Falling Stars (41 page)

"Mia…shit…oh
ggg..." Spilling deep inside her, I buried my head in the pillow above her
shoulder. Our hips slowed, riding out our orgasmic high.

Both
panting and sticking from sweat, I rolled us to our sides. Her bare chest was
rising and falling against mine. Lightly I ran my fingertips over her curves,
desperate to commit it to memory. Before we both fell asleep I whispered, "Happy
Birthday Mia."

*
* * * *

There
was too much sunlight in my room. My head was spinning and trying to catch up
with last night's events. Once my mind finally caught up, my eyes flew open and
I flipped around.

"Oh
shit!" I covered my mouth and scanned his body. A very naked Christopher
started to stir. I lay back on my pillow and covered my face with my hands.

What
did I do? Oh god, what did I do. Oh my god, Serena is going to kill me. Fuck,
Una is gonna flip out. Son of a bitch, this can't happen.
I
glanced over at Christopher one more time. He is so goddamn beautiful and good
lord could he work a woman over. A brief moment of satisfyingly good memories
from last night passed through my mind. My inner hooker lounged back puffing
out smoke rings.

His
hands on my skin, the way the cool metal ball of his tongue piercing felt
against my nipple. His viper bites rubbing against my inner thigh.

Groaning,
I bit my lip hard. Stop it Mia! This will never work.

"I'm
taking you remember last night?" he chuckled.

"This
is so not funny Christopher," I mumbled out through the arms covering my
face. "Oh God what did I do?"

"Well…you
–" I covered his mouth with my hand.

"Shut
up," I growled. "Okay, let's just pretend this didn't happen. Deal?"

"Pretend,
what? Mia why are –"

"Just
shhhh." I put one finger to his lips. "We both had too much to drink.
Just get dressed and pretend nothing happened last night." Grabbing the
sheet from the bed, I wrapped it around myself heading for the shower. "Oh
God, I'm such an idiot." I groaned all the way to the bathroom.

After
collapsing into a ball on the shower floor, I tried to forget last night
happened, I got out and dried off. Walking out into my room, I stopped short.

You're
serious?" he said in a frustrated tone. "You want to pretend it never
happened?"

I
didn't move for a moment. I nodded and the instant I did his face went from
hurt, to sadness, to anger.

"Christopher,
this just complicates everything. We have to work together, I know you, well
you have your 'groupies', we travel together, and you're trying to work
on...all your stuff. At the end of all this you go your way and I go mine. I
feel like we'd started become friends and then I let this happen." I
groaned again. "It's my fault. It's best just to stop it all now."
Before I could make my way any closer to him, he stood up and grabbed his
shirt. He slipped it over his deliciously broad and tattoo covered shoulders. "Christopher
–"

"Don't
worry about it, it's something I can easily forget about," he snapped.
Hurt coursed through my chest. "Oh, by the way," my eyes looked from
the bed to him standing at the door, "there is no way I can be friends
with you." He closed the door behind him.

Standing
there in my robe for a few minutes, long fingers of hurt wrapped around my
heart and squeezed. I collapsed to the carpet and cried.
What did I let
happen? I ruined everything. I let my hormones and inner hooker ruin this
friendship.

Chapter
Twenty-One

A
week in Myrtle Beach passed and Christopher stayed away. Once again, he was
avoiding me and this time it was my fault. I should have never let anything
happen. My inner hooker took over and couldn't even blame the alcohol. I was
well aware of what was going on. I just couldn't stop, everything felt so
right. He had felt so…shit, I couldn't even describe it. Shaking off those
thoughts, we went on stage.

A
month of performances went by. Myrtle Beach, SC; Atlanta, GA; Birmingham, AL;
Pensacola, FL; and we were in Orlando, FL this weekend. The only time you found
Chris and I together was on stage for our duet. The first night was
really
uncomfortable and off. Laney noticed it and tried to quiz me, but I rebuffed
her. It was hard enough to shake the thought of him. I didn't need her bringing
it up too.

In
October, there weren't many tourists, so we talked to Una about Disney. She
made some calls and got us passes to all the parks. Ryan was so excited when we
got on the Finding Nemo ride, but had an equally good time when we rode the Toy
Story attraction – three times. Elliott was acting as much a kid as Ry. We
spent four afternoons visiting the parks.

Laney
got her picture with every princess she could get and even talked me into the
Princess Boutique. She exited the boutique in full Snow White attire, while I was
Jasmine.

Elliott
definitely favored Epcot and the different countries, since he could eat
something different in each place. Jackson loved the different drinks
available. Kat and I loved the Mickey Mouse hats we sported throughout the
park, as well as the many photo ops we had with people who recognized us. To
top off the Disney trip for me, I got to meet Maleficent and Ursula. They were
my favorites.

The
hotel we were staying in had an amazing indoor pool. On the last day before the
concert, I went and did a promotional radio meeting.

No
one said anything, but the looks were signs they knew something happened
between Christopher and me. Serena's looks were the worst. She knew me too well
and I feared she would solve the puzzle.

After
Florida, we traveled to Little Rock, AK and spent Halloween in New Orleans, LA.
The New Orleans show was amazing and going through all the areas of New Orleans
was heartbreaking and interesting at the same time.

Halloween
in New Orleans was something I would never forget. We all dressed up as ghouls
and took Ry to the Boo at the Zoo event. On the way back to the hotel, we
stopped to check out the
Voodoo Music Experience
in City Park.
Amazing
!

Once
Andrea had Ryan in bed for the night, we joined the
Vampire Lestat Fanclub
for their annual Queen of the Damned Ball. Laney was adamant we change into
vampire costumes before we attended, so we spent thirty minutes just changing.
We each picked a vampire costume from a different era.

The
music was great, the people amazing, and the Vampire themed alcohol was
aplenty. Laney passed out Vampire Juice to everyone, but one attempt to sip at
it and my stomach turned at the smell of tomato and horseradish.  From that
point forward, water was my choice of drink.

Before
we left New Orleans Una called a meeting where she informed us that the duet 'Broken'
was number one on the charts and the single was already selling record amounts
in online downloads. We were excited about the news, but a small part of me
ached.

"Mia,"
Una turned her attention to me. "Richard and the label want more
collaboration."

"You
mean another duet with Christopher?"

"Well,
they would like for you two to work together on another song yes; however, they
want this to be something that 'Hush' would typically perform. Richard has
suggested Christopher be featured on your song this time, instead of you
featured on his." She smiled at me. "Do you think this is something
we can accomplish?"

"Um…sure,
but is it expected before the end of this tour? I mean –"

"No
no no, there really is no timeline for it though they would prefer you to have
it sooner than later, but it would not be performed on this tour. We simply
want to record and distribute for now."

I
nodded and we finished a few other things Una needed to discuss. Before leaving,
she said one last thing.

"Mia,
I'll get with Nicholas and let him know about the collaboration. They'll
probably want to schedule a meeting for you both to meet with Richard and so
forth, ok?" I gave her thumbs up and she left.

Our
last night in New Orleans was a late one. Laney and Kat decided my mood was
getting on their nerves, so I needed to get out. We hit a couple of clubs. One
was a dance club that I wasn't in the mood for, but the jazz club was
fantastic. They had open mic night and it was great.

The
travel to Jackson, MS was miserable. I spent most of the trip and first evening
in Jackson nauseated and puking. Thankfully, I was feeling better by the time
we left for Vegas and hoped no one else would catch it. I was tired of being
the sick one on the tour. However, I held out ridiculous hope Chris would show
up during my sick night. Unlike before, he didn't show up.

*
* * * *

Saying
I could easily forget that night was the biggest lie I would ever tell. It just
hurt so much that she thought I was treating her like one of the 'groupies'.
She wanted to pretend it didn't happen.
Why? Did she really not want me that
much?

The
memory of the night played in my head repeatedly. Alcohol had played a huge
part in us being so unguarded, but the moment I was one with her I was also
whole again. Being whole was something I hadn't felt in a long time. There was
no way I couldn't just let go of it, and I sure as fuck couldn't be friends
with her. I wanted more. But she didn't want me so I kept myself busy with tour
related things and writing.

It
was hard to be close to her and not be with her, so hard my body became
desperate in her presence. When I saw her swimming with Ryan in the Orlando
hotel, it took every ounce of strength not to grab her 'caveman style' and drag
her back to my room.

During
my latest session with Doctor J, in Jackson, MS, I started to place the
connection with Mia. The doctor had started asking me questions about
relationships. We started with the relationship between my mother and me. Then
we moved on to Gwen and Nicholas.

He
helped me understand I was very 'soft' when it came to Gwen. After talking in
some detail and length, I realized I cared for Gwen as a motherly figure, but
not as a replacement. Nicholas was a different matter. I resented him and his
life, while I had to suffer through hell. Similar feelings also seemed to apply
to Jackson. I had a jealous streak when it came to Jackson and his
relationships with Gwen, Nicholas, and honestly, anyone else we were around. It
was easier for him to relate to others than it was for me.

Having
never looked at the way I felt about people in comparison to how I treated them
it felt like weights coming off my shoulders five pounds at a time. The largest
weight was when Doctor J brought up women in my life, girlfriends, lovers,
friends.

We
discussed Stacia and Jessica, as well as a few nameless others. The mention of
Stacia caused a flood of guilt. I'd heard nothing in regards to her since that
night and could only assume Nicholas 'had taken care of' the situation. Doc saw
my face and was quick to call me on it.

"What's
going on up there?" He motioned toward my head.

I
shook my head.

"I
can't help you if you don't talk to me about it."

"It's
just, well, Stacia…"

"What
about her?" He pressed when I paused.

"I'm
assuming Nicholas took care of it, but…" he nodded for me to continue, "I
never apologized for hurting her."

"And
this is something that's bothering you?"

I
shrugged.

"I
guess. It's just that…Christ…it makes me just like that prick!" I growled
out.

"Just
like who?"

"Him,"
I growled.

"Your
step-father?" I nodded. "Christopher, you had no intention on hurting
Stacia. You have 'issues' that needed and still need to be worked out. You're
not Collin."

"Then
why do I feel like I am?" I snapped.

"It's
called guilt, Chris. You feel guilty for hurting her."

I
sighed and rubbed my rough hands over my face.

"Perhaps
you should talk with Nicholas about Stacia and make sure she's okay?"

"I-I
don't know," I lightly shook my head.

"You
know, by now you should realize that holding things in will only eat away at
you."

"I
know, I know."

"Okay,
well, think about it. Let's keep going with your relationships. What about Mia?"

Once
he brought her up a knot, twinge, and a wave of happiness laced in tension
swelled. He asked me to talk about the feelings and actions toward her. It was
much harder than discussing the others. Then he asked me that damn all too
familiar question.

"Have
you ever been in love with a woman?"

I
sat there unable to speak for a few moments. He waited patiently as my brain
absorbed his question. My heart started rapidly firing off in pace. I looked up
to his face.

"What
does it feel like?"

He
shook his head.