. “I never thought I’d see Drew O’Connor reject every woman who came on to him like he did that night, but now I understand why.”

His words made Kate smile, but then she frowned as she considered the timing. “Drew and I weren’t seeing each other yet. We’d met briefly, but we definitely weren’t together.”

“I guess you made enough of an impression that he lost interest in other women. Quite a compliment, I’d say.” He looked around and motioned to the hostess. “I have to get back to work. Are you here for drinks or waiting to be seated?”

“We don’t have a reservation…” Kate began.

“I’ll take care of it. I wish people didn’t have to wait so long for a table. Success is great, believe me, but we’re at the point where we have to refuse people, and I feel bad about that.” He turned to the hostess who’d stood patiently at his side. “These ladies are my guests. Please show them to my table.”

“We couldn’t.” Kate began. “Other people have been waiting longer than us. It wouldn’t be fair.”

“Ah, but you’re the woman who’s captured the heart of one of my best friends, so you’ve always got a table here. Drew showing up on opening night created a lot of buzz that helped to make my place a success. I owe him big time.”

Curious eyes followed them as they were led to a table near the back. Regulars knew that Fielding held that table for himself or for VIPs who dropped by unexpectedly to see and be seen while enjoying a great meal. So who were these two women?

Kate was about to place a forkful of risotto into her mouth when Liz hissed, “Don’t look now, but the blonde who’s been staring at us is on her way over.” Kate shifted her eyes to confirm Liz’s warning and returned the fork to her plate, unwilling to deal with whatever it was with a mouth full of food, no matter how delicious.

“Please excuse me for interrupting your dinner, but I can’t help feeling that we’ve met somewhere,” the woman said in a voice so overly sweet that it was nauseating. She directed her comment to Kate and completely ignored Liz, who, as an actress, was the more famous of the two.

Kate raised her eyes. The unwelcome visitor was beautiful, model slim, tan, with the kind of shiny, artfully tousled hair that was probably professionally blown out by one of New York’s celebrity hairdressers. The woman’s green eyes never left Kate’s.

“I think you’ve mistaken me for someone else,” Kate said politely and picked up her fork again, dismissing the woman.

“Maybe, but I know most of Mike’s regulars and you’re at his table,” she persisted.

“He’s a friend of a friend,” Liz said, refusing to reveal anything else. Under her breath she added, “Go away.”

“Who’s his friend? Maybe that’s how I know you.”

Kate glanced at Liz, silently asking if she should just tell the woman what she wanted to know so she’d leave them alone. Liz shrugged and rolled her eyes, then gave a slight nod.

“Drew O’Connor,” Kate said.

“Oh! Now I recognize you,” she said, and rested her hand on Kate’s shoulder. “You’re Drew’s latest, that editor, right?” She didn’t wait for a reply before leaning closer. “That man’s dynamite in bed. We had some wild nights when we were together. Just keep in mind that it won’t last.”

Kate wasn’t going to let the woman get to her. “Thanks for the warning. Now that you’ve satisfied your curiosity, can my friend and I get back to our dinner? The food’s wonderful and it’s getting cold.” She turned away and shoved risotto in her mouth, then drained her glass of wine as tears threatened.

“What a bitch,” Liz said, shaking her head from side to side.

“That’s always going to happen because I’m involved with a public person instead of some ordinary guy who no one would recognize. Other women Drew’s slept with will be anxious to tell me what a great lover he is and remind me that he doesn’t stick around for long.”

“They obviously didn’t mean much to him or he’d be with one of them,” Liz said.

“I guess,” Kate reluctantly conceded. “He told me that he never connected emotion with sex until he met me. Can I believe that or was it a line?”

“Not a line. Men instantly know when fucking turns to making love, since the realization freaks them out.” She reached across the table and covered Kate’s hand with hers. “Katie. You guys are going through a rough patch, so it’s natural to have doubts, but I’ve seen him with you. He loves you. Charles told me he thought Drew’s heart was permanently closed after Erin screwed him over, but he fell for you fast and hard. Our guys have known each other for ages and if Charles trusts Drew’s feelings for you, then I do too.” She glared at the blonde who’d returned to her table and was now whispering to her friends. “A woman like that would like nothing better than to cause trouble for you and Drew because of things she says. Trust your heart and not some bitch who’s jealous that Drew loves you.”

Kate lowered her eyes and took a deep breath. “That’s what I’m trying to do.”

They skipped dessert and went to find Mike to thank him for dinner.

“Any time, ladies,” he said. “Kate, I saw Lara come over to your table. I almost stepped in, but it looked like you handled it fine. She did the same thing to Drew when he and Charles were here for the opening. He told her to get lost and she was pissed off. Don’t let the grown up mean girls get to you.”

She impulsively kissed his cheek. “I’ll try. Thanks for telling me that.”

“Nice guy, and so handsome too,” Liz said as they left the restaurant. “He seemed to like you, so if things don’t work out with Drew…”

“No. If Drew and I are over, the last thing I’d want is another man, especially one of his friends. What I need now is a gooey hot fudge sundae since we didn’t have dessert. That bitch put me in the mood for chocolate.”

“You’re on,” Liz said and they walked off to find ice cream, arm in arm.